My Husband Our Father: a Family's Walk Through the Storm of Grief in Search of a Rainbow

By Michelle Caravelli

After a loving, seventeen-year relationship with her husband, Gus, Michelle and her four children ages eighteen, fourteen, twelve, and ten each experience their own individual journeys into the storm of grief during and after the diagnosis of liver cancer. My Husband Our Father: A Familys Walk Through the Storm of Grief in Search of a Rainbow is comprised of personal memoirs from a young widow, Michelle, and each of her four children: Brittany, Gina, Louie, and Madeline.

This book will lift your heart, as we have all gone through our own personal journey of grief at some point in our lives, searching for a rainbow of hope in order to move forward. My Husband Our Father: A Family's Walk Through the Storm of Grief in Search of a Rainbow provides unique insight and an honest perspective on how we all grieve differently and how this can weigh heavily upon a family. Experience the enlightenment, inspiration, and empowerment that this book will offer.

Truly inspirational is the transition between love, loss, and healing, as our lives move forward with our lost loved ones nearby. Step inside the hearts and minds of each family member to better understand the grieving process and better recognize the storm of grief in search of a rainbow.

Feel free to visit our website for blogs and updates: www.insearchofarainbow.com And our Facebook Page: http://www.facebook.com/insearchofarainbow

The writing of My Husband Our Father involved each family member producing an unedited, candid memoir of experience before sharing with the family - and the result is a gripping chronicle of how life goes on and how recoveries happen at different levels.

The result is a poignant and moving memoir, highly recommended for any who have struggled with grief during challenging processes and times, which documents the separate journals and experiences of a family connected by the bonds of love, pain, and survival.

D. Donovan, Senior eBook Reviewer, MBR

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Aug 20, 2014
• ISBN: 9781452517797

Michelle Caravelli

Michelle Caravelli, M.Ed., is the widow of Gus and mother to Brittany, Gina, Louie, and Madeline. She spends her day working with young children through teaching and is currently working on organizing grieving support seminars. Originally from La Crosse, Wisconsin, she now lives in Warwick, Rhode Island, with her family and enjoys spending time by the ocean.

Book preview

My Husband Our Father:

A Family’s Walk Through the Storm of Grief in Search of a Rainbow

Michelle Caravelli

and

Madeline Caravelli, Louie Caravelli, Gina Caravelli, Brittany Gaustad

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Copyright © 2014 Michelle Caravelli.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Balboa Press

A Division of Hay House

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.balboapress.com

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-1778-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-1779-7 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date: 8/20/2014

Contents

Preface

Acknowledgments

Michelle’s Memoir

Chapter 1 Our Early Years

Chapter 2 Banish that Rainbow: Diagnosis and Treatment

Chapter 3 Please Don’t Go

Chapter 4 Gussie, Come Back

Chapter 5 From WI to RI

Chapter 6 I See a Rainbow…

Madeline’s Memoir

Chapter 7 Having Hope, Yet Feeling Hopeless

Louie’s Memoir

Chapter 8 Dear Dad

Gina’s Memoir

Chapter 9 Letting Go, But Holding on Tight

Brittany’s Memoir

Chapter 10 A Door’s a Door

Afterword

Notes

∞

This book is dedicated

to Gus,

loving husband and father.

We love you.

∞

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To appreciate the rainbow after cursing the rain is just like loving again after experiencing the pain.

- unknown

Preface

When we took on this project, we discussed the importance of being authentic with our feelings, memories and expressions, of being unguarded. As we know, everyone grieves differently, children grieve differently and our family is of no exception to this. We are but one of many families going through the storm of grief and loss, just trying to propel ourselves forward.

During this process, each one of us wrote our own memoir, free of input from one another and then submitted when we were finished. It does not get any more authentic than this. We felt that as hard as it has been to recollect these innermost feelings and memories, that it has been equally healing for us. Each of our hearts lay across these pages with you as you read our personal journeys. We hope that whatever you may be going through in your own life at this time, that you take away a sense of peace and comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

We are all connected in this grand universe and can feel pain, loss and abandonment as well as love, strength and fortitude. Traditionally, grieving has been seen within our culture as a private matter, one that can make others uncomfortable at times, so more often we grieve in hiding. Our family is here to say, that it is okay to grieve the way that you need to.

Once the funeral is over, we are told that life is supposed to go on, but does it? Our life is forever changed; it will never be the same as it was with Gussie. Everyone else’s life might go on as it once was, but those in the storm of grief struggle with daily life and search for hope for the future; they search for that rainbow. Please never feel ashamed of your feelings or feel that you need to bottle them up inside. We need to allow ourselves permission to grieve and remember our loved ones the way that we need to, in order to heal.

Grieving does evolve over time, differently for everyone. Part of our family’s grieving process is sharing our personal memoirs with you. In Search of a Rainbow is a metaphor for HOPE. Hope to move forward in our lives after a devastating loss. We have learned many lessons throughout the whole healing process of grieving and found our voices again. Our family’s goal here is to help others, give insight and children a voice in their own healing process, when often times they struggle alone internally, with the whole situation. Grieving = Healing = Empowerment

We are honoring and remembering a special man, husband, and father whose legacy left behind is one of love. Gus’s love carries on, and transcends through both space and time. Love never dies; the body may give out, but the love lives on through us, and one day we will all be together again. We have had many spiritual encounters and signs from Gus since his passing; he is still very close to us, and forever our angel. We have felt him guiding us along the way through this entire healing process. You see, our loved ones never truly leave us; it is just different. We love you Gussie!

"It was love that brought me to the pain….

and

It was love that brought me back again"

-Michelle Caravelli

Acknowledgments

As a family, we would also like to thank our dear family and friends (you know who you are!) You remain forever in our hearts. It has been said, that you can tell one’s true character in the most difficult of times. Our friends and family’s character has our highest regard and eternal appreciation. So again, thank you.

Thanks to Dr. O, and the Onocology nurses at Gundersen Clinic for their wonderful care of Gussie.

Thanks to the Onalaska School District for everything that they have done for our family.

Thanks to the Minneapolis V.A. Center for their superior care of my father.

We would also like to thank the Fisher House Foundation, which is a spectacular foundation to support. The Fisher House Foundation allowed my children and me to stay free of charge so that we could be there for my father, who was going through his own cancer fight. Thank you!

…..we also wish to thank many, many more earth angels that our family has experienced along the way, that have helped us in one way or another. We would like to thank our Divine Creator, the Ascended Masters, the angels, and Gussie for their continued love and guidance throughout this entire writing process of getting our message out to you. We are eternally grateful, thank you.

Michelle’s Memoir

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(Chapters 1-6)

∞

Our Early Years

(Chapter 1)

I have always felt a higher purpose since my early childhood, yet never truly understood what that meant. I would never have imagined as a young child that I would have inadvertently become a member of the Widows Club at the age of 37 with four children left to care for. So here I sit in Rhode Island after moving from Wisconsin five years ago after the loss of my husband, Gus, writing my personal journey of love, loss and healing. In order to better understand my thought processes, I feel that getting to know my life up to meeting my beloved husband, Gus, is essential into understanding my personal journey through the storm of grief in search of a rainbow, in search of hope, to move forward in my life.

I always felt that there was something greater than me that was guiding me along my life’s path. I guess you could say that I knew that I was part of something much bigger than myself. Growing up in a toxic household, void of love yet filled with emotional, mental and physical abuse was extremely hard. My father, diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, tried his very best to be there for my sister and me as he could; yet, he battled his innermost demons of both alcohol and substance abuse. However, he did the best that he could at that time in his life. Even if the times spent with him were few, those special times remain sweetly safe within my heart, as I understood his struggles, felt his unconditional love for me and loved him back unconditionally.

The same cannot be said of my mother; after my parents divorced when I was five years old, I lived with her and my two younger sisters while growing up until the age of 17. I really do not want to spend much time on her as I have been estranged from her since the age of 17, am currently 43 years old and content to living apart from all of her toxicity; I have made peace with the situation and hold no anger from it, as it is what it is. I am simply including this background information for you, the reader, in order for you to better understand that there were two things that I was always craving since I was a child, love and stability.

As a little girl, I escaped my life of hell through dreaming, praying and being one with nature. I looked at nature’s glory and calmed my own mind down from all of the negativity, while believing and praying to a higher power for both strength and hope to see a future. These coping skills maintained my sanity, gave me hope to continue on with my life and provided the necessary fortitude to move forward. I prayed over and over again, for God to help me keep strong, yet balanced and receptive to love. One of my biggest fears was to harden to all things around me, to never be receptive to love or to never see the beauty in all things. Ironically, it would be these very same skills that I would tap into 30 years later after losing my Gussie.

After earning my GED, at the age of 18, I got pregnant with my first child, Brittany and a year later, married her father. It was a young marriage; we were both emotionally immature and clearly not ready for marriage. After being married for about a year, we both decided at that point that it was best to remain on friendly terms for Brittany’s sake, yet get a divorce. After years of living with my mother and hearing her bash my father over and over again, while my father took the higher road of never disparaging her, I consciously decided to model after my father. I did not want my children emotionally scarred for any reason at all; there was no other way. As a mother, it has always been my priority to put my children first and myself second.

I do want to add something of importance here, you know the old saying that if one has lemons then they need to make lemonade, well I did just that. Throughout my young life, I was both blessed and privileged to have encountered many wonderful people throughout the years that made a huge impact upon my life. Elderly women that lived our neighborhoods took me in and treated me as if I was their very own grandchild. Several city bus drivers befriended me and gave me advice about life while they drove me to school each morning. Sister Sheila, principal of my Catholic elementary school, provided a maternal love to me and took me over to the convent several times to feed me. These random acts of kindness deeply moved me and made a profound difference in my life.

These people, I looked up to and I intentionally studied their behaviors. I would consciously say to myself that I wanted to be more like them because they held character traits that inspired me. Even though my childhood was void of any love and stability, when I was lucky enough to stay over at a friend’s house, I watched their familial interactions, the role that each would play within the family and felt their love for each other. I would say things to myself like, I want to be like Dawn’s mom, Brooke’s mom and Denise’s mom when I grow up. What I am trying to say here is that I did have positive role models, outside of my home that I did not take for granted but rather I looked up to.

So by the time that Brittany was three years old, she and I lived alone together while I worked as a secretary at an automotive plant. While I felt strong and capable of raising my daughter alone, there was something still missing. Then it happened! Magic happened! Just as all of the great novels discuss, electricity filled every cell in my being as our eyes met while I was at work. When our eyes met, nothing else existed within the room and I intuitively knew in that moment of time that this handsome man would be of special significance in my life; I just didn’t know how significant.

Gus had a head full of thick, jet black hair, thick dark eyebrows, broad shoulders, a prominent nose, olive skin and a lean body; he held a mystique that was different from anyone else that I have ever met. My insides fluttered and electrical currents filled my inner being. Evidently, a mutual friend of ours was asked by both of us, at different times, for each other’s information. We began to talk over the phone at the very beginning of our relationship as Gus lived four hours away from me, in Chicago, while I lived in western Wisconsin.

Our first official date was exciting. We went out to dinner and talked and talked. I honestly have to say, that as our dating went on, we became such good friends. At the time that Gus and I met, he was legally separated, going through a divorce from his wife and living in his own apartment. He worked as a union delegate out of Chicago and negotiated contracts for its members at various workplaces. We had mutual respect for each other; he listened to me and I listened to him. He shared his memories of growing up in his large, Italian family; I was in awe. Our backgrounds couldn’t have been more different from each other, nor our ages. You see, Gus was 25 years my senior, yet that was insignificant to both of us. At one point, he did ask me why I would want a relationship with an old man and I told him that I thought beyond a number. Our chemistry was undeniable; our passion for each other was intense and we couldn’t wait to be together.

Gus understood and accepted me for all that I was, flaws and all; he did not judge my childhood pain or me. In fact, Gus would praise me by telling me that I was a smart girl and encourage me to go back to school because, as he said it, An education is everything and cannot be taken away from you. At that time, I was insecure about school and did not think that I was capable of success in it. As we began spending more and more time together talking and getting to know each other, I enrolled in school at a local technical college where I began taking general classes. To my own surprise, I got all A’s and B’s. To this day, I do not know if I would have taken the chance with school, if it hadn’t been for Gus believing in me.

Brittany and I visited Gus in Chicago many times; he was so proud to show us around his home city. I loved it! He repeatedly shared his treasured memories and feelings of love for his sweet, little Italian grandmother, Michelina. This attracted me to him even more as I felt their mutual love and respect for each other. Gus’s mother and father had unfortunately already passed away by the time that I met Gus and he was an only child. He was close in age to his aunts and uncles and as he put it, they were more like his brothers and sisters. I lived vicariously through his life and familial relationships; I always wanted to hear more and spend more time with them. There was nothing more that I ever wanted than love and stability within a family and now I was seeing it firsthand. I was always in a survival mode throughout my childhood, never allowed to be just a child, rather I was trying to just get through to the next day, but this was different.

About a year and