Haze

By Abdulla Kazim, Ghada Ahmad and Zahra K.

Life is a constant blur. Blur of actions, words, people, situations and concepts. Things that take years to build can be destroyed in seconds, and theres nothing you are ever sure of. Nothing is constant except for the change. It is inevitable. You cannot speak of life as though it was concrete. It is a mixture of emotions and things that are felt and seen and it all comes up into one massive puff of smoke. The smoke is never cleared away enough for you to grasp life completely. All the things that happen to us and how we deal with everything thrown our way add up to the mist. Life is merely an evolving cloud of eternal haze.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Dec 15, 2015
• ISBN: 9781514429617

Abdulla Kazim

I am a native of the United Arab Emirates. My first language is Arabic and I started learning English late as it was the requirement of my college. To improve my English, I started reading and writing, and from there I developed the love for books and writing in English. I completed my bachelor's degree in Business Information Technology and I working now as a programmer in Dubai Aluminium Company, DUBAL. I am 29 years old and married. I love exploring new hobbies and learn new things especially that is related to art.

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Copyright © 2015 by Abdulla Kazim; Zahra K. ; Ghada Ahmad.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2015919605

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-5144-2963-1

             Softcover     978-1-5144-2962-4

             eBook   978-1-5144-2961-7

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the

product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance

to any actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Rev. date: 12/09/2015

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CONTENTS

Decide to Stay

Flower Story

You

Belonging

Stay in My Heart

Don’t Hide

Relationships

The Great Wall

Drained: A Letter to You

Godsend She

When I See You

A Wanderer in Life

February 9

Mercy, Memories

For You

The Eldest

Impurity of the Pure

Blank

Valentine

Love Is

V1

Let Me

Among Wolves

The Night Visitor

Mercy

He Can Feel

We Don’t Eat Friends

Justice

Mind Games

Super Human

It is a Theatre

Teach Me

My Love

Man with a Flower

Love’s Faith

No Angel

A Broken Memory

Letter to My Lover

Pride

Talking To Death

Seven Deadly Sins

A Blessed Friend

The Beast’s Wish

Thank You Note

A Thorn in Heart

Torn

To Kill a Fire

Green Days

First Day in Heaven

Electricity

Dark Shadows

Angel

Different

There

Pains in Rains

Undying Glow

The Morning Scent

All I Want

Sister in Dream

Queen

The Fight

With You

Children

Among Others

Then

What Lies Beneath

Meeting in the Park

Of God and Dreams

Biography

Decide to Stay

By: Zahra K.

I know why you’re here and it’s not for me. I know why, I can sense it.

I can see the mascara streams down your cheeks, from crying all night. I know you were too tired to even move to remove the makeup off your face.

I can hear the harshness in your voice. I know he’s making you smoke extra cigarettes per day. I can see the redness of your eyes and the dark halos around them; I know you’re barely sleeping.

That’s why you’re here.

Not for me. But for you.

But I won’t ask you to leave. I can’t do that to you.

So I helplessly open up my arms and let you fling yourself between them and hold you while you cry your heart out.

I won’t let go of you, until your shoulders and sides start to ache from all the misery. I won’t let go of you until you dried up all the tears that streamed down from your eyes. I won’t let go even if my knuckles turned white because of how tight my grip on you would be.

And then I know you’ll drift off to sleep. And I let you. I want you to dream. Leave your reality for a minute. Leave the sorrow you were bearing when you came to me.

But my sorrow is greater. Because I know that you don’t belong to me. You hate him now, but you will hate me tomorrow.

I’ll let you sleep, and I’ll watch over you all night. I won’t close my eyes, not even for a second. I want to see the peacefulness on your face, because I know it has been such a long time since you felt your insides unwind. Your mind hasn’t been at ease in centuries.

And then I’ll make you something to eat in the early morning so I can sense the blood flow in your veins again. But I know you won’t touch me in the morning.

Even though you held on to me like I was dear life last night.

It’s because the guilt grasps your soul and clutches at your heart, asking you to hate me. And miss him.

You miss him. And now you hate me for allowing you to hate him, even if for a night. That realization grows into you and I know your routine. You’ll place your cup of coffee on the table and walk out coldly.

God, the entire night I don’t shut my eyes off. I don’t shut my mind off. I just keep thinking and hoping you would decide, this once, to stay. Stay with me.

But you never fail to disappoint my expectations.

I know I want you around me. But you want me around you only when it’s convenient, and sadly, I am okay with that.

So, the sun goes down into the sky and it’s the darkness surrounds me again. Darkness amplifies the loneliness in me. And I sit by my bed, staring at the coffee cup you left this morning. And I look at the time.

And inside of me a little spark of hope, that maybe you’ll come knocking down my door again. Maybe in a few minutes, you’ll decide he’s not worthy of you. And I sit there by my bed, waiting on you to hate him and love me, and waiting on you to show up at my door.

And decide to stay. Just a little bit longer.

Flower Story

By: Ghada Ahmad

Does the flower have a story…

Or it witnesses certain stories…

Does the flower have a friend…

Or it connects a friend to friend…

Does the flower fall in love…

Or it strengthens stories of love…

Does the flower have a story…

Or it witnesses certain stories…

You

By: Abdulla Kazim

The flower,

That blossoms every day.

The sun,

That never stops shining a day.

The life,

Enriching the souls of the dead.

The perfume,

Arousing the senses of the dead.

The tears,

That burn hot on cheeks.

The sorrow,

That only my heart seeks.

The light,

That is calling my name.

The fire,

Setting my body on flame.

The love,

O, shall we talk of it?

The sea,

Swallowing me deep into it.

Nothing from life I seek,

but you.

I always see death,

without you.

When you are not near me…

Darkness falls.

Belonging

By: Zahra K.

What does belonging mean? What is the actuality of that word? Does it necessarily mean that a person fits into a certain environment or that he belongs to a group with certain rights? To wake up in the morning, belonging to a family, to a house, to a neighborhood, to a city, a country and to the world. So where do we really belong? It all depends on your perspective.

It might be that your most important sense of belonging comes from your family. You feel pity for those who wake up alone every day and those who have nobody to spend holidays with. Others may interpret this as freedom.

They may think that true belonging is belonging within your group of peers. That friendship brings upon the true essence of belonging. To fit in with people who have not naturally grown up with you and to share experiences, similarities and differences. To do everything together, whether negative or positive, so that you can fit in, so that you can belong. I see that all the time, especially in the toughest years of a teenager’s life, which are high school years. Everyone is so desperate to belong to any group. Personally, I’ve tried my hardest to fit in for three years to a group I didn’t even belong in. I knew deep down, that this was not my place but I tried and I persevered. Nothing was ever my way and nothing was ever what I liked, and looking back it was extremely stupid. I was just a thirteen-year-old trying to understand why groups and cliques were the groundwork of high school. But, everyone should understand that when you try so hard to fit in, you would eventually break.

And after three long years, my perseverance broke and my bonds broke along with it. I cut myself off from them and I left trying to find somewhere else where I can easily just slip in. Just like trying to put in a tight ring on your finger, if it was too small it would just hurt trying to fit it in and sometimes it would get stuck then you would have to pull it out so hard and hurt your finger. That would happen to anyone who tries to get in somewhere they don’t belong, you would just hurt yourself and your pride at the end of the day.

Acceptance and belonging should never go against your own morals and your own beliefs. Your friend can smoke that cigarette, and the other can shoot drugs into her system, and they would tell you that doing it would make you feel like you are a part of them. I’m not against doing what you want and the freedom of it all, but utterly against the idea of doing something against your morals to belong and only to belong. You would tolerate the smoke and the bitter taste of tobacco on your tongue to get the approving smiles of your friends, but the disapproving sound inside you telling you to stop.

My idea of belonging is belonging to yourself, to your beliefs, your ideas, your morals, your values, and belonging to your being and what makes you, you. I believe that if I wake up everyday knowing that my conscience is clear and that I have nothing to regret because I didn’t do anything against my set of beliefs is the truest form of belonging to myself. To many people, belonging to a group comes only by name, whether it was a family or a group of friends. Or, on the contrary, they would belong to them in every way but go against their morals for them. There are the lucky ones, who belong to their family, friends, country and to themselves as well.

If your beliefs go with your religion, then there’s another form of belonging, which is belonging to your creator. That is the purest form. When you belong to the God who created you and gave you life and you care only about belonging to Him and to your religion, then you would have achieved the ultimate peace of mind everyone seems to be looking for these days.

Those little simple things, they are the ones that shape you up as a person and I think that belonging to yourself will make you belong any and everywhere.

Stay in My Heart

By: Abdulla Kazim

Yell in my heart

Take in it a part

Do not leave it

Or sadness will start

Build in it a nest

For your own rest

And take the rest

But do your best

Grow in there plants

With your own hand

And take care of them

Or they’ll be sand

Draw in there shapes

Of mountains and caves

With seas and waves

That a heart deserves

Perfume it with lime

But keep some time

For rose and its rhyme

That lime cannot mime

Cover the whole room

With lily and its perfume

And cassia that can loom

The sky with its perfume

Spread there a textile

Of your own style

Spread there a smile

Longer than The Nile

Floor it with care

And erase the fear

This place is rare

With no second pair

To find the eternal life

With an always beating heart

To live the eternal life

Just stay in my heart

The always-flying love

Is like the sky above

To find the love’s art

Just stay in my heart

To find your own soul

And your life, whole

To find your own heart

Just stay in my heart

Don’t Hide

By: Zahra K.

Don’t hide from me. Show me everything. I don’t want you to be afraid.

Don’t try to cover up your flaws. To me, they are perfections. And don’t think for a second that I don’t see you as flawless with all the faults stitched into you.

Don’t be scared to cry. Cry your heart out and until your ribs feel like breaking apart, and don’t worry about what I would think when I see you disintegrate in front of me. Instead, I’m in awe of the beauty you possess when your tears fall down and your eyes shine like diamonds and I see that your weakness in that moment showcases all the strength inside of you.

Darling, I would kiss your tears away and I know they’ll taste like heaven.

Don’t be afraid to tell me what keeps you up at night when you roll around and leave your bed and go back into it a million times. Tell me what makes your heart stop beating in your chest, because of how the fear of it consumes your being. Call me when the sun is still trying to color up the sky, and tell me what is the thing that kills you a thousand times over every single day and what are the things that never leave your mind.

I am more intrigued by the monsters that hide inside of you, dormant until the hours after midnight wake them up from their hibernation. I don’t want to only know the human you try so hard to be when the sky is still blue and the world is still chaotic.

Don’t be afraid to bear all the scars you have to me. Show me them all. If they were engraved upon your skin, tell me how you got each and every one of them. And then allow me to trace each and every scar with my lips and make marks of my own on you. And if they were etched in your heart, tell me what happened and who put them there. So I can never dare to scar your beautiful soul again.

Don’t be afraid to fall down on your knees and be crushed in front of me. Don’t hide what a wreck you really are. I will put your broken pieces back in place and