Catching Feelings for the Plug: A Twisted Love Tale

Chapter One

Satch

Ihad finally calmed down from finding out the dope and money I had stashed in my basement were gone. I never would’ve left the shit there, but this time, there were extenuating circumstances. I was all fucked up right now, but this shit didn’t make anything I was dealing with any better. I called the one nigga who I trusted with my life. He was also my right hand.

What it do? he answered.

The shit I had in the basement is gone, I told him.

Gone where? It already got picked up? he asked.

Nah, it’s gone as in someone came in here and took my shit while I was in the fucking house. How are they gonna steal from a dying nigga? I asked Toxin.

Who’s been there today? I know you don’t have a lot of traffic coming in and out of the crib. It’s gotta be somebody you know, dog. You need to calm down. I’ll be by there tomorrow. Get you some sleep and shit. I’ll call a meeting after we sit down and talk. I’ll be on the block tonight, so I might hear something then. Whoever took it is gonna have to sell the shit sooner or later, Toxin told me.

That’s the thing. I haven’t been down there since I left down there last week. Nobody’s been here but family and the workers. Shit like that, I answered.

Then, I guess you need to think about who is close to you but will steal from you as well, he said.

He was right, but I knew for a fact that Talia wouldn’t have taken the shit because she didn’t get into my street stuff. I tried to keep that away from her. My Auntie Ethel would come by, and the hospice nurse was in and out. Auntie brought some niggas by one day who I had never seen before. We got into behind that dumb shit too. I never liked strangers in my house.

I was about to tell Toxin about it, but I went into a bad coughing session and just eventually hung up on his ass. It pissed me off that I was too fucking sick to get up and go upside some heads to find my shit. I had to put my trust in other motherfuckers to do some shit that I could do if it weren’t for this damn cancer. Hard to believe that I have fucking cancer, and people took my illness as a sign of weakness. I knew I had to tell Toxin about the missing shit because I was running out of time. I had very little time left, and I didn’t want to spend it on some street stuff. Hard to believe even to me that I was going to die soon.

I lay in this bed, body riddled with cancer, and the touch of my Egyptian sheets causing my bones to ache as if I had been hit by a tractor trailer. I had finally accepted my fate. The doctor said the other day that it was time for me to check myself into hospice or change my nurse to a hospice specialist. He went on to give me his condolences for my impending death. Although I already knew that it was coming, the thought of my death still hit hard as fuck when the doctor said the shit. I was a street nigga through and through. Being taken out by cancer was not what I had been preparing for all this time.

The doctor had told me months before that I had stage two pancreatic cancer, but I still had a chance to beat the shit. I researched pancreatic cancer because doctors will sell you a dream just to rape your pockets. Today, I woke up feeling different as fuck. I had been in this bed thinking about all the fucked up shit I’ve done and how this cancer shit would be my karma on some real shit.

Talia! I called out.

Talia was the good girl who I had ruined like a motherfucker. She was my lil baby regardless of all the shit I’ve put her through.

What you need, Satch? she came in and asked me.

Come talk to me for a minute, I told her.

This was gonna be the hardest fucking conversation I was gonna have with her, but this shit needed to be said. I felt in my heart that I wasn’t gonna be here any longer.

What’s up, Satch? she asked and sat in the chair next to the bed.

My time is coming, and I wanted to clear the air between us. I don’t want to leave this earth and you to think that there was something wrong with you. I don’t want you doubting yourself because of my flaws. I wanna thank you for sticking with me through this shit. I know you’re not fucking with me like that, but you’re still helping me and shit. It takes a big ass heart to help me after all the shit that I have put you through, I said.

We don’t have to keep talking about this. I told you I was going to be here, so I am. I’m not like all those other folks you’ve dealt with. I’m here to help you get better, that’s all. I was never here for the money and all that material shit. At one point, I loved you with all I had, but you fucked that up. You were too worried about having a bitch in every city to see it. Where are all your bitches at now? she asked.

I should’ve known that she was gonna throw that shit in my face. Women were some complicated ass individuals. Why the hell would she stay if all she was gonna do was bring up shit that she claimed to have forgiven me for? I knew the answer to that, though. Talia was loyal, with a big heart. The reason why I chose her in the first place. The love that Talia had for me would never allow her to just turn her back on me. I took advantage of that for my own selfish reasons, and now I would never have the opportunity to right my wrongs. I could only offer her a monetary reward for her years of love and loyalty. I could have had one hundred side chicks, and none of them could compare to her even if you combined them.

"I know you haven’t forgiven me for all that shit I did to you, but I don’t want to argue with you. I wanted you to come in here so I can apologize for all that. You gotta understand, man, I only did all that shit because that’s what I thought a man was supposed to do. My mom was a side bitch to my damn daddy. Having all those women is all I ever saw. My daddy stayed with a bad chick on his arm. I never saw the tears that my mama cried or the fights and all that. It wasn’t until me and you first got into it that I even thought that the shit I was doing wasn’t right.

"This street shit has a way of sucking you in, and even though you know some shit ain’t right, it’s like you can’t help yourself. I know you don’t think that I loved you, but I really did. I didn’t let you go because, honestly, I had every intention of changing my ways, and I knew you were the woman I needed by my side. I wanted you to bear my kids, marry you, and stay that way until death do us part. Life is crazy, though, because even though I never married you, you stayed until death did us part. Now, look at me. I’m leaving this world with no legacy. All that hustling I did means nothing because it can’t buy me a new life or a healthy body.

I just wish I had one more chance where I could do right by you and then leave this world seeing love in your eyes for me instead of resentment. I just want to tell you the real before this cancer shit takes me out. If that happens, just know that you’ll be taken care of. You’ll never have to work again. I might not be able to take care of you like I should’ve back then, but when I die, you’ll be more than straight, I told her.

See, you don’t listen. I just told you that I’m not with you for money or shit like that. If you end up dying, I don’t want anything from you. The day you die will be both our last time in this house. I don’t even want it for real, she told me.

Damn, had I hurt her that damn much? I’m telling her that she’ll never have to worry about shit, and she ain’t even biting. It’s fucked up that I never put anyone else’s feelings in the equation when I was out doing whatever I wanted. I needed to bring my ass home and be a good man to Talia, but honestly, no matter how much I tried, I didn’t have that shit in me.

You haven’t forgiven me yet, and I can’t say that I blame you. However, when you forgive me and let that hurt go, everything that I left you will still be there. I made sure of that. There may be some people who will try to change shit up and not give you what I left, but they won’t be able to stop it. I’ve already spoken to a lawyer and all that, so whenever you’re ready, just call him, and he’ll know what to do, I told her again.

I knew she was still mad at me, and she very well should be.

I hear you, but I don’t want shit from you, she told me again.

You might not want it, but you damn sure deserve it. I was never the man I should’ve been for you. After a while, you stopped smiling around me. Whoever you spend the rest of your life with, make sure you don’t let them do the shit that I did to you. Have them understand that you’re a good ass woman to have. They better cherish your ass.

That sounds like bullshit coming from you, she replied.

I know it does. I kept telling myself that I was gonna change for you. You know, be that nigga who you could be proud of. The only thing is, I figured I had more time to get my shit in order. Whoever the next nigga is, don’t give his ass hell because of my fuck ups. There are some good niggas out here for real. You’ll find one, that much I know, I said.

Are you sure you’re okay? I come in here, and you’re talking about death and after your death and shit. What’s going on? Talia asked.

"Having to sit in this damn room in pain and shit gives me time to think about shit. Fucking up what we had was the worst thing I could’ve done. You’re the one I did the most shit to. You should be the one to hate my black ass. Yet, you’re the only one here with me. Even my damn Aunt Ethel only comes by to see if I’m dead yet. I know that’s the only reason she comes by.

Since we got together, I’ve been telling her to find a man or something. I low-key think she believes I have to do the shit I do for her. I’ve been taking care of her because she’s my auntie and all, but she acts like I’m her man. She’s gonna have beef with you after this cancer takes my ass out. I know you can hold your own, though. Just know if she gets disrespectful then you get disrespectful. Don’t let her mean ass run over you, I told her.

She knows not to try me, Talia responded.

You think that, but she will. Just know what’s for you will be for you and you only, I told her again.

You look uncomfortable. Do you want me to sit in here with you a little while? she asked.

I wasn’t a sappy type of nigga who got emotional and shit, but just hearing her offer made me get choked up. When did my life become a Tyler Perry movie? I reached out my hand to her. This was the first time I had held her hand in damn near a year that I could remember. I knew there was a big possibility of me going straight to hell with a seat in the VIP section for what I did to this woman. We hadn’t argued in months. She was only talking to me because I asked her to come in. All the women I had taken care of besides her over the years, and she was the only one here with me. That fact alone made me want to break down right in front of her.

This woman gave me her all. I moved her in here knowing she thought I was the man for her. The whole time, I was out living the single life in the streets. I knew she thought that the cheating and all that started a few years ago. The truth is that I have never been a one-woman man in my life. Shit, I didn’t even know what it was to fuck less than three women in one week.

I should’ve never let her get so into me, but she was the only one who didn’t want anything from me but me, and I couldn’t even give her that in its entirety. My biggest and only regret is how I treated Talia. They say that when someone dies, they become their loved ones’ guardian angel. I had been praying every night for God to forgive