Trolls, Snakes and Shadow People

By Elsbeth Renee O’Lea

Trolls, Snakes and Shadow People details an adoptive mother's journey through the frustration of dealing with the mental health networks and eventually through the CPS and Juvenile court system. Throughout the process the mother leans on God for support and guidance and grows in her relationship with God.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Jun 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781496909480

Elsbeth Renee O’Lea

Elsbeth Renee O'Lea is a professional school counselor. She was a foster parent for four years and has worked both in the mental health field and as an adoptions case worker. She enjoys working with children and families and has used her past experiences to help others.

Book preview

PRELUDE

I sit on the stand, my heart racing, the sound of my blood pumping crashes against my skull like waves in the ocean. In the distance I hear the ticking of the large black and white clock, like those from my elementary school days. Tick, Tick, Tick goes the clock as it counts out every second of my demise.

Irrelevant! I hear the judge shout in frustration. Irrelevant? My life, my beliefs, all that I stand for is irrelevant? My attorney had tried to present who I am. I am a school counselor. I have a minister’s license and practice child and family counseling at my own business, I have worked for an adoption agency, I have worked as a domestic violence counselor, I have worked as a parent aide teaching in home parenting to families at risk, I am a foster parent and an adopted mother of two beautiful girls. I have spent my entire adult life fighting against child abuse. Yet here I sit on stand being accused of all I’ve fought against, and my life, my evidence is all being lumped into one word… irrelevant!

The accusers grin as they present their neatly packaged black and white papers filled with details of a person they do not know, nor care to know. I wonder how they came up with 15+ pages of evidence to present to the judge without knowing me, my children, my life or any proof other than their words. I have been brainwashed by TV dramas where attorneys present evidence and a case is not determined until both sides have had their say, where the accused is innocent until proven guilty.

I have now learned Family Court has its own rules. What CPS says is deemed the truth, without any evidence, without a fair trial and without true representation. I have now entered the worst hell of my life.

PART ON

E

Creating a Family

CHAPTER 1

Desire

I am an ordinary person with an ordinary life. I was raised by two parents, my father who was a lifelong military man, and my mother who worked at various preschools, depending upon where my father was stationed. I have one brother, who is 4 years older than me. We moved around a lot while growing up. I learned about many cultures, world events and most importantly, respect.

My father retired from the military while I was in high school, and I was finally able to settle down and stay at one school through my high school years. Both of my parents were born and raised in Kansas, and decided to retire there. My brother was married and had twins, a boy and girl, and they lived nearby.

I dated off and in, but nothing real serious through high school. I spent a great amount of time taking care of my brothers’ twins. His wife took off after having another baby and was in and out of their lives from that point on. I was very close to my brother’s three children and became their surrogate mother. My life was very kid focused as I spent much of my time with my brothers’ children.

After high school I attended the local university and soon moved to my own apartment. One of the twins moved in with me. Being mom felt natural and my desire to be a mom grew stronger and stronger.

Through my college years I dated off and on, but nothing ever too serious. Some relationships I had hoped would be long lasting, but for some reason that just never seemed to happen. I finished my bachelor’s degree in Family Studies/Human Services and Life Span Studies. Shortly after graduation, I moved to another state to start the next chapter of my life. It was the first time I was away from my family and the adjustment took time.

I began working at a domestic violence shelter helping families in crisis. It was only a part time job, but it was a start. My nephew soon came to live with me and I knew I had to find a full time job. I began working as a teacher’s aid in the 2 year old room at a local Jewish preschool. I loved the job working with the kids and I learned about the Jewish Faith, which was very intriguing for me as a Christian.

After working two years at the preschool, I felt it was time to move on to something closer to what I had studied in college. I began working part time at a drug rehab for women with children and part time as a domestic violence counselor for another agency. I ran children’s groups at the domestic violence shelter and did one on one counseling for women who experienced abuse. The domestic violence job soon became full time, but I still held on to the part time job. After two years I was offered a full time position at another agency doing in home parenting for families at risk. For six years I worked with families teaching parenting skills and ran parenting groups and worked with children who had behavioral problems. During this time I was fortunate enough to buy a small two bedroom condo. My nephew, I and our cats and dog soon made this our home.

While working as a parent aid I met a lady named Molly. She was working on her masters and applied to do her internship where I was working. My boss assigned her to work with me and my case load. She followed me around for several weeks and then was assigned to meet with some of my families on her own working on parenting skills. After several weeks many complaints began to come in. Some families Molly neglected to visit, return calls or schedule appointments, while others Molly became friends with, inviting them to her home and blurring the boundaries. After much discussion, my boss asked her to leave and she was unable to complete her internship with us. This departure meant a failing grade for Molly and she had to repeat her class and internship someplace else. This short encounter with this woman later added to the worst year of my life.

I applied to a master’s program at a local university and was accepted into their counseling program. I was very excited. Due to my new schedule, I left my job as a parent aid and began working for an adoption agency. The job was tough; the children had been removed from their parents by CPS and were now in a system awaiting a forever family. While working there I became very familiar with the injustice of our court system. Many children were denied the stability and emotional support they needed in order to be successful adults because the state did not want to pay for adequate services. For the three years I worked there while attending my master’s program, I often felt like I was banging my head against a wall. It was a continuous struggle fighting for what was best for the children on my case load and fighting with a system that wanted to adopt kids out fast without offering adequate supports and services. During this time I encounter another woman who will have a negative impact on my life.

During one of my continuous battles for the kids on my case load to receive adequate services, I met a lady named Angie who was the head of a local mental health agency. We became engaged in a heated argument as she denied mental health services for a child on my case load who needed mental health interventions. She finally admitted she denies referrals three times before approving, regardless of the situation to try to save the state money. In the meantime the child ended up running away from the group home, became involved in some illegal activities and when he was finally picked up, his behaviors had deteriorated to the point of hospitalization. The state would have saved money if adequate services had been put in place in the beginning. Since then, the two of us remained at odds in our beliefs as how to handle children’s needs.

My desire to have a family of my own continued to grow. My nephew was becoming a young adult and was looking into moving back to Kansas. I had finished my Master’s program in counseling and soon found a job as a school counselor. The job was exciting and many new windows opened for me. I decided to go through the training to become a foster parent in hopes to adopt a child or two. I contacted an agency and began the process. The training was intense and I was grateful for my counseling background. I passed my background check, my home passed state inspection and I successfully completed the training and my home study was complete.

I loved being a foster parent. I met many wonderful children and watched each one flourish under my love and care. I became attached to many, had my heart broken during goodbyes and my hopes shattered a few times when CPS told me I could adopt a child, but later either returned the child to their biological parent or a relative. I was happy to hear about successful reunifications with family, but sad at the loss of another child who entered my heart. Being a foster parent is a real rollercoaster. I soon learned CPS makes many promises so you’ll accept a placement, but forgets those promises and phone calls go unanswered when they have decided to move a placement. CPS was the first to say awful things about a biological parent, convincing you that the biological parents really don’t care or want their children, or their abuse was so severe they will never receive their child back, and even at times convince you that visits aren’t necessary and not to worry if the child cannot make it. I began to believe all the stories CPS would tell me.

During the foster parent training we were all encouraged to build a relationship with the biological parents, show the parents by example how to be a better parent. I learned quickly that CPS did not want this. CPS did all they could to build tension between the biological parents and the foster parents. CPS wanted us foster parents to believe the biological parents are the enemy, and the biological parents are fed lies about us foster parents leading them to believe we want to steal their children and raise them all as our own.

Before the nightmare I am about to share with you, I want you to know I was a foster parent for 4 years. During those 4 years I had 21 different foster children placed with me, ranging in ages of 3 days to 10 years. The shortest placement stayed only 2 days and the longest, other than those I adopted, was 9 months. I loved each and every one of them, and they all will always have a special place in my heart. Some returned to their biological parents, some were adopted by relatives and some were adopted by other foster parents. They were all sweet, innocent blessings from God and I am thankful to have shared my heart, my love and my life with these children. Before each child left I told them these words that I hope and pray they will always know deep in their hearts: You are loved, you are wanted and you are beautiful!

As a foster parent, you become use to having people in your space. Every month your licensing agency comes to see how placements are doing. They inspect your home to make sure you are following state procedures and they interview the child/children to make sure they are doing well. They also come out within a few days of each new placement. The CPS worker also comes out once a month to inspect the house, to interview the child/children and to see if everything is going well or not. Whenever a child is placed, a mental health agency comes out within a few days to check out the child’s development and mental health status. Every three years the state comes out to make sure the house still meets their guidelines and more often if you moved or changed anything in your home. The child’s attorney also comes out before every court hearing to interview the child and foster parent to see how things are going. Then we have the mental health network, they like to send people out at least once a month to see how things are going.

Through all of this contact, my license was always in good standing. One CPS worker even told me I’m one of the best foster parents she had. My desire to help kids and hopes to one day be able to adopt was very strong. And here is where my story beings.

CHAPTER 2

The Honey-Moon Phase

As a foster parent, I never knew when I’d get the call for a placement. On October 5th, 2009 I received a phone call from CPS stating they had two girls, sisters, Hannah age 3 and Angela age 8 who needed placement. I was told they have two brothers who are being placed somewhere else due to one of the brothers acting out sexually with the 3 year old. I agreed to take the placement and waited for their arrival. They never showed, nor did I receive any phone calls. Since this happened so frequently, I didn’t think much about it and continued on.

On October 6th, 2009 I received another phone call from the same CPS worker stating she was on her way to my home with the girl’s ages 3 and 8. She stated there were also two brothers age 5 and 6 and they were both being placed in separate placements. I told her I had thought the placement was canceled since I had not heard back from her the previous night, and I was now unable to be there as I was fulfilling a part of my foster parent license by attending a CPR class. She told me there is no other place as all beds are full and asked if someone can watch the girls until I get home. I quickly called one of my neighbors who had often baby sat my foster children and asked if she could watch these two girls until I got home from my class. She agreed and all was set for the girls to be dropped off at my neighbors.

On the drive home I was nervous. I felt bad for not being home when they arrived, but knew in the dysfunctional world of CPS, circumstances are never ideal. I arrived home and headed straight to my neighbor’s home. There I met two underweight little girls. Angela who had long rich copper toned hair, pale skin and big brown eyes, and Hannah who had short blond hair, a missing tooth and bright blue eyes. Angela was very chatty and was all too happy to introduce herself to me. She seemed wise beyond her years and appeared use to speaking for her sister. Hannah seemed quiet and withdrawn and her speech was difficult to understand. I asked her for her name and she replied Hannah-Banana. From that moment on she was my Hannah-Banana.

Like with most placements, the children come with nothing. We quickly bought some clothes and personal items to help the girls feel at home. They shared a bedroom that was filled with toys which they soon took ownership of. The first few days were full of appointments. Both girls had to have complete physicals and interviews due to the sexual abuse allegations. CPS decided it would be best if the siblings did not see each other. The girls attended the same daycare they had been attending, and one of the brothers also attended there, so they had some contact. Another brother was placed in a shelter. The girls often asked about their brothers and were content they were able to see one at daycare, but often worried about the one who was no longer at daycare. They asked me to drive by the shelter he was staying at; they were able to see it had a slide and swing set and other play equipment, which helped them for a while.

I noticed food was missing from my kitchen and would often find it hidden under Angela’s bed or in her backpack. Hannah would often eat until she threw up. I would limit her food intake, but the minute she left the table she was already worried about her next meal. Angela told me their parents would lock the food and that Angela would steal food from school to feed her siblings. She did not know how to cook and told me stories of feeding her siblings raw potatoes with ketchup, in hopes to make soup. She described painful stomach aches after stealing milk from the school cafeteria and keeping it in her backpack all weekend for herself and her siblings. She appeared proud of her ability to provide for her siblings.

All four of the children were adamant they did not want to ever see their parents again. This was the first foster placement I had where the children did not have visits with their biological family. At first I thought this was very odd seeing how CPS had only told me that one of the brothers had put toy cars inside of Hannah’s vagina. Soon after I received a copy of the physicals which showed both girls had been sexually abused, and the damage looked more like from an adult than a child. CPS later revealed that Angela had been molested by a maternal uncle when she was 5.

Things at home had been going well. No major behavioral issues, the girls seemed happy to be in my home and Angela had already decided she was never going to leave. She soon began to call me mom. Hannah too had decided she was never going to leave, though she was not ready to call me mom. School and daycare on the other hand was another story. Hannah received speech services for a speech delay and attended a program for students with cognitive delays. She had an IEP which described her as moderately delayed in many areas. Both the daycare and school often complained of Hannah’s behaviors and asked if I was seeing the same behaviors at home. I was always amazed at the stories they shared with me, for at home both girls listened well and seemed very well adjusted, even a bit too