I Am His and He Is Mine

By Xlibris US

Alisha, a ten-year-old student, was a defenseless lamb trying to survive in the midst of a throng of wolves throughout her middle school and high school years. She discovered that oftentimes the enemy uses people, places, events, and a number of means to ruthlessly persecute the Lords lambs in futile attempts to steal human souls. Alisha was no exception as she weathered the attacks of bullying, discrimination, and along with a plethora of other ugly things that shook her confidence in herself. This sincere and heart-written book is her journey through her wilderness where she had to shake off the lies and the fights and wrestles with suicide. While on this path, she tells of how she found peace, joy, and salvation through a dear shepherd and faithful friend, Jesus Christ. Based on true and honest experiences, this book is meant to uplift and encourage those who feel loved and unloved, for those who feel surrounded by isolation, because God uses wounds as healing tools for others in need of healing in their lives.

This is her story, and to God be the glory!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Mar 27, 2014
• ISBN: 9781493190478

Book preview

Change

I still remember the first time I told my mother I wanted to go to public school to experience black friends. Black friends? My mother laughed. What gave you that idea? Maybe it was the ridicule I faced from family members for attending a predominantly white Catholic school for most of my life, but the day I had officially changed my faith from Catholic to Apostolic and had received the Holy Ghost, I had started to make people angry at my old school by not doing the sign of the cross and not saying the prayers anymore. Alisha, why didn’t you do the sign of the cross, dear? one of the nuns said. Because it’s bad to do so. Why is it bad? she asked. Because you’re giving homage to Tammuz by doing so. Tammuz was the son of Nimrod in the Old Testament who despised God and, just like his father (who was known as the pagan sun god), went up against God. After the nun had heard this, she went to the head nun about the matter.

She pulled me aside and asked me in a calm voice what I had told the other nun, and when I told her, she had gotten angry. We do the sign of the cross to honor Jesus Christ and no one else. I’m very disappointed in you, young lady. We do not worship this Tammuz. I’ve never even heard of him. Wait till your mother hears about this. When my mom had picked me up from school, she said, Alisha, you got to understand, yes, we’re saved now, but you can’t tell the nuns that we know the truth, OK? OK, I told her, but it was so hard for me back then. I had loved to show what I had learned to people, especially when it came to this. It made me feel special and important in a way, but the nuns and my friends could see the change in me because whenever we had the morning prayer in the gymnasium and the whole student body would pray in unison to the cross that was above the doors to where our classes were, it was a traditional figure of Jesus dying on the cross.

I never did like Jesus looking like he was dying and sad. I wanted to see him alive and happy and not bounded by anything. Plus it made me sad whenever I looked at the figurine cross. When the student body would start to pray, I wouldn’t say anything. One of my friends poked me with her elbow and whispered, Alisha, we’re saying the prayer. I know, I told her. Why aren’t you saying it? You always say the prayer. And it was true that before I was saved, I had a strong Catholic faith and made sure I did everything right. I would say the prayer in front of the student body, I would volunteer to do the readings in Mass (church), and I would make sure that I did the sign of the cross in Mass. Every time we said prayer and whenever we go into what they called a holy place, I would dip my fingers in the holy water and do the sign of the cross.

I would make sure that I would kneel when it was time to kneel, stand when it was time to stand, and sing when it was time to sing. I did it all, but when I had been saved, it was like a door had opened for me and so much knowledge had come to me I had to share it with my friends and everyone I knew. I was a new person. No longer was I going to do all those things. I told my friends about what I had learned, and they didn’t seem to give me the reaction I was hoping for. They were scared and told me to stop.

The nuns got even more scared and concerned than my friends. I was pretty popular with the nuns, teachers, and students. I was practically popular there and loved the popularity, but it was slowly going to change. Once I had gotten saved, my friends slowly backed away from me out of fear of what I was telling them and the nuns were getting angrier with me. I never regretted having been saved, for it was the best decision of my life, and I still don’t regret it till this day, so I thought going to a public school might be better for me than going back to my old school. When the orientation day started, I was nervous to think of what others would think of me, so I stuck with my dad through the whole orientation. What’s the matter? he said. Nothing, I lied. I was going to be in the fifth grade at IMS, and I was nervous to think of what others thought of me. I was very self-conscious about having people like me and having friends. I didn’t like being alone. My dad and I went to the registration table. Name? the lady behind the table said. Alisha Sheryl, my dad said. She’s on the Gold team, the lady said. Here are her list of classes, her locker number, and her ID. She gave my dad the paper that had my information on it. We both walked to my first classroom, and there were a lot of black kids and some white kids as I expected it would be.

Hello, I heard a sweet voice say, so sweet anyone could fall for it. I’m your fifth-grade teacher. Hello. My name is Alisha, I told the lady. Welcome, Alisha. I hope you enjoy the fifth grade at IMS. Thank you, I told her. Who was that? my dad asked. My teacher, I guess? Did she seem nice? Yeah, she did. Now are you sure you don’t want to stay at your old school? Dad said. I’m positive. I want to see what this school is like, I told him. OK, he said. So my dad and I walked to my other classrooms and then went into the cafeteria where everyone was seated with their parents and waiting for the principal to make his welcome speech. Welcome, parents and students, to IMS. I hope that everyone found their classes OK, the principal said. If anyone has not either have their ID or team color, please see the registration table. Students, we hope you enjoy IMS this school year, and we will see you all tomorrow on your first day of school.

Everyone left the cafeteria and headed for the door. You ready? Dad said. Yep, I told him. So my dad and I got into the car and drove home. IMS wasn’t far at all from my house. It only took you ten minutes to get there. So my dad and I got home where Mom was waiting for me to start getting ready for my first day of school as a fifth grader. One thing I liked about this year was that I didn’t have to wear uniforms anymore. I could wear anything I wanted to wear, plus I would be taking the bus to school instead of my mom driving me. You got everything packed? Mom said. Yep. Let me see. MOM! I whined. I got everything. OK, Alisha, Mom said. So after packing my book bag for school the next day, I went into my room put on my pajamas and went to bed. I thought about what the first day of school was going to be. I was so excited that I could hardly sleep. New friends, new people, it was a new adventure that was just waiting for me.

It was 6:00 a.m., time for me to get ready for school. I was beaming with excitement. I rushed to the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth, rushed back into my room, and put on my new clothes my mom got me when she went shopping. You sure are excited to go to school, aren’t you, boo-boo? Mom laughed. Yes. I laughed. OK, let me get the camera. We did it every year I had the first day of school and I loved it because it made me feel special. OK, wait in the foyer for the bus to come. So I waited in the foyer for the bus to come. Mom was getting ready to go to work. She grabbed the keys off the steps. I love you, boo-boo, Mom said. I love you too, Mommy. We both kissed each other, and then she left the house. Dad was still in the house, getting ready for work. Why don’t you get something to eat? Dad said. But I was too excited I couldn’t eat anything. I was just too excited.

No thanks, I’m not hungry. Soon the bus pulled up to my driveway, and I shouted to my dad, Dad, the bus is here. Love you. Love you too, baby. I gave him a kiss and ran to the bus. The driver was a white lady that had short hair and was wearing earrings. The bus door opened. Good morning, hun. You ready for school today? Yes, I told her. Great. I went inside the bus and immediately noticed the kids on the bus. Here, hun, the bus driver said. She handed me a little card that had information on it. Have your parents fill that card out for me so we have where you live on file, OK? the bus driver said, with a smile. I smiled back and took a seat next to Carlene, who was my neighbor at the time and a good friend of mine.

She was talking with other kids she knew and introduced them to me. She began to talk to them some more while I looked at all the different trees and all the different kinds of flowers that were coming out of their hiding place through the window. Hello. My name is Mrs. White. What’s your name, hun? asked the bus driver. My name is Alisha, I told her. Alisha, that’s a very pretty name. It means truth and nobility. Truth and nobility? I asked Yep, the bus driver said. It is a term from the Greeks. Wow, I never knew that, I said. We learn new things every day, even the lessons we learn that we don’t recognize, she said. I didn’t know what she meant by that, but I went along with it and began talking to Carlene. What team are you on? she asked me. I’m on the Gold team. How about you?

Aww, I’m on the Purple team, she said. Aww, we won’t see each other. Yes, you will, the bus driver said. At lunchtime. Really? That’s great, I told her. Cool. So I’ll see you at lunch? Definitely. We talked some more about other things, and before we knew it, we were there and it was time to get off. Good-bye! I said. Good-bye, hun. Have a good day at school, Mrs. White said. I and Carlene got off the bus together and went into the building. I’m so excited, Carlene said. Me too. Everyone, to the cafeteria, said a lady, who happened to be a security guard, said. We all went into the cafeteria where a whole bunch of kids were talking and laughing. Everyone, to your color team, the principal said. We want to make this quick, so everyone went to their colored team and sat down. I went to the Gold team table and sat on the bench. There I saw a black girl with a ponytail sitting right across from me.

OK, time to make conversation, I thought to myself. Just say hi. I smiled and said, Hello. My name is Alisha. She smiled back and said hello. She didn’t say anything else. And then I thought, Keep the conversation going. My name is Alisha. What’s your name? My name is Shanice, she said. Nice to meet you, Shanice. Is this your first time at this school? I asked her. No, I’ve been at this school before. She still didn’t say anything else. Keep going, I thought. This is my first time at this school. Really? Oh, cool. She didn’t say anything else. I asked, Do you want to sit together at lunch? Sure, she said. Soon the principal began to speak again All right, students, welcome to IMS. I am your principal for the school year. I hope you enjoy this exciting new school year here at IMS.

We are about to start sending you all to your lockers. If you need help finding your classrooms, there will be teachers in the halls that will help you find everything you’re looking for. Now I will dismiss you by teams, he said aloud and began to call out color teams to go to their lockers. I sat there in my seat, waiting for my color to be called. Gold team, the principal called out. I immediately got up from my seat and followed the crowd to the lockers. I took out a sheet of paper that had my scheduled classes and my locker number on it. It took me a while to find it. It was small, thin, and red; but I didn’t seem to care. I put my backpack in the locker and headed for class. I took out the sheet of paper that had my room number on it and saw that the teacher I had met on the orientation day was my first teacher for English. I remembered where her room was and had entered into her classroom. I saw many students in her class and got nervous. I saw Shanice in the classroom and sat next to her since she was the only one I have talked to so far.

Good morning, class. I am your English teacher for this year and your social studies teacher, the teacher said to the students. This is going to be a very good year. I can feel it, I had thought to myself. Today was just a getting-to-know everybody day in most of our classes; we all had to stand up in front of the class and tell each other about ourselves. When it was my turn, I gave the same speech in each of my classes. Hi! My name is Alisha Sheryl. My favorite color is blue. I like to read, I love cartoons, and I’m ten years old. Every time I said this speech, I would get nervous. Next was Shanice, and she would say what she liked. And I was excited because we had things in common. One I fluently remember was both of our favorite color was blue. Oh, her favorite color is blue, just like me. I knew we’re going to be good friends. I couldn’t wait till lunchtime so we could sit together at lunch and talk and become friends.

By the time math class was over, it was time for lunch, and somehow Shanice had disappeared from me. She’s probably already in the cafeteria. Let me just go get some lunch and meet her there. So I went to the lunch line and got my lunch. When I had gotten out of the line, I saw Shanice sitting with two other girls. I went to where she was sitting and sat next to her. Hey, I was looking for you. I smiled and joked. You disappeared. Oh, I forgot, she said. I should have sensed that she didn’t want to be bothered with me. Hi, said a girl that was sitting across from Shanice. My name is Lela. What’s yours? My name is Alisha, I told her. My name is Lana, said another girl that was sitting across from me. Nice to meet you all, I told them. Nice to meet you too, Lela said. Yeah, Lana said. Are you friends with Shanice? I asked them. Yep, Lela said. Cool, I said. So how was your day so far? I asked. It’s great, Lela said. It’s good, Lana said. How about your day, Shanice? I asked her, because I didn’t want to leave her out of the conversation and feel left out.

It was OK, Shanice said in a dull plain voice. How about yours? asked Lela. Mine was great. I met a lot of new people today since today was just a getting-to-know-you day in each of my classes, I told her. Yeah, my classes were a get-to-know-you day too, Lela said. Mine too, Lana said. It kind of got boring. The three of us began to laugh and engage in a variety of conversations: how old we were, where we lived, what TV shows we liked, what team we were on, pets we have or don’t have, and subjects we liked in school.

Shanice started to get into the conversation of what subjects she liked in school. She had told us that her favorite subject was English. Mine too, I told her. Wow, we have the same things in common. We’re going to be good friends, I told her, and she smiled. Soon the bell had rung, signaling that the lunch period was over. we got up from our chairs and pushed them in. We went up to the garbage cans and threw our garbage away and put our trays on top of the can. Bye, you guys, I told Lana and Lela. They were on the Purple team with Carlene. Shanice and I were on the Gold team, so we walked back to class. I could tell that she was finally warming up to me, and it made me feel even better. We went to our last two classes of the day, which was science and social studies. We had another get-to-know-you session in science class with our male teacher.

We stated who we were and our favorite things the whole hour until it was time for us to go to our last class of the day where we played a game till it was time to go. When we heard the end-of-the-day announcements, the bell had rung and everyone flocked out of their classrooms to go to their lockers and prepare for home. I went to my locker and grabbed my backpack from my locker, which left my it completely empty. We weren’t supposed to get our school books until tomorrow. I wish school was like this every day, I thought to myself. I followed the crowd to the gymnasium where we had to sit by our bus number.

I saw Shanice among the crowd and waved good-bye to her. My bus number to go home was 22, and so I sat in the section that had my number. No one I knew was on my bus, so I was by myself, which I didn’t seem to mind. I was excited to be home and have the house to myself. Number 22, someone had called out, and everyone in my section got up and began to move. I got up and had followed the crowd to where the buses had been loading up the kids. I followed the crowd to where I had seen my bus and its number. The crowd came unto the bus, and the driver started to quiet them down by yelling at them. I went on to the bus and said to the bus driver, Hi! My name is Alisha. I stuck out my hand to shake her hand. Well, hello there, sweetheart. I am your afternoon bus driver, Mrs. Gram, she said and shook my hand. Here you go, sweetheart, she said and handed me the same card my morning driver gave me.

She said that she needed my parents to fill out the card so she can have my house on record too. I sat in the seat behind her and began to take notice of all the rest of the kids that were getting on. She had given them the same card and told the kids that were already in their seats to quiet down. Maybe someone will sit next to me. I saw kids pass me by, one by one, until the last kid came unto the bus and passed me. OK, maybe not, but that’s OK. It’s only the first day. I’m sure someone will come and sit next to me. As soon as the last kid sat in their seat, the bus driver closed the door and started to pull away from the school parking lot. As the bus was moving, I began to look at the nature that was outside my window and was excited about what tomorrow would bring for me.

It was a quiet ride for me, even though the kids were loud. I kept looking outside my window until we got to the street of my house. I grabbed my backpack and got ready to get off. I told the bus driver where my house was since she didn’t have my home on record. She dropped me off in front of my house and said, All right, hun. You take care now and remember to have your parents fill that card out OK, sweetheart? OK, I will, I said with a smile and stepped off the bus and walked on to my driveway. I saw the bus pull away and saw the driver wave good-bye. I went to the front of my door and opened it up with my first-ever key. I went inside and dropped my backpack in the foyer and immediately went downstairs. I had the whole house to myself and I loved it. I changed my clothes into my pajamas. I can’t wait until tomorrow, I thought. I can’t wait to tell my parents when they get home. I got something to eat in the kitchen and cut on the TV and watched some cartoons until my dad came home.

Ali? Dad called out. Yeah? I called back. Your daddy’s home, he shouted and came downstairs to where I was. He asked, How was your day at school? It was great. I got to meet new people, and I introduced myself to everyone, I told him. That’s nice. You got any homework? he asked. Nope. Today was just a get-to-know-you kind of day, I told him, All right, so today you can just chill and relax, he said. I hated when my dad tried to speak the urban language. It was so embarrassing to me and yet so funny. Dad went upstairs and went into his room. I watched a little bit more television then took a nap in my room. When I woke up from my nap, I went upstairs and saw that my mom had come home. Hey, boo-boo, she said. Boo-boo was my nickname my mom had given me when I was a baby and still calls me that till this day.

She told me that when she called me that, I would giggle and laugh. I loved being called that, and I still do. How was your day at school? she asked. It was great. I had met a lot of new people, especially this girl who is on my team and two other girls that were on the Purple team. The girl that I met that was on the same team as me was named Shanice, and the two girls that were on the Purple team were named Lela and Lana. They were very nice. Well, that’s good, boo-boo, Mom said. So I went back downstairs and watched some more TV until it was time to go to bed and await the next day.

A Safety Net Built

In a church on March 2, 2003, it was my first time going there, and I thought all the people in there were crazy and doing the craziest things. Everyone in the church was running around and raising their hands and speaking different tongues. I thought they were doing voodoo or something like that, and I was sitting right next to my mother, looking at her like Woman, why did you take me to this crazy house? I was only ten years old at the time and as hyper as ever but not at that moment. Anyway at that moment, I was thinking about why my mother took me to this crazy place. My mother looked at me and just laughed at me. I must have been looking pretty retarded because she was laughing hysterically. Soon after she turned away from me, I felt uneasy and felt that I was stuck in a crazy house full of screaming hollering loonies.

When everyone was finally settled down, the pastor of the church came up to the podium and said, For all you newcomers, my name is Pastor BE, and welcome to our church. To me, he looked like the only civilized person out of the whole congregation