The Keeper of Secrets

By The Child of the System

No ones going to stop them. No one ever does, the cycle just continues. The abusers keep on abusing and getting away with it. Not one of them ever end up paying the horrible and disgusting things they have done to a child. They still continue to do it to this very day. We are now branded and damaged forever. The abuse is scorned into our mind and soul. Weather it be sexual, physical or psychological abuse. Predators of all kind have no guilt or remorse for what they do.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Jan 24, 2017
• ISBN: 9781490780535

The Child of the System

no ATA

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Copyright 2017 The Child of the System.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN: 978-1-4907-8052-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4907-8053-5 (e)

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Trafford rev. 01/23/2017

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Contents

Devotion

Everlasting

Endless

Disposable

Hidden

In The Begining

Purgatory

The Length of time

Certain names were changed.

Only …

To Protect the Guilty

Devotion

My life’s been nothing but a roller coaster with all its ups and downs. Difficulties with acceptance. Never knowing why. Gaps within my memory and never getting a true and honest answer from the ones you want the answer from. Forever being taken advantage of because others can sence and know that there is something off with me. Praying on my vulnerabilities and insecurities. Seeing and believing only what I wanted to. Realizing now just how very blind i really was.

My eyes are wide open and I see much clearer now. The awful things I did to myself and to the ones who mean the most to me. And all for what? All so others would like me. I was blindsided by what others were doing as they took advantage of me with their false friendships and there underlying true intentions. I should have payed closer attention and listened to what was right in front of me. Instead of wanting acceptance from anyone who would give it to me.

The person who saw what was happening around me. Was that one person I chose to ignore. He’s the one that care about me the most and never gave up on me. Nor did he judge me or ask for anything in return. He saw me, my true being, my true soul.

I don`t want to think about where i might be or what things would be like today. It wasn’t for that special someone.

You are my friend my soulmate, you are my life. Thank you for never stepping back and leaving my side. Thank you for your guidance and your everlasting love and support.

Family`s should always protect their own and Never turn their backs on one an other. No matter what!!

Now thats Devotion and aTrue Family

Kurt

Thank You…

You are my Angle, my Protector, my Life.

I love you with all my heart and with all my being.

Everlasting

I was born naked and hungry. If i only knew what lay ahead for me. Being thrown aside at the age of one. With every minute of every passing day i was thrown into the devils dungeon. Making me a prisoner within my own soul and shoving me into complete darkness of my own living nightmare. Forever helpless, shattered and broken. My life as i knew it was nothing but lies, masked emotions and turbulance. Keeping the pain locked away and hidden. Keeping myself isolated within my own protective shell. I`m a loner with the feeling of shame and fear struggling to keep outsiders from looking in.

Endless

I`m forced into wearing a false mask while i try to keep everything hidden. Feeling like i have no wear to go. My body begins to tremble and my hands begin to shake. Why didn`t someone help me. Now i have this fear and pain that won`t go away. I can`t stand living this way, not for one more day. I still continue to face many challenges. It makes me sick knowing that somewhere out there at this very moment, a young child is begin groomed for someone’s impulsive unsettling satisfaction. Maliciously yet silently breaking you down so you will only depend on them. Filling you with absolute fear. Ensuring themselves of your complete silence so you will never tell a soul.

Some people out there truly believe that the younger the child is than the more difficult it would be for that child to remember the events of repulsive and irreparable acts of abuse that was done to them when they become an adult. But I hate to tell them. All you monsters out there are sadly mistaken. Some abused souls remember everything, and some only remember only bits and pieces. No matter what I do have those reminders of events that will never go away.

I can no longer keep my past abuse quietly hidden and bottled up inside. I have to let it out and shed some light on what happened to me. I need to share my story. I’m not ashamed or embarrassed. I know none of it was my fault. If there is anyone out there who is too scared and they feeel as if there all alone or that their life as they know it is nothing but hopelessness and despair.

If i can help that one person who is one step away from putting a needle in their arm or jumping off a bridge or even swallowing a hand full of pills. I want to look them in the eyes and ask them why and for what! That animal who couldn’t keep their hands in their pockets or keep their pants zipped up. Those low life`s don’t deserve to even breathe the same air as I do and i wouldn`t give them the satisfaction.

I was born naked and hungry. Fear of the unknown and what lies ahead for me. From that very moment my life would only get worse. I lay in bed most nights too scared to close my eyes while I stare at the opening of my bedroom door. Waiting to here the sound of footsteps or that familiar shadow that would sneak in late at night. Constant flashes of reminders of those awful days, some worse than others. With a strong feeling as if it were just yesterday.

You are a prisoner within your own soul that’s filled with nothing but complete emptiness. Most days there are unexpected and unpleasant reminders of memories that are exposed with every passing day. I keep myself quietly hidden within my own protective shel. I keep dreaming of how I wished it would have been.

My life as I knew it was filled with nothing but masked emotions and turbulence. Being pushed and pulled in so many different directions. Unwillingly and without any warning my innocence my youth was stolen right out from under me at a very young age. No one will ever know how bad it really was. The pain and scars I keep quietly hidden all where no one can see them. I`m forced into the darkness of my on going living nightmare.

If you believe that your nightmares or unpleasant memories have been locked away and forgotten. Your sadly mistaken. Your past will always come back to haunt you and it will come back and show itself in ways you’d never imagine. Our actions and destructive behaviors result of the past the one you tried so hard to forget. But we continue to hurt ourselves and the ones we love, the ones that are the closest to us. I’ve yet to close this chapter of my life and I doubt I ever will. There is nothing I can do to change any of it, just take it one day at a time with my inner most fears and insecurities. My innocence, my childhood was ripped and taken from me. And for what. Someones so called uncontrollable sickness.

The world is a dangerous place to live. Not just because of the people who are evil. But because of the people who know and don`t do or say anything about it.

(Albert Einstein )

Disposable

My life quickly became disaraid back then. With both of them drinking