Walking Immortal

By Italia Vanhouten

Lifes journey of past times and presents rewards in finding. Fighting to gain an escape that was there all along but couldnt see it. Living a lie of truths aftermath. Finding out it was a lie, leaving no more protection. No solid ground to pace or rock to climb. Smack in the center off all plastic the glass beck end. Shattering your dreams, fantasies, and heart. Coded no longer rapped around the breakable pieces of you. Heavy tasks pounded by the beating clocks hands. But unto me thee breathe steal waters and feeds mercy filled grasp. Allowing my mind to think past my thoughts. Calming the flame burning my soul. Dont think just feel, feel pass your heart into your soul and let your imagination show you the journey. A collection of lifes story line of a young soul.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Apr 23, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483629490

Italia Vanhouten

Italia Vanhouten, writer, poet, and author born May 25, 1990 in Houston, TX. She is a film major at Los Angeles City College as well as a board member of the BSU (Black Student Union) and apart of the social media team for the Black Caucus. December 5, 2010 she performed her first live poetry reading at New Beginnings a local church in Long Beach, CA. March 17, 2011 she performed three poems also featured in Walking Immortal at the LBCC’s Y B Silent PCC Young Poet’s Society. March 24, 2011 by request Italia performed a reading of her poem titled “Sorrowed Moans” at the Central Neighborhood Advisory Committee Presents Black Awareness. Italia has worked with Music Video Director/Photographer Peter Pearce and Jeremiah Rosborough. Now as alumni of the YPS, Italia is a regular speaker at the LBCC’s PCC open mic night. Italia is also an active member of the non-profit organization called A.I.M. founded by Leila Steinberg.

Book preview

WALKING

IMMORTAL

ITALIA VANHOUTEN

Copyright © 2013 by Italia Vanhouten.

Library of Congress Control Number:         2013907276

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4836-2948-3

                Softcover         978-1-4836-2947-6

                 Ebook            978-1-4836-2949-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 04/19/2013

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

[e-mail]

115673

Contents

Shadow

Touched

The Beast Within

Hellion

Field of Darkness

Attention

Bleed

Silent Cries Fall On Deaf Ears

Evanescent

Missing Bond Between

Numb

Doom To Never End

Crying Out

Abuse Divide By Lust = Love

Bipolar

Disconnected

Relapsing

Suicidal

Taken

To Be Or Not To Be

Rescue me

Hate

Higher

Fears

Intoxicated

The Outside’s Inside

Hollow

Imprisoned

Mucho Mas

My Only

Reviled

Which?

Done

Misunderstood

Bound

Ashamed

Agony

Lost

My Suicide

Lithium

Empty

Dreaming

Running

Fallen

1Need You

Hear Me, Feel Me

The Unknown

Inside Myself

No Sleep

Consumed

Tears

Unspoken

Angel In My Dream

Alone

Show Me

Hurting

Departed

Can’t Tell

All Said And Done

End

Life’s Death Match

Moment Of Times Pauses

Plain Sight

Season Come, Seasons Go

Walking Immortal To Impermanence

Attempts

Breathe Unto

Freedom Of Hope

Alive

Patients Of Fulfillment

Process

Yet Holding On

Weight Of The World

Addicts Underbelly

Mirror

Underneath

Say Words Felt

Soul Love

Lightweight

Found Bond

"Secrecy’ (Lost Along The Way)

Sorrowed Moans

Roads

Survivor

Mchakato wa uponyaji (Healing Process)

Temptations, Attack Of

Dear Lie, Real Stay’s Dry

Anger

Recovery

The Discovery Of Friendship

Woodstock

Don’t Give Up

Traveled

Til The End

The Family Within

Crossroads

Enough Of The Circles, To Draw Nigh

Eruption

Heard Without Ears

Hope

"Impermanent Sorrow’

My Rudi

Dominion

Jane Doe

Rare Raven

Sign of Time Changed

Stand

Hand In Hand

Kilio

I Was Here

Reason Defining Why

Storm

Spirit Eyes

Shades

Seeking

My Will

Map

The Climb

Home

Grace

Eyes

I Remember

My Speech

The End Is Near

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Shadow

Ruff palms creep up the flesh’s senses

Aware and alert

Shallow breaths die under pounds of heavy breathing

Blank stares nerves running wild

Gasping

The dark shadow speaks

Words repeated with no reply time and time again

This hurts

No ability to vocally response

It just hurts

Eyes reading the bodies reactions

Wet curving rolling between

Placement waiting hands

Tear drops fall as unidentified senses begin to rage

Gripped to the shadows hand clinching cotton

Panicked tense overwhelming

No understanding though of such

Relentless vibe

Seconds seeming to be hours

Fading out slowly

It stops

The shadow reappears insight

Soft words spoken as if the shadow knows

It’s ok repeated over

Difficult to swallow

With a cuffed hand wiping the tears away

Lying beneath the shadows embrace

Shamed mental flow of words form

Begging to close the gap the shadow rest between

Dimmed eyes mix emotions

Barred beyond

Trying to ignore all feelings and just hold onto the period of every sentence in the

shadows speech

Anguish sets in fear of having lost something that was suppose to be kept

Worthless limp feral waged between the sheets bunched on the floor

From motion and the shadow

It covers it speaks it touches it takes till there’s nothing left

Leaving a fate whisper behind

Good girl

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Touched

7 signs of terror

Wilted meadows of youth

Broken roots

Scared internal

Left the senses of my own

Forever kept

Forever to drive

Confusion draws comfort to a backhand to the flesh

Gripped to the lining

Flow rushing

Lids full

Easily bent to your demand

Knowing no resist

Shadow repeats its motion night after night

Fixed on

Love it?

Need it?

Captive to the hold

Innocent no more

Drained of all purity

Believing word sin soft tone

Stemming from guilt muttering words stay behind

Continued

Constant

Cycle lingers

At your hand a quiver

Reading inside pages

Drawing clueless waters to bayside

Pouring out no control

Make it stop

Like that?

Make it go away

Wash his essence off it burns

Feeding on the close

Formats remain same blueprint

Stinging

Pricing

Penetrating with the reapers claw at first

Entering with flogs then on

Still no movement

No expiration No emotion thriving only

Been touched repeatedly with the force of divine law

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The Beast Within

Angry madness alluring

Steady passing the line to being furious

Inner the beast calls herself Hellion

Breaking free she attempts

Chains rapped tight around

The key matched to unlock her has been melted to reassure

No escape now

Things left she has only being one

Chances used the option of one chose

Voice

Angry screams

Frustrated cries

Seeing the weak of her other side walk free

Still no feet step over to the other side of the cell

Clinching her teeth

Nails digging to her chains

No release breaking free in timings sooner moment

There in lie the danger

Not an ounce of fears drops to danger

Tons labeled anger

Hate

Rage that has no target

Lust that has no limit of numbers highs

Just spreading

Caged for safety of others and most of all safety of herself

Taunting her reflection she named weak

Not realizing she’s just taunting herself

Bared parts of her being weak stare her in the face

In a distance eyes meeting their opposites

Two in one soul

Very different but of the same person

Learning the innocence of the beast

Weak cries for her

Hurts for her

Feels for her

I feel her

Hurting for her

Crying for her

For she is me and I am her as one meeting for the first time as old a new

The beast has yet to give up on her release to cause drama freely

Nor give in to the act of the prisoner because of the chains that constrict her movement

Will she ever be released of just continue to live like a freak on a leash?

A horizon to all including self

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Hellion

The one who take up spaces in the dark places of my heart

A person I fear

Fearing my-self’s other side

For Hellion is a part of me

A part at one time poses all of me

Now in the dungeon of my heart but still there

Hellion fears those of good nature

Fearing that they will bring out the one she calls weak and make her strong

Strong enough to make her disappear forever

The weak being the side of me I can’t touch but always seems to reach out

Using her rage to overpower the weak

Hellion fights

Bringing the weak to her knees

Bringing me to my knees

Battling everyday against each other

Feeling like I can’t win for Hellion knows what I fear

She know of my weakness and how to provoke it

Feeling Hellion’s right as others continue to hurt me and abandon me

When everyone else leaves me she’s always the only one there

Trying to convince me to trust her and go head and unchain her

But not being the one who bound her I can not fully release her

Why should I continue to trust those who have no place in their heart for me?

Should I give in to Hellion’s ways or fight her til the end?

Can’t fight alone

I hate Hellion

I see Hellion

I am Hellion

Wishing she’d disappear forever

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Field of Darkness

My fields are not covered with beautiful flowers/But of grey fogs coving me and the dark pillows I rest on/ I wonder around in the deeps of my heart/ Can’t go too far/ Going