A Severed Self

By Gwen Medwid

Both autobiographical and philosophical, A Severed Self is a book about healing. As author Gwen Medwid shares her life stories and various traumas that occurred, she also reveals how each trauma affected her and what she had to do to heal. This book teaches that we never really know what wounds a person carries; we also learn that even the most challenging circumstances can be overcome.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Shusia Publishing
• Release date: Jul 6, 2021
• ISBN: 9781990319013

Gwen Medwid

I truly sensed spirit working through me as I created this book. I am amazed how healing this process of writing has been for me.I am a woman in my late fifties living in a beautiful cottage area along the shoreline of Georgian Bay, Ontario. A mother to an adult son and daughter who mean the world to me. I am a registered nurse and have worked in Texas, U.S.A., and both Toronto and Barrie, Ontario, Canada. My days during this time of healing is spent among nature. I feel most connected in spirit when walking the woods, beach, swimming and creating in the gardens. My soul is full while sitting by an outdoor fire looking out onto the night stars and moon. This beauty inspires me to open my heart. I have reconnected to music having played both violin and piano. I love classical and opera music. I look forward to each new day in wonder of what will be.

Book preview

A Severed Self

Healing the Aftermath of Trauma

Gwen Medwid

Published by Gwen Medwid at Smashwords

Copyright © 2021 Gwen Medwid.

All rights are reserved worldwide.

No part of this material may be used, reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form and by any means whatsoever, including without limitation photocopying, recording or other electronic or mechanical methods or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the prior written permission from the author, except for brief excerpts in a review.

This book is intended to provide general information only. Neither the author nor publisher provide any legal or other professional advice. If you need professional advice, you should seek advice from the appropriate licensed professional. This book does not provide complete information on the subject matter covered. This book is not intended to address specific requirements, either for an individual or an organization. This book is intended to be used only as a general guide and not as a sole source of information on the subject matter.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Preface

Forward

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1 Are We Safe?

Chapter 2 Trauma Begins

Chapter 3 Therapy Begins

Chapter 4 Gang Rape

Chapter 5 My Sister

Chapter 6 I’m Not Safe!

Chapter 7 A Spiritual Interaction

Chapter 8 Murder of the Tenant

Chapter 9 Drug Addiction

Chapter 10 My Father’s Transition

Chapter 11 The Search

Chapter 12 My Sister’s Transition

Chapter 13 Waking with Tears

Chapter 14 Closure

Chapter 15 Letting Go

Chapter 16 Forgiveness

Chapter 17 Mom’s Transition

Chapter 18 Near-Death Experience

Chapter 19 My Perspective

Chapter 20 Gifts

Preface

My intention in writing this book is to continue on a path that many have begun before me. I wish to do my part in continuing for those in need of comfort, courage and inspiration: Comfort in knowing you are not alone as I did for so many years; most of my life: Courage to speak out; use your voice and stand up for yourself: Inspiration to have hope and seek healing, even through the most difficult times.

My prayer is that my life can be utilized toward the healing of humanity. To begin with one person and flow toward others that can benefit.

My vision is to speak and share with others in an honest, authentic and genuine way, in the hope of making a positive difference: That each person, no matter what their gender, age, sexual orientation, race or religion can speak out freely and receive love and support.

I recognize that both males and females can be perpetrators, as well as recipients of sex crimes. I would love to be involved, or see in my lifetime, healing in which all people, wherever they fall in the spectrum, can work together to heal through healing circles, discussions, mediated meetings, with an openness and willingness to gain understanding and forgiveness.

We are all capable to give and receive love: We are love. A light is within us all. It is up to each one of us to radiate and illuminate that light.

I look out onto the sky and see every star as a spirit who has passed on or has not yet been born into this earthly experience. I think of the light within each of us as a star. Kindness is a perfect way to ignite your light.

May this book help you find:

COMFORT,

In knowing you're not alone,

COURAGE,

To speak out and Use your voice,

& INSPIRATION

To have hope and seek healing.

Gwen Medwid, 2021

Foreword

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: Ecclesiastes 3:1:  

The amazing author of ‘A Severed Self: Healing the Aftermath of Trauma’, Gwen Medwid, through her own transformative reflections and journey to healing, I have no doubt, will help you understand, where you are right now, no matter in what season of life you find yourself, and ultimately offer some substantial steps you may want to take to move forward, through her example. This self-help book is for anyone, no matter what your age, race, color, faith, sex, temperament, or religion, who feels somewhat out of place in society or who just can't seem to get a break, consequently feeling as though they cannot move forward. Are you ready to make a real change and to be at peace throughout the rest of your life, as well?  If yes is your answer, I highly recommend this book for you.    

I met Gwen almost 50 years ago when she was one of my students with whom I fell in love with from that day forward. Her bubbly creative personality and her special smile, with always glowing eyes, just let me know that this individual had it all and after 10 months of every Monday - Friday (with holidays as the exception), while she was under my care and guidance, Gwen never changed and brought everything that she could bring with her, into our classroom and always with that same beautiful and conscientious attitude. She was quite popular, with math, art and music being just a sampling of her fortes, and never would one realize, that inside this beautiful little 9 to 10 year-old, was a very big secret that even I, her elementary school teacher, was not aware of, nor could even detect.  She shares, not only that very early incident, which took place prior to her being in my classroom, but also all of the subsequent and equally heart-wrenching experiences that occurred throughout the decades to follow. The anguish felt from that first incident and further traumas are truly striking; the likes of which truly changed the dynamics of the entire family. Through it all, Gwen has come out on the other side with the strength of a lioness, who is wrapped with grace, love and genuine empathy for all.

I was moved personally by Gwen’s writings, and as a result, was able to deal with a repressed group of memories that I didn’t even realize that I had tucked away, so very deeply. I thought that I had dealt with every single one. It is such a freeing experience to have these come to the surface where we can address them as just memories of a time we endured. I do believe that God allows us to remember these incidents, when and only when, He feels the timing is right. God’s timing is always Perfect, I do believe.

Gwen & I have been able to continue our communication with each other, even though miles continue to separate us.  We don't even live in the same country right now, but God has brought us even closer this past decade, especially this last couple of years.  I feel her strength of spirit but most of all, I sense the beautiful glow of love and grace that she generates once again, in everything she says and does. Yes, she still is that humorous, smiley eyed, impish at times, beautiful individual that I first met, decades ago and I yes, I love her with heart and soul. 

For of Him, and through Him, and to Him, are all things: to Him be glory forever. Amen -Romans 11:36

Lois Ferguson

Acknowledgements

Names of people have been changed to protect their privacy. It is however important for me to use my own name because it is what I encourage in others; to speak out; use their voice without shame, anxiety or fear. I stand with strength to do just that with this written word.

I refrained from writing about or giving reference to the relationship between myself and my children, to protect and respect their privacy. The birth of each of my children, and their presence in my life has been and continues to be the most meaningful part of my life; the best gift of all. I recognize that I was not all I could have been as a parent, being emotionally unavailable and unable to cope with stress. My journey with healing will hopefully show them a path beyond pain and suffering. This is my wish for my children. I thank them for who they are and respect all they have endured in their lives. We all make mistakes, but we can choose to not live in them. It is never too late to reach out, and there is always an option to remove oneself from an unhealthy situation.

I am so grateful for those who have crossed my path, whether the interaction was brief or for a lengthy amount of time. I give a special thank you to all the animals that have come in and out of my life with unconditional love.

It is with the warmest affection and gratitude that I thank the person who is not only the regular therapist who is treating me but has been from the start. She has advocated for me far beyond what I could have imagined possible or hoped for; directing me toward acknowledging and honoring myself. Her patience, knowledge, compassion and professional approach have given me a safe place to enter into an unknown place for me: One of hope, exploration of self and healing. She has been my one consistent anchor in this process; building together with me a healthy foundation to create a healthier me.

I give thanks to each professional along my path who contributed to my well being.

A heartfelt thank you to the person who guided me with an abundance of compliments and encouragement from beginning to end during the creative process of writing this book, a person I will always refer to as Miss Ferguson, my grade five teacher.

I do have fond memories of sitting with my classmates in a huddle on the carpeted floor, surrounding Miss Ferguson, who sat in a chair reading us a story. I loved this part of my day, my life. I was in awe of her beauty, flowing hair and a soft-spoken voice. She represented what I did not have. My father cut my hair at that time in my life, boyish like. I wore my brother's hand-me-down plain long sleeve t-shirts. The skates I wore at the public arena, also were my brother's hand-me-downs. I remember feeling so sad, looking at the other girls in my class who arrived to school in feminine clothes, stylish hair cuts and styles. I always made sure to sit closest to Miss Ferguson at story time. She wore beautiful dresses that exposed her stylish boots, as opposed to being covered by slacks. I would place a finger on a boot and feel a texture that was new to me; suede. How the material would be different shades depending on which direction I moved my finger; sometimes making an initial or picture. Her manner was so supportive and comforting to me. I recall the round tables in her classroom, not the square individual desks: There was a feel of being with others, that sitting at one’s own desk, did not offer.

It was years later, that a social media account was created for the public school I had attended, and our paths crossed. We have kept in touch, although at a distance geographically. We have not reunited in person, but have the hope this will happen in God's time. There was a reunion at the school in June of 2019. I had planned to attend and was so excited that I would see her again, but it was not meant to be. My Mom had passed just weeks prior and this was an extremely difficult time for me.

Through our continued messages and following each other’s pictures and posts on social media, she is in my life once again. The fond memories I have of her are near and warm my heart.

I mentioned to her that I had written a few pages back in May of 2019 with the thought that I may continue writing using this as a point to continue from. She agreed to read what I had written and responded in a very positive way encouraging me to continue. With that I did. As I continued to write, I felt spirit working through me. There was a flow to this that I had not known before. It seemed to be God's will that Miss Ferguson and I would be reconnected, also