The Distance Traveled: Journey to Entrepreneurship and Beyond

By Ruth Chandler Cook

The compelling story of how HireHer® a technology company was founded by a black woman who overcame seemingly insurmountable odds to launch her business. Get a rare glimpse into the personal life of the founder who walks us through her experiences in the tech start-up ecosystem as well as her time as a high-ranking government official during

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ruth Chandler Cook
• Release date: Feb 2, 2020
• ISBN: 9781734589511

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Disclaimer: This work is creative nonfiction. The book contains events, names, and conversations that are consistent with the recollection of the author. Creative artistic choices were made in the description of people, conversations, and events. In some instances names were altered, omitted or abbreviations were used when describing people, places or things. The author has made slight adjustments to the chronology of certain events as a creative choice.

Copyright © 2020 by Ruth Chandler Cook

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or used in any manner without written permission of Ruth Chandler Cook, the copyright owner, except the use of quotations in a book review.

First Edition January 2020

Epigraph Poem Copyright © by J.P. Chandler

Foreword by F.S. Cook

Published by RCC

www.ruthchandlercook.com

Dedication

For all those who have been underserved, underrepresented, and/or misunderstood

&

to the wondrous blessings of this lifetime:

Bailee, Carsynn, Marielle, Blaine, Aaron, Joseph and Donovan.

You are valuable.

EPIGRAPH

Poem from my Father

There are two days in every week

About which we should not worry. Two days which

Should be kept from fear and apprehensions.

One of these days is yesterday.

With its mistakes and cares,

Its faults and blunders.

Its aches and pains.

Yesterday has passed forever,

beyond our control.

All the money in the world cannot undo a single act we performed.

We cannot erase a single word we said.

Yesterday is gone.

The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow.

With its possible adversaries;

its burdens, its large promise and poor performance.

Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control

Tomorrow’s sun will rise.

Either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds,

it will rise.

Until it does,

we have no stake in tomorrow

for it is as yet unborn.

This leaves only one day; today.

Any man can fight the battle of just one day.

It is only when you and I

Add the burden of those two awful eternities

Yesterday and tomorrow

That we break down

It is not the experience of today

That drives men mad

It is the remorse of bitterness,

something which happened yesterday

and the dread of what tomorrow may bring

Let us therefore live

but one day at a time

and leave the rest to GOD.

By Professor J. P. Chandler

CONTENTS

Epigraph

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

PART I

Chapter 1: Who Am I

Chapter 2: The Struggle

Chapter 3: The Chair

Chapter 4: The Compound

Chapter 5: Learning to Lead

Chapter 6: She is Gone

PART II

Chapter 7: Fix your Face

Chapter 8: Hire Her

Chapter 9: Lessons Learned

Chapter 10: L.A.D. Life Altering Decisions

Chapter 11: The Gift

Chapter 12: Voices of our Time

FOREWORD

Ruth Chandler Cook, the book’s author, is my wife.  I met Ruth in June 2006, and we married in September 2007. Spending our teen years growing up in the same town, I feel as if I have known her for years. We didn’t know one another in the eighties or nineties while in high school, but we shared friends. Nevertheless, once we met and started dating, we became immediately comfortable with each other.

In hindsight, I was more broken than I knew around the time Ruth and I met. I had recently ended a marriage, struggled to keep my kids close, and I was in a job I no longer enjoyed. I did not initially disclose all of the issues I was dealing with to Ruth. But, the omission wasn’t intentional. I was in the midst of the issues and probably did not see them all myself.

As she came to realize each problem, she systematically went to work fixing it or giving me the solution to it. From the start, Ruth took in my kids and treated them as her own. She nurtured, disciplined, and healed their wounds like a great mother does. The success they have attained in their young adult lives comes more from her efforts than even mine. She also embraced my parents and sisters as family, seeking to help them with any issues they faced. 

Ruth has the ability to solve the most complicated and important problems. She helped me to transition career fields when I fell out of love with telecom. She wrote my résumé, fixed my credit, made sure our bills were paid on time and taught me how to dress for success. Her advice on how to conduct myself in high-level meetings was crucial in the promotions and opportunities I have been given. I will not dive into every time she fixed an issue with which I was dealing or improved my self-esteem. It would require more words than are in the chapters you’re about to read. Moreover, I would feel responsible for going over the improvements I witnessed her making in other people’s lives - most of which they do not even recognize. 

Ruth has always been a fixer. I, along with others, have felt that her abilities were effortless. Our lack of understanding of what it truly takes to actively fix everyone around you comes at a cost. Part of the value in her story is the lesson to all of us. When we find those people who seem to care for everyone, we must not take them for granted. We must empower, embrace, and encourage them to keep going. They must always understand the critical part they have played in our lives.

PREFACE

I wrote this book to heal myself. It is my hope that my experience may also heal others. Within this writing, I have documented how I explored my doubts and fears in a new way. I have candidly and openly shared the deepest and darkest insecurities I have carried for years. However, I unselfishly shared my gifts and struggles for the benefit of each individual reader.

As you read, a few things might happen. You might connect with me as a human without any regard to race, gender or other qualifier. In addition, the Holy Spirit, through this book, may speak to the heart and mind of each individual reader. The Holy Spirit, as I understand, is the God you believe in or your personal inner voice. I reference it as the God in me. Let the message you gain as a reader be your blessing. May you then share the blessing gained with others for their edification.

I acknowledge that I do not know much. I do not claim to know all. If pressed, I must confess there are so many things that I do not know. Similarly, I feel like I have experienced everything. I have shared my experiences candidly despite my pride and sensitivities. Fortify yourself as you read. Be kind with your critique of self and others. I am a woman with an ego.

To learn lessons and catalog them is more difficult than I imagined. I am a real woman who has experienced the items discussed in each chapter, many of which are only the treetop of my experience. I learned so much that it allows me to feel brave and accomplished, despite the tragic nature of my experiences and what you may read into the lessons. I am grateful for the love and support of my family who graciously supported me during the literary process and my sharing of family business.

I acknowledge I would not have survived without the grace of God, strength of person, love and affection of family, friends and strangers. There is one stranger in particular who gave me a high-five in Vegas at a pivotal time in my life. She was a white, blonde woman who gave me an affirming high-five. That simple gesture made me feel excellent that day.

I am better and stronger because of the individual contribution each person has made on my life. Simply stated, thank you to all members of the Chandler and Thompson family (especially the women) of which I am a part. My strength and wisdom, coupled with my ability to love heal and understand (among other really cool stuff), comes from each of you touching my life.

It is my heart’s sincere desire to be of value to others and to be valued by others. I pray each reader be blessed. If they haven’t done it yet, learn to know and love you. Read with an open heart and mind, while trusting in good intentions.

Go with love.

INTRODUCTION

I often question if we are all repeating the same generational mistakes because of our ancestors. And so, I wonder if we can learn to do and be better. Consider the Greek gods for example. Do our lives mimic the curses that were placed on those men and women? What if we were placed on earth to learn how to do and be better for one another? It leads to the possibility of one day permanently improving conditions for everyone. What if it is all some sort of weird test, if only to see if people will continue to self-destruct over time? They might allow greed to destroy them, or would have finally learned the lessons being taught since the beginning of time. I have several questions and many of them come in the form of dreams. They tend to come to me in the form of a daydream or nightmare, but on occasion, I have nightmarish daydreams.

I had a nightmare once that was more like a scary daydream. In it, people were so trusting of technology and relying on it so heavily that it took over all of the systems controlling the lives of humans. Maybe I saw this idea in a movie once and it stuck with me for consideration or to dispense with somehow. I began contemplating the ways this reality would be possible. Then it clicked. I have always hated deception. Deception is a very dangerous thing.

Of course the things that I don’t like may occasionally creep into my conscious or unconscious mind. What happens when a machine learns deception? What happens when the machine learns competition? My mind was flooded with questions that even consider the possibility. What happens if the machine learns suffering is good? What happens if the data supports the machines conclusions? Certainly the machine is programmed by humans to help us.

Thus, if the machine wants to make us better and therefore decides we need to suffer more to be better, what happens? My mind is so curious. It is so difficult to process all of the evil in the world. If you believe all you see and hear, then one might conclude we are living in particularly wicked times. What happens if the machine first decides suffering is good, but then learns too much suffering is not good? Is it too late to reverse the course on suffering? If suffering is unsafe and you human are the sufferer whom is not getting better is it possible for the machine to conclude that the machine must take over and replace the human with its own technology? The mind can get you tangled in a course designed for your learning without considering the fact if you are asleep or awake.

Finally, I questioned whether the only way the machine thought it could solve the problem was to destroy the very subject it is trying to help. In such a situation, who or what would get destroyed or replaced? I pray that humans are not replaced by some weird arrogant technological duplication. God forbid any machine, concluding that it needs to become the human in order to solve humanistic problems. Just consider the possibilities. We all understand arrogance.

Now, think about the behaviors of the gods and people whom were subject to those gods as mentioned in mythology or the religion of your choice. In terms of the problems that existed, curses that were claimed, and blessings that were given during those historical or mythical times; to what were they related? For example, when considering today’s times, do you find similarities in the stories related to the rich and poor? Do you see similarities in the way some claim the powerful are abusing power, and the powerless are being abused? In general, what led to either destruction or a curse? Likewise, what led to a miracle or a blessing? When I personally consider these questions, I consider Poseidon, Selene, Socrates, Jesus, Job, Harriet Tubman, and Coretta Scott King. I don’t know why, but I do.

I also think about my family members, especially my grandparents. The words of my grandfather, Isaac Chandler, stay in my head. He was a minister at the Church of God. Here he admonished his congregation once, saying, No matter how wicked the world gets, we can still live saved. He also said, God can keep you if you happened to be the only one on earth. His words are very important to me and have influenced my development as a woman. There are times where I have been tempted to return harsh behavior to someone who has been harsh to me and his words remind me to be kind even to those who are unkind to me. Similarly, there are times where I may have been sitting in a crowded room but felt alone. His words remind me I am never alone.

These days I have been thinking a ton about a whole lot of stuff. I have concluded I will share what I learned and keep the faith. This way there is a chance one of us, or all of us will get it right and break generational curses. My primary ask of you is that you consider the past, present and future as you read and consider my experiences regarding your own life. My hope is that you be blessed.

PART I

CHAPTER 1

Who Am I

My wrists and ankles are stinging with pain, as I lie here chained to this bed. I cannot believe they stripped me naked while at least ten people are walking around the room, staring as if I am a zoo animal. I am lying in this bed with one arm twisted behind my head with my elbow pointing toward the sky and the other arm at my side. My legs are spread eagle with chains holding each one to the bedside. People are buzzing by doing the work I assume they typically do in an emergency room, as my screams and cries go unnoticed. Occasionally the security guard comes by, placing his hands on my shoulders as if to remind me to stay calm. I could feel changes in his touch every time he approached me, and his eyes did not meet my gaze as he was staring at my naked body. Here I was, fully humiliated and chained like an animal, with all of my scars on display. Literally. The security guard was a tall, heavy-set black guy dressed in full uniform. He spent most of his time standing by the door, but he appeared by my bedside as I laid there nude and crying. I was not surprised that he was looking at my naked body. It seemed everyone was, and I was ashamed. I did not want to be restrained or touched. One of the nurses walked up, asking, What are all of these marks on your skin? For the life of me I could not figure out why they were asking me questions if they felt I was crazy and needed to be restrained with chains.

I was still angry at the way the white man snatched my arm, twisting it back to lock it in the handcuff at the top of the bed. I was bruised and sore. I was contemplating if I was going to get yet another scar. I turned to the nurse and said I have very soft skin, which can tear or bruise if mistreated. If that happens more often than not, I get a keloid scar. I went on saying I have various scars for different reasons, some from surgery and others from domestic abuse. I asked her to remove my arms from the chains as she drew up a serum of some sort. My attention shifted from the large needle she was filling with fluid.

I let out a gasp as the white male nurse came sashaying over; wagging his stinky finger in my face. His hand was so close to my face it was as if his finger was going to tap my nose with each wag. OH NO, miss lady, he shouted. You are going to stay just like that. You tried to hit me so you best get used to being chained up.

I snapped back at him, shouting, You grabbed my arm and twisted it back. It hurt. I was trying to get you off me. What makes you think you can grab me like that anyway? I asked. Just as I said those words, I felt the security guards touch on my shoulders again! This time, he instructed me to calm down as if he knew they could harm me even more than they already have while chaining me to the bed. While his hands remained on my shoulders, I noticed the nurse injecting that serum. I started asking questions quickly; I was afraid and did not know what medicine they were giving me. Did anyone call my Dad or my brother James? They ignored me. I yelled that my brother is a doctor. I continued yelling, I am cold. I am hurting. Take me out of these chains. I am in pain.

That was the last thing I remembered saying before I got light-headed and drifted off to sleep. My sleep was not restful. They must have given me some sort of drug designed to calm me down but my thoughts were racing. My eyes would periodically open and close. I thought I saw people walking in and out of the room where I was. Some of the faces seemed familiar, like the black male presidential candidate Corey Booker. I even thought I saw the white female psychologist who I had recently seen about the workplace trauma I had experienced. I started praying silently, Lord, have mercy. I was so scared. I do not take drugs of any kind, so I felt as if I was losing myself in that moment. I pleaded to God to keep me safe, forgive me for my sins, and to forgive those who had harmed me. Peace washed over me and I slept for real this time.

I woke up in a hospital room bed alone. No chains. The room was clean and quiet. It was the middle of the night. I tried to get up to go to the bathroom and a bed alarm went off. The nurse rushed into my room, looking at me tentatively as if she we trying to figure out if I would be calm or not. I explained I was just trying to go to the bathroom. She said, No need, because they put in a catheter while you were in the emergency room. So unless you have to do number two, you do not need to get up. She lifted a bag that had been collecting my urine as if she were measuring the output. The nurse said, Either way, the ‘Red Team’ doctors said that they do not want you getting out of the bed. So if you need to go, I can bring you a bedpan.

I was disgusted in every way but I was not going to say anything. After all, I was glad not to be in chains and I did not want them mistaking my disappointment with aggression. I simply declined the bedpan, asking if she could request that the doctors take out the catheter so I can go to the bathroom normally. I explained that I would like to go home. Has anyone spoken with James? I asked. The nurse did not think any of the team’s docs called him, so she took his number and wrote it on my room’s white board. I will let the doctors know about our discussion, but I will tell you that your heart rate is still high. They want to get it under control before you leave. I thanked her as she left the room. I examined my wrists and arms. I was covered in bruises and now I knew why my private parts were also hurting. The catheter is very uncomfortable. I was thankful to be in a bed with a gown on and covered by a blanket. I thanked God for keeping me through this process as I sat contemplating how I got here in the first place.

My mind was clear and the events of the recent days were as well. I began replaying the experience in my head, starting with a couple of day’s prior. My husband had left town to handle some business in Washington DC, while I was at home in LA taking care of our eleven-year-old son. Just a day or so before he left, I received notice from the U.S. Department of Treasury there would be a hearing on my hostile work environment case against the agency. It required getting an attorney and revisiting some of the trauma associated with my workplace experience. I was still reeling from the fact that I was essentially pushed out of my job by the new administration after so many years of dedicated service and notably outstanding performance. Although, I was somewhat thankful that my thoughts of that place were interrupted by someone coming in to draw blood. I had an IV in my hand but nobody was using it. They stuck me to get the blood directly from a vein. This was the third time today, even though it was the middle of the night. My thoughts turned to my arrival at the hospital. It was around noon when an ambulance picked me up on the sidewalk at my husband’s request and brought me into the hospital. I had been sleeping for at least fourteen hours and I was angry with my husband. I could not believe he did this to me – again.

I thought back to September 2015, the first time he called an ambulance to come get me. I ended up chained to a bed. It was leading up to the 2016 elections, around the same timing as September 2019 and its proximity to the 2020 election. I considered the unusual coincidence that I would have a similar occurrence almost to the day four years later. Except this time was different and, in many ways, worse. Confused about the lack of support, I questioned whom I could trust. I questioned if I could I trust my family, my husband, my colleagues, or my friends. The questioning of my husband was different, though, since I did not know if I could trust him to keep me safe. I was not worried about him cheating on me. I began replaying the events again leading up to my hospitalization.

My husband was gone on a business trip. My son and I were doing our regular routine because school had just started. I was taking the week off from running my technology company, HireHer, and I wanted to be sure my son got off to a good start at school. It was a good time to take a break from my recently founded technology company to focus on my son. The week before school started, I re-launched my hireher.com website, holding my first LA event called the HireHer Summer Soiree. It was fun but expensive. It cost three times what I planned on spending. As an entrepreneur, every dollar counts while bootstrapping my business without a paycheck. I also was very aware of the strange behaviors of the people who I recently engaged.

I had been feeling like I was in some sort of alternate dimension for a while. All this weird stuff was going on around me. I was not surprised by some of the recently strange behavior, given this stuff had been going on for so long. I just wondered when would it end. In fact, it seemed like a lot of strange things had been going on over the last few years - not just for me but also for people I observed around me. I often wondered what world in which I am living, trying to rationalize some of my odd encounters I experienced. I contemplated if I was being vetted by venture firms for investment in my company, or for some high-powered super-secret job. It just did not make sense how people had such strong reactions to me or would seemingly be testing me in various scenarios. I tried to focus on the positive instead of some of the less interesting or potentially harmful alternative reasons as to why I would have these experiences.

I could not help but think about my sister and her time as electronics engineer at NASA as I contemplated all that I have endured starting this technology company. I, too, am now working in a male-dominated industry but this work is critical. The HireHer mission of advancing opportunities for women and the traditionally underrepresented in innovative industries like science, technology, engineering, arts and math is essential not only for society but for innovation.

I briefly recalled my experience at the Department of Treasury and the horrible workplace experiences. I now know how my sister felt as my workplace trauma mimicked some of the experiences of my sister. You know the drill: not getting credit for your work, not getting the recognition you deserve, people stealing your ideas and claiming them