Giving You All I've Got: Love Me Forever

1

If You Were Mine

F uck with the nigga then, bitch. You act like you’re proving some kind of point. I don’t give a damn what that off brand ass nigga does anymore. Joc’s face was frowned up as she clapped her hands together in an effort to make herself clear.

Risha, a brown skinned chick who had been messing around with Joc’s ex-boyfriend, Promise, for practically the entire time she’d been with him, and apparently since she’d broken up with him as well, was standing in front of her with a large smile on her face.

For whatever reason, she’d felt the need to inform Joc of the baby she and Promise supposedly had on the way. All Joc had wanted to do was run to Shake Shack and grab a burger and some ice cream, but clearly, peace was not on her side that night. She hadn’t even made it to the counter to place her order before running into Risha.

You better be glad I’m pregnant, or I would knock the shit out of your bourgeois ass for talking to me like you’re crazy.

Joc raised an eyebrow at Risha because clearly, she had forgotten all about the many ass whoopings she’d given her over the past few months. Beat her ass where? And with whose hands? Surely, she didn’t mean right then and with hers. Risha couldn’t do shit but talk, which was one of the main reasons Joc wished she would just let her get her food and leave.

Listen, Risha, I’m happy for you and Promise. Joc smiled, determined to brush Risha’s drama off. As a matter of fact, send me an invitation to the baby shower so I can get the baby something.

Joc then proceeded to the register to place her order. Hopefully, Risha would get the hint and move around with her drama because that was the last thing she felt like entertaining right then. She and Promise had been together for years. From their eleventh grade year in high school until last year, they had been holding on to something most would call a relationship. Joc, on the other hand, called it misery.

Sure, she had loved Promise for years, and still had love for him to that day, but she was over it. Though it had taken her a while to figure it out and accept it, Promise wasn’t the one for her. They had tried any and everything they could to make what they’d built work, but nothing helped.

I’ll be sure to do that, Risha stated from behind Joc.

Joc rolled her eyes to the ceiling. Risha was one of the main reasons they’d never been able to really stay on one accord. Promise had been dibbling and dabbling with her for the past two years as if Joc was some type of fool. She never really brought it up, but that didn’t mean she didn’t know. She just knew if and when she did bring it up, there would be an endless fight stirring between her and Promise.

Most days it was just easier to leave well enough alone. As long as it never came to her front doorstep, she paid it no mind. Lu, her best friend and one of the only women she’d tolerated for most of her life, had called her stupid on several occasions for putting up with Promise and his foolishness. But Joc was in love. Not only that, but she was comfortable. Promise provided security and stability, the two main things she needed in a relationship. Looking over his mishaps and mess ups were all just a part of the game. She knew she deserved better, and always assumed she would get it.

What she didn’t know was that she’d missed out on it numerous times just by continuing to deal with Promise. He was literally a stumbling block that had planted itself in her life and tripped her up every time she tried to do better.

Here you are, ma’am. Enjoy. The young boy with the headset handed Joc a bag of food with a smile.

Joc smiled, took it, and left the building. As soon as she got out the door, she had to take a step back to fix her jacket. It was late October in Brooklyn, New York, and cold as hell outside. Even with her having been there for pretty much her entire life, the cold still took some getting used to. Once her jacket was zipped completely up with her scarf tucked securely around the bottom half of her face and neck, Joc fixed her gloves and headed back down the street to her house.

The wind slapped roughly against her face, causing her eyes to water. Tears slipped involuntarily out of the corner of her eyes as she tried to snuggle her nose further into her scarf. The cool air zipped around her face and body as she shuffled her feet against the ice cold cement. Cars, yellow taxis, and other New Yorkers passed her swiftly, trying to make it to their destination.

She lived just two blocks down, so the walk was a quick one. Much quicker when it was warm outside, but that could have just been a mind thing since Joc hated the cold weather. It was like she hated it even more since being back home from visiting her best friend, Lu, in Georgia.

Joc’s mind went to Lu and how she hadn’t talked to her in almost two days. That wasn’t like them at all. Though she and Lu were on opposite ends of the country, you’d never know based on their relationship. Minus the miles that separated them, the two were inseparable.

Lucy Daniels, or Lu as everyone called her, was Joc’s best friend and had been since they were thirteen. She had met Lu during the time Joc had been living with her mother. That was back in the days when she was just a bad ass little girl getting into all kinds of shit.

One night, she and a few of the other girls she used to kick it with had gotten caught up in a robbery with some of the corner boys and had been thrown straight into juvenile hall. Even though they’d had nothing serious to do with the robbery, they’d gotten sixteen months in juvenile hall.

Since the corner boys had been Joc’s friends, all of her home girls blamed her for their time and immediately disowned her upon getting to juvie. At first, it hadn’t bothered Joc because she wasn’t the type of girl who ran after friends anyway. She had always been fine by herself, but one day all of that changed.

For some reason or another, those little hoes had gotten beside themselves and thought they were going to jump Joc. Never afraid of a fight, or the one to back down from anything, Joc engaged in a brawl with the group of girls who she’d once called friends.

They were in the mess hall eating when one of them hit her over the head with a food tray. It was on and popping after that. Joc hopped up and commenced to whooping ass. She was banging on a few of the girls all by herself, but tripped over some food and lost her balance.

That one slip up gave them the leverage they needed and they began to pile on Joc. She didn’t know where the correctional officers were, or why no one had broken them up yet, but she was getting tired. Fighting five other girls by herself was tiring, and apparently, Lu picked up on that because she was the only person who had jumped in to help her.

Joc was still on the floor battling for the upper hand when she felt her load being lightened. When she realized Lu was helping her, it gave her the fight she had been losing. Between Joc and Lu, they’d beat all five of the girls up and ended up in the hole for a week.

The hole was a row of cells on the opposite side of the female’s dorm near the bathrooms. In most cases, you had to go to the cells alone, but that particular week, God must have been on their side because all of the other cells were filled and they ended up having to share one.

Lu and Joc spent that entire week exchanging life stories and getting to know one another. By the time their segregation was over, they were thick as thieves. From that day to their current one, they’d had each other’s backs no matter what.

They’d gotten so close during their time in Juvie that when it was time for them to get out, Lu begged for Joc to stay in Georgia. However, Joc’s mom wasn’t having that. She said Joc had gotten on her last nerve with all the trouble she got in and sent her ass straight to New York with her daddy. She had been there ever since.

Although Joc had grown to love New York, it was still nothing like spending time with people she loved and could relate to, which was why she was having such a hard time adjusting to being back home. Being in Georgia and spending time with Lu and her friends had been so much fun and just what Joc had needed.

Since she was a loner, Promise was one of the only people she spent her time with outside of her father. Now that she’d broken things off with Promise, and her father was getting older, she was alone most of her days. Much like right then.

Joc had just walked into her two bedroom condo, and it was empty and quiet. The pink, navy blue, and dark gray décor that she had decorating her living space appealed to her eyes every time she entered her home. The navy blue sofa with the bright pink pillows, curtains, and rugs made her feel right at home.

The smell of lavender and vanilla Plug-Ins filled her nostrils as she kicked her front door closed and set her food on the long table she had placed in the corner of her hallway. Joc busied herself removing her jacket, gloves, scarf, and boots. She left everything in the middle of the floor and grabbed her food. Versus going into her dining room to eat at her cherry wood dining table, she made herself comfortable on her sofa and flipped her TV on. She dug through her bag, grabbing her food and making herself comfortable enough to eat before bowing her head and saying grace.

Once she’d finally gotten herself together, she pulled her phone out to call Lu while she ate. Her Facetime call rang and rang until she decided to hang up. Lu would probably call her back before she’d finished eating. With the burger in one hand, Joc shoved fry after fry into her waiting mouth. It had been all day, and she was starving.

After leaving work earlier that day, she’d gone straight home to study for her the test she had coming up and had been lost in her work ever since. Jocelyn Waters, or Joc, as most of her friends and family called her was a twenty-six year old grad student at the University of South Carolina. Since she was in New York, she had enrolled in the fully online program. She had been going to school for the last few months, trying to get her Master’s degree, and thank God she was in her last semester. School had never been her thing, but for her daddy, she would do anything.

He had been begging her since graduating with her Bachelor’s to go back and get her Master’s as well. It had taken her a while to get started, but she finally did last summer, and now the end was in sight. Working and going to school full time was hard, but since she was newly single with no kids, she was making it work.

A tall brown skinned beauty with long wavy hair and smooth skin, one would think she had no problems getting a man, but that was something she wasn’t so sure of anymore. At one point, she thought her big hips and even bigger butt was enough to capture any man’s attention, but let Promise tell it, all it did was make niggas want to fuck her.

There weren’t any real men checking for her unless they wanted to lay up. Just forget the fact that her stomach was flat and her breasts were full and bouncy as hell. Hell, just throw the gorgeous set of brown eyes and perfectly shaped lips out of the window too. No real nigga was choosing on that shit for real. Especially since the multicolored, and fashionably designed clothing she wore was so tight that it made her ass bulge out even more, drawing even more attention to the fact that her thighs rubbed together when she walked. All of those complaints paired with the fact that in Promise’s opinion, her feet were too big to wear the variety of sneakers and heels she matched stylishly with her clothing, only made matters worse.

Maybe if she was looking for a nigga who liked that kind of shit, then she would be lucky enough to get their attention. But since she was just a regular old around the way girl coming from the streets of Brooklyn, all she would attract was street niggas like Promise.

It didn’t matter how many degrees she called herself getting, or how pretty she thought she was, none of them white collar niggas were going to want her. On top of all that, what man in his right mind would want a woman almost taller than him?

With Jocelynn being almost 6’0 even, she was taller than most men. She came to Promise’s neck because he was 6’3, which worked out perfectly, but tall men were almost uncommon in the circles she ran in. Because of this, Joc normally stayed to herself. Being the witty, outgoing girl she once was, was the past. These days she’d rather stay in her own lane and draw as little attention to herself as possible.

The last greasy French fry in her hand disappeared into her mouth as she lay her head back on her sofa. Her eyes were about to close to give her thoughts more visibility when her phone began ringing next to her. She sat up and looked at the screen, expecting to see Lu’s name, but instead she saw Promise’s.

She stared at it for a long time, trying to decide whether she was going to answer it when she figured she’d might as well. She touched the speakerphone button quickly and set it on her shoulder.

Hello.

What’s going on, yo? You been hiding from me a lot lately, my nigga. What’s good with that, B?

Joc rolled her eyes at him. He did the same shit every time he called. He knew they weren’t together, so what reason did she have to hide from him? Or let him see her for that matter.

I’m not hiding. I’ve just been chilling.

Yeah, my nigga, that’s what your mouth says, but you sure as hell been mighty quiet.

Just working and school. You know what I’ve got going on. Joc began throwing her trash into her empty bag.

Well, you free now ain’t you? The aggression in his voice made Joc pause.

Why?

"I was about to come through and chill. What? I can’t do that? You got you a