Beauty for Ash and Stone: Devotions for Sexual Abuse Survivors

By Melissa Dawn Brown

If you've picked up this book, it's likely you or someone you know has been a victim of rape, incest, or sexual abuse. You are not alone. According to RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network), every 98 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. On average, there are 321,500 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year

• Language: English
• Publisher: Melissa Dawn Brown
• Release date: Apr 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781393652076

Book preview

Day 1 The Choice to Heal

The human body has a wonderful ability to heal itself. A cut on the skin or a broken bone will heal itself. A cold or virus will heal with rest and fluids. But the old adage time heals all wounds is not always true for emotional and spiritual wounds. Some wounds just don’t heal with time, and I have counseled many sexual abuse survivors who have progressively gotten worse before seeking help. Jesus is the Great Healer, I am the LORD who heals you, (Exodus 15:26), the Great Physician, Jesus said to them, It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners, (Mark 2:17), and the Wonderful Counselor,For to us a child is born, to us, a son is given, and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6)

Zig Ziglar, the famous salesman and motivational speaker, once said, The first step in solving a problem is to recognize that it does exist. We must be honest with ourselves and first admit that sexual abuse took place. Second, we must realize that it affects us physically, but also does emotional and spiritual damage. God can heal us physically, emotionally, and spiritually, but we hold the key to one thing in our hands–choice. We must make a conscious decision to heal because everyone needs healing at some level, and God can heal us from the trauma.

Did you know pain is a gift from God? Without pain, touching fire or a hot burner on the stove could turn into third-degree burns. Pain tells us not to continue to walk on a broken leg. Pain lets us know that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. Emotional pain is also a gift from God. We don’t like to feel pain and will seek ways to prevent ourselves from feeling it. Bars are full of people drowning their sorrows in alcohol. Others will attempt to numb pain with drugs, sex, food, money, gambling or other things. In his book, Healing is a Choice, Stephen Arterburn writes, We must feel before we can heal, or we will stay wounded and in turn wound others who get too close.

Up until this point, what stood in the way of your healing? Have you grown too comfortable being broken or do you want to heal? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Are you comfortable living in bondage or are you ready to be set free? Sexual abuse damages the body, poisons the mind and deadens the soul. Have you reached the point of wanting to feel alive again, instead of sickness in your soul? When you hit rock bottom or come to the end of yourself, you will truly be ready to seek healing–you will make the choice.

Lord my God, I called to you for your help, and you healed me. Psalm 30:2

Day 2 Loneliness

Whether you have been sexually abused once or numerous times, you may think you are alone because it has not happened to anyone you know. You are not alone. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center states 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused before they turn 18 years old. One in 5 women and 1 in 16 men are sexually assaulted while in college. One in 5 women and 1 in 71 men will be raped at some point in their lives. In 8 out of 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the person who sexually assaulted them.

Since many keep silent, the number of sexual abuse and rape cases are much higher than noted. The National Sexual Violence Resource Center says rape is the most under-reported crime, with 63% of sexual assaults not reported to police. Only 12% of child sexual abuse is reported to the authorities, and over 90% of sexual assault victims on college campuses do not report the assault.

No one understands feeling alone more than Jesus as in his darkest hour, Peter denied him three times. The other disciples left him, and one, Judas Iscariot, betrayed him for money (Luke 22). Peter and the two sons of Zebedee fell asleep, as Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, knowing he was going to die (Matthew 26:36-46). As Jesus was being crucified on the cross, he cried out, My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? (Matthew 27:46)

God will never leave us or forsake us, even in our greatest times of trouble. As you work through your past, journal your feelings. You may have never told anyone what happened because it may seem there is no one you can trust. God is with you, my friend. He wants you to know you can trust Him, and He cares about your feelings. If you are unsure what to journal, pretend you are writing a letter to a friend and write your every thought. Before you start to journal, pray this:

Dear God, I’ve kept quiet for so long. Please help me work through my feelings, to be strong and courageous, and not fearful. Thank you. Amen.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

*If you are angry with God, and feel like He abandoned you, He understands. Get it all out as you journal. We’ll return to anger at God on Day 34.

Day 3 Speak Out

If you are being sexually abused, please tell someone you trust immediately! It will not stop until you speak out. Perhaps, the abuser has told you no one will believe you or has threatened to harm your family members or pets. They will continue to harm you until they are stopped. They may also be sexually abusing someone else, so your voice will help that person too. Silence protects the abuser–not you!

If you have been abused in the past, and you have not told anyone, now is the time to find someone you can trust. It could be a spouse, parent, sibling, relative, teacher, pastor, co-worker, bible study or group leader, or someone else. It should be an individual who can keep it confidential, and comfort and support you through this process. It should not be a person who doesn’t believe you, places blame on you or make excuses for the abuser.

When you find a trusted individual, take a deep breath and tell them what happened. It will be hard to get it out, and you may not be able to do it without some tears. There is no special way to say it, just get it out. It’s not necessary to give details, unless you feel you must. You also don’t have to name the person(s). When you reveal what happened, if the person doesn’t believe you or blames you, stop talking! They are not a safe person, and you need to find someone else. Don’t give up though! Keep looking until you find someone you can trust.

You can also speak out at a sexual abuse support group and/or with a Christian counselor. A Christian counselor can help you through the healing process and recommend a group to you. It’s important you find a counselor you like and can trust, and if you feel you can’t trust anyone, it is normal. Sexual abuse violates your personal boundaries, and if you know the abuser, your trust was broken. Before seeking help, pray this:

Dear God, please help me to not be afraid. Give me strength and courage to speak out against the one(s) hurting me. Help me find a trustworthy person to help me through this process. Lead me to the right counselor and/or support group. Hold me in your Mighty hand and don’t let me go. Amen.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Day 4 Denial

If you admit you were sexually abused, then it happened. It’s easier to fool ourselves into thinking it didn’t happen, it wasn’t abuse, or we allowed it. Shame, guilt, fear, control, and denial play a part in keeping an abuse victim silent. If you were sexually abused as a child, you may have heard, it’s our little secret or you’re my special girl/boy. This is what your abuser told you to make you think the abuse was normal and to keep you quiet.

When a child is sexually abused, it’s not uncommon for the memories to be suppressed for many years or decades. The pain is too great for the young child, so the memories are stored away in separate compartments in the subconscious mind for a later date. There are no recognizable or explicit memories, but it is there and can be triggered by anything that is a reminder of the abuse. The memories may not surface but