Black Butterfly: Chained

By Roshea Douglas

Black Butterfly: Chained is a collection of poetry that is meant to give an insight on internal struggles, pain, anguish, distress, and doubt that people suffering from a mental illness may experience. These poems intimately explore the emotional impact of major depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and anxiety. Black Butterfly: Chained is a unique journey based on the author’s personal experiences and feelings, and it shows how she was led from the darkness and into light. It tells a story about how depression is an extremely difficult state of mind and how it can have someone feeling so low to the point where they begin to consider suicide, believing it is the only way out.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Jun 27, 2019
• ISBN: 9781796041965

Book preview

Beast Of The Burden

As the sun slowly rises over the horizon

I realize night is done,

and just another day drowning in the spawns of satan

and I am still NOT free even after my rude awakening,

there’s no one to understand my pain

the torture, the grief, and the abuse I had sustained

please; when will it be over?,

no more flashbacks, memories, night terrors, no more being punished for my regretful error

chained and tormented by the ridicule poured one me by satan and humanity

with painful memories and heartfelt sorrow,

will it ever stop?, will I ever be free?

Satan- she doesn’t help me, she just lurks in the shadows watching with pure evil

waiting for the perfect moment to strike

she’s the beast of the burden

so life like - her words, not mines

ceased upon me a shattered heart and broken dreams

suffering every night, waking up with sweat, tears, and screams

Satan-

I am not her, but she is me.

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The Fire Within

There’s no peace within these fatal evil chambers

and no remedy, from this pungent odor of death to save her

her life was repeatedly tormented within these stone walls,

brutally beaten, filled with misfortune, lamentably deplorable at all.

growing extremely irritable for she sacrificed so much

and yet still;

she was put through nothing, but strife, sorrow, and hurt

thoughts ruminating of all her suffering as she watched these flames intensely

watching the fire burning bright for all of eternity

it was the fire within, that explains as to why she is now free

and no longer trapped in hell, where everyone deceive and berate

she had escape;

away from all the jealousy and hate

it was satan trying to bring her down- trying to put of the fire from within

ruining everything she held so dear

she pretended for years that it didn’t bother her a bit

then it was all released in the depths of a single tear

though she still remain strong from the fire…

that came from within

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Cease The War

from the thunder storm of anger

strikes the lightening of hate;

ignorance leading to belligerence,

this life, forever shattered my faith.

from the shallow ocean of heartache,

swims the rivulets of violence;

carrying an excessive amount of pain

not knowing, that it was driving me nearly insane

the wounds that covers my heart

bursts from the blood of my wrath-

fear stole my motive;

not allowing my feelings to pass.

from the high mountains of sorrow

which stems from depression;

I’m tired, for hatred kills

and I’m not quite sure what stops me from taking these pills

spews of torture increased-

and the pain multiplied

until, my war cease.

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True Colors

Did you put on a mask to trick me into becoming your friend?,

was anything in our friendship was real? or was it all just pretend?

your true colors are all finally coming out.

everything I been through with you- I’m starting to doubt

well maybe not, because I take it as a lesson learned

I know my true friends after I have been burned

I knew our friendship was beginning to change, so I decided to keep my distance

guess that was wrong because it made everything more intense.

remember in the beginning how my face would light up when I heard your name?,

but that was way before you changed on me and started saying I’m to blame.

I can’t help but to feel like our friendship was all a fake.

especially now that you just sit around and point out all of my mistakes.

It’s not until I been around you for a while to see who you really are

I didn’t think our friendship would turn to this- not by a far.

I know nothing lasts forever,

but I didn’t expect for you to betray me, not once did it cross my mind- Never.

you became very judgmental even with the way I breathe

once I found people who wouldn’t put me down, I was realized.

Probably you didn’t mean it, but because of you I don’t let my guard down

afraid of being hurt all over agin and ending up with a frown.

I overhear you talk about me behind my back, that is not what friends do

just know my trust is broken and understand, you did that too.

so can you answer my question, did you put on a mask to trick me into becoming your friend?,

and was anything in our friendship real?, or was it all just pretend?.

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Beyond The Silence

Screaming for help but no words utter out

freedom?- She highly doubts

everyone’s blind to her misery, and deaf to her pleas

there’s a inarticulate amount of pain, and unseeingly abusive pounding rain-

beyond the silence; she sought out shelter from the world bitter winds,

traveling many distances to a place unknown

capturing the heart of millions,

and yet; nobody knew her soul was alone

an unwonted moment in time, and beyond the silence

there lays shattered memories, and a distant past

she desperately wanted to know- how long the duration of her pain would last

wearing a black veil- a sign of defeat

isolating herself from others to a place where she can retreat

does anyone out there care enough to hear her cries

amidst her pain, and through her eyes

intrusive thoughts of death, sorrow, and destruction

when will it end for her?- for me?!

then spotting in the distance, standing perfectly still~

was a beautiful angel

and although my battle was conquered, and I am now free

beyond the silence~

will always remain my tear stained memories.

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Hidden Within These Eyes

Blind tears of pain is what nobody sees,

but how is that?, when her eyes are like 2 windows that you can see right through

an empty soul with many accumulated painful memories,

of deepest sadnesses, and forbidden pain too

It’s the pain thats restraining her from running free(ly)

like termites- it’s eating away her golden heart,

keeping her bound to a world that’s falling apart.

Hidden within these eyes,

is guilt, shame, sorrow, anger, hurt, and despair

can’t forget the thoughts of suicide-

with self- induced polluted air

there’s no happiness, no laughter, no hope, nor peace

no endorphins are being released

the amount of loneliness echoes throughout her eyes

for she’s living a life based off of lies

Hidden within these eyes,

is a place containing no ease. A place that swallows her~

swallows me.

I’m trying to erase my misery, trying to finally escape

but i fall back into this black void- not free

as i hear the girl scream… RAPE.

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(A) Journey’s End

Old echoes whispers in her ear, striking her heart and soul with fear.

do she dare to leave beyond these barbed wire gates, to leave a world~

a world that consisted of both envy, abuse and hate