Get It Up: Sex for over Sixty

By Gordon D. Jensen

Elderly can live and even thrive with their sexuality. This book tells how.
The promise of this book is to bring to light all that is known about elderly male and female sexuality including the authors own experiences, and clinical work with patients.
In this book you will get:
Ways to build self-confidence
Knowledge of four different types of orgasms for men and women
How to be successful in correcting ED (erectile dysfunction)
How the elderly men and women can still attract partners
How to better communicate with partner for improved sex
Much more

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jul 29, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483655215

Gordon D. Jensen

Gordon D. Jensen is a qualified psychiatrist, pediatrician and sexologist, and holds professorship at a prestigious university in California. He is in clinical practice and does research. He is father of four children.

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Copyright © 2013 by Gordon D. Jensen, M.D.

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Rev. date: 07/24/2013

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Contents

Praise for this book

Acknowledgements

Introduction

1 THE MALE SEXUAL SYSTEM; MEN and WOMEN NEED TO KNOW

2 FIXING ED (ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION); FOR MEN and WOMEN TO DO

3 THE FABULOUS FEMALE SEXUAL SYSTEM; Women and Men Need to Know

4 TYPES of MALE and FEMALE ORGASM; YOU CAN DO IT

5 MALE ORGASMS PRECEEDING or FOLLOWING EJACULATION

6 WHAT MEN REALLY WANT SEXUALLY

7 WHERE’S THE CLIT?

8 HOW ELDERLY MEN CAN GET WOMEN and VISA VERSA

9 WHATTA YOU GONNA DO when YOU’RE EIGHTY-TWO?

10 GUILTLESS, GUTFUL AFFAIRS with BABES; STEPS to SAFETY*

11 I HATE MY _ _ _ _ _; INQUIRIES into SELF for SELF

12 PENIS MYTHS, FALSE BELIEFS, and FACTS about ELDERLY MEN

13 DEVELOPMENT of SEXUALITY and EROTICISM in CHILDHOOD

14 TWO KIDS GROWTH in PUBERTY; GRANDPARENTS TO KNOW

15 DISCOVERY of POLYAMORY by an ELDERLY COUPLE

16 THE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE of TANTRA For MEN and WOMEN

17 INTIMACY in LONG-TERM CARE FACILITIES

18 EROTIC POETRY and a LIMRICK

Praise for this book

Kudos to Dr. Jensen for sharing his experience and wisdom on the rarely tackled subject of sex and the older male and female. With wit, and expertise, yet easily understood brevity, he illuminates this hidden corner of human longing and infuses hope in those already at this age, while providing reassurance to all heading towards a potentially vital, vibrant sexual life in their senior years. This is a great public service that should be read by all adults.

—Frank G. Sommers, M.D.

Fellow, Royal College of Physicians, Canada

Distinguished Fellow, American Psychiatric Association

Former member, Faculty of Medicine, University of Toronto

"This timely, well-written book will help any older male readers (and some females, too) who are either interested in the subject, or troubled in the many vital areas covered with the book. The medical aspects are correct. Dr. Jensen is a brilliant storyteller, and a witty and provocative writer. It’s a book hard to put down.

—John Merrill, M.D.

Professor of Medicine,

Northwestern Medical School in Chicago for 25 years

"The book ‘stirs up’ our youthful fantasies, and then this in turn ‘reminds’ the mind that sexuality begins in the brain! By helping recall some fantasies, it begins to renew or reintroduce the idea of sexual pleasure. The only way to go from frigid to frenzied is by freeing the brain to once again journey, as it did in the most sexually active years. The more the reader can let go of some later in life end-of-the-road decisions they have made about their sexuality and begin to reunite with remembering the thrill of sexual arousal, the more balanced their aging process will be. I applaud Dr. Jensen for taking on such a venture. The thing that makes it real is that he is elderly and sexually active. I have looked at some writings of authors in 50’s and 60’s, but never in 80’s. I think Dr. Jensen’s age and current experiences will allow elderly men and women to give themselves permission to begin to explore these possibilities!

—Nancy Lipsett, R.N. Ph.D.

Sex therapist, geriatric nurse specialist

Disclaimer

The author disclaims all responsibility for any liability, loss, or risk, personal or otherwise which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of use and application of any contents of this writing. The author is not liable for distress that could be associated with, or consequence of reading this book. It is made available with the understanding it is not intended nor does it constitute any form of medical advice, health counseling, therapy, or any other kind of professional services. The book is intended to be educational. Suggestions are not presented as advice, but as education. Any suggestions given are not prescriptive.

All stories are true. The names and locations are changed to protect privacy.

The names of persons in the stories are factitious and have no relationship to any persons living or dead.

Some stories contain sexually explicit material that may not be suitable for young children. Read with discretion.

No part of this book can be considered pornographic. It is not intended to sexually arouse (definition of pornography). Rather it is a scientific and educational work.

Illustrations

The cover photo is from Wikipedia.

Figure 1. Wood block print of mother nursing 4-5 year-old son painted by famous 18th century Japanese artist, Utamoro.

OTHER BOOKS BY THE AUTHOR

The Well Child’s Problems

The Balinese People; A Reinvestigation of Character

Trance and Possession in Bali; a Window on Multiple Personality

Youth and Sex; Pleasure and Responsibility

A Magical Mind

Against all Odds; Dialogue of Two Mothers about their Son’s Sexuality

Cloning Intrigue

Marilyn; A Great Woman’s Struggles; Who Killed Her and Why;

The Psychiatric Biography

For all males and females including teens, elderly, and their mates

Acknowledgements

I t gives me warmest pleasure to acknowledge: Alex Comfort, M. D. author of Joy of Sex for personal association, inspiration, and graciousness in presenting a lecture at my workshop in human sexuality for California Medical Society; Alfred Kinsey, Ph.D. , author of Sexual Behavior of the Human Male for inspiration at a lecture he gave to our class at Yale School of Medicine in 1947; Sher Hite, author of The Hite Report for ideas and personal attention when she graciously presented a lecture at my Workshop on Human Sexuality for the American Psychiatric Association in 1985; Jane Goodall, Ph.D. pioneer in discovery of wild chimpanzee behavior for her personal graciousness and inviting me to study her wild chimpanzee group at the Gombe Reserve, Tanzania, Africa, 1972; William H. Masters, M. D. and Virginia E. Johnson, authors of Human Sexual Response and Human Sexual Inadequacy for inspiration and kindness in presenting a lecture to my class on Human Sexuality, and meeting with my students informally at a reception at University of California, Davis, 1978; Hugh Hefner , founder of Playboy for blazing paths of freedom of sexuality in our society, and for recognition of my discovery of male multiple orgasm with publication of an extensive feature article in Playboy , May 1977; Marilyn Monroe, world wide icon of beauty and adulation for personal association in our teen age years, and inspiration to write Marilyn; The Psychiatric Biography, 2012; and Alayne Yates, M. D. author of Sex Without Shame, first fellow in my Section of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, University of California, Davis, School of Medicine, and later Professor of Child Psychiatry at University of Hawaii, School of Medicine, Honolulu, Hawaii, who taught me much about development of healthy child eroticism and sexual development.

I am eternally grateful to several women, names withheld in recognition of privacy whose sexual interaction with me has enabled me to discover new aspects of male and female sexuality in my own heterosexual life.

My patients in medicine deserve thanks for their contributions to my research in child development and sexuality. They have rewarded, inspired, and motivated me.

I wish to extend recognition to my mentors in medicine, psychiatry, sexology, and primatology: Edith Jackson, M. D. a humble pediatrician who founded the first Rooming-in Service in America at Yale-New Haven Hospital in 1945 where I served as Fellow (she was personally psychoanalyzed by Sigmund Freud); Harry Harlow, Ph.D., director of Primate Laboratory, University of Wisconsin, and professor of psychology who launched my career in primate research; Sally Provence, M. D., Director of Yale Child Study Center and my mentor where I was a Fellow, 1951-1953; Milton H. Erickson, M D., icon in hypnosis to whom I presented my case of a psychiatric patient at UW psychiatry grand rounds, and subsequently was my guide in hypnotherapy; and Lhu Ketut Suryani, M. D., Ph.D., close colleague, Professor of Psychiatry, Udayana University, School of Medicine, who guided me in published research of the Balinese people, Indonesia, taught me her unique method of meditation, and introduced me to the Spiritual World. John Money, Ph.D. Professor of psychiatry and psychology at John Hopkins University who generously gave pornography slides for my teaching human sex sexuality to medical students and professional audiences in the 1970s when this educational technique was used for the first time. Robert N. Butler, M.D., past president of the International Longevity Center in New York, a nonprofit think tank who supported my research on the elderly.

These guiding colleagues all became part of me to honor and give to others in my personal and professional life. Dr. Suryani is the only one of them alive today.

Readers who have been immensely helpful with critiques are: Frank Sommers, M.D., sexologist, psychiatrist, and clinician, Toronto, Canada; Professor Micky Diamond, Ph.D., professor of psychology, internationally honored scholar on transgender and expert researcher, and on teaching and therapeutic aspect of pornography, University of Hawaii, Honolulu; John Merrill, M.D. Professor of Medicine, Northwestern School of Medicine, Chicago, IL; Ruth Weiss, friend, advisor, and critical reader; and Stefan Mawab, M.D. psychiatrist and colleague in clinical work.

I am grateful to Charles Darwin, M.A., F.R.S of England for being my hero and role model of a father and fine human being, and for his seminal and epical scientific discovery of evolution that has guided my personal life and scientific work.

Sexual poetry and a limerick (chapter 18) are by other writers to whom I apologize for not being able to locate them for credits.

Age does not protect you from love. But love, to some extent, protects you from age.

Anais Nin

Famed woman writer of erotica and a psychoanalyst

Introduction

T he older male’s sexual function is rather tortuous. It has its ups and downs. But, elderly men can live and even thrive with their sexuality. This book tells how.

Adult and elderly women also can improve their loves and lives from insights inspired by this book.

The elderly person is over 65 or 70 years-of age. Some would say just over 60. Our society considers persons 65 years and over to be seniors. They get perks like discounts on movies, busses, supermarkets, and fast food establishments. Social Security benefits kick in at age 65.

Very little is written about elderly male or female sexuality. Too little is known about it. The promise of this book is to bring to light all that is known about elderly sexuality. It includes research in the literature, the author’s clinical work with patients, interviews with colleagues and friends, and his own personal erotic experiences.

There are very few scientific studies of elderly sexuality. Those published are not well designed or replicated to have confidence the results are valid. (1) We just don’t know very much about sexuality in the later years, said Robert N. Butler, past president of the International Longevity Center in New York, a nonprofit think tank. There’s been a tremendous amount of resistance to such studies. (2)

Society and science has a history of timidity or outright rejection of investigation and dissemination of information on sexuality. Masters and Johnson, pioneers in research on human sexuality stated a need in their classic book, Human Sexual Response, published in 1966. (6) The widespread problems of human sexual inadequacy will not be attacked effectively by either medical or behavioral personnel until more definitive information is accumulated. Such data will only become available as more of our society comes to accept objective research in human sexuality. Dr. Masters was the expert at the time. The situation has not changed much today.

A nationally representative survey conducted face-to-face interviews with a randomly selected sample of 3005 American adults 57 to 85 years-of-age from July 2005 to March 2006. (2) About 28 percent of men and about 14 percent of women said sex was very important. About three-quarters of those with partners reported being sexually active. This is about equivalent to what previous research had found for people in 40s and 50s. Being sexually active was defined as having had mutually voluntary sexual contact with another person within the past 12 months. This is a pretty crude measure for the elderly only, but it says something.

A review of studies of female sexuality found the prevalence of sexual dysfunction (e.g. lack of sexual desire, difficulty having orgasm, painful intercourse) in postmenopausal women is between 68% and 86.5%. Wow! (3) This is an imprecise figure pertaining to elderly since this age groups of women studied began in 40s. Elderly women need not despair as will be learned in chapters 1, 3, 4, and 15.

This book offers reviews of reliable published material, anecdotal statements and stories, and sage information. Cases may be single or several individuals. The book is written in lay and professional style. The author is from an academic community (Professor Emeritus at University of California) where ideas are analyzed and debated, however controversial and complex they might be.

Cases and analyses are accurately recorded. References for all statements cannot be cited, as is the practice with a rigorous scientific report. When statements are made as fact without references, they represent knowledge from the author’s personal sources. This is informative, though one cannot generalize. For example, a 78 year-old colleague, professor of psychology, and an academic and scientific expert on sexuality told me his personal story of erectile dysfunction. He said triumphantly that he finds no trouble in getting it up by viewing pornography on the Internet. And, he added, Then, I don’t even need Viagra! A caveat: When the reader notices some repetition in text, understand that some chapters are meant to stand alone, as well as to be read in succession.

To know this topic will enable the elderly man and woman to function better sexually, and hopefully up to expectations and desires. To know less can be a discouragement, and in some cases frustration with the sexual system out of commission, like for example with ED (erectile dysfunction).

This book tells how sexuality of elderly can be vitalized, and made even more satisfying than ever. Get informed to improve sex!

In this book you will get:

• Ways to build self-confidence and use courage

• Knowledge of the more than eight types of male and female orgasms

• How to be successful in correcting ED (erectile dysfunction)

• How the elderly male can still attract women

• The course of male and female sexual development from childhood to older age

• How to better communicate with a partner for improved sex of each

• A free, unique, new weight reduction plan

• Discovery of polyamory by an elderly couple

• The sexual experience of Tantra for men and women

• Sexuality while living in long-term care facilities

Patterns of living and expressing sexuality of elderly vary widely. For example, some elderly couples choose to virtually live apart. Cultures differ. Lars and Brit, my granddaughter’s parents married for 51 years in Norway have separate bedrooms. His bedroom is like in an apartment upstairs, and hers is down stairs. Such separation is not unusual. In Hungary most married men give up having sex at age 50. He goes to live in the barn, while she lives in the house. (4) In Japan, it has always been custom for husband and wife to sleep in separate bedrooms on separate futons on the floor (tutomi mats). Wives expect husbands to come home late after a meeting and philandering with other women at a bar or club. (5) A couple in Southern California married for 69 years who I have known for 70 years live in a three-bedroom home. Each has slept in own bedroom for past 30 years. They are not disaffected, but admit to boredom in their marriage.

It’s as if such couples are friends with each other, but no longer lovers. The couples do conventional activities together like family gatherings, parties with friends, visiting children and grandchildren, and shopping. They are with each other quite a lot, but there are no signs of expression of eroticism. They don’t hold hands. They no longer have erotic dreams. They don’t think sex when visiting, or when looking at strangers. They have pretty much given up on sex. Its not dead, but it’s in hibernation or moribund. Heaven forbid. This book can lead them to a resurgence of sexuality.

The author’s friend, Greta meets weekly at a poker club. All women members are single by being widowed or divorced, and all are over 70. Of the twelve, only Greta and Jean have a lover. The rest have given up sex, and have no interest in having a boyfriend or lover. (Greta asked them.) This pattern may be the norm rather than an exception. They have adapted to an erotically barren way of life, and they like it. They talk about everything except sex. When the possibility of men is mentioned, Greta has heard some say, I don’t want an old man to take care of. I’ve had that! I want someone to take care of ME. Or, I can take care of myself.

This book can be informative for sexually dormant, celibate older women, and women with or without partners if they want to reignite romance and revitalize sex. They could do it if they choose. Perhaps, they don’t know how. They could metamorphose, and change to erotic vitality by learning from this book. It could open up a whole new world, an exciting one. They could be as if reborn human beings with sexual vitality. They will surprise selves. This book leads the way. For them with this book in hand, Here comes the sun . . , as The Beatles sang.

I am grateful and thank you for opening your mind to consider new concepts in your journey to receive and give love. The reader may gain new perspectives, and better deal with the touchy topics expertly and objectively dealt with in this book. An open mind can expand humanness.

Society readily accepts a pill like Viagra to help sexuality, but finds it more difficult to accept written information. The writing in this book aims to fill this latter need for the elderly man and woman.

This book is the first to be written on the elderly male and female’s sexuality. It is pioneering territory. The author is an 87 year-old American Board Certified psychiatrist, gerontologist, and sexologist. He is an experienced sex therapist, author of scientific papers on sexuality, is sexually active, and writes with authority on things every man and woman needs to know about elderly sexuality.

The book is not erotic, but may stimulate eroticism—a good side effect, to use a Medical term. It is not a bitter pill to take—in fact it is not a pill at all. It can be soothing to the palate. Enough metaphors, just try it. You’ll like it—and be so much better informed.

It will not only entertain and educate, but will open up wider horizons. To stay sexually vital is to