Problem Solved

By Rev. Thomas C Lacy and Patricia M Lacy

"A word is dead when it is said, some say. 

I say it just begins to live that day."

These 19 simple words penned by Emily Dickinson expresses a mountain of truth. 

"I'll forgive you, but I'll never forget what you have said." These 11 a

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Hope Counseling Service
• Release date: Dec 9, 2021
• ISBN: 9780965982221

Book preview

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PROBLEM SOLVED

Problems are Solutions In Disguise

and

Six Reasons Marriages Fail

Thomas C. & Patricia M. Lacy

PROBLEM SOLVED

Problems Are Solutions In Disguise

and

Six Reasons Marriages Fail

Copyright ©2020 By Thomas C. & Patricia M. Lacy

All rights reserved. Written permission must be secured from the

publisher to use or reproduce any part of this book, except for

brief quotations in critical reviews.

The details in personal illustrations have been granted by those

whose names have not been changed to protect their identity,

and the facts in the illustrations are true.

Published and Distributed by:

New Hope Counseling Service

12114 Walnut Hill Drive

Rockville, VA 23146-1854

Contact: 804-749-4050

[e-mail]

http://www.newhopecounselingbylacy.org

ISBN: 978-0-9659822-1-4 (paperback)

ISBN: 978-0-9659822-2-1 (digital)

LCCN/PCN: 2017908353

Dedicated to:

I

n 1997 I self-published my

first book, The Tie That Binds: Marriage, How To Make It Last Forever. I wrote the following three verses as a poem dedicated to my wife, Pat. Now, after adding a chorus and tag, I re-dedicate this song to her as a promise that remains in my heart to this day.

My Promise to My Wife

I sense thee so close to me

When the dawn is early breaking;

As in the days when we knew our ways

God would soon of us be One Flesh making.

This promise I make is easy to do for it touches a need in me to;

And I know in my heart that God is a part of all that He’s leading us through.

I see thee so close to me

In the toil each day is bringing;

As during these days we commit our ways

With God for this pathway that we’re taking.

This promise I make is easy to do for it touches a need in me to;

And I know in my heart that God is a part of all that He’s leading us through.

I’ll serve thee as long as I be

As the dusk of our life is approaching;

In all my days and in all ways

This promise before my God I’m making.

(Tag)

In all my days and in all ways

This promise before my God I’m making.

About the Cover

G

ary Brookins, the former editorial

cartoonist for the Richmond Times-Dispatch, took over Pluggers from creator Jeff MacNelly in 1997.

In addition to numerous awards from the Virginia Press Association, including First Place for editorial cartooning and Best in Show for art in 2002, Brookins has received the George Washington Honor Medal from the Freedoms Foundation at Valley Forge, and a Dragon Slayer Citation from the United States Business and Industrial Council.

A native of Panama City, Florida, Brookins earned an associate of arts degree from Gulf Coast Junior College in 1970, and a Bachelor of Arts in studio art from the University of West Florida in 1972. Prior to coming to Richmond, he was a graphic artist at Gulf Coast Community College and a television art director.

After his long career at the Times-Dispatch, Brookins traded in his India ink for oil paints and is happily meandering back roads all over the South, searching for those great American icons, rusty old Fords and Chevys. His paintings can be found on his blog at http://rustybumpers.blogspot.com

He and wife, Janet, have four sons, two daughters-in-law and three grandchildren.

Table of Contents

About the Cover

Introduction

Part I

Tool 1: Problems are Solutions in Disguise

Tool 2: Up Until Now Everything You Have Done Has Not Worked

Tool 3: The Three Levels of Change:

Tool 4: You Can’t Steer A Parked Car

Tool 5: Rightly Dividing the Word of Truth: What Is The Most Difficult Counseling I Am Called On To Do?

Tool 6: Problem Solving 101: Presentation-Performance-Preconditioning

Tool 7: Three Things People Do to Solve Problems That Don’t Work

Tool 8: The Rule of Proportion and The Four Sources of Problems

Tool 9: Attack the Problem Not The Person

Tool 10: Three Contributors to a Breakdown in Communication

Tool 11: Communication is a Two-way Street

Tool 12: We Can Change Our Actions Faster Than We Can Change Our Feelings

Tool 13: Blame Keeps Wounds Open Only Forgiveness Heals

Tool 14: Forgiving Without Forgetting

Tool 15: What Is On the Inside Makes A Difference In What We Hear

Tool 16: The Hardest Thing to Give Is In

Tool 17: Life’s Four Tires

Tool 18: Defining Our Walls of Resentments

Tool 19: Breaking Down Our Walls of Resentments

Tool 20: Whose Problem Is It?

Tool 21: 12 Words Sincerely Spoken Can Restore Any Relationship

Tool 22: The Biblical Approach to a Positive Response

Tool 23: Conclusion: Where To From Here?

Part II: Six Reasons Marriages Fail

Acknowledgments

Introduction

The material, in this format,

has been taught to everyone coming to New Hope Counseling Service for pre-marital and marriage counseling. Likewise we teach this material when a couple wants to make a good marriage better. No, one size does not fit everyone. To make this material work I tailor each teaching tool to the specific expressed needs of the family or individual(s).

In this publication, illustrations and applications will be generalized unless dealing with a specific situation or set of circumstances. Even so, readers will find continuity throughout this teaching enabling them to formulate a life-style for effectively solving problems and mending relationships and to restore broken dreams and other lines of communication.

Each life-changing principle is based on a Bible verse, passage or biblical principle. God taught me each principle as I sought His guidance while helping people deal with the routine, ordinary and often totally unexpected issues arising during their day-to-day living.

Some of these principles found their way into this collection of problem-solving tools immediately upon recognizing their potential value. However, some prospective principles took days, weeks, or months of prayer before recognizing their full value and their proper place in this Bible-based problem-solving plan.

As in the Bible, each problem-solving-tool works in conjunction with all other tools. To develop problem solving skills it is necessary to understand the component parts of both problems and solutions.

This counseling technique is built upon 3 primary steps: Hope, Homework, and Change as noted in Job 11:18:

And thou shalt be secure, because there is HOPE; yea, thou shalt dig about thee (HOMEWORK), and thou shalt take thy rest in safety. (CHANGE)

To employ effective problem solving techniques, counselors and counselees need to learn where to begin. Though every situation is different the starting place is the same.

Before getting into this study, allow me to share this tongue in cheek illustration:

Before buying a rancher outside the city of Richmond, we rented an old 2-story house with a full basement built in the early 1900s. The ceilings in the downstairs and upstairs rooms were 10 feet high. It was an old farmhouse that a neighborhood grew up around. It was located on a very busy street.

One day as I sat behind my desk working, I saw a man pass by the second story window – on the way down. When he passed by the window and saw me, and hollered, HELP!

Being the nice guy that I am I ran to the window, raised it, and said, When you hit the ground, and if you survive the fall, come up here and I’ll do what I can to help you.

Now, before judging me, let’s look more closely at the details of this incident.

If I reached out and grabbed him by the arm he could have hit the ground with me holding his arm in my hand. If I grabbed his leg he would have pulled me out the window, and more than likely I would have landed on top of him further adding to his injury.

Obviously, I didn’t meet him until after he had made his decision to jump.

In review: Evidently this troubled man was walking past my house, saw that it was very tall, and reasoned if he did a nose dive off the roof his troubles would be over.

Well, so the story will have a happy ending, he survived the fall. I helped him into my office and called 911. As we waited for help to arrive, I explained the following:

Sir, the first time I saw you was after you had made a major decision regarding your life, that is, to jump from the roof of my house perhaps to solve your problems. You did not know it, but I am a Christian Counselor. Although there is nothing I can do to undo what life has done to you, I can, through Bible-based counseling, undo what it is continuing to do to you now.

Dear Reader, In essence, the above is your story. Thus this is where, as a minister, I can begin to minister to you.

To solve any problem one must first accept the following three basic tenets:

Tenet One:

Up Until Now

Everything You Have Done

Has