Waiting for Grace: How to Make the Most of Your Suffering

By Kathleen A. Trissel

Suffering the long-term torment of physical or mental illness or the anguish of losing a child to leukemia or losing a son or daughter to a drug overdose are the faces of suffering. Waiting for Grace: How to Make the Most of Your Suffering explores the reasons we suffer from inherited sin to the glory of God. This book will also discuss how our attitudes in suffering can lighten the load, in addition to providing both practical and spiritual means for thriving in suffering. It will look at suffering that is long as well as the promises in scripture for the suffering. As we travel the path of suffering we grapple with a God who allows suffering, and we struggle for even a glimmer of understanding.The purpose of this book is to encourage, comfort, impart hope, and give meaning to those who suffer, and it offers stories from those who find meaning and blessing in their suffering.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781512797312

Kathleen A. Trissel

She writes as someone who has known her share of suffering because of a lifelong struggle with mental illness and chronic pain. In addition, as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, she has long and fruitful experience in offering comfort, encouragement and hope to the suffering. Her writing has appeared in Psychology for Living, Friend to Friend, and the book Trials and Triumphs, among others. She also has a Master of Arts in Counseling and Human Development.

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Copyright © 2017 Kathleen A. Trissel, MA, LPCC-S.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-9730-5 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9732-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-9731-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017911873

WestBow Press rev. date: 08/18/2017

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Unless otherwise stated, scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible® (NASB),

Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973,

1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation

Used by permission. www.Lockman.org

Scripture quotations marked HCSB®, are taken from the Holman Christian Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2009 by Holman Bible Publishers. Used by permission. HCSB® is a federally registered trademark of Holman Bible Publishers.Save me, O God!

For the waters have come up to my neck.

I sink in deep mire,

where there is no foothold;

I have come into deep waters,

and the flood sweeps over me.

Psalm 69:1-2

PREFACE

A s we endeavor to tackle the problem of suffering, I write not as one who has all the answers, but as one who struggles with the same questions you do. I write as a fellow traveler with you, and as one who asks, What kind of God allows all the suffering we see in the world? I don’t write as an antagonist with God, but as a lover of God who seeks to understand as much as I can about him, while also realizing that I will never fully comprehend his character. I see through a glass dimly. I am, however, convinced that I can grow in deeper intimacy and fellowship with him as I seek him with all my heart.

I also write as one who has known far more personal suffering than I care to have experienced, not as one who sits in the bleachers as a cold observer into the suffering of humanity. I am not able to answer all questions, perhaps even most, but hopefully I can wrestle with you as we explore the deepest questions of our hearts.

Searching into the chasm of human suffering provides some answers, but I’ve found that answers yield more questions. I’m no expert on all the theological arguments about suffering, and though I feel woefully inadequate, I dare to tackle the subject because suffering has tackled me.

CONTENTS

I.   The Face of Suffering

II.   Why We Suffer

1.     The Beginning of Suffering

2.     Sin Defined

3.     A Slave to Sin

4.     The Sin of Others

5.     Our Own Sin

6.     Suffering As a Believer

7.     We’re Not Home Yet

8.     Much Wisdom, Much Grief

9.   Testing of Loyalties

10.   Taking Up The Cross

11.   Temptation

12.   Unforgiveness

13.   Unexplainable

14.   For The Glory of God

III.   The Blessing of Suffering

1.   Builds Character

2.   Deepens Relationship with God

3.   Increase

4.   Partakers of His Holiness

5.   Refines

6.   Sharing in His Glory

7.   Suffering, Yet Blessed

IV.   Our Attitude in Suffering

1.   Patient Hope

2.   Courage

3.   Humility

4.   Faith

5.   Openness of Heart

6.   A Heart of Thanksgiving

7.   Prayerful

V.   How to Thrive in Suffering

1.   Holding to The Hope of Heaven

2.   Community

3.   Comfort In A God Who Sees

4.   The Word of God

5.   Music

6.   God’s Love

7.   God Is Not Surprised

8.   Assure Yourself

9.   Don’t Judge Yourself

VI.   When Suffering Is Long

1.   Long Enduring Suffering

2.   When God Hides Himself

VII.   God And Our Suffering

1.   Who Is God In Our Suffering

2.   Wrestling With God

3.   Is God Still Good

VIII.   Waiting For Grace

1.   Grace Defined

2.   The Healing Process

3.   Entering Into The Suffering of Another

4.   For The One

5.   Learning from Paul’s Example

6.   Final Thoughts

Epilogue

Appendix A

Endnotes

CHAPTER 1

The Face of Suffering

Save me, O God!

For the waters have come up to my neck.

² I sink in deep mire,

where there is no foothold;

I have come into deep waters,

and the flood sweeps over me.

³ I am weary with my crying out;

my throat is parched.

My eyes grow dim

with waiting for my God.

Psalm 69:1-3

C rime, natural disasters, war, and famine usher in suffering to all of humankind. The numbers leave us staggering. In 2013, over 1,000,000 violent crimes struck the nation. ¹ Weather fatalities from floods, earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes devastate, traumatize our sleep with nightmares, and leave people’s lives shattered like glass. I witnessed the devastation of the earthquake in Taiwan in 2000 that claimed 2,400 lives and injured 10,000 more, in addition to leaving 100,000 homeless. ²

Personal suffering leaves our heart in pieces. While your suffering may not come from a disaster, it cuts no less. Before we embark on our journey of trying to make sense of suffering, I’d like to share my story with you.

A torrent of mental and emotional suffering entered my life from the age of ten. School demanded my attention, but my mind, caught in its own world of distress, drifted elsewhere. I received the diagnosis of hyperactivity, and from that time on medication became as normal as the evening meal. The medication, however, made me worse. Happiness as a child evaded me, though I enjoyed boating, waterskiing and playing my guitar. I escaped into the world of music, my only solace. After the medication for hyperactivity failed, the doctor prescribed another tranquilizer and an antidepressant. At the age of thirteen, the doctor took me off all the medication, which landed me in the hospital from withdrawal, with spiders and snakes invading my bed as I turned side to side. The doctor didn’t recognize it as withdrawal though, and he prescribed Mellaril, a powerful antipsychotic, which left me sleeping throughout the day.

By the age of fifteen, long into the journey of mental pain and anguish, I attempted suicide and almost succeeded, but when I realized I might die fear gripped my heart like a vice. According to the doctor, death almost won as the aspirin level in my blood reached forty-one percent. Had it reached forty-nine percent, I wouldn’t be here to tell the story. The Lord’s mercy spared me. I spent three days in ICU, followed by an admission to the psychiatric ward, which began a long history of hospitalizations for psychiatric reasons. Though I returned to school after the overdose, I withdrew and skipped classes, hiding out in the music room with my guitar. I also found escape in alcohol and drugs, but fear of street drugs left me searching for prescription medications that would give me an escape into numbness. When I couldn’t find drugs, I drank.

In my mid-twenties, I received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, at which time the doctor prescribed medication for mood instability, but marginal success with medication, coupled with continued suicidal ideations and gestures landed me in the hospital repeatedly. One medication after another failed, and the torment and affliction of my mind grew. Because of my inability to function, I went on disability where my main occupation became survival. If I dusted an end table, for example, I counted the day a success.

After four years of living on social security disability, I returned to school and work. Through the Lord’s leading, I found a church and a sister in the Lord who came along side of me. I received a measure of hope and healing, but I still struggled with mood instability. I also began to develop symptoms of panic attacks, such as shortness of breath, shaking, and pain in my chest. Suicidal thoughts returned with a force, which landed me in and out of the hospital again. Though I faithfully took the medication, it gave me only slight relief. The torment of my mind left me paralyzed, and sleep emerged as my escape. I didn’t want to face the world, nor did I want to live; in fact, the only comfort I found came in thoughts of death.

I struggled to work as long as I could, but finally in 2003 I went back on disability. I simply tried to survive. I felt such pressure on my mind, as though on the verge of losing contact with reality. Paranoia plagued me, and a cacophony of voices filled my mind.

In 2004, the Lord led me to a church I called home from the beginning. My mental and emotional struggles continued, but now I had a place of community with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I often sought prayer because of ongoing anxiety, oppression, and depression. Hospitalizations filled my life. The longer the struggle continued, the more I lost hope.

In the summer of 2007, I became convinced the Lord told me I’d lay down my life for him as a martyr. I didn’t shudder at this. I wanted to do it as an outward demonstration of my passion and love for him. Martyrdom for Christ soon turned into planning my own death in detail. I cried out to God, This is so hard! So much pain, so many tears. My heart breaks. I am crushed in spirit. I look in the mirror and I see pain filled eyes. I give you my pain; I give you my tears. I give you my broken heart and my crushed spirit. The weight of my pain felt as though I were drowning. Anxiety controlled my life, and my mind raced with thoughts out of control. I prayed, Lord, please make the torment stop. Please. I go from being angry and irritated to gushing over with tears.

Later in 2007, I started to see a Christian counselor, which helped carry me through continued mood instability and anxiety. I also suffered from obsessive compulsive tendencies, which haunted my mind and occupied my days. During this time, however, my pastor connected me with a couple in the church who invited me into their lives, through whom I got involved in a Bible study. I found people who accepted me, encouraged me, and welcomed me into their lives, and healing within the church community began. During continued struggle though, I wrote this psalm:

You have left me to water my bed with tears.

They wet my pillow

Day and night I scream in my affliction

My very bones and whole body ache with pain

I am consumed with tears

Weariness and lack of rest leave me with no strength

I am without sleep.

My body is wracked with pain

My mind knows no peace or quiet

My tears continually burn my cheeks

I am comfortless.

I moan and cry aloud on my bed

I turn side to side

I find no rest

My body shakes

My sweat mixes with tears like bitter waters

Bolts