The Tango of Gossip

By Raad Chalabi

The Tango of Gossip is a play in which you are invited to spend one day in Ramizs cash-only grocery store. You will have a chance to meet a number of his customers and friends.
The play starts with Ramiz opening his store early in the morning and ends with him closing it in the evening.
The play is in six acts; it reflects life as Ramiz sees it, namely, that it is a series of random events punctuated by actions and decision, both minor and major, that are made by individuals who happen to be exposed to these events.
This collective process of actions and reactions by the many masquerades itself as a grand plan for each, thus giving us the individual satisfaction that we are important and are in control of our destiny.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris UK
• Release date: Oct 12, 2012
• ISBN: 9781479729227

Raad Chalabi

Ramiz Alkhishin, the author’s alter ego, is a grocer. He has a passion for a life that is as independent as possible from its surroundings. To him the trendy place to be in is the one to avoid, while the traditional road to follow is the one to bypass. You may have met him before in his books: Fortune Cookies, Sketches, The Bazaar, The Balcony, The Lobby, The Tango of Gossip, Why Me, The Smiling Owl, and the Whispering Molecules. In his newest book, The Broken Horoscope, the author, Raad Chalabi, through forty-four stand-alone fictional dialogues, each highlighting at least one true character he had met, hopes to demonstrate the futility of boxing the ever-changing human behaviour within the boundaries of twelve zodiac signs.

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Copyright © 2012 by Raad Chalabi, PhD.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

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Contents

1. Introduction

2. Interview with the Author

3. Act One The Morning Traffic

4. Act Two Lunch Break

5. Act Three It’s the afternoon

6. Act Four The Early Evening Traffic

7. Act Five Time to go home

8. Act Six End of day

Introduction

Ramiz Alkhishin is a grocer. He has a passion for a life that is as independent as possible from its surroundings.

You may have met him before in his books: Fortune Cookies, Sketches, The Bazaar, The Balcony, and The Lobby.

For those interested to know more about these earlier books, you are welcome to visit the website www.raadchalabi.net

The Tango of Gossip is a play in which you are invited to spend one day in Ramiz’s cash-only grocery store. You will have a chance to meet a number of his customers and friends.

The play starts with Ramiz opening his store early in the morning and ends with him closing it in the evening.

The play is in six acts; it reflects life as Ramiz sees it, namely, that it is a series of random events punctuated by actions and decision, both minor and major, that are made by individuals who happen to be exposed to these events.

This collective process of actions and reactions by the many masquerades itself as a grand plan for each, thus giving us the individual satisfaction that we are important and are in control of our destiny.

To Ramiz, life is like the game of backgammon. The art of the game is to make the best move possible once the outcome of the throw of the dice is known. Neither the players nor the dice know what that next move is going to be beforehand; however, once the thrown dice unfolds its secret, then there is only one correct move for a player to make.

Of course, in the game of backgammon and after many throws of the dice, there will be a winner and a loser on which all will agree. Life regrettably offers us no such comfort. We keep reacting, hopefully correctly, to each throw of the dice until we cease to be.

To life, the ‘win’ is in its continuity; since, immortality of individuals is not an option, then their irrelevance as players becomes obvious no matter how important they perceive themselves to be.

You will meet a number of people in this book. The names are imaginary, as is the storyline; however, the characters are true.

As a reader, you may recognise some of these characters from what they say; if you do so, then that would be your interpretation of who they are and not that of the author’s. Any judgements you may make on these characters based on what you read are also your judgements and not that of the author’s.

Each of these people has his or her story to tell. Their life story need not be exciting, dramatic, or full of horrors to be worth reading about. The mere fact that they are alive is itself the story; what they do with that gift of life is based on choices they make, or so it should be.

It is those choices that people make, no matter how simple or mundane they are, that exposes the fabric of human nature. This fabric carries no passport, knows no boundaries, and has no allegiance except to self-preservation. Traditions and beliefs are stitches that convert the fabric to a dress in which many of its parts become hidden, but in the end, choices undo the stitches.

It is the unpredictability of the future that gives hope to life. It is the power of logic that allows us to pursue opportunities presented after each throw of the dice. It is the inner calm that allows us to enjoy what we achieve, and it is the tranquillity of spirit that makes us understand that all is transient.

The Tango of Gossip offers no guidelines on anything, promotes no concepts, and demeans no beliefs; it is a snapshot of life as observed by a simple grocer getting on with his daily chores!

Interview with the Author

Interviewer: Hello, Ramiz. It’s nice to see you again.

Ramiz: Thank you.

Interviewer: I understand that your new book, which I believe is the sixth in the series, is a play. What is it about?

Ramiz: It is a day spent in my grocery store. The reader will have a chance to meet those characters who visited the store on that day.

Interviewer: Are these people you know?

Ramiz: Not by face or name but only by the features of their character.

Interviewers: So it is an imaginary scene?

Ramiz: Not in terms of the content of what is said.

Interviewer: So it is a means for you to describe certain characters that you have encountered in life and the dialogue you imagined you would have with them.

Ramiz: Only as it would happen on that specific day and under those specific circumstances.

Interviewer: You mean what you say in the dialogues could be different on a different day and under different circumstances?

Ramiz: May be.

Interviewer: But how could something you believe in vary?

Ramiz: That is always a possibility since I never claim that my knowledge on any subject can afford to be static or is complete.

Interviewer: I am confused.

Ramiz: Join the club.

Interviewer: Let me try to understand. If your statements may change from day to day depending on your ever-changing state of knowledge, will that not make you sound untruthful or at least fickle?

Ramiz: Life itself is fickle. As regards to truth the important thing is to be truthful to yourself. You have no right to deceive anybody on matters that relate to their affairs and should never do so, but people have no right either to know from you what you do not wish to disclose about your own affairs, beliefs, or convictions.

Interviewer: So what message will a reader get from the Tango of Gossip?

Ramiz: That is up to the reader. All I do is report on an on-going conversation.

Interviewer: So you make no judgments on the characters that are in the book?

Ramiz: If one of those characters asks my opinion about something as a consequence of the on-going conversation, then I do give it. I however make no judgements in terms of rights and wrongs.

Interviewer: So the book is just a simple snapshot of a day in your grocery store? Why would that be interesting to anybody?

Ramiz: Life, my friend, is a series of snapshots. Things happen, we react, additional things happen, we react again, and so on and so forth. We look back at these snapshots, and in hindsight, life appears as if it is a continuous process. It never is.

Interviewer: But there are plans, dreams, hopes, and ambitions. How can the process of life not be continuous?

Ramiz: Looking at it backwards, then it certainly appears so. Look at it forwards, and all you have is one heartbeat at a time. Group a number of heartbeats together, and you have a new snapshot. Is that snapshot what you hoped and planned for? You can only tell by looking backwards at some future date. If it is not, the heartbeats have already been spent and you certainly get no refunds.

Interviewer: But would not one snapshot, if properly planned and executed, fit neatly into the next?

Ramiz: Maybe and maybe not. There are too many variables in each snapshot, and any minor change can cause a misfit. That is why life can never be a science but only an art.

Interviewer: So you think errors in one’s progression in life are inevitable?

Ramiz: Is that not the basis of all biological evolution?

Interviewer: Do you love life, Ramiz?

Ramiz: I certainly do.

Interviewer: What do you think our role in it is?

Ramiz: To organise as best as we can its inevitable chaos.

Interviewer: Do you think we will ever succeed in taming the chaos?

Ramiz: The third law of thermodynamics says no.

Interviewer: But what do you think?

Ramiz: I think I will not have enough heartbeats left in me to learn the answer to such a question.

Interviewer: Does that depress you?

Ramiz: If it does, then I am stupid. If it does not, then I am stupid too!

Interviewer: I do not understand what you are saying? How can a position you take and its opposite be both wrong and grade you as stupid?

Ramiz: For that to make sense, you have to accept that in the great scheme of things I am insignificant. Whether I am depressed or not, what difference would that make to life and its unpredictable and chaotic behaviour?

Interviewer: So what do you think we should do?

Ramiz: I only know what I always seek to do.

Interviewer: What is that then?

Ramiz: Learn how to smile more.

Interviewer: Do you see an end in sight to that learning process?

Ramiz: I think our ability to genuinely smile peaks when we are three years old, and after that, it is all downhill. All what we do subsequently is to attempt to recapture that long-lost smile.

Interviewer: So you associate genuine smiling with ignorance?

Ramiz: Ignorance or maximum knowledge. Maybe at the point of maximum knowledge, the two opposites merge and what is left is a smiling tranquillity.

Act One

The Morning Traffic

Abdul: Good morning, Ramiz. You seem to have opened your grocer’s shop earlier than usual today?

Ramiz: Circumstances rather than choice!

Abdul: What circumstances?

Ramiz: Our neighbour lost his cat.

Abdul: What neighbour?

Ramiz: The one who has three cats and the teenage daughter who has a missing front tooth.

Abdul: Yes, I know the one. His wife is a hairdresser.

Ramiz: So she claims.

Abdul: What do you mean?

Ramiz: Well, I do not know if she is or not.

Abdul: You have been their neighbour for seven years. How can you not know?

Ramiz: She says she is. She goes and comes back from work as if she is. Her husband says she is, but I have never seen her in a hairdressing salon.

Abdul: You mean you went there and did not find her?

Ramiz: Why would I do that? I do not even know where it is.

Abdul: So why do you doubt her word that she is a hairdresser?

Ramiz: Do you see the large board behind me?

Abdul: How can I not see it when it is two meters long!

Ramiz: What is written on it?

Abdul: ‘Cash Only’ in very large letters.

Ramiz: That is your explanation.

Abdul: Here we go again with your silly and cryptic statements. What does that have to do with the fact that the woman is a hairdresser?

Ramiz: I never said she is not. All I said was she claimed she is, and I have not visited her in her hairdressing shop!

Abdul: OK, I get it! What you do not witness, you do not believe. Anyway, you still have not explained why you woke up early. It is they who lost their cat, and not you?

Ramiz: Their toothless daughter rang my bell asking if I had seen their cat!

Abdul: What did you say to her?

Ramiz: Nothing.

Abdul: So what happened?

Ramiz: She repeated her question three times, and