Love So Dangerous

The Year: 2000

The past

1

Heaven Lyons

There goes that car again. I wasn’t into cars like that, mainly because I didn’t own one, but I believe it had to be a BMW of some kind. I’m not even sure who the driver of the car was because the tints on the windows were so dark, it was hard for me and any other person to look inside and get a clear view. Whoever it was, I know for a fact that it couldn’t have been one of the boys from my high school.

The boys at my school had cars, but it wasn’t anything as extravagant as this one. I mean, it had those big wheels on it, and it was a very beautiful cherry red color, which happened to be my favorite color of all time. Every day, I got out of school at 2:40 on the dot, and every day, for like the past few weeks, I would see this car parked on the side of the school.

When I would start walking, they would start driving in the same direction as I was headed. They had to have known where I lived because I would see them through my peripheral at the end of the block as I walked into my home. In the beginning, when I found out that this person was following me, I was a little scared. But, for some reason, I wasn’t as scared anymore because if the person wanted to hurt me, they would have done so already. Call it weird, but I actually felt protected with that car following me every day from school. I just wished I knew who was in it. Miami was big, and it literally could have been anyone.

Yesterday, I started to wonder if it was one of the deacons from my church who my father had to follow me, but then again, I didn’t know of any deacons from my church to have a car as nice as that one.

You’ll often hear me refer to the church because aside from the home that I live in with my parents, the church also raised me, and I’ve spent numerous days and nights there due to my father being the pastor. I literally grew up in the church, and I was attending church almost five times a week. It had its ups and downs, and I’ll admit that often times, I just wish that I was a regular teenager with regular parents.

Who am I? My name is Heaven Lyons, and truth is, at seventeen years old, I was still trying to find myself. I lived my life basically trying to make sure that I always pleased my parents. Since I could remember, I’ve always brought home nothing short of straight A’s on my report card, always achieved perfect attendance in school, and I have so many Student of the Month awards in my room that I have literally lost count of them.

I’m a senior at Monsignor Edward Pace High School, and I’m the number one student in my graduating class. Outside of school, I often teach bible study and Sunday school at my church. I am part of the dance ministry as well, and my parents have in mind that they want me to pastor when I get older. That’s not in my list of dreams at all, but my whole life, I’ve always done things to make sure that I never disappointed my parents. In my seventeen years of life, I never once rebelled against them, and I always done as I was told.

In a few months, it’ll be time for me to start college, and I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do. My parents wanted me to stay in Miami and continue my education at the University of Miami, but Spelman college is where I wanted to go. Only bad part about it is that it was in Georgia. I’ve never even been to a sleepover, so I don’t know why I was so shocked that my parents were giving me a hard time about not going there. I wanted to rebel and remind them that I would be eighteen in a few months, and that I was getting so much money in scholarships that I honestly didn’t need them to give me any money for college, but I didn’t have the heart to talk to my parents like that. Not because I was afraid of any repercussions, but I loved my parents too much to ever disrespect them.

As soon as I walked into my home, I spotted my little sister, Christian, in the living room doing homework. Christian was five years younger than me and had been raised the same way as I had been. I only say that because I know sometimes when parents have a second child, they often alter their parenting styles, but that wasn’t the case in this household. We were only allowed to watch TV on Fridays and Saturdays and whatever we watched, it had to be Jesus related. We weren’t allowed to watch TV through the week because our parents believed that our focus should be on school and whatever obligations that we had at the church. We definitely couldn’t watch TV on Sundays because that was the day we devoted all of our time to God.

Restriction on watching TV wasn’t the only rule we had, though. Long skirts that went past our knees were expected of us, and no make-up; the only thing that we could use was Chapstick, and the only electronic devices we had were the desktops in our rooms, and that was only because we needed them for school. I often thought that my upbringing was the number one reason why I didn’t have any friends. The few friends that I had were from church, and even their parents’ rules and expectations weren’t as high. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I wished for different parents, but I would like for them to compromise on a few things.

"Oh, my God, when did this come in the mail?’ I asked, walking into the kitchen and noticing that there was a letter on the table from Spelman University.

Heaven, you do not use the Lord’s name in vain! You know better than that! my mother snapped at me as she turned around from standing over the stove making dinner for tonight.

My mother was a beautiful woman, although I looked nothing like her. Like, I literally didn’t have any features of her. My mother and Christian were both slim, while I was thick, with curves and things. Even though my hair was natural, it was naturally curly, while my mother’s and Christian’s was natural to the point that their hair was so full and thick. I was tall, like my father, while Christian and my mother weren’t as tall.

I felt that my mother was a great mom, but she loved my sister and I so hard. I believe that she was harder on us than my father. I guess it was because we were girls. In my eyes, my mother had it easy. Her only job in life was to be the first lady of the church, make sure that the house was always nice and clean, cook, be a good mother to us, and an even better wife to my father.

I’m sorry, Mommy. I just wasn’t expecting it to come so early, I said, removing my backpack from my back and placing it on the floor.

My mother would have had a fit if I placed my backpack on her dining room table. I took a seat at one of the wooden chairs and said a quick prayer before I opened it. My hands were literally shaking, so it took longer than expected for me to get it open, but when I finally did, tears of joy streamed down my face. Not only was I accepted because of my high GPA and test scores, but I also had a full ride.

Mommy! I got in! I got in! I jumped up and down, showing her the paper.

There was a major difference in our expressions right now because she wasn’t as excited or as enthusiastic as I was. In fact, she didn’t even look like she cared.

That’s great, Heaven, baby. But honestly, nothing has changed from when you told me a few months ago that you were applying to this school. It’s too far away, and I need to be able to have you within close proximity to me. I’m sorry, baby, but you just can’t go she said, instantly breaking my heart.

I mean, I knew from the beginning that she had told me that I couldn’t go, but I honestly thought that she would have a change of heart once she realized that I had gotten accepted into Spelman. Everyone doesn’t get accepted into Spelman! I knew that my mother only wanted what was best for me, but look at her reasoning for not letting me go to Georgia. It’s for her pleasure to have me close to her. The bible even says that if you train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it. For seventeen years, my parents had trained me well, so there was no need for her to worry about me forgetting about who I am and where I came from if I were to leave. I knew that this was where all of this was coming from.

What’s going on in here? my father asked, coming into the kitchen and kissing me on my forehead.

I was the true definition of a daddy’s girl. There wasn’t anything that my father wouldn’t do for me, and vice versa. I looked up at my father, taking in how handsome he was. My father had a milk chocolaty skin complexion, and for him to be forty-two years old, he looked like some of the dudes my age. That’s because he believed that his body was his temple, and certain foods, we didn’t engage in. He had nice hair that he kept in waves, and another thing that made him so handsome was the type of person he was.

My father and mother had been together since the two of them were seniors in high school. I loved how they loved each other, and I loved their love story. Even with going to college together, they still saved their bodies for one another until they were married. I didn’t find that out until last year when my mother was giving me the birds and the bees talk. She wasn’t talking to me about condoms or anything, she was just specifically telling me that I needed refrain from sex until I was married, and I made a promise to her that I would. I mean, my father even gave me a purity ring when I turned sixteen, and that ring was a symbol of the promise that I had made to the two of them.

Daddy, look what came in the mail today, I said and handed him over my acceptance letter. This is good news. Plus, you don’t have to come out if pocket for any of this, but Mommy is still saying that I can’t go, I told him.

I watched as my mother folded her arms across her chest as she stared my father down, basically as if she was daring him to go against her word. Although my father was the man of the house, often times it felt like my mother had the final say so in things. I didn’t think it was because my father was scared of her, but it was more to keep the house drama free.

Baby girl, what’s wrong with the University of Miami? my father asked as he set the paper down on the desk. As much as I wanted to suck my teeth and roll my eyes, I knew that wouldn’t be a good thing to do, so I held in all the frustrated emotions that I was feeling at the moment. They are offering you a full ride there too. Plus, I told you that if you stay, then I was going to buy you a car. Your mother and I don’t know how it feels not to have you here and that’s a feeling that we aren’t ready for yet. Don’t feel as if we’re not letting you go because we don’t trust you, because I trust you more than anything. It’s the idea of being twelve hours away from my baby girl that I don’t trust, my father sincerely said, but it still wasn’t enough for me.

So, just so we’re clear here, this is final. There is nothing that I can say or do to change your minds? I asked them, voice cracking and with a lone tear falling from my eyes. Reality was hitting me that I may not be able to go to the school of my dreams after all.

I’m sorry, baby girl, but the answer is no, my father said.

I stared at my parents long and hard before I grabbed my acceptance letter off the table, picked my backpack up from the floor, and stormed out of the kitchen. I knew better than to slam my door, so I gently closed it when I made it inside my room. Flopping down on my bed, fresh tears ran down my face. It was very rare that I would ever get angry, but right now, I was furious because I felt like I wasn’t even in control of my own life. My parents always decided what they felt was best for me, and I was so sick and tired of that. I was tired of living my life trying to be the perfect child by them. I was so tired of being scared to mess up. I wanted all of this to change. I wanted to for once in my life, do something that makes Heaven happy.

I stood up from the bed and I took in my appearance. I considered myself to be pretty, but lately, I didn’t mind the fact that my mother makes sure my sister and I are always fully clothed. My body had been going through some changes, making me a little self-conscious. My mother took me bra shopping last weekend, and the two of us were surprised to know that I was almost a D cup. My hips were spreading, and let my mother tell it, I was getting too much junk in the trunk. From what I could remember, I’ve been a size six for a while now, so I was surprised to know that I was now a size twelve in women. I just felt like my body was beginning to look like one of those video vixens that I secretly watch when I know that my parents are sleeping.

I had inherited my mother’s complexion, which was a typical brown girl, really nothing fancy. I had a head full of natural hair that I often wore pushed back in a headband. My hair had never been permed, and my mother promised me that she would flat iron it for me when I graduated. Thanks to the braces that I wore for three years, I now had a fresh set of pearly whites. I had a beauty mark on the corner of my mouth that I secretly loved. Honestly, the only people to ever call me pretty were my parents, and I felt like they were only saying that because it was the right thing for them to say.

In my seventeen years, no man aside from my dad has ever called me pretty. No guy has ever shown the least bit of interest in me, which is why I knew it wouldn’t be hard to keep the promise to my parents about abstaining from sex. I didn’t know if it was because they considered me to be the preacher’s daughter, if it was the way that I dressed, or maybe my intelligence was too much for them to handle. I would love for a guy to say that I was pretty or even ask for my number, only for me to turn around and tell them that I didn’t have a cellphone. Was that too much to ask for?

The next day rolled around, and I was glad because it was Friday and I could go home and watch as much TV as I wanted. I hadn’t said a word to my parents since yesterday afternoon because honestly, I was still very upset. I was seventeen years old, and I felt like I didn’t have a voice. I loved the love that they gave me, but often times, I couldn’t help but feel as if they treated me like a baby.

Last night, before I closed my eyes, I prayed long and hard, asking God what he wanted me to do in this situation. As much as I didn’t want to rebel against my parents, I believed that was what it was going to come to because there was nothing that would keep me in Miami for college. Not even the fact that my father was bribing me with a new car.

Like clockwork, it was 2:40, and that same red car was parked on the side of the school. I was feeling a little experimental, so I was going to switch up my route just so I could know for sure that this person was following me. Instead of taking the short cut from school as I usually did, I went the longer route, which would get me home about ten minutes later than my usual time. I regretted going this way now because it was as if me and this mysterious person who was in the car were the only two people on the road. I’d cut through another housing complex, and literally no one was outside. I prayed in my head, asking God what he wanted me to do because I didn’t know if I was in danger or not. I regretted switching up my route because there was a strong possibility that I was in danger.

You do know that if I wanted to snatch your pretty ass up, I could have done that two weeks ago? You didn’t have to switch up your route, baby girl, because either way, I would have found you, I heard a voice say from behind me.

That’s when I looked to my right at the red car, and I noticed that the driver’s door was open. I must have been so wrapped up in praying that I didn’t even see when the person got out of the car. I slowly turned around, afraid of what my eyes were going to land on. When my eyes landed on his, I promise I almost passed out because I had never in my life seen anything so beautiful. So perfect. So, dangerous.

I knew that he was black, but his skin complexion was so light that one would think he was Caucasian. He had the perfect amount of freckles on his handsome face, where it wasn’t too much or too little. His long hair was going back in about five braids that stopped a few inches below the center of his back. With his hands on his side, I could see the tattoos that filled them, along with the tattoo that he had in the center of his neck, that read, Devil’s Child, with burning flames around it. I didn’t agree with the message on the tattoo, but it was so sexy on him. He had to stand at least 6’4", and his body was very muscular, as if he would break a person in two.

I knew that he had to have been much older than I was, and that’s only on me judging him by his car and his facial hair, along with his goatee. He had light brown eyes that resembled mine, and he looked like he could get any girl he wanted, so why he was following my plain jane self was literally beyond me. I couldn’t even find the words to answer him, so I just stood there frozen.

You let all type of people follow you home from school? Why haven’t you tried to call the police on me yet? Or tell your parents and shit? he asked me, walking further in my direction.

I didn’t even know his name yet, his age, or anything, but I was already in love with him. I was having thoughts that I knew would made God turn me around at the pearly gates of heaven when that day came because they were just that filthy. My body had never reacted this way to another guy. Not even when I snuck and watched Brotherly Love and I fell in love with Cory Hardrict. This feeling was all too new to me, and the only thing I wanted to do right then was rush home and take a hot shower because fluids were rapidly soaking up my underwear.

Umm… I… I… I couldn’t even form a sentence.

He looked at me and laughed. Honestly, I was so embarrassed. Here I was, standing in front of the sexiest guy probably on the planet, and I was stuttering over my words and stuff, not even able to form a sentence.

Chill, baby girl! I’m not God! I’m just human. You don’t have to stutter and shit when you talk to me, he said, and I calmed down a little bit.

Hearing all of this cursing was new to me because no one in my family cursed. If they did, I never head them. I’ll let out a little curse word every once in a while, but I tried my best not to make it a habit. Also, the school that I attended was a Catholic school and church, so it was very rare that the kids at my school used profanity.

Because I knew that whoever was in the car wasn’t dangerous, I finally told him.

And how you figure that? You didn’t even know who was behind the wheel of the car, he said.

I didn’t have a reply for that because he was right. Somehow, over the past few weeks, I’d convinced myself that whoever was behind the wheel of that car must have cared about me or something because otherwise, they would have already done something.

What’s your name? he asked, looking down at me.

I wasn’t short, but I didn’t consider myself to be tall either. I was just a normal 5’7", but this man standing before me was so tall, it made him have to look down at me when he talked.

Heaven, I told him.

That’s what you believe in, huh? You believe you going to go to heaven when you leave this Earth? he asked me with a smirk on his face.

It was obvious that he didn’t believe in God because the tattoo on his neck spoke volumes. The few friends I did have at my father’s church, we all believed in the same thing. I was taught at a young age to try and surround myself with people who I share the same beliefs with. I thought that this man was so perfect, but believed that he worshipped the devil, so should that be a reason for me to just walk away? I know that both of my parents would probably catch a heart attack and die if I were to bring a guy like him home. Number one, he was older than me. I haven’t found out his exact age yet, but I just knew that he was older than me.

I know that I’m going to go to heaven when I leave this Earth, I strongly told him. There was no doubt in my mind about that one.

I guess we are all entitled to our own opinions, he said. From my observations, I could tell that he wasn’t a man of many words. It was like he said what he had to say, and that was it.

So, why have you been following me, though?

I was dying to know. I just wanted to know whether or not he found me attractive. I didn’t have the slightest clue of what it felt like to have a guy actually like me. There was this guy at my church, and his name was Chris. He looked up to my father because he wanted to have his own church one day and be a pastor. Anyway, every time he saw me, he was always giving me compliments on whatever I had on at the time or my hair. I assumed that he liked me.

God, I’m so embarrassed to even tell this story. One day, him and I were in one of the classrooms at my father’s church cleaning up and getting everything ready for Sunday school. He kindly grabbed my hand because he wanted to remove something that was on my face. I mean, we were so close. So, close that I could smell the peppermint on his breath, and he wasn’t even talking. I really just thought that he was using that as an excuse to try and kiss me, so I leaned my head into him to try and kiss his lips, and he quickly curved me. I found out from him that same day that he just thought of me as a friend, and that there was someone at his school that he actually liked. So, here I am, at seventeen years old, and I had never experienced my first kiss.

I saw something that I liked, and I went from there. Honestly, I was really trying to figure out if you had a boyfriend or not. I see you walk home from school by yourself every day. What’s up? You don’t have friends and shit? he asked me.

I have a few friends, but not at school, I told him.

And I’m assuming that you don’t have a boyfriend either because if you do, it’s obvious that you need to leave that nigga if he going to have you walking home from school every day, he said, taking even further steps toward me and causing me to back up some.

A lot of people in Miami attended my father’s church, which meant that I knew a lot of people. I was scared that someone from the church would drive by and see me all in this man’s face, and would tell my father, which is why I didn’t want to be too close up on him.

I don’t have a boyfriend. My parents would kill me, I told him, and he shook his head.

How old are you? he asked me.

I’m seventeen, I quietly said because honestly, I didn’t want that to be a reason for him to walk away.

And you don’t consider yourself grown? You still let your mommy and daddy tell you what to do? he asked.

I noticed that his face had gotten a little hard when he spoke, but it honestly didn’t take away from how handsome he was. If anything, it made him that much sexier. I really didn’t know why he let it bother him so much that I still took orders from my parents.

I have no choice but to let them tell me what to do, especially since I’m living with them, I told him.

Hop in the car. Let me take you home, he told me, pulling up his jeans that were sagging a little bit.

It’s fine, I’ll continue to walk, I told him.

I watched as he sucked his teeth, then he reached in his pocket and handed me his wallet. I looked at him like he was crazy.

Baby girl, I don’t know a damn thing about you other than the fact that your name is Heaven, you’re seventeen, you believe in God and shit, and that you let your parents run you. But it’s something about you that has me interested because I have never in my life handed somebody over my damn wallet. I’m giving you the opportunity to open it and look at my license so you can see a nigga’s name and address. If I try some shit, I’m giving you the okay to call the cops on my ass. It’s 2:57. You’re already two minutes late from being home because you normally get home at 2:55, he told me.

I knew that my parents would probably question why I was late, so I figured it wasn’t too bad of an idea if I got in the car with him.

Okay, but you cannot pull into my driveway. You have to drop me off on the corner, I told him.

He didn’t even reply, he just removed the bookbag that I had on my back and put it in the backseat of his car, then opened the passenger side door for me to get in.

As soon as I got in, I regretted it because his car had a drug smell. I’ve never done drugs a day in my life, so I wouldn’t even be able to tell you what type of drug it was, but the smell was so strong, and I knew that the smell would linger in my clothes. All I needed was for my parents to question me about why I