Mindfulness of Intimacy: Improving a Loving Relationship

By Stewart Lau

Our personal relationship with our loved one is probably the most important relationship in our lifetime. We treasure the relationship. We look forward to seeing our loved ones when we come home. However, we should not take our relationship for granted. No matter how close we might have been, we would experience difficulty in this relationship at time. That does not mean we need to end the relationship and start a new one. We can have faith in the relationship. There are ways we can improve the loving relationship.

Mindfulness is an important tool. Pioneered by Lord Buddha many thousands of years ago, it is as relevant now in improving our life, including building a better relationship with our loved ones.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Mar 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781482899948

Stewart Lau

Stewart Lau, a Lecturer and Trainer, conducts seminars on business development over past two decades, now turns his attention to human development. Stewart earns his MBA from Minnesota State University and Bachelor Degree in Business Finance, with Minor in Philosophy from University of Wisconsin in United States. Stewart has served the Governor Trade Office State in Minnesota in the promotion or trade and businesses to the Asian countries, especially to China and the South East Asian countries. Stewart feels that human development is often neglected in favour of business development. Working with executives from Minnesota multinational companies, politicians and delegates from abroad gives Stewart the opportunity to understand the importance of businesses. However Stewart realize that the human values are often forgotten in the pursuit of business opportunities. In their pursuit of business opportunities they have often forgotten the importance of the relationship with the loved ones. Our loved ones are the ones who bring us much joy and happiness. It is even more important during the pandemic. We need the support of our loved ones to overcome all the difficulties during the pandemic. We constantly need to work on our relationships. Despite being married for years, there is still much to learn about our spouses. There are also others have fallen prey to heinous crimes such as sexual molestation and other sexual related crimes. These criminal activities are not only confined to business executives. Sadly many politicians as well as famous celebrities have faced similar problems. Even religious leaders are not able to not spared from the problems. As a result of these problems, their pursuit of their dreams have been cut short. These problems are preventable. Many of these problems are internal problems that have arisen from within oneself. It happens because one has lost control of oneself. Stewart believes that it is the mismanagement of oneself that has led one to these problems. Stewart message to others is simple, "He Who Cannot Manage Himself Manage No One" Stewart believes that many of these problems are self-induced and only we ourselves can find solutions to these problems. As a Buddhist, Stewart Lau firmly believes that Mindfulness Practice can help to eradicate or at least minimize these self-induced problems that lead them to the heinous crimes or marriage problems. Stewart shares the concept of 'Mindfulness Practice': a series of simple techniques that can help to control unwanted thoughts and improve self-discipline, with a special focus on men learning to practice self-restraint. More than ever, Mindfulness Practice is important to us, even though it was pioneered by Lord Buddha many thousand years ago. The pandemic has changed the way we go about with our lives. We need Mindfulness Practice to manage and to safeguard our lives. This will help us to prevent ourselves from all the wrong doings that ultimately destroys all our dreams. Stewart enjoys establishing relationship with his readers over the years. He welcomes feedbacks from them. He can be contacted at [e-mail].

Book preview

MINDFULNESS OF

INTIMACY

IMPROVING A LOVING

RELATIONSHIP

STEWART LAU

Copyright © 2017 Stewart Lau. All rights reserved.

ISBN

978-1-4828-9994-8 (e)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

03/21/2017

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CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Falling In Love

Chapter 2 Intimacy-Why Does It Matters?

Chapter 3 Types Of Intimacy

Chapter 4 Developing And Nurturing Intimacy

Chapter 5 Nurturing Intimacy Through Mindfulness Practice

Chapter 6 Bringing Back The Old Flame That Ignite Our Love

Chapter 7 Developing New Areas Of Intimacy We Never Knew We Have

Chapter 8 Basic Dynamics Essential To Creating Wonderful Relationship

Chapter 9 Enjoy Better Sex At Advancing Age

Chapter 10 Nurture And Enjoy Sexual Intimacy Using Mindfulness

Chapter 11 Bringing Romantic Love To Higher Level With Intimacies

Chapter 12 Iron Out Family Disputes With Sexual Intimacies

Chapter 13 Healing the Wound Of Love

Chapter 14 New Improved Relationship With Mindfulness

Chapter 15 Mindfulness Of Emotion

INTRODUCTION

Being in love is probably the greatest pleasure a human can ever experience in his or her lifetime. No other experience can give us greater joy. We look forward to seeing our loved ones each day we come home.

Love or to be more specific romantic love is a deep emotional, sexual and spiritual recognition and regard for the value of another person and relationship. Romantic love can generate many powerful feelings and provide profound effect on one person by another person.

For most people, a romantic relationship is the most meaningful element in one’s life. But the ability to have a healthy, loving relationship is not innate. Almost all of us have experienced a failed relationship. Having a successful relationship does not happen by chance or a just a matter of luck. We need to work on it to make it flourish.

The Telegraph reported that growing apart or falling out of love are the main reasons for divorce (1). It has even overtaken affair as the main as the main reason for divorce. Once an object of love and deep passion, it has become an object of disappointment and hatred.

Despite the gamble that one has to take on love and marriage, many pursue this gamble. There is no sweeter experience for the human than to be able to fall in love and to be loved at the same time. This is true even if we can have this genuine romantic experience for only once in our entire life. Some unfortunately go through their whole life not able to find someone they truly love and being able to be truly loved by the very same person.

There is no higher form of love than the love of a man for a woman or the love of a woman for a man. This is the romantic love. Unlike the maternal love whereby a mother gives an unconditional love for her child, in romantic love the child grows up and fall in love with a once complete stranger. This romantic love grows and soon take the place of the once most important love of his life - the love for his mother. The love for the mother would soon fade into the distant future, leaving the house of his birth place an empty nest for their parents to grow old. Although the love of the mother for her child is an unconditional one, it cannot be more important to the grown up child of the newly found romantic love.

Romantic love can generate a strong emotions to the child. The child develops a strong feeling to a once total stranger. It is a source of joy, but it can also be source of a pain when the relationship does not work out the way intended. In love, the child’s mind is constantly preoccupied with being with this very person.

To many of us, one important fundamental purpose in us is to search for love, particularly romantic love. When other dreams fail in our life, we cling on to one dream and hope it never fail - our dream for true love. Our romantic love is what that comforts us through our darkest moments in life.

Love, or possibly the myth of love, is such a temptations and yet remain such a mystery. What else can make our heart beat so fast? What else can make us swoon with deep feelings? What else can give us sleepless nights and renders us so intensely alive and aching?

We search for love, we beg for love or we grieve for love. We have nothing higher to live for. To many, they take on the faith that romantic love is the highest and only thing they live for.

In Buddhism, love is a much more significant to human. For the Buddha, love is one of the paths to full spiritual liberation.

Love does not need to be left to chance. It must not be a matter of falling in love or falling out of love. The Buddhist tradition has developed a range of practices and reflections designed to develop and improve our loving relationships. As with a treasure behind a locked door, we can find the key that allows us to open the door of love.

Like learning music, love can be strengthened through practice. Unlike music, love is ever changing. It is evolving over time. We are always changing. We need to be mindful of the changes and to stay intimate with our love at all time. We need to continually nurture love and bring out the best in our loving relationships. One way we can do so is through mindfulness practice. Pioneered by Lord Buddha many thousand of years ago, it can help us improve our loving relationships and prevent us from falling out of love.

It is easy to walk down the aisle and make a vow, but it is a different story when we need to keep up with our loving relationships. And it does not have to be difficult either. We can practice mindfulness diligently.

In Buddhism, love extends beyond romantic love. There is no discrimination in one form of love from the others. Romantic love is only part of our daily love. When boundless, love without any particular object is recognized in Buddhism as a form of liberation.

It is easy to love all beings in the abstract but it can be a great challenge to do so when we have to live with them. Our first challenge is to make love works for us right in the comfort of our home. This entails learning how to include love’s presence when we speak and live with our loved ones. While this may seems like a daunting task, it begins with having the intention to do so. We need to honor our vow made on our wedding day. It is easy to make a vow, and it is easy to forget the promise we make.

Just like any contractual agreement we make in business where we are expected to follow, a marriage vow is an agreement of a lifetime that we are expected to honor. When we make the vow, we must have the intention to honor it. Mindfulness of intimacy put us in control of our loving relationship. Our spouses and us deserve nothing but the best in the loving relationship.

CHAPTER 1

FALLING IN LOVE

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