Mustard Seed

By Shirlena Sturghill-Barnett

Mustard Seed is a book about a young woman whose life was turned upside down when she was diagnosed with Kidney Failure a month before her wedding at the age of 28. Not only was she becoming a wife and a stepmother, but she became a dialysis patient all in one month. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, she turned her pain into purpose by start

• Language: English
• Publisher: Exposed Books Publishing
• Release date: Nov 14, 2020
• ISBN: 9781734808193

Book preview

Introduction

My name is Shirlena Sturghill-Barnett, I’m a wife, a stepmother to three children, I’m an only child, and a founder of a nonprofit organization called, I Love My Kidneys. I’m also a survivor of kidney disease. I was on dialysis for six and a half years. Before I went on dialysis, I did a naturopathic treatment for five years. I faced a lot of hard times due to this disease. I have come close to death many times, but my faith in God got me through it all.

Mustard Seed is a book about Faith in God when everything and everyone else around you are saying something else. During my journey, I have had doctors say one thing, but God was saying something else. My kidneys failed a month before my wedding. I became a wife, a stepmother, and a dialysis patient all in the same month. My faith in God helped me conquer every challenge that came my way. During this journey, I learned so much about myself, and I stumbled upon a strength I didn’t know I had. The key to all of it is Trust and Faith! You can’t have one without the other one. They go hand and hand. God is amazing! It’s because of His grace and mercy I’m here today. God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling.

Chapter 1

One thing for sure in this journey of life you will go through many trials, but count them all for lessons and blessings. I enjoyed my childhood. I had both my parents and both sets of my grandparents. I was spoiled rotten. I honestly was blessed, though! My parents got me everything I wanted and more. Being an only child had its challenges. I always felt alone, like I never really fit in anywhere. I was the center of my parent’s world, and all their attention went on me. Outside of my home, it was very different. I had a hard time adjusting to it. I dealt with being bullied and being treated differently. I felt rejected a lot, which caused me to try and fit in but still couldn’t. I started to think something was wrong with me. I felt bitterness at an early age that turned into unforgiveness—not knowing what God was doing at that moment in my life. He was preparing me and molding me for his purpose at an early age. All things work together for the goodness of the Lord, good and bad.

My grandparents weren’t in their best health. I was very close to my father’s parents; they were like my parents. One day I was headed to take my mother’s mom to the doctor’s in Athens. I got a phone call from a friend telling me she was sorry about my grandfather. I told her she had the wrong person. She said, No, your grandfather passed away this morning. I was driving, and I ran off the road. I was heartbroken and angry. My cousins had to come to where I was because they knew I couldn’t handle it. When I got to my grandparents’ house, and I saw everyone so hurt, I felt like I couldn’t break down. I needed to be strong for my family, mainly my father. My cousins and I planned the whole funeral. I never thought I would be planning a funeral, especially not my grandfather’s. We were also planning a family reunion at the same time. It was a lot going on.

Shortly after that, I started having bad headaches. My parents were taking me back and forth to the doctor to find out what was going on. They diagnosed me with migraine headaches. Still, I was suffering from headaches to the point where one day, my vision had got blurry, and everything was red. I ended up in the emergency room. My blood pressure was sky high; it was stroke level. I was being treated for the wrong thing. My doctor didn’t check my blood pressure because he thought I was too young to have high blood pressure problems. They put me on blood pressure pills, and I had to get blood work done. I started seeing a kidney doctor because my bloodwork showed I was leaking protein from my urine. I was able to get my high blood pressure under control with medication. I was only nineteen years old, and I had to see a kidney specialist in Athens, Georgia. I would go every six months for a checkup, and I was doing very well. It went from every six months to once a year.

At first, I struggled with dealing with taking medication every day until it became normal. I educated myself on high blood pressure and what it could lead to. My grandparents and a few family members battled from high blood pressure, but I was the youngest. I still tried to live and enjoy life but with caution because, in the back of my mind, I always thought about what high blood pressure could lead to. Years went on, and I was still seeing my kidney doctor once a year, and I was even told I would never go on dialysis as long as they kept a close eye on things. That was music to my ears. I had a few family members that were on dialysis and a great auntie that died at the age of 33 while going through this. So, the thought of being on the kidney machine was a nightmare for me.

Years went by, and I was working on taking care of myself, and I was doing good. I had started dating this guy, and everything was going great. For his birthday, I had planned a mini-vacation to the mountains. The day before we left, I had to go to the doctors for my yearly checkup. I always went to my appointments by myself. I would still have bloodwork done a week before at a nearby hospital. This visit was very different. When I arrived, my doctor had a stack of paperwork in his hands, and his energy was off. He asked me to sit, and he told me that my kidneys were failing, and I would need to start dialysis very soon. My body became numb, and I remember having a bad headache. He told me he was going to schedule me for vascular surgery on my arm for my dialysis port. It would take a few months to develop. I was scheduled to start dialysis that January. I got my paperwork from my doctor and headed to my car. As soon as I got into my car, I broke down and cried. I screamed and yelled, asking God why. I stayed in the parking lot for over an hour trying to get myself together because I had to drive home, which was an hour away.

When I left the doctor’s office, I had to meet a friend for lunch to discuss my boyfriend’s birthday trip, which was the next day. The whole ride home, I talked and cried to God for strength. I didn’t want anyone to know about my kidneys failing, definitely not my friend. So, when I arrived at the restaurant, I put on a smile and sat with her for over two hours, laughing and talking, like nothing was wrong. When I got home to tell my parents, my dad broke down and left while my mom cried. At that moment, I knew I couldn’t show any type of emotion because I felt like I had to be strong for my parents. I told them everything would be fine; it was in God’s hands. I was also telling myself that.

I had been dating my boyfriend at the time for over two years. When I finally told him the news, I tried to break it off with him because I felt like this was too much to deal with. I didn’t think he could handle it. When I told him what was happening, his response shocked me! He took it better than I thought he would. He looked at me and gave me a huge hug and told me he wasn’t going anywhere. He said he was going to go through this with me, and everything was going to be just fine. That’s just what I needed to hear. I felt so much comfort and peace at that moment.

The next morning, we left to go to the mountains for his birthday. During the ride there, I wasn’t acting myself, as much as I tried, my mind was on the news I got the day before. Depression and fear had overwhelmed me, and I was struggling mentally. I wasn’t drinking or dancing with them. My friend and her husband thought I was pregnant, and that was the reason I was acting the way I was. I was trying very hard to have fun and help my boyfriend enjoy his birthday, but my emotions were getting the best of me, I couldn’t think straight. I started having panic attacks. I stayed up the whole night reading the bible and praying on the bathroom floor in the cabin. I felt like I was losing my mind.

On the way home, I literally slept the whole way. I was excited to be going home so I could get myself together. That Monday morning was my first appointment with my vascular doctor about putting a port in my arm. I had the surgery a week later. After the surgery, I went to Atlanta to stay with Godmother. My Godmother was my peace. She was so connected to God and being around her; I felt like I could feel his presence. I felt peace! She always poured God's word into me. I would follow behind her like a child, every room she would go in, I would be right behind her. She took me to a revival the week I was up there. The first night we got there, a lady walked up to me and said, Baby, God is going to heal you. I looked at her with a strange look and walked off. I was in such a depressed state; I couldn’t receive anything.

The next night we went back to church, and a different lady approached me saying, "Baby, you have a calling on your life, and God