Why Am I Not Insane?!... or Am I?!

By Claudia Phillips

Let me start from the beginning and tell you the story of my loving parents. Mom and Dad met on the dock of a small island in the caribbean called Grand Turk. Grand Turk is the capital of the Turks and Caicos Islands.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Aug 9, 2010
• ISBN: 9781453544327

Claudia Phillips

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Why am I not insane?!... Or am I? 

Claudia Phillips 

Copyright © 2010 by Claudia Phillips.

Library of Congress Control Number:  2010910885

ISBN:         Hardcover           978-1-4535-4431-0

                  Softcover           978-1-4535-4430-3

                      Ebook           978-1-4535-4432-7

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November 21, 1975, the day it all began. Freedom, I thought! Life should be cake from here. It was more like rejected fruitcake. Well, let me start from the beginning and tell you the story of my loving parents. Mom and Dad met on the dock of a small island in the Caribbean called Grand Turk. Grand Turk is the capital of the Turks and Caicos Islands. Well, my dad was on his way to the States, and he accidentally got dropped off in Grand Turk.

Lost, confused, and broke, he was wondering around docks thinking of what his next step was gonna be, and that’s when he met my mother who was, at the time, picking up some merchandise for my great-grandmother Madam, who owned the local store there. She told me when she saw my dad with his big’70s fro, she couldn’t help but to say something. They started talking and that’s when it happened. I often wondered if it was ever love or lust. Knowing them, I think it was more like lust. Well, he gave her his sob story about how he was on his way to Miami and got dropped off here, and he didn’t have any money, and well, she fell for it hook, line and sinker! She snuck him into her room, fed him, and she was arranging his trip to Miami, but before all that could happen, she found out she was pregnant with me.

Now at this time, she already had three children: the first was Will, whom his father had taken at birth; the second was my sister, whom her father’s family had taken after her father died; the third was my brother Ricardo who was living with the local pastor and his family as help. My mother had started having us at the age of fourteen where she had one of us every year. The first two are brother/sister and cousins. Yeah, first cousins at that! Mother was quite busy. So when I came along, it wasn’t exactly a joyous occasion for the both of them. She told me that she drank some sort of abortion tea, and it didn’t work. When that didn’t work, she had my father sit on her stomach, and when that didn’t work, she jumped up and down. That’s when I guessed they realized that maybe this child was meant to be born.

In the late afternoon of November 21, I made my debut as she was playing poker. You would think I would be lucky, right? Wrong! After I was born, my great-grandmother, Madam, kicked the both of them out, and they just couldn’t seem to catch a break, so my mother then left me with my grandmother, Christine, and she took off for Miami—the land of opportunity at the time. The plan was to work and send for my father. She said that she put herself on a diet of chicken, rice, and Kool-Aid to send for him, and she did it! We came over my grandmother, father and I. They got an apartment, and I was finally with my two loving parents again.

Unfortunately, it didn’t last. She got him his first job, which lasted twenty-plus years. You must be asking yourself, what could possibly go wrong? Well, here we go. Apparently, my father’s friend, Jean, came over one day—well, many days when my dad was at work to visit with my mother. On one of those days, my father got off early and walked in on his girl and friend having sex. Yeah, she got caught! And what made it worse was that the two guys worked together! That was the end of my loving family.

(They still stayed friends after that happened, and Jean became my brother’s godfather; and my father later repaid Jean by sleeping with his wife)

After the separation, I went to live with my grandmother, and they went their separate ways. After moving in with my grandmother, my uncle, her son, had a really bad drug habit, and she worked a lot. At that time, it was the neighbors and their kids that became my family; things were so much nicer back then. There was a sense of community. Everybody looked after the kids in the neighborhood. I thank God for that. I’d befriended some kids that lived a house down from us, and I started to spend my days over there, and as my uncle’s habit got worse, I also spent a lot of my nights there too. Eventually, they asked my grandmother if I could stay with them. She agreed. She knew that it would be much safer and a lot more stable for me.

A couple of years passed, and I adapted to my new family. It was wonderful. I had a real mom and dad, sister and brothers; they treated me like one of their own. It was great. Till one day, my aunt showed up—this is my father’s sister, Francine—to visit, and my new mom felt threatened. She told my aunt, You can visit, but you can’t take her! I was so happy when she said that because I didn’t want to leave. I was around five years old at that time. Aunt Francine came to visit every weekend, and she would spend time with me and the family until she gained their trust. On one of those visits, she asked my mom if she could take me for the weekend, and she agreed. I still remember the day. It was raining, and they put a towel over my head and put me in the car. That would be the last time I would see my mom.

(They would later separate and my new mom died of a drug overdose, and my new dad died of AIDS)

Once again, a whole new life. So now it became Mommy Francine and Daddy Max. It took me a while to get over the hurt and sadness that I felt leaving my family. I couldn’t dwell on those feelings for too long because I had a new life. Mommy Francine unfortunately couldn’t bear children, so when I came into the picture, it was a dream come true. I was their little princess. They spoiled me with the best. I had piano, French, and singing lessons. I had my own room, new things; we had dinner together when Daddy Max would come home from work every night. It was great. I felt like number one in their life. Of course, you know by now things couldn’t stay that way. My aunt made a mistake and asked my parents if she could adopt me, and they raised hell. My loving mom—that I hadn’t seen in years—said, No, I want my baby back! She went to my dad and asked him again, and he said no. So here we go again.

(My aunt and uncle later divorced, and my aunt went crazy for a while. She kept telling people that she was pregnant when she wasn’t. I think she was also committed for a while too)

My mom came down to pick me up. I had a feeling in my gut that this wasn’t gonna end well. The first couple of months were like a dream. She acted like she cared, and then it went downhill from there. At the time, mommy dearest was dating one of the biggest drug dealers in Palm Beach. Life was like cake; she put me in the best private school where there were just