Unspoken Truth: From a Buried Past

By KYLEN S. Barron

This book shares an intriguing journey that uncovers the scandalous and thought-provoking tale of family secrets, lies, lust, and abuse. Three marriages, racial tensions, a baby, and a secret affair are only some of the things that have unknowingly plagued Shyrell's family for decades. She's always asked herself "what" and "why?" Never in a million years, would she or her siblings imagine there is a "who?" In this true story, travel with Shyrell as she discovers the truth about her mother's secrets, her marriage, her family, and ultimately herself.

After suffering decades of abuse at the hands of her mother, the answer to "who" would surprisingly come through a social media platform five years after her mother's death. The "what" and "why" would take years to finally come together. All the answers to "who, what, and why" had laid dormant for almost 60 years, embedded in the heart and soul of the one person still alive who would unlock Pandora's box to the "Unspoken Truth" of her mother's turbulent past from Charleston to Philadelphia regarding her unknown baby born in 1957.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098380823

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Chapter 1

Till Death Do Us All Part

"No daughter and mother should ever be apart, no matter what distance comes between them." –

Christie Watson

Every day of my life, I wish I was never emotionally apart from my mother, even when we shared the same space. The pain of not being able to say goodbye to her one last time will remain with me for the rest of my life. Diagnosed with stage III Kidney cancer, I never imagined we would lose her so soon.

Before her passing on February 1, 2009, she suffered from renal cell carcinoma (RCC) for two years, commonly known as kidney cancer. We tried everything we could to stop the spread of her cancer, but this deadly disease would metastasize, failing all of our efforts. Eventually, she would lose her battle to kidney cancer.

I still remember that fateful day of her passing. I was working the overnight shift. Afterward, I headed home the following day, tired as hell for some much-needed rest. As usual, I took a long nap to rest up for the day. Waking up around 2:00 PM, the first thing that came to mind was to freshen up before heading over to Mom's house to help with her care. This day was no different, except I woke up to my phone ringing. Looking at the caller, I.D., it's DeVone. I was about to clean up and be on my way to see Mom since I had not seen her all week, so I decided not to answer her call. The phone rings again for the second time. DeVone would never dial me twice if it weren't necessary. As I pick up the phone, I could hear her softly crying, saying only two words, She's gone!

I was speechless, and with DeVone's crying on the other end, I didn't notice my own cries. I quietly ask, what time? She responds at 1:53 PM. I immediately hung up the phone and ran to grab my car keys. I had forgotten Ross had taken my car the night before. I looked for the car keys frantically all over the house as tears are streaming down my face. I began shaking while crying hysterically at the same time. I can't find my car keys anywhere, and I had to get to Mom's right away. Miles runs out of his room when he hears all of the commotion.

Mom! What's going on? He's shouting as he walks towards me, standing directly in my path, staring straight into my eyes, Mom, what's going on? What's the matter!"

It's Mom; she's gone! At that moment, he grabs me, pulling me into his arms, holding me close to him. Both of us are fully engulfed in tears by now. I lose all control, helplessly melting completely into his chest, crying my heart out all the while pounding and screaming on his chest. She's gone; my mother is gone!

Angrily pushing away from him, demanding, we have to get to her, and I can't find my car keys. Ross has your car; he's with Sean, he reminded me. Mom, grab your coat; it's cold outside. I grab my coat as he is putting on his shoes; I immediately dial Ross’s number. Hysterical, I didn't wait to hear what he had to say; I demanded he drop whatever he was doing to come and get me. All I can remember is screaming at him through my tears, Mom’s gone! She’s gone!

I hung up the phone waiting for Ross to show up while putting on my coat; suddenly, Ro, a friend of DeVone’s, shows up at my door to take Miles and me back to Mom’s house. I thank Ro as we all left, heading over to Mom’s house. Ross and Sean would have to meet us there.

The five minutes it took to get to her house was the longest five minutes of my life. My heart was beating faster than ever, at the same time, feeling heavier than ever. One second, I couldn’t wait to get to her house; the next second, I wanted to jump out of the car and run away somewhere no one would tell me my mother had just passed away.

Finally, the car came to a stop in front of her house. I get out of the car with Miles opening my door, firmly taking my hand, and holding on tight. If he hadn’t been holding me, I don’t believe I would’ve been able to walk in on my own.

Upon arrival, I noticed several cars already parked outside of her house. Friends and family had already begun arriving. I walk inside the house headed directly towards her bedroom, dreading what I was going to see. Once I finally reached her doorway, I could see her lying in her bed as if she were just sleeping. Diane and others had already cleaned her up and redressed by the time we arrived.

She looked so peaceful, sleeping silently as most of us stood surrounding her bed. For a moment, I couldn’t believe she was gone for good. There is no waking up for her. Her sleep was final. I wanted to believe she was just taking a nap, and she would soon open her eyes slightly enough to gaze out of the window facing her bed, to see the sun and blue skies facing her. Mom! As I neared her bed, I began shouting; I couldn’t help calling out to her, hoping she would answer me.

Everyone turned to look at me as if I were some total stranger whom they’ve never met. DeVone’s crying became audible to me as she walks towards me, approaching Mom’s bed. Diane and the others are all crying silently. Tears swept down my face as DeVone’s eyes are filled with tears. She hugs me solemnly while crying her heart out on my shoulder. I place my arms around her as tight as I could, holding her in my arms to calm her as my own uncontrollable tears once again began streaming from my eyes while saying to myself, this can’t be real. Looking at her peacefully in her now eternal sleep, I lean down, kissing her on her forehead, whispering, "Goodbye, Mom. Goodbye."

Looking up at Diane as I pass her, she shakes her head at me, hurt by our loss. I look back at Mom just lying there in her bed; I decided to go back and sit down beside her, burying my head into her chest, and began crying non-stop.

No matter how much you prepare for moments like these, there is simply no way you can prepare for any of this. Though my life with her was never easy, the pain, the sense of loss, the grief of losing the one person you feel should be closer to you than anyone is just unavoidable. I knew I had to say goodbye to her, but the fact was, there were no goodbyes for Mom. I didn’t want to say goodbye to her; I knew I couldn’t, I didn’t know-how, but I would.

The reality I had been trying to avoid for the last several minutes is that the past two years have finally set in. We are all now faced with the fact that she is no longer here in this room or anywhere here with us. Once again, a flood of tears began rushing from my eyes; and once again, I am crying hysterically. I slowly lift her into my arms, holding her head close to my chest as though she were an infant. I begin to run my fingers through her thinning hair from the many radiation and chemo treatments, firmly holding her so they wouldn’t take her away from me.

The coroners finally arrived, giving me the time I needed to say my goodbyes. Blinded by my tears, I could only make out the two men with a body bag ready to take our mother away. I held on to her as long as I could, not wanting anyone to touch her. I didn’t want them to take her away. I begged them to let her stay. On my relentless pleading, they waited for me to hold onto her and grieve as long as they could allow it.

In those few moments of grief, all the years of grievances and disdain I had towards her began to dissipate. I had suffered physically and emotionally at her hands for most of my childhood, well into my adolescent and adult years. But when I saw her lifeless body, everything wrong I had ever felt for her began to vanish for those moments. For now, all I could see was my mother, who I would never be able to talk to again in this life or get the answers that we all deserved for the many questions she would never answer.

"Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim."

Vicki Harrison

I was in deep grief over the loss we had all suffered. And yet, reality settled in when the time came for her to leave us. The men holding the body bag began doing their part. She was placed in a white body bag and taken away in a white unmarked van. I had to accept that our mother had left us forever, and we will never see her again physically. Although I knew that life would never be the same without her, none of us could have ever known that all our lives would soon change forever, even after her passing. Somehow, unfortunately, the sadness of Mom’s demise and death would eventually begin pitting all of her children against one another.

"You don't go around grieving all the time, but the grief is still there and always will be."

Nighingella Lawson

The following day, Monday, February 2, 2009. I was on leave from work. Early that morning, headed back to Mom’s house, was that surreal feeling while walking through her back door, knowing I wouldn’t find her inside at the kitchen sink either washing dishes or at the stove cooking one of her favorite meals or sweeping the floor, or in the back sitting on her couch going through her mail while watching one of her favorite shows, or just talking on the phone. These sightings will be a memory going forward from now on.

Nonetheless, each of us owed it to her to keep her belongings intact after she departed this world. After a while, I was surprised no one would show up at the house at all this day. DeVone and Diane finally did stop by briefly. They didn’t stay long, only to pick up a few items they had left in the house.

Only four of us remain living in the area, close to home. There are six of us in total. Lorai, my younger sister, just after LeWayne and myself, is in Japan. Unfortunately, she couldn’t possibly be here when Mom closed her eyes for the last time. However, she was on her way home. She was still too far away for me or any of us to hold and to hug. I needed her here, with us. I needed to see her face. I needed her shoulder to cry on; I needed her emotional support, as I felt she needed mine and all of our shoulders to share in each other’s grief. Suddenly, I felt alone, unable to grasp the fact that Mom is gone. If anything, I wanted to let her know we would all be alright. I wanted to reinforce how much I love her and how much I needed her now more than ever.

It’s getting late, and I was the only one at Mom’s house. I slowly began making my way to the kitchen. As I stood in the doorway, I look back at her empty bed. The feeling of emptiness inside her bedroom reached inside my soul, leaving me feeling just as empty on the inside. I almost felt as if I had been dreaming, as if I had floated into her room. However, upon seeing her empty bed, it became quite clear that I was very much awake.

Hello, is anyone here?"

As if from far