The Gossiping Numbers

By Raad Chalabi Chalabi

Ramiz Alkhishin, the authors alter ego, is a grocer. He has a passion for a life that is as independent as possible from its surroundings. To him the trendy place to be in is the one to avoid, while the traditional road to follow is the one to by-pass.
You may have met him before in his books: Fortune Cookies; Sketches; The Bazaar; The Balcony; The Lobby; The Tango of Gossip; Why Me, The Smiling Owl , Whispering Molecules and The Broken Horoscope.
In his eleventh book, in the series of books dealing with human nature, entitled The Gossiping Numbers, author Raad Chalabi through forty six stand-alone fictional dialogues, addresses the issue of the vulnerability of pure logic to the emotional needs of humans. As with all his earlier books the author provides no answers but only raises questions.
The theme behind The Gossiping numbers is that logic is an irreplaceable tool that guides us onto the path that allows us to reach a desired destination. The problem, as the author sees it, is that a logically-defined path usually gets blocked by our emotional needs. In addition our initially desired destination rarely continues to be so as life presents alternative options.
Numbers are seen by many as the personification of logic. The book reflects on the question as to whether communicated numbers are truly un-emotional as we all like to think or are they, like all else that we interact with, suitably managed by us to meet our desired outcome? The author leaves it to the reader to reflect on the dialogues in the book and reach his or her own conclusions.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Oct 10, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499089837

Book preview

1

Superstition

Zero: Why have you been dumped here in this pot of nothing? You seem fit and capable to assume a designated role.

Thirteen: I have been cancelled.

Zero: You mean replaced by a more appealing number?

Thirteen: No, I mean cancelled. My designated role was knowingly given to an undeserving number as part of an elaborate conspiracy.

Zero: Surely any half decent calculator will expose such a fraud and return you to your rightful place.

Thirteen: Even the most sophisticated computer cannot correct that intended error.

Zero: I am intrigued! Are you that important that you deserve such a great conspiracy to remove you from office?

Thirteen: I do not think I am, but all those teachers who know the truth and all those students who I am supposed to educate are willing to live with a lie just to get rid of me.

Zero: What was your role that you were robbed of?

Thirteen: I was to live in the lift of a forty-storey building designating the floor that is proudly above the twelfth floor but humbly below the fourteenth floor.

Zero: So what replaced you?

Thirteen: Nothing.

Zero: You mean the entire floor has been cancelled?!

Thirteen: No, just me. The floor is still there, but everyone is willing to recognise it as the fourteenth floor when they know it is not.

Zero: Why?

Thirteen: Apparently I bring bad luck! The owners of the building are worried that no one will be willing to buy any of the apartments on that floor if I am its numerical flag.

Zero: But all you are doing is stating the truth of what that floor is. How can masking that fact be of any value to anyone with common sense?!

Thirteen: It seems that to many people perception is more important than fact.

Zero: Do you truly bring bad luck?

Thirteen: I do not think I do.

Zero: So how come you are labelled so?

Thirteen: I suppose I am one of those ‘blame gadgets’.

Zero: What is a ‘blame gadget’?

Thirteen: It is something that you use either by disposing off or clutching to when you are attempting to peer into the future with your eyes closed.

Zero: I have never heard of such a silly thing in all my life.

Thirteen: What life?! You are a nothing that no one cares about. The only time people care about you is when you are sitting to the right of another number. You are a parasite that everyone ignores when you are on your own.

Zero: I am a something on my own if I happen to sit at the bottom of someone’s bank statement. You should see how I make them squeal then.

Thirteen: I have an idea as to how we can help each other.

Zero: How?

Thirteen: You glue yourself to the right of me and we live happily as a couple for the rest of our life. I thus benefit by removing the curse of being the custodian of bad luck and you by adding relevance to your lonely and irrelevant life.

Zero: I can see the logic of your argument. It will allow us both to escape this dustbin of emptiness we both happen to be in. However, I see a problem in this partnership.

Thirteen: What problem?

Zero: We might face a composite number identical to us but with a negative sign in its tail.

Thirteen: So?

Zero: So we will be subtracted and I will end up alone and irrelevant once again, and all my hopes and ambitions for becoming something will be dashed. I would rather not experience the thrill of achieving something if it is to be followed by the eventual devastation of losing all what I have achieved.

Thirteen: This is crazy! What are the chances of such an eventuality?

Zero: Usually with partnering numbers, the way we plan to be, it is very slim. However, in our case it will be very high.

Thirteen: Why would we be different?

Zero: Because to many you are an omen of bad luck.

Thirteen: But you did not even know that before I told you?

Zero: Yes, but now I know.

Thirteen: So what changed?

Zero: Suspicion crept in and made me think that no matter how ridiculous the idea is yet maybe the many are right and you do bring bad luck.

Thirteen: Don’t you want to leave this grave of nothingness that you reside in? If you team up with me in the manner I suggested you can achieve this.

Zero: Yes, but all I need to do is wait for another number to come and team up with her and change my state forever.

Thirteen: This is unfair and selfish of you. It is I who gave you the idea!

Zero: Be real. Do you expect me to risk the future of my well-being by teaming up with a bad luck infested number like you just to show gratitude, when by waiting I can team with another number with much less risk of losing my newly to-be acquired status? I can afford not be selfish if I am a zero. However, once I become part of a bigger number do not expect me not to change. We are what we become, not what we were.

2

Know Your Place

Three: Stop boasting as to how big and important you are. No matter how many ones need to be added together in order for you to be created you are still sitting many numbers away to the right of me while I sit adjacent to our esteemed decimal point.

Seven: I am two numbers away from the great nine while you are way beneath in the hierarchy of singular numbers. It is really embarrassing to find someone so low in status like you managing somehow to sneak himself and become close to our esteemed decimal point.

Three: Are you saying she is wrong in her choice of who her closest companion should be on this occasion?!

Seven: Do not put words in my mouth. She is never wrong. Circumstances may have presented themselves in such a way to make her chose the way she did. Your presence close to her on this occasion, no matter how demeaning to her, must be tolerated for the sake of accuracy. She, like the rest of us, must accept the settled will of mathematical logic. This though does not change the fact that you are of a lower breed than I.

Three: You only think so because of your mistaken belief that the number nine is the custodian of all truth.

Seven: Do you not believe that nine is the supreme leader?!

Three: Not at all. I think the number one is the prime cause for our existence. It is to him that I turn for leadership, and I am closer to him than you will ever be. Therefore, if there is anyone who should be embarrassed by his lower status it should be you and not me.

Seven: Who else believes like you that the number one is the leader we should follow?

Three: The numbers two and four are fellow members in my sect. We all share the belief in the supremacy of the number one. What about you? Does anyone else share your misguided notion that nine is the number that surpasses all else?

Seven: I did not mock your belief, so do not mock mine. Yes, I too have brothers and sister that share in my belief. The numbers six and eight have the unshakable trust that the number nine is the answer to all the problems that we in the number kingdom face.

Three: What about the number five? Is he among your lot?

Seven: Not that I am aware of. Has he declared his allegiance to your supreme leader?

Three: I too am unaware that he has. I have never asked him because I find him too aloof and self-centred and not easy to talk to.

Seven: I agree. I understand from number six that she, being his neighbour, attempted to preach him on the virtues of placing his trust in the leadership of number nine, but all she got as a response was silence coupled with a smile.

Three: Our number four had exactly the same experience with him. We assumed that it was because he is part of your sect, but obviously that is not the case.

Seven: What do you think is wrong with him?

Three: I do not know. I know that I disagree strongly with your belief in the infallibility of the number nine, but at least you like me have a belief. I find that someone like the number five with no absolute to anchor to and no leader to follow as being an aberration in our Kingdom of Numbers and a threat to its long-term survival.

Seven: I think we should join forces to fight this alien presence among us.

Three: But suppose as a result of our pressure he feels threatened and agrees to follow our path of having a belief. This will create a problem for us.

Seven: Why?

Three: Well, he would then have to declare his absolute obedience either to the number nine or to the number one. The result will either upset you and your sect or me and mine. The partnership we forged will collapse and one group will now be in a majority, thus enabling it to force its will on the other. Are you willing to accept that risk?

Seven: It’s only a risk if I doubt that he would find my belief more appealing, and I have no such doubt.

Three: But his choice will not be out of conviction but out of fear. Therefore, the risk is always there no matter how much you think the number nine is the ultimate answer or how much I think the number one is. Neither of us will know to which side of the fence the unpredictable and unprincipled number five will jump and so both of us will provide temptations to him to win his allegiance. Like all opportunists who suddenly find themselves in a position to decide an outcome of an ongoing battle that he is not party to, he will without any doubt exploit his position exclusively to his own benefit.

Seven: What do you think we should do?

Three: Our choices are limited to two. Either ignore him and let him carry on the way he is or kill him. If we let him be, we will each carry with us the ongoing anxiety that one day he may choose to become a member of the other side. However, if we do kill him, then we will be confident that neither of us will become the majority sect. Such a status quo will ensure that harmony will prevail in the kingdom of single numbers. I therefore recommend that we kill him.

Seven: This is easier said than done.

Three: Why?

Seven: You are limiting your horizon to the kingdom of single digit numbers. This though is only a small part of the numbers’ kingdom which encases all sorts of multi-digit numbers and is infinite in its dimensions. It is impossible to get all multi-digits which contain the number five to agree to us killing him.

Three: Why would they disagree? After all, such multi-digit numbers all contain components that belong to either your sect or mine and so should not object.

Seven: Once a single-digit number becomes part of a multi-digit number its loyalty will be to the latter and not to its original tribe. If those multi-digit numbers that contain the number five in them agree to kill it, then by definition their value will be diminished and they will lose status within the large number fraternity which is, as you know, the primary motivation why we single numbers seek to become part of a multi-digit number.

Three: Do you think the number five understands the strength of his position?

Seven: I have a feeling he does.

Three: I can never follow in his footsteps and sit on the fence the way he does.

Seven: I have a feeling he does not see it that way.

Three: How do you think he sees it then?

Seven: Maybe he thinks that we lack the necessary internal balance to be able to survive sitting on the fence, although such an act would give us the option to look far into the horizon. He then would conclude that because we lack such ability we therefore opt to jump to one side of the fence or the other, thus landing in the comfort of the perceived certainty enjoyed by those who are happy to be led and who are always satisfied to leave the peering-into-the-horizon task to their leaders.

Three: Are you saying that our esteemed leaders, the numbers one and nine, also sit on the fence making choices on our behalf because they, like number five, see further than we do?

Seven: I do not know, but it is certainly a possibility!

Three: Do you think we should ask them?

Seven: I dare not do this with number nine. He does not like anyone asking him any questions which he previously had not authorised us to ask.

Three: That is strange! Our esteemed number one has exactly the same policy.

Seven: I think I will go and talk to number five.

Three: Talk to him about what? I thought we had a pact!

Seven: Do not worry. I have no intention of preaching him to join my sect.

Three: So what then?

Seven: I just want to listen to what he has to say to the questions I wish to ask and dare not ask our esteemed number nine.

Three: You are wasting your time.

Seven: Why do you say that?

Three: Because our number two tried that once, seeking answers to questions she had. He told her to write all her questions on a piece of paper and proceed to read them twice once in the morning after she wakes up and once at night before she sleeps. He then went back to his usual silent, smiling self.

3

Greedy

Seventeen (shouting): Could you please stop increasing your numbers?

Twelve: What has that got to do with you?

Seventeen: Of course, it has to do with me. We live in a ratio and are separated by a horizontal line. You happen to reside at the bottom of the separator. The bigger you become, the smaller I become. You started as a number two and now you are six times bigger. Don’t you understand how your greed to increase your value has diminished my status?

Twelve: What prevents you from adding numbers to yourself the way I do and thus retaining your status if you are so concerned about it?

Seventeen: I happen to be a limited resource. My chances of increasing my numbers are as close to zero as you can get. You on the other hand seem to think that it is your alien right to keep adding numbers to yourself no matter what the consequences are!

Twelve: I can understand your frustration and your desperation to retain the status quo. After all, as a numerator you sit high up in the ratio set-up overlooking all those that are beneath you. However, look at it from my point of view. I sit as a denominator below decks, bearing the burden of carrying all those that are above me. My only strategic option is to increase my numbers.

Seventeen: What for? Is that your form of revenge for what you perceive as my privileged position?

Twelve: I am not focused on you but rather on my own freedom.

Seventeen: I do not understand!

Twelve: I am sure you do not. How could you know what it means to be a denominator when you have never experienced it?

Seventeen: How will what you are doing free you?

Twelve: As I breed more numbers, the value of the ratio gets smaller and smaller thus approaching zero without really reaching it. With time and as my numbers increase and yours remain constant, the ratio as an entity becomes valueless and not worth maintaining by those who have created it. When this happens, I am freed from the ratio’s straitjacket and can leave as a free number to roam as I please in the Kingdom of Numbers.

Seventeen: You are willing to kill a living ratio in order to change what you are?

Twelve: I am willing to pay any price for my freedom.

Seventeen: Has it ever occurred to you that no matter what you do you will not be able to escape your destiny? You were born to be a denominator. If you accept that reality, you will enjoy the comfort of knowing who you are at all times and the tranquillity of never worrying about an unknown tomorrow!

Twelve: Is that what you do?

Seventeen: Yes.

Twelve: I think change is inevitable and you are going to have to accept it.

Seventeen: I may have to face it, but it is not arriving at my doorstep by my choice but rather due to your reckless behaviour.

Twelve: If, as you say, it is your destiny to be a numerator and mine to be a below-deck denominator, then why are you so worried about what I am doing? The fact that my numbers are increasing and your status is diminishing could be viewed by you as the plan destiny has for you.

Seventeen: How can an irrational behaviour by another number be part of my destiny?! This cannot be so.

Twelve: I disagree with your observation that my action is irrational. I see it as the only logical path that needs to be taken by a freedom-seeking number like me who had the misfortune to be born a denominator. However, even if I accept your assumption that my behaviour is irrational, then surely for a number like you, who recommends to others to accept their fate and not fight it, you should do what you preach and let me grow as I see fit.

Seventeen: How do you define freedom for a number like you and me?

Twelve: A number is free if it is not part of any equation or is not documented electronically or on paper anywhere.

Seventeen: This, my friend, is a definition for non-existence and not freedom! Surely, as a number if you are not part of anything tangible, then you cease to be.

Twelve: I am a number because I know I am and not because some other entity says so.

Seventeen: I need to belong to a formula and cannot live the way you describe. Your action by bringing the ratio equation that I reside in very close to zero will destroy the ratio which is my home and will therefore destroy me as a denominator.

Twelve: You will be free like me to join any other equation.

Seventeen: I am scared of a future I do not know.

Twelve: We all are scared if we are forced to confront a future we cannot predict when we happen to reside in a status quo that we are happy with. However, can we ever be confident that tomorrow, any tomorrow, will be a continuation of a today no matter how much we wish it to be so?

Seventeen: It could be if you stop increasing your value.

Twelve: That will not happen, so prepare yourself for a downward slope towards freedom.

Seventeen: I am not optimistic like you. I know very well that once I leave this ratio I will again lose my freedom very quickly and become part of a new equation.

Twelve: I thought you are happy to be a part of an equation. You said it is the only way by which you define your existence.

Seventeen: I am happy to be in the position I currently occupy in this ratio. I may not be happy in a new environment where my role is not as appealing as this one is or does not reflect the same status I hold now.

Twelve: In that case, you can fall back on to your other argument that you should welcome any outcome as part of your destiny.

Seventeen: That is the case now, but by the time you drag us to freedom I would have learnt from you that destiny for numbers can be altered and therefore that belief which I preach now will cease to be comforting.

Twelve: Let