Never Love Another

Iheld a straight posture with my hands clasped together as I sat across from my little brother. My family . One of the few people in my life who I cared about more than myself, Keaton . He had been on tour, so I hadn’t seen him in almost six months, but we talked once or twice a week, so I could talk to my son, A’Keel.

Sometimes, I would just sit and listen to him playing his game, talking shit, and trying to explain to me what was going on with it since I wasn’t there with him to see it for myself. It didn’t matter if I just held the phone and listened to A’Keel, as long as I could hear his voice, and he knew I was there. Keaton also made sure I had money on my books for whatever I needed. However, in there, I didn’t require much. I stayed to myself and kept my head low so that nobody fucked with me, which, in turn, meant that I didn’t have to fuck with them. I could hold my own, always had, but once the clock started with me in this place, I vowed to keep my head low, do my time, and get out as soon as possible, so that I could get home to my son. A ten-year bid was what they gave me, but I was getting out after only seven.

So, I’ll be in LA the day you get released. I tried my best to move shit around, but that’s the same day as my charity event and the last leg of my tour. I can’t miss that. You know I would reschedule, but I can’t bail on the kids, and with my show, you know how that goes. They’ll fine me out the ass if I cancel. A’Keel was supposed to fly out with me, but the second I told him you were getting out, his little ass shut me down quick. Kee grinned, exposing his platinum grill again. I have the jet ready for both of you to fly out that day to meet me there. You cool with that?

I don’t know if I can. Shit, I’m a felon, Kee.

Let me handle everything. I want you there. I’ll have you on a private jet, and it’s just for a few days. Fuck the bullshit. You’re not about to be living on the outside like you’re still on the inside. His entire face hardened.

To my brother, it was that simple, but my life changed the second I took this bid. We both understood the reality of what that now meant.

I chuckled and nodded. It’s whatever. I just want to see baby sis. I don’t have anybody else that I really fuck with, so LA for the weekend is cool with me. There was no point in me arguing with him about it. Keaton was dead set on me being there with him, so I was gonna be there.

Aight, I got you. It’s all set up, but I have to run. Three days, Kim. You ready?

I nodded before lifting one hand and running it across my thick ass hair, which reminded me that I needed a cut, but it would wait until I was out of there. Ready as I’ll ever be. More than anything, I’m ready to get back to my life. Spend some time with my Keel. You know, catch up with his little ass and really be a father to him.

Keaton grew quiet for a minute, and I could see the regret seeping into his demeanor. This was the part I hated the most. I couldn’t erase the remorse or take it from him, but I damn sure didn’t want my little brother to carry the burden of a choice that I made for both of us.

It’s on me, Kee. Lift your head. I made the decision when you begged me not to, and I would do it all over again. No regrets. Shit played out like it was supposed to.

I know, but you did the bid for me, and I just want you to know I really appreciate that shit, Sha’kim. I put that on God, I do. You didn’t know about A’Keel when you made the deal, and—

Doesn’t matter. You’re my little brother, and I would have still taken the deal. I know you appreciate it, or I wouldn’t have done it. I’m proud of you. You did exactly what we knew you were gonna do, so no regrets, aight?

No regrets. Kee nodded and extended a closed fist to me, which I met with mine.

The guards squared up, giving a warning about contact, so I pulled back, not wanting any issues. I was too close to the finish line to have my freedom snatched away from me again.

Besides, mama would have kicked my ass if it was you who ended up here and not me.

I chuckled and leaned back in my chair, but my brother gave me the nastiest look, which was shadowed with something I couldn’t quite figure out. There wasn’t anything for him to be upset about because facts were facts. He was the baby boy of our lineage, and in our mama’s eyes, his all saint’s ass did no wrong.

I was the fuck up. In the streets buying low and selling high, but the bills had to be paid, and the bullshit ass job our mother kept wasn’t cutting it. Even in Bankhead where we grew up, which was the straight up projects, she couldn’t afford to keep clothes on our backs, food in our stomachs, and a roof over our heads without help. That’s where I came in. I put in work on the streets. It started with little runs at first until I realized I was good at it. Then, I started setting aside enough to pay the bills and flipped the rest.

Money was good. We weren’t rich, but we were comfortable, so I found my second home out there. Then Keaton decided he wanted to do this music thing, so I hustled harder. I had to. Studio time was expensive as hell. Then, there was money that he needed to buy tracks that he could rhyme over, and money needed to buy him a spot on playlists and gigs in clubs so he could be heard. Not to mention that with all the thousands we paid out, he wasn’t bringing in a damn dime. It was a slow process to get recognized.

I didn’t mind, nor did I ever complain. My little brother was talented as fuck, and he wasn’t just doing that mumble rap or talking about money and fucking hoes. He actually had something to say. I wanted him to make it more than I think he wanted it for himself.

For that reason alone, when he tried to hit the streets with me to make money and help that process, I let him do it, under my watchful eye of course. The process worked until it didn’t. The night we got pulled over was the worst night of my got damn life. It was Keaton who was holding. I didn’t fucking know until the cops searched my car and found it in his backpack, but I took the charge. I had to. Kee was gonna make it, and I loved him enough to make sure he did.

My only regret was the day that I was sentenced, my girl found out that she was pregnant with my son, but it was too late. It was a done deal, but things worked out. Keaton made it with the music thing. It took him another four years, but as of the last two, Keelow was doing his thing with two platinum releases, and his first indie project went Diamond.

Aside from the music thing, my brother was there for my son. He made sure I was able to be a part of A’Keel’s life as much as I could from behind these bars. I loved my brother for that the same way he loved me for doing this time. It required no thanks on either side, though, because we were family, and that was just what you did.

"Yeah, well Mama isn’t here now, and I ain’t no got damn saint. As proud as she would be of me, she’d be just as disappointed if she knew the real me."

That sadness was there again. I never knew if it was just him missing her, or regrets, but it was always there.

I gripped the back of my neck and then chuckled. Nah, she wouldn’t be disappointed. She would just blame me and make that shit my fault. Her baby boy could do no wrong, with your perfect ass. I smirked, and he chuckled.

You ain’t shit for that, but it’s true. She swore my ass was a got damn saint. He nodded and then dropped his head.

But you know she loved you too, Sha’kim.

Yeah, I know. It’s all good, Kee. Don’t sweat that shit.

Nodding as confirmation, he looked around before his eyes landed on me again. It was no secret that he hated being there about as much as I did. Even if our roles were different, he was doing this time with me. It was like a dark cloud that had been hanging over Keaton’s head, and I was grateful that it was about to end.

But, look. I have a flight to catch, so I need to run, but I got you all set up. I can’t wait ’til you get outta here. I’m putting you on my team.

My brother smiled big, exposing that damn platinum grill yet again.

Nah, I don’t need that. I’m perfectly fine just playing the background.

Well, too fucking bad. Ain’t nobody gonna look out for me and protect me like you, Kim. You’re coming home, so it’s time for you to do just that.

I smirked and nodded. So, what do you think Onyx will have to say about that?

My baby brother dropped his head and ran his hand across it before he looked up at me with a sly grin. Onyx is my man a hundred grand, and he’s been there for me. Shit, I wouldn’t have made it without him, Kim, but you already know. I feel safe with you, and I trust you like I will never trust anyone else. You’re on my team, bruh. Truthfully, the second you touch down, you are my team. You run that shit now, so be ready. I have to go, though.

He looked me in my eyes and extended a closed fist to me. Welcome home, Kim. It’s been a long time coming.

I chuckled and nodded. I’m not there yet. Save all enthusiasm until I’m up out this hoe.

Nah, fuck that. You’re free, Kim, even if I have to blow this bitch up to make sure I see you walk up out of here.

Don’t say shit like that too loud, or they’ll have both of us up in here with an extra ten on file.

I laughed at the thought and wasn’t about to play those types of games. I had done my time, well seven of the ten, and I wasn’t jeopardizing it by saying the wrong thing while the wrong person ear hustled.

My brother stood and stared at me for a minute like he had something else to say, but instead, he simply nodded before he walked away. Keaton was right about one thing; it was a long time coming, and I couldn’t wait to be on the other side.

Daddy! My son ran and jumped in my arms, and I swear I had never in my life wanted anything more than I wanted to hold him as close as I had him right now. I was a thug by blood and by nature, but I swear in that moment, standing there holding him against my chest, I had tears in my eyes. This right here, I had been waiting on for seven long ass years.

Regardless of the fact that I talked to A’Keel twice a week and had pictures of him that detailed everything that I missed from his life, nothing in the world compared to the ability to hold him in my arms, feeling him secure around me, and his heartbeat against my chest. I swear on God, I would never do anything to risk that again.

What’s up, man? The way you’re holding onto me, I might actually think you missed your dad a little bit.

When I pulled back to see his face, A’Keel smiled big, looking like a miniature version of me. That had my chest tight. I had a son. This was my son, he was me through and through. No matter how many times the thought passed through my mind, the realization never seemed to be more profound than it was right now.

I did miss you, Daddy. Did you miss me?

Hell yeah, I did. More than you know.

Is that why you’re crying? Keel’s smile dropped, and his little brows dipped in. You said big boys don’t cry. That’s what you said, Daddy, he insisted.

Yeah, true, we don’t, but I get a pass, just for today. I missed you so much, and I’m happy to see you, man. I pressed my forehead to his and then wiped the few tears that managed to escape.

My family was the only thing in the world that made me weak, and at that moment, I was weak as hell and not ashamed to admit it. The love I had for my son did that to me but in a good way.

I missed you too, Daddy. You’re not going back in there, are you? You’re gonna stay with me, Aunt Raynie, and Uncle, Kee right?

Nah, I’m not going back. I promise you never have to worry about that.

Good. I don’t want you to. Uncle Kee said we’re going on a plane to California. I’ve never been there. Are you excited?

I’m just excited to be wherever you are, son.

Good, don’t leave me again. His little arms circled my neck so tight that I could barely breathe, and I swear that broke my damn heart.

He won’t. My sister peered at me while she spoke to my son.

For a quick minute, I grew even more emotional. I’ll be damned if she didn’t look just like our mother. Everything about her from her long, thick, jet black hair, which was in two French braids, to her Hershey hued skin, dark eyes that looked almost black with the warning that she delivered to me with them while she spoke to A’Keel. She was our mother standing there before me. Damn!

A’Keel, go get in the truck and find the phone that we got for your daddy. Let me talk to him for a minute, and then we can go. Raynie said and reached for him.

Okay, Daddy, hurry. Unc got you the best one. It’s just like the one I want.

As soon as my sister, Rayna, or Raynie as we called her had A’Keel in her arms, she kissed his cheek, causing him to ball up his little face. At six years old, he wasn’t trying to be anybody’s baby, especially not around me.

Auntie, don’t do that.

Boy, I wish you would think I’m about to stop loving on you. I don’t care how big you get. You’ll always be my baby, which is why you don’t need a phone.

I’m not a baby. He groaned as soon as his feet hit the ground.

I watched him take off running to the Range that I knew belonged to my baby sis. Kee had already complained about how much it cost him to get the custom color she wanted. Raynie was the baby, though, so as much as he complained about it, he made sure she had what she wanted. From what I knew, our sister wasn’t doing much of anything other than what she wanted. Let her tell it, she was figuring out life. At least she did have a degree, but in education, which didn’t fit since she refused to teach.

I missed you, Raynie softly confessed as soon as we were alone.

In a matter of seconds, she went from bossing up on A’Keel to being the little girl that I left behind. The one who depended on me and cried for days after I was locked up. Kee told me she stayed in her room for a week straight, refusing to eat or talk to anyone after they sent me away.

That shit literally broke my heart, which Kee knew, so he didn’t tell me until after I had been in for a few months. My brother didn’t want to make the transition worse, which was his reason for the delay in telling me just how bad it was for Ray.

I can’t tell. Bring your skinny ass over here. I grabbed her arm and pulled her into my chest.

When I hugged her, she trembled a little, a clear sign that she was crying.

Come on, Raynie, don’t do that shit. I’m home now, and I promise I’m not going back. Don’t cry, baby girl.

I can’t help it. I swear I felt empty while you were in there. It was just Keaton and me, but he was always gone. I just… shit, I said I wasn’t going to cry, but I missed you.

I know, and I apologize. I fucked up pretty badly, but never again. I kissed the top of her head, and she shook it while peering up at me with a slight frown.

No, Keaton messed up. You did this for him, and I love you for that, but you didn’t mess up, Kim, he did. I’m not even mad about it anymore, but this isn’t on you.

Nah, I did. I should have never let him get involved like that. It was my fuck up, but we’re all good now. I’m home, and things are about to get back to the way they’re supposed to be, I offered before pressing a kiss into her forehead and hugging her tight.

Damn, Kim, your big, bulky ass is trying to crush me. Raynie pushed away and smiled, granting her one from me.

I’m not bulky. Your ass is just frail. I can see now that I’m about to have to do a food intervention with you. You need to eat a damn steak or something. A whole got damn cow if you ask me.

I leaned back and checked her out. She wasn’t anorexic or anything, but she was skinny as hell.

Shut up, fool. I eat just fine. I’m vegan, so I will not be eating a steak. You should try it. You might like it.

Oh, hell no. In fact, I need you to drive me somewhere to get a steak or a burger on the way home so I can get hooked up, and you better not be depriving my son of real food either. Come to think about it, he did look a little thin too.

Here we go with that. Baby sis rolled her eyes and smiled.

Hell yeah, here we go. I’m home now and about to get things back on track.

For you, maybe. I’m good, but I wanted to holla at you about Gee.

My sister’s face stoned, and I knew it was nothing but bullshit. That had been the routine since the day A’Keel was born. My son’s mother was irresponsible and selfish. All traits that didn’t show up until I got locked up. When my brother and sister started hitting me up about how she was raising my son, or rather not raising him, I got pissed. I called multiple times to curse her ass out, but it didn’t matter.

She had the money I left her and a new found freedom. I couldn’t get to her, which she knew, so she started partying and hoeing. It pissed me off so bad that I made Kee and Raynie take A’Keel from her, which she didn’t care about until the money ran out. Then she wanted to be a mother. She went and got a full-blown custody agreement and petitioned for child support. How, I didn’t fucking know because I was locked up, but Kee ended up paying her every month. After the second month, they had A’Keel again, and she was back to her old ways, but she still had custody. Keaton kept paying her just to make sure they had my son, and I hated that shit but appreciated him for doing it.

Don’t tell me shit. I’mma see her soon. Kee has me flying out to LA for the weekend, but as soon as I get back, I’ll deal with her or maybe I won’t. I need to test her ass to see how long it takes for her to show her face.

Good, because if you don’t, I’m punching her dead in her face. A’Keel was all excited about you coming home, and when he called to tell her, she said, ‘fuck your daddy. I’m the one that’s been here for you.’ I swear I drove straight to her house to snatch her wig back, but she wouldn’t come out and has been hiding ever since. He was so hurt, Kim. She made my baby cry, and I owe her for that. I promise, she’s gonna get it.

My sister was so serious that I knew there was no point in trying to tell her no. She didn’t play about Keaton or me as it was, but A’Keel, I was pretty sure she would catch a charge over him, and I loved her for that. Our family was small, but we were tight.

I got it. Just stay away from her stupid ass. I kept my expression neutral, but inside I was raging.

Regina had gone too damn far with that. A’Keel was a kid and didn’t need to be in the middle of our shit. She had no right putting him it.

Well just know she is still getting her ass beat, and I put that on Mama. Baby sis balled up her face, and I chuckled. She was mad as hell and looking even more like Olivia Garner.

You don’t have to put that on Mama, you look just like her right now. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear it was her standing here and not you.

Raynie’s face grew sad for a split minute before she grinned. I miss her too, Kim, and I’m sorry.

Don’t be. That’s on me, I said thinking about the fact that she passed while I was locked up. I couldn’t even go to her funeral, and that shit still weighed heavy on me. The way she died made it even harder. Someone randomly shot up her house, and she caught a stray bullet that was probably meant for me. Come on, let’s go before Kee, flies back to Atlanta just to get me.

My sister nodded and smiled while rolling her eyes in the process. I pulled her into one last hug before we left to join A’Keel.

Damn, it felt good to be home.

K ee, you have twenty minutes before your interview, Naji yelled through the door of my suite.

I had a call with Sway from Shade 45, which I wasn’t looking forward to. I hated press, but it was necessary since I wasn’t signed to a label. I started indie and stayed that way so I could maintain control of all my music, but most of all stay me.

Labels handled shit like this for artists, but since it was just my small team and me, promotion was on us. I didn’t complain, though. My team was the truth, and they were all about business. Naji was the leader. She had me all over everywhere doing all types of press. I hated that but appreciated her for the work that she put in on my behalf.

Naji also knew when to back down. I was bipolar as hell and had mood swings like a muthafucker. I wasn’t much of a people person. Odd, right, given the fact that I was one of the biggest names in music right now, but it was true. I loved the craft, was talented as fuck, and being on stage was a high, but the celebrity part, I fucking hated. Naj understood that, so when I fell into those reclusive moods, she pulled back and handled business in a way that kept me out there without me actually being out there.

Aight, give me ten, I yelled back, causing the shorty who had my dick down her throat to rear her head back and scowl at me.

The indication of Naj only allowing me ten minutes meant no dick for her, but I had already told shorty how it was going down. She was just hopeful. They were always hopeful!

Really, Kee-low? She balled up her pretty vanilla face, and I grabbed her hair and pushed my dick back into her mouth. Luckily, she accepted, but her eyes expressed that she wasn’t happy. Not my concern.

Yeah, really. I already told you my schedule was tight today, and I wasn’t getting down with you like that. Now, hurry up before Naj walks in here and snatches your ass up. I told you she doesn’t play about business, I barked as I started thrusting in and out of her mouth.

She took it like a champ, and in no time, I filled the condom that I had on. I pulled out quickly to make sure she didn’t pierce it with her teeth. Crazy, I know, but I wasn’t trying to catch anything. I loved both sex and head, but it wasn’t worth dying for. If you weren’t my girl, I strapped up, and I didn’t have a girl at the moment.

After I returned from the bathroom, I found shorty standing in the mirror fixing her hair. Admiring her thick, toned body, I grabbed my semi-erect dick through my joggers and tried to decide if I had time to hit really quick, but I already knew the answer was no.

You’re one of my dancers, right?

She turned and frowned at me, and I returned one.

Yes, I already told you that.

When she snapped, I grinned and nodded before I walked up on her and leaned near her ear. Speaking in a low, controlled tone, I said, Aye, watch that fucking attitude. You’re not my girl, so what you say really isn’t important enough for me to care about. I asked because I couldn’t remember. Now, when you walk out of this room, Naj is going to know who you are, and that’s bad for you because you signed a waiver saying that you would not have sex with any members of the staff. I’m not only the staff but the boss, so keep your eyes low, don’t say shit, and just go right to the door and leave. I’ll make sure you keep your job. I kissed her cheek and then pointed to the door.

Her damn mouth dropped open, but she did as I asked. Minutes later, Naji walked in and grilled me.

I know, I know. It won’t happen again, and if it counts for anything, it was just head, no sex.

Keaton, I’m not playing with you. I can’t keep replacing dancers.

"You don’t have to. This is the last show, and then I’m home for the next six months.