The Adventures of Pastor Perry Puffinton

By Ronnie Mitchell

The Adventures of Pastor Perry Puffinton is an entertaining and thought-provoking fictitious story with a real-life feel. It will guide the reader on a journey down the halls of the average evangelical church and involve them in the interworking of the church setting up to do Gods business.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 3, 2017
• ISBN: 9781973606185

Ronnie Mitchell

After forty-five years in ministry and hundreds of unique experiences in the life of “the church”, Ronnie Mitchell will challenge and entertain the reader to ask tough questions about the church and think hard about where the church has been and most importantly where it is going. He writes with a pastor’s heart and with a blend of humor and sarcasm he captures the reader’s heart. Dr. Mitchell is a graduate of Mississippi State University, New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and Southern Baptist Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. He has been married to his wife Sheri for 49 years and has two children and four grandchildren.

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CHAPTER #

1

Is It Time to Move On?

Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

In all the places you can,

At all the times you can,

To all the people you can

As long as ever you can.

(John Wesley)

D oing good in any way possible describes a servant like Perry Puffinton. It defines those committed to the Lord who are available to go anywhere, any time, and stay until God calls them to a new place of service. Some ministers spend a lifetime of service in one location, but others serve in many different locations, always doing as much good as possible. Ministers are called to be constant, period! To the called servants, location is irrelevant. What is most important is an ear tuned to the call of God as indicated by the life of Paul:

A vision appeared to Paul in the night; a man of Macedonia was standing and appealing to him, and saying, Come over to Macedonia and help us. When he had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go to Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them…

(Acts 16:9-10)

The truth of God’s word is undeniable to called servants, but often that truth is hard to apply to certain situations in ministry. The average person struggles with the will of God and so does the called servant. One area of struggle for the minister comes in knowing when to move to another place of service. Denominations deal differently with moving, but in most, even though intermediaries manage some, God’s direction is passionately pursued. The words of Luke in Acts about Paul’s distinct call to Macedonia are words that remind the servant of God that God moves His servants. God speaks in powerful and unusual ways to create a vision of another place of service, and the servant moves to another place because there are other people in other places who need to hear the gospel. Maybe! Maybe it is God, or maybe on occasion it is man doing God’s work.

Pastor Perry Puffinton had been at Bent Creek Community Church for almost six years. Things had gone well but he had felt as uneasy as a new arrival to a spider’s web since starting his fourth year. Bent Creek was his second church since graduating from seminary, and he had hoped to stay at Bent Creek until retirement, but lately he thought of greener pastures. Lately he listened for that still small voice from God, or that Macedonian vision, that would call him to another place of service. Although not a jogger, he jogged to the mailbox to see if he had received a letter from some church somewhere that had mysteriously obtained his name. He practiced his responses as he was traveling down the highway, answering tough questions, to imaginary pastor search committees. Rapture, he would say. Yes, I believe in the rapture. It is a biblical fact. Brother Perry believed in the rapture, but he knew the word rapture was not exactly found in the Bible, but he knew most churches in his denomination believed it was perfectly defined in the Scripture. He continued his rehearsal, Deacons or elders? I can work with either or both. The salary, that is really not important. What is important is coming together to do God’s will. The money will take care of itself!

Some of the glitter at Bent Creek was gone, and now it was settling down to be much like Brother Perry’s first pastorate. So he began thinking about the day when another church would call. Bent Creek had gone through a boost in attendance, made notable physical changes, incurred a sizable debt, but now the fluff had gone and the church had settled into a monotonous forced march. He had gone into his files and pulled out an article entitled It’s Time to Go, written by a ministry think tank executive who had never been a pastor.

The first pastorate Brother Perry enjoyed was Sixth Baptist Church in a medium sized southern town. When he was approaching graduation at seminary he was contacted by the First Baptist Church in the same town, but through divinely imposed interference the search committee contacted another seminary graduate. After a brief meeting with the committee he received the following letter:

Dear Brother Puffinton

Thank you for your interest in FBC. As you may know, God has led FBC to have a recognizable presence in this historic southern city. God has also brought us very visible, well-known pastors through the years. We feel God is leading us to continue that tradition. Though you have received the call from God, and have completed an outstanding seminary education under God’s direction, we do not feel God has given you the necessary requirements FBC requires for the position of Senior Pastor. One or two of our committee members have expressed a serious fondness for you and your sweet little wife, but we must follow God’s direction and pursue someone more like us. God has uniquely gifted you for service in a church, but not First Baptist. Thanks again for your interest. Just remember: God Has a Plan for your life.

In God We Trust!

It was clear. He was rejected because of divine interruption and influence in First Baptist Church. The decision that God made puzzled Brother Perry. There seemed to be a lot of God at FBC, but there would be no Brother Perry. God and Brother Perry would not get together at that location, but thankfully there were other places where God was employed. The whole thing confused Brother and Mrs. Puffinton, but they managed to store the sense of confusion about God and committees away until another time.

Three months after graduation Sixth Baptist Church contacted him. In the interim before Sixth Baptist called, Brother Perry had taken a part-time job sacking groceries at a local grocery store. While working as a sacker he continued to use his Greek and Hebrew vocabulary to prepare for the opportunity to stun the crowd with his language study. Customers and employees looked at him strangely when they heard strange sounds coming from his mouth. He and Mrs. Puffinton were so very thankful when Sixth Baptist called. The grocery store offered him a cashier position if he would stay, but he had a longing in his heart to pastor God’s church. It was his calling, and now God called, and Brother Perry heard God’s call to Sixth Baptist Church. Maybe it was not as clear as Paul’s call to Macedonia, but it was definitely a call to go over and help the people of Sixth Baptist Church.

In this southern town there was a First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, and yes, a Sixth Baptist Church. All of the churches grew out of a divinely imposed interruption at First Baptist Church. The Bible says Jesus came to bring a sword. And in this case the sword of the Lord had fallen sharply and distinctly at six different times, and had multiplied churches in a similar way that loaves and fishes multiplied in the New Testament. Some said unkindly that FBC split five times, but others said it was plainly the work of the Lord. Often when speaking to a long time member of First Baptist Church one would hear them say, First Baptist is mission minded. We have begun five missions out of our church. However it happens, it happens, and Sixth Baptist was one of those happenings. Sixth Baptist was the smallest (mission) of all six. Brother Perry was developing a keen sense of confusion over divine imposition, intervention, and interruption. In fact, he had begun developing a sermon with those thoughts. But he stored those thoughts for further consideration. Can you imagine how he felt? He was called, trained, prepared, and ready to serve the Lord in First Baptist after their contact, and yet he ended up in Sixth Baptist Church.

Brother and Mrs. Puffinton were satisfied God’s will had been done, well somewhat satisfied, maybe just a little satisfied. That was it. They were just a little satisfied that God’s will was accomplished. Or was it the committee’s will? Was it divinely imposed interruption that kept him from going to FBC, or was it humanly imposed interruption of God’s plan? Brother Perry will not know the answer to that question until he gets to heaven. Other denominations were more open about the process. In some denominations it was a matter of calling the bishop. They moved their ministers around like businessmen being transferred from one city to another. One could blame God, thank God, or blame or thank the bishop depending on the church and the outcome. But not Brother Perry’s denomination! God’s call to a church had to be totally the doing of God without human involvement. It was as if the name of a humble, dedicated, perfect servant flew through the windows of heaven right into the hands of the committee chairperson.

In Perry’s denomination the process had to remain a mystery. Direct contact with a committee was taboo. A minister ready to hit the road and leave a place was not allowed to send a resume directly to a church. But it was acceptable to call a friend and get them to send a resume, or contact a state office or seminary and have them send biographical information. Things were changing some, and there were some who contacted churches directly, but most committee members were still in a state of shock that ministers, not God, created their own resumes for distribution. Perry knew the day would come when he understood it all. Perry knew he now saw through a glass dimly, but would then see all things clearly. He worked hard after the very polite, very painful rejection, to rationalize why things had gone the way they did.

Perry and Mrs. Puffinton wrestled with every possible thought for many long hours. Why were they rejected? They did not know whether to feel a loss towards the committee or towards God. He thought, It was just not God’s will! That’s it! Brother Perry knew God was sovereign over all things, even stubborn committees. But then he would crawfish, Maybe it was God’s will and the committee refused to follow God’s will. Or maybe it was one of my references. I have always thought about taking William Smith off. He acted a little strange the last time I saw him. Yes, Brother Perry suffered as many ministers do, from insecurity and even paranoia. He even succumbed to wrongful thinking about Mrs. Puffinton, Maybe they did not like the fact that she had not completed a master’s degree, or she did not have quite the appearance that FBC was accustomed to in pastor’s wives. A man of God had to have a woman of God, and a woman of God would have to have a certain" appearance that would be acceptable. His mind stayed occupied for a while, along with Mrs. Puffinton’s, about the real reason for the rejection. Was it his preaching, his five feet nine inch stature, the suit he had recently purchased from Evangelistic Paraphernalia, bad table manners, bad grammar, bad breath, bad vibes, or maybe even the car he and Mrs. Puffinton owned. When Perry left for seminary his father had purchased him a used Chevrolet Nova. It ran good, but smoked profusely, and needed paint and body work. Both of them had noticed that it seemed to smoke more the day they pulled up to the church to meet with the committee. It was a little embarrassing. Surely, it was not the car! Brother and Mrs. Puffinton gave in to the fact that it was just plainly not God’s will he go to First Baptist. It was God’s will he go to Sixth Baptist, the sixth largest Baptist church, in a medium size southern city, or was it the sixth smallest?

Brother and Mrs. Puffinton enjoyed their time at Sixth Baptist. Every day they served they were more convinced that God really did know what He was doing in bringing them to Sixth Baptist. It is amazing what God knows! It was a good fit for Brother and Mrs. Puffinton. Sixth Baptist helped them get their feet on solid ground, gain valuable experience, and to become confident in many areas of ministry. He served faithfully and accomplished many great things through the mighty hand of God. Nothing had happened of real significance at Sixth Baptist since its inception so small changes and small steps of faith grew in the minds and hearts of the members. Brother Perry was becoming one of those preachers that would be hard for the next guy to follow. If you ever leave Brother Perry, the people would say with a smile, this church will fall apart. Perry listened with pride but he also knew everything that had happened bore the thumbprint of a gracious and loving God working through a simple, willing, servant. Perry also knew timing was important in church life. It was time, according to the divine intervention of God (not interruption) for Brother Perry and Sixth Baptist to come together for a designated, predetermined time. It was a beautiful thing!

Since it was his first church it was a real education for Brother Perry. When Sixth Baptist was established it quickly purchased additional land for a cemetery. Much of Perry’s time was dedicated to wrestling with the cemetery committee over tithes and offerings. The cemetery committee wanted to take the fifth Sunday offerings and put them in the cemetery fund to keep the cemetery looking beautiful. Everyone in the church knew the by-line of the cemetery committee chairman. He was a union negotiator and he could stare down an angry pit bull dog. And that is exactly the way he looked at Perry in the early days of Perry’s ministry at Sixth Baptist Church. He would look at Brother Perry and say, Respect for the dead! Respect for the dead! That is my passion! Brother Perry was all for the burying the dead (he had developed his own list) but he had a greater concern about the living and the needs of the church. Perry did an excellent job of negotiating a compromise with the cemetery committee. Every year they would have homecoming and all of the funds that came in on homecoming Sunday would go in the cemetery fund. And the tithes and offerings on the fifth Sundays would go to the church. It was not a big deal, a moving of the earth, but it turned out to be invaluable experience for Pastor Perry.

Brother Perry had no idea how much time he would spend in the future negotiating, deliberating, and wrestling between the dead and the living, between dead things, dead programs, dead theology, dead people, and dead worship in Baptist church life. During these days he remembered the words of Jesus to let the dead bury the dead. Perry wished that it were as easy as that. He learned so much about the dead and the living at his first church. The dead don’t want to bury the dead. The living refuse to bury the dead. In fact, Perry discovered that nothing dies in the typical Baptist church. Nothing is done away with, nothing is thrown away, nothing is changed; all things live forever. And no one wants to bury anything. It all lives on, and on, and on, and on, even after it has lost relevance, meaning, purpose, and significance. That is the way it is, and every called man of God deals with it, works to overcome it, and moves past it to the glory of God. That is one of the greatest works Brother Perry accomplished at Sixth Baptist. He moved the church forward toward focusing on the living – only an inch or two – but in kingdom terms it was the supernatural parting of the Red Sea one more time. And God’s people walked across on dry ground. It takes that kind of miracle to move the church forward. And Perry Puffinton in the minds of the people of Sixth Baptist stood almost as high as Moses. It was a great five years!

After about four years of solid ministry Perry became very restless. He talked to God, and to a number of friends who claimed to know God, and then one day the Bent Creek Pastor Search committee contacted him about becoming their pastor. They gladly accepted the call, and now after four more years, Brother Perry was again wondering if he should find another place to serve. He mused to himself, Ten years and two churches; that was above the national average for tenure or torture! He pulled out the article entitled, It’s Time to Go, written by a well-known writer who had never pastored a church and looked at the list of reasons to consider leaving a church:

It’s Time to Go!

1. When God’s call to go is as clear as a sonic boom from supersonic jets.

2. When your concrete awareness of God’s divine direction in leading you has noticeably become nebulous.

3. When it is 100% clear you have done 105% of what God had planned for you to do.

4. When you have finished every word and chapter of The Prayer of Jabez, The Purpose Driven Church, The Purpose Driven Life, and made them an outline for your life and ministry.

5. When you have tried all that Lyle Schaller, Ed Stetzer, and Thom Rainer have suggested.

6. When you have utilized to the max all current evangelism programs.

7. When you have become totally the servant of the people, and have been humbled completely to a Christ-like position.

8. When the Willow Creek and Saddleback principles have been thoroughly applied and have reached a limited level of effectiveness.

9. When you have become the leader John Maxwell suggests, and suggests, and suggests.

None of these seemed on target. They seemed to be overly spiritual, so he wrote his own reasons he thought a minister moved from one church to another. He thought he would one day have his reasons published. They seemed to be more realistic than the material he had in his file. He would call it Perry Puffinton’s Plethora of Profound Principles for Pulling Out. A chapter could easily be written on each reason, but for now Perry just listed them for consideration:

Perry’s Plethora of Reasons to Move

1. When you begin to hide and work at avoiding the people – you basically don’t like the people any more.

2. When members have trouble remembering your name – and they are always calling you by the name of some other known failure or dead person from the past.

3. When you share ideas, people stare at you, and then move on to other things on the agenda – and treat you like any old Joe.

4. When 75% of the choir sleeps during your sermons – up from the 50% at the beginning of your tenure.

5. When the staff sleeps during your sermons – other than Sunday evening.

6. When you run out of sermons, and you have preached everything Max Lucado has written – and you start doctoring them up with different illustrations to make them sound fresh.

7. When everyone gets a salary raise but the pastor – because they say you are overpaid.

8. When your parking place is occupied every Sunday by the Chairman of the Deacons.

9. When you are so restless that you check your e-mail fifty times daily.

10. When you sit and stare out the window.

11. When you are bored stiff with ridiculous meetings – and all of them have become a ridiculous waste of your time.

12. When you want a bigger more perfect church – what has changed here?

13. When you grow weary of peers telling you how great their churches are doing and you want to be in one that is doing great.

14. When the nickels and noses decline – and everyone says you did it!

15. When the members call you by a nickname – or some other grossly disrespectful nickname – example: Hey, Buddy, or Hey, You!

16. When everyone wants to tell you about everyone else’s negative complaints – and the days become an unending time of hearing nothing but gripes.

17. When your wife is unhappy – and keeps encouraging you to read that discount store greeter ad in the classified section of the paper.

18. When you can put a black X over the pictures of people in the church directory you have had a confrontation with and it passes 50% of those pictured.

19. When you know too much about too many people in your church – and they start darting in open doors every time you see them.

20. When your church becomes an illustration in a negative way for other pastor’s sermons.

Several of these reasons seemed to fit Perry’s thought process, so he again talked to God, and some of the people he knew that knew God well, and was contacted by Slower ‘n Fudge Baptist Church. Slower ‘n Fudge was larger. It had a notable, extensive history, actually as Perry later discovered a dysfunctional history, along with a degree of notoriety in the state convention. It had staff. Perry, like all other pastors, dreamed of having his own staff. Brother Perry began the courtship with the committee and there were some real clear things upfront he should have seen.

CHAPTER #

2

Eyes Wide Open

I know my own soul, how feeble and puny it is:

I know the magnitude of this ministry,

and the great difficulty of the work;

for more stormy billows vex the soul of the priest

than the gales which disturb the sea.

(John Chrysostom)

E very servant of God is a blend of strengths and weaknesses. The weaknesses are human and the strengths are divine or supernatural. At times the servant makes the mistake of reversing the order. The servant of God relies too much on human strength and too little on divine supernatural strength. When a minister goes in this direction, ministry can become unbearable. Ministry is never an easy road. It is never a picnic in the park. It always comes with peril built in, with opposition, but when faced with human strength the perils and the opposition become impossible. I must admit in the early days of my ministry I didn’t have a clue. Jesus reminds his followers to count the cost before following, but many ministers, including myself, will not fully understand those words initially. If the minister stays the course long enough he will discover how weak he is, how great the work is, and how frequently his very soul will suffer from the storms that will always follow the servant of Christ.

Many ministers begin their journey early, right after high school, or college, and do not know anything else but ministry. Some begin later as I did, after college and a career in another field unrelated to ministry. No matter when the minister begins his journey, he will soon discover these things penned by Chrysostom. One of those necessary things that most learn is how puny they are in the face of the challenge. Some may never learn this, but most do when they run up against something that bypasses their strength, ability, skill, education, gifts, and even tenacity, and turns them to measure the bigness of their God. Few men will admit they are puny. It is seen as a challenge to masculinity, an assault on personal pride, but the wise minister, the minister that is mature, admits weakness, and admits they can do nothing without Him.

Jesus spoke to His servants about the potential threats to be faced:

If the world hates you, you know that it hated

Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world

would love its own; but because you are not of the world,

but I chose you out of the world, because of this

the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A slave

is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will

also persecute you; if they kept My word they will keep yours also.

But all these things they will do to you for My name sake, because they

do not know the One who sent Me.

(John 15:18-21)

Is the word hate in the Scripture the same word we use today? Does it mean the same thing? If it does then God’s servants have a serious problem to contend with. Surely a man who gives His life to helping others, to bringing the greatest of news to those who need to hear a word of hope will not be hated. The Scripture says loudly, Yes, yes, yes! You will be hated, not because of what you do or do not do, even though that may be offered as the reason. The reason God’s servants will be hated is because Jesus was hated. They are hated because of who they are, servants of the Most High God. Servants will experience rejection, resentment and even hatred because they are the servants of God, servants