The Story of My Life: My Cup of Poison

By Sandra Crow

Have you ever wondered why you are here on Earth? Does your life seem to be flashing by too fast, and you feel as if you are just doing the same thing day after day? I have wondered this, and through some remarkable blessings, I learned some answers.

Each of us is on a journey. Through the ups and downs of that journey, we all end up with a story to share. Its a tale of where we have been, where we are now, and where we are going.

This book recounts the story I have been living for the past forty-five years. For many of those years, alcohol wrote my story for me. I was held captive by its addictive grip. My heart was closed to the greater purpose I was here to live. A tragedy helped open it, when I lost my niece to leukemia. Through all the trials, I came to know God and His meaning for my life as His child. He has a purpose for all of us.

Every day is a gift, and there are so many lessons we can learn from. Its as simple as being humble enough to open our hearts.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 16, 2014
• ISBN: 9781490860992

Sandra Crow

Sandra (Sam) Crow has been married for twenty-six years and has one grown daughter. She has been busy the past eighteen years running her own cleaning business and now looks forward to the next chapter of her life as she follows her heart. They now reside in Essa Township in Ontario, Canada.

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Copyright © 2014 Sandra (Sam) Crow.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-6098-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-6100-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-6099-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014920918

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/16/2014

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1    The Early Years

Chapter 2    Young And Carefree

Chapter 3    The Early Years Of Marriage

Chapter 4    A Baby Is On The Way

Chapter 5    The Baby Is Here

Chapter 6    As Time Goes By

Chapter 7    A Child’s Voice Of Wisdom

Chapter 8    Painful Days

Chapter 9    Why, God, Why?

Chapter 10    Celebrating Life And Moving Forward

Chapter 11    My Eyes Are Opened

Chapter 12    Deception

Chapter 13    A Time For Reflection

Chapter 14    A Wonderful Journey

The Journey Continues …

This book is dedicated to my family. To my husband, Ted—you are my very best friend and the love of my life. Thank you for always being there by my side when I wasn’t the easiest to love. God knew I needed a patient man in my life, and I am so grateful to you, Teddy, for being you. To my daughter, Ashley—I’m so blessed to have you for a daughter. I hope you know how much I love you and look up to you for the wisdom you have shared with me. You are wise beyond your years.

PREFACE

T his is a story about my life, and I am going to be very honest about the person I was and some of my darkest secrets. You see, I believe everyone struggles with something in life, and none of us have that perfect life. As some might guess, my cup of poison was alcohol. I also struggled with other areas in my life. To admit we have a problem to ourselves is one thing, but it is another to share it with other people. In life we may struggle with drugs, cigarettes, food, swearing, or judging. We may be too opinionated, or maybe we can’t stop our anxiety and worry too much. Whatever our struggles are, God is the only one who can help to change our lives for the better. Once I finally opened up my heart all the way, God was able to become my potter. He began to mold me into that person He always wanted me to be. This book is about how God’s love and power have changed my life.

I have taken a lot of time to read and reflect through journals I have kept over the years. This helped my writing because sometimes my memory wasn’t the best due to the drinking. I am thankful to God that I wrote. Little did I know that some were prayers to God, and He heard each one of them. Thank You, Father!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

T his story would have never been possible if it wasn’t for my niece, Amber. Through Amber’s life, I have learned so much, and she has had an amazing influence on the journey I am now on. I am eternally grateful to you, and the day will come when I can personally thank you. Until we meet again, thank you. I love you!

I would like to say a special thank you to my sister, Darlene. We have been blessed by God with an amazing relationship, which I am so grateful for. I look up to you, Darlene, for all you have shown me by your actions about what it means to be living for Christ. It was how you showed such joy even in your darkest days that God’s light shone through you. Thanks for all the times you prayed with me and gave me encouragement. I love you!

God is so amazing. He will bring people into your life just at that perfect moment. I want to thank John and Lindsay Borrows. Without their help, this book would never have made it to the publishers. John, my husband’s high school friend, had not been in contact for many years. Ted and John have recently stayed in close contact through the computer. We had the privilege in the summer of 2013 to visit with John in our home. It was so uplifting to see these two men reunite with one another and go on as if no time had been lost. I was so grateful for the evening, and we look forward to many more visits. I remember one day wondering how on earth I could get this book together in manuscript form to send to the publisher. That morning when I was doing my devotions, it said we need to learn to ask for help when we are not sure what to do next. John, a professor at University of Victoria Faculty of Law who was gifted in writing books, came to mind. I reached out to him, asking if he could give some direction as to what I should do next. He offered to take a look at my work and give some insight. Thank you for sharing your gifts and leading me to your daughter Lindsay.

Lindsay, I can never tell you what a blessing it has been to have you by my side. Thank you for sharing your love of writing and being my editor. Your encouragement and influence made all the difference for this book. Thank you just isn’t enough, and I am so grateful to you for the amazing person you are.

I would also like to thank John’s wife, Kim, and daughter Megan for the time I took away from your family. Real friends stay close to the heart no matter where they live or what they might be doing. The heart keeps us connected.

I would like to give special thanks to my daughter, Ashley. She was drawing a picture one day, and as soon as I saw it, I knew it was exactly what I was looking for. Her drawing brought me the idea for the cover of my book. Ashley, I love you so much! When I saw the drawing of the broken glass and spilled wine, this was me hitting rock bottom. The standing glass appearing to be empty is anything from the truth. I have found freedom from my addiction and am ready to soar like a butterfly with its new life. The butterfly represents new life in Christ.

Thanks to you all!

INTRODUCTION

I woke up on Sunday, May 22, 2011, and it felt like a bomb had gone off inside of me. Sure I’d felt that way before, but on that day something was different. I was at my cottage up in Muskoka on a tiny lake that my husband and I had owned since 1997. This place meant the world to me, and it seemed so many meaningful things in my life happened up north. I call this place my heaven on earth, and Ted and I feel so blessed to have it. We watched this property on the market for four years, but at the time we couldn’t afford it. I told my husband if it was meant for us to have it, then it would wait for us. We kept checking in from time to time, and one weekend as we were heading home from camping up north at Killarney Provincial Park, we stopped in to the real estate office in MacTier to see if the property was still there. Sure enough it was and under a power of sale. We put our bid in and became the proud owners of the cottage. As the story unfolds, you will see how we were meant to have this cottage because so many of my experiences with God happened there. I am so grateful for that.

I wondered, Why is today going to be any different than any other day with a hangover? I remember getting out of bed thinking I was going to be sick, so I snuck out as quietly as I could so I wouldn’t disturb Ted, Ashley, or Marc while they were sleeping. I don’t believe I ever did throw up, but I remember going into the cupboard