Teen Gaffe

By Chris Foster

Ah, the teenage years. Angst, zits, too tight jeans and sweat. So much sweat. Suffocation from deodorant, bruises from bullies and the sense that one day you're going to be someone who changes the world. Until you end up homeless in a red station wagon, sleeping by your mother's side atop boxes of your belongs. Yes, nothing quite like those fled

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fantasy Fox Press
• Release date: Jan 1, 2021
• ISBN: 9780645064070

Book preview

A Tangled Web

Relationships are like fireworks,

Unless you’re careful,

They’ll blow up in your face

The Formula

Love is complicated says my aunt,

Ain’t nothin’ simpler suggests my grandad,

There are no rules to it informs my mum,

Just follow the rules enlightens my friend,

Through it all is utter chaos my teacher tells me,

Love is a precise science says the man on the train,

So where is the Formula?

You must find it out for yourself,

Remembering that she’s into you too,

Imparts a still helpful ex,

Just being you makes me happy,

And any girl would be very, very lucky,

I’m told by my stalker with eyes the size of tennis balls,

Through the window while I’m trying to shower,

If only I could discover the Formula,

Then the girl of my dreams would be in my arms,

Instead of walking alone across that windy beach,

I could then provide helpful advice to others,

Instead of listening to the differing opinions,

Of people generally living alone anyway,

So what is the Formula?

Perhaps it lies along the lines of mathematics,

An equation that reads something like,

L = nª + d * b,

Making love the accumulation of all the nights,

Spent alone in your bed but wishing otherwise,

Raised to the power of the number of stars,

Ever wished upon to bring something beautiful to the lonely,

Then this number could be multiplied,

By all the buds that survive the cold winter,

Determined to see Spring despite frozen snow,

And just maybe by the time you finished counting,

Your focus would be so intense to the universe,

That it could do nothing more than arrange,

For your love and you to meet,

Or is the Formula a chemical concoction,

Mixing together the right hormones,

So that you will overwhelm her thinking brain,

Bringing out a primal side to Miss Society,

That will allow you to have an incredible hold,

So strong that nothing will be able to tear her away,

But isn’t that then against her clear headed will?

The Formula could be along the lines of music,

Serenading her with a deep low voice,

Accompanied by a melodic strumming on guitar,

Would then other instruments work too?

Beating heavily into the drums like a man on ice,

Blasting and tooting your own horn,

But what if the girl was quite honestly deaf?

Without the Formula I’m left with but one final person,

So approaching my love I ask her what she believes,

For the tricky four letter word to mean in her heart,

Smiling she leans in to whisper the secret I have tried to find,

The Formula can only be found with your love,

Together searching for it within the other,

Which means the Formula for love is only given,

When it’s too late to keep a wandering eye.

I Want To Talk To You

Hands like towels he wrings them out,

Heart banging violently against his chest,

Stomach flipping and flopping about,

Tongue tripping as he tries to jest,

She looks at him with a passing glance,

A small crease across her dainty brow,

His legs have twisted like a bizarre dance,

His face a bit like a stunned cow,

In his head he talks so smooth,

Words that will forever hold her