The Mirrors Within

By Stephanie Molina

5 years ago Selma was institutionalized for a suicide attempt. Since then she's been struggling to keep her emotions at bay and live her life as uncomplicated as she can. That is until Colin moves in and changes her life completely.

Colin is a bartender by night and a mental health counselor by day. Colin has a secret that could hurt Selma more than the events that caused her to be institutionalized in the first place.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stephanie Molina
• Release date: Jun 23, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310116704

Stephanie Molina

Stephanie was born in Lima, Peru and was raised in the states, specifically in Pennsylvania and currently lives in a small town outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.Stephanie has her MS in Psychology with a minor in addictive behaviors. She has a passion for writing and creating stories, that will keep you emotionally on your toes.

Book preview

As I stand in front of the mirror I hear Dr. Smith ask me Now, Selma, tell me what you see? I take a hard look at my reflection, and say, I see someone that wants to believe in a reason to never give up hope.

Don’t worry Selma. We’ll get you there. Dr. Smith said as I continued to stare at my reflection and wonder how I could have let myself get to this state of mind. I guess we’re all allowed to have our breakdowns, I just wish that I didn’t let mine get this far.

Chapter One

Present Day

I hate mirrors, ever since that day. Mirrors are something that I always try to avoid. Yes it helps us see how we look and everything, but at the same time, it can show you who you really are if you’re not too careful. For me, every time I look in the mirror I always hear Dr. Smith’s words of what I see. It’s been five years since I’ve had any type of mental health treatments. I really wouldn’t say that ‘I’m cured’ but there’s a fine line between normal and crazy. Who makes that determination besides the professionals is way beyond me, but today I’m going to place the blame on society. Not that it was their fault that I just happened to punch my own mirror and use the shattered pieces to play connect the dots on my body. The doctors said that it was a buildup of emotional distress that I had kept inside and blah, blah, blah. In other words, I just snapped and took it out myself. I did tell them that, but since they’re the professionals they had to milk my insurance as much as they could (pretty much for three months, when they could have just listened to me when I told the ER doctor what happened to begin with).

Now back to the original question, what do I see? I see an awkward girl that’s looking for a reason to never give up hope. To elaborate on that, it’s not that I want to give up in a sense of ending it all; I’m not in that mindset anymore. It’s more of hope for the happily ever after. Like the ones that you see in the movies after a traumatic experience one has and then once it’s over and done with, all is great in the world and they lived happily ever after. That’s why I’m trying to not give up hope; that my happy ending is out there about to happen. I’m a dreamer and even though I’m almost 30, I still believe and will always believe in fairytales.

I am the youngest of three. I have two older brothers Jon (35) and Gabriel (32) who are both married with children, and they are the most adorable nieces and nephews that an aunt could ask for. My parents divorced when I was 10 and still get along after nineteen years, which is surprising. My mom remarried when I was 15, to a good man named Robert, he treats her well and I’m grateful for him, because he’s never made my mom cry, well only happy tears. My father never remarried, he dated a few times but it never became anything serious enough to lead to marriage. I think it’s because he’ll always be in love with my mom and no other woman has ever measured up to her; but according to my mom’s side of the family it’s because no one wants to marry a ‘jackass.’ And lastly there’s me, Selma Lorenzo; a 29 year old single woman, who’s bound to turn into a cat lady without any cats, since I’m allergic to them.

I wasn’t always single and I’ve had my share of fun times, but I’ve never had anyone that I just clicked with. Like the kind of love where you get butterflies in your stomach and the inability to form coherent sentences, the kind of love that you see in movies or read about in romance novels. But I am happy. Well I at least tell myself that I’m happy. My best friend Blanche, (yes her name is Blanche her mom was a real Golden Girls fan to the point that she was named after one) always encouraged me to keep believing in fairytales and the happily ever after, but that changed when the guy she fell head over heels for left her at the altar. It was heart breaking to be the one that had to tell everyone the wedding was off, because the groom ran away to Canada and married the other guy he was seeing on the side. She was a mess and I think to this day she has never gotten over it no matter how many times she says she has.

Blanche (B, since it’s a lot easier to say and remember too) and I always meet up on Tuesdays for dinner at TGI-Fridays to catch up on the week event. Even though we talk via text, it’s still a way for us to see each other since we're always working and may or may not have other weekend plans.

Ok so I haven’t really given up on men, I just think that there’s no use on settling down. A girl has to play the field, because you never know if the one you fall for could be married, which then makes them an asshole.

I watch as B tells our waiter, There’s no hope.

I only smile as I approach her. Of course there is, the poor guy is probably stuck in a tree somewhere lost and cold, since the GPS doesn’t always work you know,

B smiles as she hears my comment Sel, only you can get lost with a GPS, I don’t think there’s anyone else in this world that’s as directionally challenged as you.

You have a point there. Sooooo…how was the date with that businessman person? What was his name?

B gives and exasperated sigh and tells me Adam, and he was ok and HOT but it would never have worked out though, I look up at her from my menu and give her a confused look, and she tells me HE'S FUCKING MARRIED!

I don’t even know what to say to that. It’s not like B has a problem finding a guy, it’s the right one that has no baggage, that’s the issue.

OMG! I can’t believe it B. Think of the bright side; you got a free meal out it right?

She looks up from the menu with a devilish smirk, which can only mean one thing Oh crap, I know that look, you slept with him! Please be joking? I swear B you're living up to your name and we haven’t reached our golden years yet!

She rolls her eyes at me I can’t believe you think I’m that much of a slut! That hurts coming from you she said sarcastically

If the shoe fits… I said as I took a sip of water. She just looked at me with a smile and shook her head.

I didn’t sleep with him, after dinner I went to catch up with Abby from work at the local bar up the street from us and there were these hot college guys, and OMG Sel. She says as she lets out a sigh and bites her lower lip. I roll my eyes at her commentary of college guys. B catches my look and smirks Just because I had a one-night stand doesn’t mean that I’m easy you know, sometimes a girl has needs that even B.O.B (battery operated boyfriend) can’t full-fill.

I hate it when she’s right, but to me I can still count the number of people that I’ve slept with on one hand, but I’m never one to judge others if they want to have one nighters. I’ve personally never had a one-night stand; I’ve done the relationship thing and friends with benefits that went completely wrong. Tommy and I were best friends that grew up together and we were attached at the hip. As we got older, we grew apart, he moved out of state, and we ran into each other in college. We had always said we were going to go to Temple University together; then freshman orientation came and there he was in the same group as me. I felt complete, not that Tommy and I were soul mates or anything, but he was my other half, my partner in crime and my first for everything.

In college, I wasn’t looking for any type of relationship and only wanted to focus on my studies. Tommy and I came to a ‘friends with benefits’ agreement. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but of course it ended horribly, mainly because I lost a friend in the end. With the whole friends with benefits, someone always ends up getting hurt and falling for the other; while the other only gets what they need and that’s about it. Unfortunately that was me. I fell for him and he only got out what he wanted. It got to the point where I became jealous that he started to go out on dates with other girls, and then would come and be with me at night. Up until one day I thought that it would be a great idea to tell him everything that I felt and pour my heart out to him, he was having sex with another girl. I know, I know, I shouldn’t have been upset about it or anything, since we were never official and never together but it hurt and it hurt like a bitch. I locked myself in the dorm room for five days and analyzed everything that was wrong with me; most tell me that was the start or my soon to be melt down, but I beg to differ.

I look over to B who was talking about something and also looking a little pissed that I wasn’t paying attention. Where the hell did you go for the past ten minuets? I was telling you that you should come out with me and Abby one night, she knows of the best places to try and meet people.

I let out a sigh, as much as I love my best friend, the bar scene is not really my thing for meeting a guy but she has been on my case about this for a long time, so I guess one night can’t hurt.

Fine, I’ll go, but please don’t expect me to do anything with a stranger, because that is not me, She gives me a shocked look as if someone was rewarding her with diamond earrings, but that fades into a devilish smile that I’m way too familiar with; now I know I just signed my life away.

***

Getting ready for a night out is more of a chore than anything else. I’m more of a staying home and staying in pajamas all day kinda gal, but I will get all dolled up if needed. I’m not one to toot my own horn or anything, but I can clean up nicely. But when you have B helping you get ready, that’s another story. I love my best friend and everything, but she has a tendency of making sure that every part of me is perfectly flawless to the point where one may or may not look airbrushed.

Wow Sel you look amazing, practically flawless, I twirled and smiled at my friend’s words. I'm dressed in one of my favorite red tube-top dress, which hugs each curve just perfectly and stops right above the knee. Since I’m 5'3'' anything longer would resort in me looking a lot shorter than I am. I'm wearing my black pumps that help with my height and my dark brown hair is now straight instead of messy curls, but with my luck, it'll be curly by the end of the night.

Thanks B, you don’t look half bad yourself, I say back to her. B is dressed in a little black dress that leaves little to the imagination (if she were to bend down and pick something up). B is 5'7'' green eyes, blonde hair, that somewhat resembles a Barbie doll, but don’t let the blonde hair fool you, if needed she could find and use almost anything as a weapon if it came down to it.

Now, please have a little bit of fun! No pouting or sulking and when approached by a guy, please try and not let your awkwardness come out. I love you to death Sel, but please, just try and flirt back.

And here comes the speech, I think this was a new record, a good thirty minutes from when B got here; she started the social awkward speech. Social awkwardness is my forte; I can make/ turn any situation awkward without even trying. For example, the first time I met one of my sister in-laws, Jenny, she was very sweet and was talking and asking me questions, and then of course I ask a random one since my brother Jon really liked her and wanted to know if it was ok to take the next step, as in sleeping with her, leave it to me to be blunt and ask if she would ever sleep with him. The outcome of that was getting the back of my head hit, her leaving and my brother getting pissed off at me because he thought that I really wouldn’t ask her; it’s like he never grew up with me, of course my mom and Robert then gave me a lecture on social etiquette. That memory made me smile, I can’t make any promises, but I’ll at least try. B lets out a sigh and tells me that it’s a start. Once the cab arrived we were set to head out for our girls’ night out. While B is plotting how to get laid, I’m only hoping how not to trip and fall on my ass or, worse yet, flat on my face.

We arrive at the bar, or by the looks of it more like a lounge. We head out to find Abby. Abby is a lot like B, but more of a slut. B may have her moments, but Abby is the icing on the cake, it’s like she has a super power and guys automatically drool and follow her like a lost puppy. I know what some may be thinking, girls call each other sluts all the time, but no, she is actually a slut, a female player. One time she did what a guy calls a hat trick, slept with four guys in one day. My point exactly, but she is nice though. We spot Abby and walk towards her, she gives us a tight smile and turns back and talks to the group of guys she’s with. I take a look at my surroundings and this place is nice. It’s a lot classier than the average sports bar and less extravagant than any lounge bars. It’s a huge overall layout, mostly covered in couches and small tables; there’s a wall that’s full of stone and what looks to be a waterfall, correction it is a waterfall, and I’m in awe since it’s neat and I sort of want one now.

That is awesome! B look! I kind of want one in my apartment. B turns to look at me and lifts an eyebrow; You want a waterfall in your apartment? Wouldn’t that make you want to pee all the time?

Oh yea, as usual B is my voice of reason Okay point taken. We walk up to the bar, B orders her vodka tonic and I order my usual Jack and Coke. Well normally a beer or white wine will do it for me, but it’s a Jack and Coke kind of night.

Cheers to solitude and besties. B says to me with a big smile that has a hidden meaning, but I’m not sure if I should be scared or concerned.

Cheers, what’s the look for? I ask her as I take a sip of my drink and think oh Jack, the one guy that has never done me or could do me wrong. Yeah I know it’s sad that I’ve developed feelings for a drink, with the end result is lack of judgment or emotional distress.

Oh nothing, I’m going to scope out the place, you know what they say ‘Once you find a potential guy, you need to smile and start with the flirting to see where it will go’. she explains with a devilish smirk. I roll my eyes at her, because in less than five minutes, she’s already smiling at one and he’s making the move to approaching her. I can bet that either numbers or bodily fluids will be exchanged at some point tonight.

I went to find a seat at the bar and observe my surroundings and see how a few girls ‘fix’ themselves, by fixing up their boobs and place their shoulders back and twirl their hair. Seriously, has the female generation sunk so low that they need to prep themselves? Because nothing says I’m interested than boob preps. I then notice the guys, who try and develop the courage to walk up to one of those girls, but get shut down. Don’t these girls realize that the guys are trying, and there is no need to look at them disgusted when approached? I guess that’s why some guys like and turn to older women (cougars), since they are willing to accept that type of attention.

Another round? the bartender asks me, I respond with a nod. I can’t help but check out the bartender, he looks my age and is sort of hot, especially his eyes, they have to be the most amazing green eyes I’ve ever seen. I take out more money and place it on the bar. As I’m waiting for another drink a guy sits down next to me. I notice that this guy is good looking, so I smile at him shyly. But of course I have a little more respect for myself and refuse prep myself.

Hi, I’m Steve. He said with a smile on his face and takes out his hand and holds mine, I smile again and introduce myself.

Hi, I’m Selma.

Now that’s a name that you don’t hear every day…it’s sexy and exotic…now tell me Selma, did it hurt?

Ummm did what hurt? I’m confused. Crap I thought that no one could notice the scars. I’ve always made sure to hide them so that no one could see them; I’ve mastered on how to put on makeup that covered the imperfections and everything. No one has ever been able to notice. I take slow breaths and try my hardest not to freak out over this, there’s just no way!

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because I’m looking at an angel, he says as he takes my hand and kisses it, without taking his eyes off of me.

OH MY FREAKING GOD! I take back everything I’ve said. He’s not even trying. I’ve heard my fair share of pick-up lines, but really this is by far the worst. Once a guy said to me if I was a Transformer then I’d be Optimus fine. I thought it was cute and since I happen to like the Transformers then, I thought that the guy deserved a chance. He got an A for originality in my book, but this guy, he must have read it in a book somewhere. It’s too bad though, this guy is cute, but went from cute stranger to creeper in less than two minutes. How do I let him down gently?

No, Steve it doesn’t hurt when you have to dig your way up I said with a smile on my face. Poor Steve though, he didn’t like that too much since his face deadpanned and got up really quickly. Well someone doesn’t have a good

Reviews for The Mirrors Within

[blsfan68 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

A very well written story with lots of true to life emotion about depression and the thoughts/feelings that go with it. It reminds us of the importance of family and friends in our lives and how only we can control our reactions. I loved the way the chapters switched between past and present. It worked very well to tie the entire story together without being confusing and provided insight into future developments. Selma's struggle is full of surprises. It's a very interesting read that was hard to put down.I look forward to reading more books by Stephanie Molina.