Running

By H Carlin

Olivia's life was torn apart by a life threatening illness that robbed her of her childhood and her first love. She leaves California and Jack at the age of sixteen, planning not to survive past the year. Miraculously, she survives. Ten years later Olivia is back in California and right back in Jack's life. Jack has believed her to be dead for the past ten years. Can Jack get past his hurt to be with her again? And can Olivia stop living in fear and live in the moment with Jack?
This short story contains adult content.
New version updated on 2/1/14.

• Language: English
• Publisher: H Carlin
• Release date: Oct 20, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301065820

H Carlin

I'm reader turned author that enjoys young adult, paranormal,fantasy, and all fiction! Ebook authors inspire me to write.

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Running

By H. Carlin

Published by H. Carlin at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 H. Carlin

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Published by H. Carlin at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 H. Carlin

Running

By H. Carlin

10 Years Prior

The morning sun shines fiercely through the curtains. Last night’s events suddenly come rushing back to me. It was easily the best night of my life yet. I roll over in my bed to reach for her. She’s not here. No! She’s gone. I know it in an instant and panic sets in. A deep hollowing in the pit of my stomach forms at the thought of being without her. This very real possibility twists my stomach in knots. I see an envelope on the pillow next to me. As I reach for it, I see My Jack scribbled across it in messy handwriting. She always had messy handwriting. I hastily tear the envelope and unfold the letter.

Jack,

You are the best friend a girl could ask for. I know that I could not have made it this far without you by my side. You give me strength and the will to never stop fighting. You know exactly what I need without ever having to ask. I am eternally grateful for how wonderful you have made my last few months.

That being said, I must tell you the truth. Last week the doctors told me that the tumor has stopped responding to chemo. I have accepted the fact that I will not survive this. We tried. I fought it the best that I could. I don’t want you to think that I’m giving up. I’m not. But now I need to prepare myself for what will come next. I don’t want to be angry or sad when I go. I want to be at peace. I want this for you too.

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. My parents and I are moving to Florida with the rest of my father’s family. They’ve given up everything to pay for my treatments, and the money’s run dry. We’ll be moving in with my grandparents. There’s a doctor there that wants me to try a new drug, but it’s outrageously expensive. It’s not FDA approved but the doctor is trying to get approval for me to take it, since I’m terminal. There’s no way we can afford it, and I know it won’t work anyway. I love them so much for not giving up on me, but I don’t want them to suffer anymore. I want everyone to be free…free of this a burden that weighs down on all of us. I want you to live again. 

Jack, I am in my last stages, and it won’t be long now. I want you to remember me how I was. I don’t want your last memory of me to be my death. I need you to remember the real me, the happy me. The person I am when I’m with you. Last night I was happy. We shared something that no one else can ever take away from us. I am so glad it was with you, my first and last time with you. I can’t put into words how important you are to me. You have always been my best friend and I am truly sorry I didn’t let us become more than that. I know now that I was wrong in not telling you how much you truly mean to me.

Don’t try to reach me. Please don’t attend my funeral. This is goodbye. Please just remember me the way I was. Pretend I’ve moved away and we can no longer see each other. When you think of me, I want you to smile. Think of the good times, not the bad. Be happy, and live your life to the fullest. This is my last and only wish from you.

With all my Love,

Olivia

CHAPTER 1

Present Day

Jack

The sun cuts through the drapes like knives, and I am jolted upright by my dream. My hands are reaching out for something, and I let them fall to my sides. I’m dreaming of her again. Not again! I run my hands through my hair as I lay back down thinking about the dream…back to that night the last time I ever saw Olivia. Even saying her name in my head makes me cringe. Her name coming across my tongue is unbearable. She is always there in the back of my mind. I don’t think about her often anymore, but the empty feeling inside where she used to be is always there. It never goes away, and I can never truly forget her. A very empty ache and longing for something that only she could fill. I know this is impossible because there is no more Olivia.  She is gone…dead. I don’t know if that makes it easier or harder to get over her. I never got over her. Crazy, I know, because it’s been ten years. There has never been anyone to come even close to replacing her. There have been plenty of women in my attempts to forget Olivia. They have all been beautiful, sexy, funny, smart, witty, cute, and charismatic. But none rival her. These women are quite adequate, but quite frankly, they’re just not Olivia. And that, I think, is what angers me the most. Olivia wanted me to move on, to be free of this burden. But I have never let her go.

I have thoroughly distracted myself with my education, my career, women, alcohol, and thrills. However, at the end of the day, I find that I have not forgotten her. I keep those feelings locked away until I am alone at night. I often think about what we could have been…what we could be now if she were still here. It’s hard to get over something that never really began. At sixteen, we were best friends and nearly inseparable.  She wanted to stay just friends because she didn’t want to risk our friendship. That was fine with me. I adored everything about her, and I would wait for her. I would wait as long as it took. Being her closest friend was better than being nothing at all. I had to be in her life.

I ran out of time when God chose to take her away. I felt like she was cheated of a life, never really given a chance to live. Towards the end, I declared my love for her. She reached for me with watery eyes, and embracing me tightly, she repeated my words. I’ve always loved you too. On our last night together, she told me she wanted me to be her first. My heart leapt at such an honor she was entrusting me with. It was my first time too, but I knew she was the one for me. Yes, we were young, but her illness caused us to do a lot of growing up that year. She had been through so much, and this was at least one thing I could give to her.

How do you go on at the age of sixteen knowing you’ve found the love of your life, and you can never be together? That night will haunt me for the rest of my life I suppose. I haven’t dreamed of her in over a year now, and last night all the memories came flooding back in an instant. I remember it like it happened last night. We were fumbling and shy with our inexperienced hands. I remember the feel of her soft skin and the intoxicating taste of her lips. We were both overwhelmed in these new sensations, and our new spoken love for each other. I moved slowly, so I could remember every detail of her beautiful body. Never wanting to hold back those words again, I told her repeatedly how much I loved her. She blinked back tears as we made love. The next morning she was gone, leaving nothing but a letter. She asked me to move on and continue my life without her.

I have done the next best thing. I have tightly locked these feelings away. My heart is a vault. No one will ever