Learn From Rejection: Find the Why Behind the No

By Tom E Jones

This is a sourcebook for people seeking to advance their careers. It helps job hunters understand what an employer values and how to reflect those qualities in the interview and later after they are hired. It shows readers how to take charge of their life rather than let the fear of rejection diminish their aspirations and dampen their enthusiasm.
This book was written in the hope that readers will rethink rejection as a negative or undesirable outcome and view it for the value it offers and the edification it provides. Readers will come away from this experience with a better understanding or what works, what doesn’t, and why.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tom E Jones
• Release date: Jun 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9780964908055

Tom E Jones

Dr. Jones is best known for his “fresh eyes” approach to solving performance and productivity problems. In his role as a consultant to private companies, public agencies, educational institutions, and healthcare providers, he has developed a clear understanding of how things get done and by whom.Tom writes and speaks about those management perplexities and leadership dilemmas that ultimately determine the success or failure of a modern enterprise. He has studied organizations and the people they employ long enough to have a clear understanding of what works, what doesn’t, and why.The inspiration for his latest book, LEARN FROM REJECTION: Find the Why Behind the No, stems from his experience as a learning facilitator and career mentor helping people to achieve professional success and personal satisfaction.Jones holds a Doctorate in Education from The University of San Francisco. He has been an adjunct faculty member at seven universities; most recently at the College of Business at California State University, Monterey Bay where he taught The Principles of Management and Organizational Behavior.

Book preview

Foreword

What good can come from being rejected? In plain terms, did you ever fail to get something of significance (a promotion, a new job, a proposal accepted) and believed it was a negative commentary on you personally? Your heart was set on it. Many have had that feeling of being let down, discouraged, wondering if the effort was worth it. Based on study, observations, and experience Tom Jones suggests ways of seeing what happened in a completely different light.

While you would have much preferred getting to a Yes, getting to a No has value if you know what to do. You can transform a negative perception into a positive future work outcome.  You did not fail. You are not a failure. You should not accept full responsibility. This experience is temporary!

You can not possess perfect knowledge of all factors involved. To paraphrase Shakespeare, there is no good nor evil, but thinking makes it so. There were objective or subjective reasons for not getting the desired affirmative response sought. The truth is that you will never know what they were. It could be an unconscious preference in a decision maker.

This book is written as a reference and is not a typical publication to be read from A to Z in linear fashion. It is a handbook of multiple resources for you to select from. The revelations reflect different situations you may find yourself or someone you know in.

Ironically, rejection can ultimately lead to acceptance. The literature of leadership is full of examples of executives, statesmen, artists, and writers who have been repeatedly rejected. The successful among them had one universal characteristic, they did not give up. They persisted.

Dr. Kenneth C. Pascal

President, CareerMentors

Houston

Introduction

The inspiration for this book stems from my teaching experience at seven universities, coupled with four decades as a management consultant and learning facilitator helping underserved students navigate the transition from learning to earning.

So, I was not surprised by the findings of the Barna-World Vision survey of 15,000, 18-35-year-olds from 25 countries who admitted to feelings of, loneliness and isolation. Only 32%, felt cared for. Sadly, 68% said, no one in their lives believed in them.

It is clear from these findings that a significant number of young people are experiencing the loss of belonging and the lack of support as they struggle to find their place in the world.

In addition to the subjects of these studies, research shows that people of all ages and all walks of life are experiencing rejection at an alarming pace. There's ample evidence in behavioral science literature of generational tendencies towards being adrift and feeling anxious about the future.

I am writing this book in the hope that the revelations it provides will help the readers not only learn from rejection, but also apply this newfound knowledge in their quest for a satisfying life.

Tom E Jones, Ed.D.

Author

Revelation 1

Rejection Hurts but It’s No Big Deal

Rejection hurts and the pain can linger for a lifetime. The fear of rejection has the power to control your life whenever the risk of being wrong is too high. So, what’s the point of learning from rejection since it's out of your control and there's not much you can do about it anyway?

The answer is that learning from rejection will give you more control over your life. In addition to finding the reason for the rejection, you’ll also discover how to use it as a power tool.

Today's parents tend to raise their children in a negatively directed manner. In other words, they teach their children what not to do in an attempt to keep them safe. No is a powerful deterrent when shouted by an anxious parent trying to keep the child from harm. Although the use of no is meant as a loving confrontation, it can feel like rejection to the child.

As the child enters the education system rejection appears in new forms like failing a test, disappointing a teacher, being late for class, losing a best friend, not making the team, being reprimanded in class, being sent to the principal’s office: the list is endless.

Frustrated by the uncertainty, adolescents instinctively turned to their parents, teachers, and elders expecting support and guidance. Sometimes they received encouragement and good advice. Other times they were criticized or punished for getting it wrong.

Rejection continued after graduation in the form of gender discrimination, racial bias, skin color, ethnicity, language, culture, body type, social status, inexperience, job loss: the list goes on.

Given this rejection-filled background, it’s no wonder so many people in today’s adversarial world find it hard to see themselves in a positive light when surrounded by so much negativity.

Yet, knowing how to respond proactively when faced with rejection is exactly what is needed in order for you to find the true purpose for your life.

So, perhaps it’s time to take charge of your career path rather than let rejection diminish your aspirations and dampen your enthusiasm for what the future holds in store.

If you’re ready to define and direct your own future, then this sourcebook will help you get from where you are today to where you want to be tomorrow, and then empower you to stay on the pathway to a successful future

The Formula for Success

Successful people will tell you that their accomplishments have been the result of working hard, staying focused on what matters, and not letting rejection get in their way. They'll also admit that rejection is always present, but that it didn’t stop them from trying, sometimes again and again.

Perceiving negative reactions from others as signs of your failure is natural. It's tempting to respond by limiting your efforts to avoid being hurt. But instead of letting rejection freeze your ambition, a more productive response would be to adapt the following formula for success:

Success requires risk.

Risk is the primary means of measuring the value of your commitment. You risk rejection whenever you commit yourself to a dream. Fortunately, the more risks you take, the more likely you are to succeed.

Risk escalates failure.

Look upon failure as part of the learning process. Examine the cause and try to avoid similar choices in the future. Adopt the no big deal philosophy, which means that when one thing doesn’t work keep on trying until you find what does.

Failure builds confidence.

Feeling good about yourself and believing that what you’re doing is right builds your confidence. Invest in your own worth. You may have faults and others will pick them out, but as a whole person no one is better than you.

Confidence raises self-esteem.

You feel good about yourself when others hold you in high regard, so don’t waste time on negative people. Do what you believe makes sense. Don’t compromise yourself or your values. Remember, your success is well earned and well deserved.

How you handle rejection can influence your ability to complete the success formula. Rejection and the learning that comes with it can be put to good use when you understand that it’s not about you, it’s about what you offer or what you represent that people are objecting to.

Behavioral Insights

Self-esteem is enhanced proportionally to the difficulty of the task. The tougher it is to do, the better you’re going to feel about yourself when you get it done.

Painful experiences are not always negative. They often have many beneficial outcomes.

You do things for a reason, sometimes subconsciously. Your behavior has an ego-payoff. Understand what it is, and improvement becomes easier.

Feeling bad about the past is futile. Concentrate your concern on those things you can redo or influence. Spend less time thinking about those things you cannot change.

Be conscious of when you are letting other people determine your behavior especially when it goes against what you believe.

Your worth as a person is derived from who you are, not from what you do.

Enjoy what’s here right now because today is the only certainty you have and the only time you’re in control.

Discovering Value in Rejection

Exercise: Think of three reasons why you believe people reject you and keep them in mind as you review this section.

The key to finding value in rejection is to realize that you're not the target, but rather the negativity is aimed at what you represent. Next time you experience rejection; first admit that it hurts, then tell yourself it’s no big deal. Doing so will free your mind to determine how to respond and what action to take to rectify the situation.

Here are four general categories or conditions under which you are most likely to be rejected together with a suggested response:

The person has no need for what you offer. That