Grief and a New Identity: the Second Year: The Diary of a Grieving Mother

By Xlibris US

Hi I'm Diana; I lost my son November 18 2012 on a Sunday morning right after a rain, on the eve of the full moon, the new beginning. Every night after I spend my lonely nights cutting out my heart and remembering his memories and waken to live every moment all over again, since then I learned grief, I learned how to live with it, I'm now learning how to live when I wanted to die without that special someone in my life my son. The experience of my sons early departed I discovered his death as a murder the fight to stay alive and to find justice at the end. With all hopes gone I reached out to anyone to hear my sons story until someone heard my cries, I got help today I still struggle waiting my turn to come up so I have two months to get ready to give all my information to my private investigator and count the days for justice.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 22, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499023985

Book preview

GRIEF AND A NEW IDENTITY:

THE SECOND YEAR

THE DIARY OF A GRIEVING MOTHER

A grief mystery story with the question,

what happened to Charles Daniels

Diana Daniels

Copyright © 2014 by Diana Daniels.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 08/18/2014

Xlibris LLC

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

552655

CONTENTS

Memories

Christmas Is Around The Corner

Feeling Blessed

My Dream

Good Day

What A Day

My Grief And You

Where Is The Beauty In Death

Today I Cried

In Loving Memories

Happy Birthday Charles

Let’s Make Spring Time A Time We Visit Our Love One

Dear Charles

My World Is Round

From The Beginning

My World Is Round

GRIEF AND A NEW IDENTITY

The Second Year

Hello again I’m sure by now you know who I am from Grief and a new identity the first year when I first experienced grief from the lost of my son. Going into my second year things changed a bit my pain remains, it seem to have had matured into something else I’m not going to tell you how things got better and all the support groups made my life so wonderful because then I’m lying, it helped, there are so many others that’s going through the same thing so we can share things, changed far as how to live my life without my son, but living my life without him in my life now that’s something different. My stories don’t have all the glory happy ending or look she gave us hope, we do have hope, but I’m explaining in the true light just how it is, my son lost his life to murder suddenly no readiness and senselessly… How am I the second year let me tell you

Updates—Holidays & and now            November 29 2013

GRIEF AND A NEW IDENTITY

The Second Year

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November 29 2013

Updates I do understand why the last two days I have been feeling depressed, I can’t have stress in my life, when I’m stressed out it brings on my grief like triggers that sets off emotion disorders, I never had this before until my son passed away, I try to stay far way much as possible to anything or anyone who’s going to trigger my emotion disorders, my sister stressed me out about my mother one day and later on that night I was so deeply set back into my grief I wished my son was here so I don’t have to deal with these people who are left in my life as family members I had my own family my son and I and I was happy with it, ‘then it was’, I know you’re not dead so where are you, why did you leave me by myself with these people sinking fast looking for some where to hide the feel of being abandoned again all of these from being stressed out then depression, I can’t live like this I don’t want this life I have left, I miss well go, who cares all this from stress, my grief played a big part of my emotional feeling I’m more easier to bend until I’m stronger enough to stand on my own I stay away from stress. My days here are for God, I’m so in love with my Lord and always been at the age of four I felt him around me, my path in life wasn’t the one I left it was to completely serve him but he gave me a different path to teach me what my problems were and that was understand love and what it really was, love for one another and to know when you see it back I loved every one but I always question if anyone really loved me I had to learn love, my son was that gift and my teacher to show me just what that was and a good teacher he was, the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to have someone who really loved me, so do you understand how much this breaks my heart now that he’s gone, now what is my lesson in life now? To teach others the same? Some asked me today if you wrote a list of all the things you loved about your son what would you put on your list his beautiful eyes, his smile, his sense of humor, the way he could make me laugh, his beautiful built, his skin the way the sun hits it, his brains he was so smart the way he taught mama a lot of things, his height I loved looking up to him, my little man child, his kindness, he was full of compassion, he love life and he taught me to love myself and my life, he taught me love, I love you my angel.

December 1 2013

Updates what is this? tonight feels like the first day my son passed, but a little different like it manifest into something else the pain is so intense it’s like a dream that I can’t wake up from please wake me shake me because this isn’t for real, stop telling me how to grieve my pain, stop telling me this will take time, stop telling me that I’m strong, when I know this will always be with me, that I’ll never wake up because this is the worst dream I ever had, stop telling that I’m strong, I know I am ‘I’m still here’, walking around try to become one of the living dead feeling numb so I won’t lose my mind mixed feeling and I don’t care for any of it, but I was blessed with this from the price of a lost love one, I loved you this much that my pain is just as strong you filled my day of every moment of you so how could I live the rest of my life without you, every feeling is now formed together not like at the beginning one expression one at a time but this time it all comes at once disbelief, anger, being a afraid, not excepting, abandonment, lost, confused, hurt, dead, stressed depressed what is this called?

Back in the same place with my back against the wall sitting in my sons room in the new place Charles place feeling different not in the same place my son lost his life moving was the right thing to do, I left so much baggage behind the bad memories but did I? The people who killed my son, bad neighborhood bad neighbors the people who wanted to kill me because they knew I knew it was them, the suffering the surrounding walls being in prison in my own place for four months finally rid of it, did I? now I have peace to grieve.

December2 2013

GRIEF AND A NEW IDENTITY

The Second Year

MEMORIES

No sleep, sleep won’t come tired and I twist and turn I keep calling out for my son still in disbelief I say his name out loud so I can remembering what it sounds like when I say it, seeing him coming in my room on nights like this, when I can’t sleep