Impression: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

By Kathryn Carpenter

If choosing a soul mate were a life-or-death decision, would you choose more carefully?

What would you do if you made the wrong choice-and a loved one died as a result?

How would you feel if the person you loved didn't love you back-and it cost you everything?

You would think these choices would be easy for Chloe Davenport, a young girl born with the powers of impression. Chloe can read people's intentions. She knows a person's true nature. It is said that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and for young Chloe, that's about to come true.

At great cost, she will learn a painful lesson. What was once a valuable gift now seems like more of a curse. Her impressions fooled, her desires heightened, her instincts distorted, she doesn't know what's real and what's a dangerous lie. She doesn't know how special she is-or how dangerous these abilities can be. And now, she's torn between two perfect guys. Caught in a fight for her life and true love, Chloe must learn to trust herself before it's too late. As her impressions grow stronger, she does too.

But will she be strong enough to know the truth when-and if-it is ever revealed?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Archway Publishing
• Release date: Apr 6, 2015
• ISBN: 9781480816206

Kathryn Carpenter

Kathryn Carpenter has always like writing, but her life is not that of a writer. She was an elementary teacher, pastoral minister, and now a nurse. Presently, Katherine is teaching nursing at Trinidad State College in Southeastern Colorado and she does staff nursing at the Spanish Peaks Veterans Community Living Center in Walsenburg. Because of her love of mountains, Katherine relocated to Wisconsin. She then found great interest in the coal mines within the area, this inspired her to write this story.

Book preview

PROLOGUE

H ave you ever caught someone in a bold face lie? How did you react? Did it feel good to tell them, you knew the truth? Did it make it hurt less, to confront them? I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to call someone out on a lie, only I can’t. You see, I have a built in lie detector. It’s a power I was born with. It’s a secret, or at least I thought it was. Apparently there are others. Some of them have different abilities, darker abilities. And some are like me, well, not exactly like me. My impressions as I call them are only the beginning to what I’m capable of. That is if I bond with the one I was made for, at the right time and for the right reasons. But what’s the truth, the life I’ve been leading or this mysterious version of my destiny. Should I trust Noah the boy who claims to be my soul mate or my lifelong friends? Do I give up the boyfriend I’m falling for to trust a stranger who seems to know me inside out? So many decisions, so many impressions!

CHAPTER 1

T hings have always been hard for me. How do you trust anyone, when you know the truth about them? For some strange reason, I get these impressions of people. It’s not like I can read their mind or anything. I just get this strange feeling of what they’re thinking, of what their intentions are. I can tell if they’re sincere or not. I can read attraction, lies, love, and way too often, lust.

Even as a child, it was hard to make friends. You would think that a child’s impressions would be innocent. That’s not always the truth. I guess that’s where bad parenting comes in. It was hard as a child to know too much about the children around me. To know you’re only being invited to a party because they expect a gift from you. Most of the time, I was a no-show, strictly for that reason. And sometimes, I would go, just so I could give them a gift when I knew they wanted money. Needless to say, I wasn’t covered up with friends.

I think the hardest time I had was when my dad started coming home late from work. I knew he was lying to my mom. And deep inside, she knew it too. I could tell he didn’t love her anymore. I’m not sure if it was ever love to begin with. I wanted to tell my mom, but I knew she wouldn’t believe me. At first, I wasn’t sure he was cheating. But one day, he was talking about work. When he mentioned a woman he was working with, I felt it. It wasn’t love. It was one of the purest forms of lust. It wasn’t long after that, that he let the lust take away his devotion to his family. I never forgave him for that. I could tell he knew it was wrong, but he did it anyway. He left us for a new, more inviting life.

Now my mom, Lena Davenport, has grown backward. She went from a forty-year-old housewife with dark-brown hair to a wannabe twenty five-year-old with highlights. Her attire went from dressing in knee knockers to shorty shorts. She usually paired them with a wife beater covering a bikini top. It didn’t take her long to put herself back on the market. Only I’m afraid she’s in the wrong type of market. She’s bringing home every Tom, Dick, and Harry she meets. And they’re all giving me the same impressions: lust and disgust! And I’m not seeing much better out of her. She’s changed. She’s even trying to change me. All she can talk about is how I should dress more provocatively, to catch a guy’s eye. It seems like she’s pushing me to be more like her. I think she wants a friend instead of a daughter.

It all makes me sick, including her new boy crush, Dean. He’s about ten years younger than her. He wears expensive suits and drives several expensive cars. I’ve counted at least five different ones so far. I’m not sure what he does for a living, but I can feel it’s not on the up and up. Besides all that, I hate the way he looks at me. It’s very inappropriate. I just turned seventeen. That makes him at least thirteen years older than me. Apparently, my young age doesn’t matter to him. And Mom is blind to everything. It’s like she wants a man so bad, she can’t see the truth.

At least there’s school. It’s my getaway from the brothel I call a home. Of course, high school is not much different. But I couldn’t care less what strangers do. That’s none of my business. I only have to think about my life when I’m at school. I spend most of my time with my best friend, Miyah. It’s odd that we’re friends. We’re complete opposites, both in looks and actions. She’s built like a model, with her perfect legs and petite body. She was blessed with long blonde hair and, with the help of our town’s most expensive stylists, brown undertones to match her brown eyebrows and lashes. She has the perfect tan. I’m not sure if it’s spray-on or via the tanning bed. Either way, it’s expertly done. For her, money is not an object. All the guys want her, and trust me: she knows it. She has a different boyfriend every week. Why she hangs around with me, I have no clue. I guess I’m the only one who can stand her honesty. It’s very brutal. If you really don’t want the truth, don’t ask her. But she isn’t completely honest. As a matter of fact, she’s very capable of lying. She can look you straight in the eye and lie like a dog to protect herself or someone she cares about.

That’s how we met. It was the second week of my freshman year. We had an important assignment due. With all the mess going on with Mom and the man I now call Carter instead of Dad, I hadn’t started the assignment, much less finished it. When the teacher asked for it, I told her I must have lost it. Before she could call me out on the lie, Miyah raised her hand. She told the teacher she saw me drop something in the hallway. That’s all it took for me to get an extension. I was surprised that a stranger would lie for me. Usually, I stayed away from liars, but we hit it off. We’ve been friends ever since.

She’s the only close friend I have other than my boyfriend, Ryder. Miyah actually introduced him to me last year. He looks like he should be with someone like her, rather than with me. He’s gorgeous. He’s about six feet tall with golden-blond hair, which is kept short except for perfect spikes on top. He looks like he should be the captain of the football team, but he’s not. He’s the one the captain of the football team wants to be. Everyone likes him. People flock to him like flies, especially the girls. Why he picked me, when he had so many options, I’ll never know. I’m just glad he did. And I’m glad I picked him. As far as character, he’s not completely honest, but he’s as close as I could find. The only bad impression I have of him is that he’s definitely attracted to Miyah. But he doesn’t act on it. And I get the slightest feeling that there’s something about me that’s not good enough. But I’m not sure if it’s him that feels that way or me.

I’m definitely insecure. I’m five-feet-eight, only a few inches shorter than Ryder. I have long, curly, black hair, which most of the time has a mind of its own. My skin is fair and lightly speckled with freckles. Mom tells me all the time I need to cover them with makeup. I usually go without it, just to tick her off. Oh, and of course I don’t dress nice enough for her. Both Ryder and Miyah dress to kill. I usually wear jeans and a button-up shirt with a camisole underneath, or jeans and a T-shirt. I feel like if I dress up, the clothes will outshine me. Unlike Miyah, I’m definitely not built like a model. I’m more athletic. I’m not overweight, but next to her, I always feel self-conscious. I have to work really hard to stay in shape. I have to watch what I eat and exercise as often as I can. That usually consists of a lot of running. But that’s okay. I feel so free when I’m running. Usually, I’m by myself with no impressions.

I only wish school was like that. All day long, I’m surrounded by impressions. I try not to pay too much attention to them. They can easily make you angry, and sometimes jealous. When you know most of the girls in school would kill for the chance to be with Ryder, it’s hard. And when you can see that most of the guys would cut their right hand off to be with Miyah, it can make you green with envy. And those aren’t the only impressions I get. Sometimes, it’s anxiety. A lot of the kids here worry themselves to death. They’re constantly trying to fit in. And apparently, no matter what they look like or accomplish, they’re still insecure, all of them except for a very few. And those few seem to thrive on the insecurities of the rest.

It’s a strange world we live in. Most of the time, I’m so confused I don’t know what to do next. I just try to take one day at a time, hoping for a change. And for some reason, I can feel a strange sense that change is on the way. What kind of change, I don’t know. I only hope it’s for the better.

CHAPTER 2

T oday is the first day of my junior year! I’m so excited to be out of that house. Dean has been somewhat of a live-in boyfriend for the last few weeks. It really hasn’t felt like home. I can’t wait to see Miyah and Ryder. Only I hope Miyah doesn’t get mad at me, when she sees my outfit. She gave me tons of hand-me-downs, since her dad allowed her to buy a whole new wardrobe. She said she couldn’t wait to see me in them. The clothes are great, but I feel like wearing them would be like putting buttermilk into a wine glass. Instead, I wore my dark-blue skinny jeans with a fitted baby-blue, long sleeve showing a white camisole underneath. I did dress it up with one of her silk scarves tied around my neck.

I feel refreshed after my walk to school. Dean offered to let me drive his car. But I would rather walk in a hailstorm than take anything from him. God only knows what he would want in return. As I walk across the parking lot I see Ryder stepping out of his brand new corvette. And when I say new, I mean it. His dad bought it for him two months ago, on his seventeenth birthday. He didn’t buy it straight off the lot. He ordered it with all Ryder’s specifications. Its sleek silver color shines like new money. Everyone seems to be watching him. But he has his eyes on me. I scrape my thumbnail across my finger in my pocket, making sure this is real. Everything else in my life is so screwed up. Ryder seems like a dream. He slips from his car, his eyes scanning me from head to toe. What’s this for? He grabs my scarf. You shouldn’t have worn this. It only makes it easier for me to get my hands on you. Then he smiles that devilish smile. The impression he’s giving me is clear as day. At least he’s honest about it. He pulls me close, and kisses me. And boy can he kiss. I melt in his touch, which is interrupted by a familiar voice. Get a room! I turn to see Miyah taking the parking spot next to Ryder, in her new Lexus. She smiles at me, as she rolls her passenger side window up. As she gets out, I can feel Ryder’s temperature raise a few degrees. I can’t blame him. From the impressions I’m getting from the rest of the guys, I can tell she’s definitely distracting. She’s wearing a gray, sleeveless silk mini dress with red spiked heels. The dress seems to catch on every curve. A red silk scarf slithers around her neck and down her back. Her dark red lipstick and her gray eyes seemed to bind it all together. Ryder glances back to me. What did she say about a room? I just smile and shake my head, as I turn to greet Miyah. Ryder slips his hands into my back pockets and pulls me against him, wrapping his arms around me. He pushes my hair to the side, resting his face on my shoulder. Trying not to drown in his touch, I turn my attention to Miyah. I love your new car. The engine was so quiet I never heard you pull up. She laughs. I could have been driving a monster truck and you still wouldn’t have heard me. I just roll my eyes. Miyah and Ryder both seem to be at ease when talking about the opposite sex, but I’m not. I try to stay off the subject, to hide the fact I don’t know much about the opposite sex. I guess I’m what you call one of the good girls. At least I’m trying to be. But Ryder doesn’t make things easy. He doesn’t push, but he lets me know he’s game if I am. I turn back to Ryder. I hope we have some classes together this year. He smiles. If we don’t, we can ditch anytime you want to. He pats his hand on the bumper of his new ride. I take a deep breath and shake my head. We better go, were going to be late. He lets out a mischievous laugh, before leading me into the school.

The first day everyone has to meet in the gym. We’re assigned to a homeroom teacher, who then takes us to class and gives out our schedules. The homerooms are arranged in alphabetical order. Ryder James and Miyah Jeffries are always in the same homeroom. My name being Chloe Davenport puts me on my own. We decided to meet back at the cafeteria once homeroom was over. When they call for juniors with last names D-G, I give Ryder one last kiss and head down the bleachers. I blend in with the rest of the class, as we walk down the hallway. We’re in the same group every year, so I’m familiar with almost everyone. I still keep to myself, as we enter homeroom. Being the loner that I am, I choose to sit in the last row from the door, two seats up from the back. My mind flutters with impressions, as I wait for homeroom to start. The first day of school is always the hardest. Everyone’s emotions seem to run wild. I try my best to tune out the chaos. Sometimes if I press hard enough, I can clear my mind. But today, there are too many impressions. I just have to deal with it.

Mr. Harris begins calling out our names in alphabetical order. I’m anxious to see my schedule. I hope I have some classes with Ryder and Miyah. After calling out a few names, he clears his throat. Chloe Davenport. I slide out of my seat and stroll up to the desk. Before he can hand me my schedule, there’s a tap at the door. Through a small window, I can see a dark haired guy standing in the hallway. Mr. Harris motions for him to enter. He opens the door, and continues up to the front, with a yellow paper in hand. From a glance I could catch the words transfer student, and Noah Douglas. Suddenly I realize the room has become deathly quiet. My classmates were still talking, but the impressions were gone. Maybe I was pressing harder than I thought to block them out. Mr. Harris reads the note and nods to the new student. Very well Noah, take your seat then. I look back, seeing the only vacant seat was the one directly behind me. He turns and heads in that direction. I ease my attention back to Mr. Harris who was waiting for me to take my schedule. Eagerly I take it, and start towards my seat. Oh, Ms. Davenport… I reluctantly turn my attention back to Mr. Harris. Would you be so kind, as to help Noah with his classes? I nodded, just before twisting into my desk.

I quickly scanned my schedule, eager to see how my junior year would play out. I was excited to see every class I signed up for. I turned to the new guy sitting behind me. He was holding his schedule in front of his face, studying it. I tapped on the back of his paper to get his attention. As he lowered his schedule, I was immediately drawn to his dark green eyes. They had these beautiful flecks of gold streaked through them. His black hair and dark eyebrows seemed to make them stand out. He smiled, realizing the length of my observation. I felt my jaw tighten, forcing me to smile back. My words came out simultaneously with my breath. Is it ok, if I look at your schedule? He nodded, as he handed it to me. I had to give it a second, then third look. It amazed me that our schedules were identical. How was he able to get all those electives being a new student? It really didn’t matter. It would only make it easier for me to show him the way. I grabbed my schedule, placing both his and mine side by side, on his desk. You won’t believe this, but we have every class together. He leaned in closer to take a look, bumping my forehead with the bill of his hat. It didn’t hurt, but as a reflex, my eyes flinched. He laid his hand over my head, completely covering it, and swiped his finger across my brow. I’m so sorry. He said in a very deep, smooth voice. I laughed. It’s ok. I wasn’t paying attention either. He smiled at me, sliding his hand from my head slowly. He acted like this wasn’t our first encounter. Although his touch did seem familiar, the ache that followed in my stomach did not. I smiled at him, trying to hide the fact my insides were suddenly doing flips. I quickly slipped my schedule from his desk, leaving his behind. We can walk together, if that’s ok with you? I only have one stop to make on the way. He nodded in agreement.

Homeroom class is short. It only last about twenty minutes. They shave a few minutes off each period to make time for us to get our schedules. The bell rings, and I allow the crowd to clear so Noah can follow me. He waits for me to stand, before sliding out of his desk. I could tell when he first entered the classroom, he was tall. But when he stood next to me, I was amazed. He had to be at least six foot five. Standing beside him made me feel almost petite. He motioned for me to go first. I took the lead, and then allowed him to walk next to me. He was very polite, letting me through the doorways first, and like a gentleman always holding the door. I got several impressions from the female perspective, that they thought he was hot. He was nice looking. He was tall dark and handsome. It was a different kind of handsome than Ryder though. Ryder has a lean, fit body. He looks like he’s been lifting weights all his life, and been fed the perfect diet. But Noah looks like he eats whatever he wants, and works so hard the muscles have hit in all the right places. His faded red tee shirt fit tightly through the shoulders and curved around his biceps. The color made his skin look even darker. He wore faded jeans that seemed to hang just below his well defined abs, which clearly showed through his shirt. But I could tell what really turned the girls on, were those dark green eyes, hiding under his tattered brown ball cap.

It takes only a few minutes for us to reach the cafeteria. Ryder and Miyah are already there, comparing schedules. I’m amazed that Noah doesn’t stand to attention, when he sees Miyah. Most guys can barely keep their tongue in their mouth. But I did notice that Miyah clamped her attention onto Noah. I was surprised. Miyah rarely stands at attention. I walk over to Ryder, and he steals a kiss. Let’s see it. He says, as he grabs my schedule. Chloe, you took Horticulture. Who takes Horticulture? Hey I like Horticulture. I say, grabbing his schedule, only to see we have two matches. Well, at least we have Chemistry and Health together. I grab Miyah’s schedule, calling out her matches. She has Chemistry and Health with us and Geometry with me. It’s not so bad. He rolls his eyes in protest, as he pulls me back to him. I guess I’ll take whatever I can get. But remember the offer to ditch is still on the table. He kisses me again, acting as though we were completely alone. Our kiss is broken when Noah clears his throat. Oh I’m sorry, this is Noah. He’s new here and I am helping him with his schedule. Ryder peeps around me and gives him a nod. This is Ryder. And this is Miyah. Noah gives a small wave, and Miyah gives him a flirty smile. I could tell she was with the rest of the female quota, when it came to Noah. And for the first time since we’ve been together, I felt Ryder lose his cool. He wasn’t happy about my new found friend. I kiss him on the cheek and whisper softly. It’s only for today. I’ll see you later. He kisses me back. It was a strong kiss. I knew it was to send a message to Noah. It made me a little uncomfortable. I guess guys feel like they need to mark their territory. But I didn’t like being kissed to make a point. I turned and walked with Noah in one direction, while Ryder and Miyah took off in the other.

I wait until Ryder is out of sight, before scooting next to Noah, to show him the schedule. Our first class is Horticulture. It’s outside in the vocational building. It’s this way. He nodded, while following my lead. It was funny when Ryder said, who takes Horticulture. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one interested in plants. But I wasn’t about to tell Ryder. I could tell from his impressions, he wouldn’t enjoy that news. Suddenly I realized I hadn’t gotten any impressions from Noah. That was odd. Usually the first impression is the strongest. It’s like I’m testing the water for sharks before I jump in. Maybe I tried too hard to block the impressions in class, and blocked him out in the process. But my impressions of Ryder and Miyah were strong, very clear.

We made our way into class and found our seats. Noah sat directly across from me in the next row. I didn’t mind. He was new and didn’t know anyone else. I hooked my backpack over the back of my desk. In the swing of things, I heard something spill onto the floor. Attempting to retrieve it, I accidentally grabbed Noah’s hand, which was already clutched around my pencil. On contact, I felt a gush of wind tare into my body, grabbing my next breath and running with it. My heart ached, like it was broken into a million pieces. Noah pulled away, and immediately it was gone. I wandered if he felt it too, but there was nothing, no impressions, not from anyone. My mind was clear as if I had been running, and my heart was racing just the same. I was afraid to look at him, afraid he’d felt it too. I turned and grabbed my notebook. I scribbled my name and the date at the top. Then just as quickly as they left, my impressions were back. They were clear as a bell, maybe even stronger, more sensitive. I felt like I had more control over them. I could tell what each student in class felt, only it was easier to distinguish them one from another. But strangely I had no reading on Noah. I tried to focus on him, his face, his eyes, but nothing. I flashed my memory back to the touch, but all I could get was this ache in my stomach. It was something I’d never felt before.

Before long the bell rang, and we were off to our second period class. I was glad. In about three minutes, I would get to see Ryder and Miyah. I tried to act like nothing happened, as Noah and I shared a small portion of the hallway. For all I knew, Noah hadn’t felt anything. It could have been some sort of glitch in my impressions. They’ve been all over the place today. I glanced over and smiled at him. He smiled back. Are you alright? His voice was calm and soothing. I give him a slight nod. I’m fine, why? You just seemed a little out of sorts, that all. Really I’m fine. It’s nothing. I swear. I hate it when I get nervous. I have a tendency to overcompensate on my answers. I also do that when I’m lying. He follows me down the hall and into room 108. I can see Ryder and Miyah sitting in the back row. Ryder motions for me to take the desk in front of him. He likes to sit behind me, so he can flirt without being seen. Sometimes he rubs his pencil up the side of my arm or blows on the back of my neck. Classes with him are much more enjoyable than the ones without him. And wouldn’t you know it Noah gets stuck right in front of Miyah and straight across from me. This is going to be awkward. Ryder leans forward. What’s he doing in here? I guess the same thing we’re doing in here. He brushes my hair back with his pencil and whispers in my ear. Well not exactly the same thing. I look straight ahead, trying to ignore the goose bumps trickling down my shoulder.

The bell rings as Mr. Robinson scrawls his name across the chalkboard. He turns to address the class. Welcome to Health. My name is Mr. Robinson. I’m either going to be your favorite teacher this year or your worst nightmare. It’s totally up to you. We’re going to talk about some serious and important issues. If you try to disrupt this class with some sort of childish remarks, or cause any problems whatsoever, expect to be removed with a failing grade. He rubs his hands together. Now that we have that out of the way, we can get started. He casually leans against the front of his desk. In our first six weeks, we are going to study the reproductive system. We are going to talk about life, all the way from conception to birth. We will discuss the repercussions of sex, from unplanned pregnancy to sexually transmitted diseases. You will learn that sex isn’t just a roll in the hay. It’s a life changing decision. And I’m sure that you’re thinking in the back of your mind, I know all I need to know. But I guarantee you will learn something. That is if you truly want to learn something. There are a lot of misconceptions about conception. He laughs but nobody gets it. He stands to his feet, and wonders around the room, eyeballing each student. Ok, let’s see how knowledgeable you are. He walks back to the front of the class. What is the best form of safe sex? Of course, Ryder has to be the first to raise his hand. Mr. Robinson acknowledges him. A condom… Ryder says with a triumphant smile. Interesting answer, are there any others? Birth Control Pills… Miyah spouts out without raising her hand. Ok, anyone else. Abstinence… As soon as I heard his voice, I knew it was Noah. Several of the students chuckled, including Ryder. But Mr. Robinson smiled. Well, one of these answers is correct. Birth Control Pills can prevent pregnancy, but do not offer any defense against disease. Condoms prevent pregnancy and offer defense against disease. But neither of those two answers is full proof against pregnancy or disease. The best form of birth control and disease control is abstinence. The sad part is abstinence is the least chosen of all three. Suddenly I’m bombarded with impressions. Some second guessing choices they’ve already made, some trying to decide for future endeavors. But I’m most curious about Ryder’s impressions. I can tell what Ryder just heard, went in one ear and out the other. Miyah on the other hand is wondering if she could change Noah’s mind about abstinence. Either way he’s intriguing to her. As for Noah, still no impressions.

Class seemed to fly by. I wanted to catch a little time alone with Ryder, before we had to take off to our next class. I wouldn’t get to see him again until last period. I passed a note to Miyah, asking her if she would show Noah to his next class. Luckily she had Geometry with both Noah and I. She returned the note, displaying the word gladly with a smiley face. The excitement in her eyes confirmed the answer. As soon as the bell rang, she grabbed Noah by the arm, and lured him into the hallway. By the