Finding Your Cape: How to Course Correct and Achieve Greatness When Things Don't Go As Planned

By Mare McHale

By the time we reach our thirties, there’s a pretty good chance life hasn’t gone as expected. The dream job ends up being far from perfect. The handsome prince turns out to be a total toad. The washing machine floods your apartment the same week that the rent is raised and your dog tears up the couch. Or, perhaps it’s something

• Language: English
• Publisher: Marianne McGoran
• Release date: Jan 23, 2020
• ISBN: 9781999291617

Mare McHale

Mare is a former journalist and radio announcer, who now runs her own social media marketing company, Redhead Mare Media. She spearheads the Mareathon, an online community which connects like-minded people committed to a positive, thriving life. Mare created the Mareathoner community to help others feel less alone in a safe online space. She believes life is not a sprint, it's a Mareathon. Mare lives in Canada's wine country with her son, Thomas. This is her first book.

Book preview

Finding Your Cape

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How to course-correct and achieve greatness when things don’t go as planned

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Mare McHale

Finding Your Cape

Copyright © 2019 Mare McHale

Redhead Mare Media

All content is original work by Mare McHale © 2019

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any printed, electronic or audio form without permission.

Cover and interior design by Mare McHale

Photography by Amberlee Erdmann

Audiobook ISBN: 978-1-9992916-3-1

Hardcover ISBN: 978-1-9992916-2-4

Paperback ISBN: 978-1-9992916-0-0

Electronic Book ISBN: 978-1-9992916-1-7

For more information visit www.mareathoner.com

Mare’s social media: @redheadmare

Table of Contents

PRE-FLIGHT

Chapter 1: Spoiler Alert

Chapter 2: Prepare to Propel

Chapter 3: My Dad—The Inventor of the Flying Cape

Chapter 4: Mareathoners

CRASH LANDING

Chapter 5: Team Unstoppable

Chapter 6: We Can All Learn From This

Chapter 7: Disclaimer: It’s Not Here

NAVIGATING TO THE LIGHT

Chapter 8: It’s Going to Get Worse Before It Gets Better

Chapter 9: Vulnerability Stitches the Cape

Chapter 10: Give It Six Months

Chapter 11: Do Some Sh*t: An Interlude

Chapter 12: Starting a Business to Leave the Business

Chapter 13: You Do You

Chapter 14: Anger: The A-Hole of A-Words

Chapter 15: The Unwanted Houseguest

Chapter 16: You Can Do Anything for Ten Minutes

LET’S FLY

Chapter 17: Thanks, Grief (You’re a Real B*tch)

Chapter 18: Take Action to Let Go

Chapter 19: Find Your Version of Healthy

Chapter 20: A Secret Antidote to Bad Days

Chapter 21: Tribes Can’t Be Forced

Chapter 22: Ease the Cape’s Load of Expectations

Chapter 23: You Are Worthy

Chapter 24: You’ve Got This

Works Cited

In Gratitude

For Thomas,

May you always feel your cape behind you.

PRE-FLIGHT

Chapter 1:

Spoiler Alert

Three days into my new life, I asked my friend a question that exposed how overwhelmed I was.

I just don’t know how to do this: how am I supposed to plan his funeral?

It had been three days since I’d seen him. Three days of intense, numbing, black-out grief. Three days with a label I did not choose: widow.

A widow, alone at the age of 33, after her husband took his own life.

A widow, raising a special needs son by herself.

A widow, who knew all too well what it was like to lose a father at a young age.

A widow left to somehow create a new normal, whatever that might be.

My friend repeated one thing to me on the phone that day and for months afterwards: You can do anything for ten minutes.

I dully listened to her voice on the phone from thousands of kilometres away. It was as if I was hearing the words in an out-of-body experience. Like I was floating above, watching the scene unfold without feeling like it could be real.

You can do anything for ten minutes. Then you focus on the next ten minutes. Then the next.

I somehow got myself to the funeral home that day to make the endless decisions to lay my husband Jeremy to rest. It feels impossible to plan a funeral for a 35-year-old. It is surreal being led to a room filled with urns and headstone mock-ups, told to pick one out for your husband, who just a week ago was happily watching a parade with his son, texting funny photos of the two of them eating food, laying in the grass, and staring at the sky.

But you can do anything for ten minutes.

I can’t even guess how many times I have had to take things ten minutes at a time.

Spoiler alert: my story does have a happy ending with joy and love and peace. In fact, it has a happy middle and end. I’ve been sharing my story for the past few years on the radio, online, in my videos, and in masterclass sessions, with the hopes that people will feel less alone. That’s why I created the Mareathoner community—a tight-knit online group of like-minded people who are trying to better themselves while being kind, supportive, and understanding of others, in addition to honouring themselves. We don’t give up, we know who we are, we lift others up despite our own struggles and we celebrate each other’s successes. We support one another; we love and are loved. The Mareathoners have been through shit, but we don’t act like shit.

The details are different, but anyone can see themselves in my story. We’ve all suffered loss, disappointment, pain, life-shifts, incredible hardship, and more. But what do we do when faced with unimaginable circumstances? That’s what interests me. That’s what propels me to share. That’s what pushed me to write this book.

That’s also what has prompted me to share something, inspired by my dad, that has been my saving grace in good times and bad. It’s more than a lucky penny or quotable meme—it’s a state of mind. There can be so many days that we have to take the Mareathon 10 minutes at a time. Like when my father suddenly passed away. Like when my husband was found by police, hours after his death. Like times in my youth when I made some less-than-stellar choices. Like when my child was diagnosed, on two occasions, with life-altering special needs. Even though I have been publicly sharing my story for years, I have never shared this secret. My secret weapon, if you will.

I have a cape.

My cape’s secret strength is with me every day, in the worst and best of times. I call it to attention at a moment’s notice and it’s right there, waiting. I had the strength to claw my way out of the utmost darkness of despair, heartache, and loss, to an empowered place of love and peace because the cape helped me tap a reservoir of superhero strength already inside me—even when I didn’t believe it was there.

And guess what: it’s also inside you. It’s in every single one of us, waiting.

Baby, you’re about to discover your own cape.

Ready? Let’s fly.

Chapter 2:

Prepare to Propel

We’ve all been there: Your palms are sweaty. Your breath is tight and shallow. Your stomach is turning over and over, flipping in knots. You are about to head into a situation you’ve been dreading, but the moment of truth is finally here. There’s no backing out now. Maybe it’s a meeting with your child’s teacher, or your boss, or your girlfriend. You step out of your car, knees weak, hand shaking as you close the door on the little sanctuary of the car behind you. Thud. The door closes; there’s no turning back. You’re now worried the person you’re meeting can see you through their window, so you straighten up and try to pretend as if it’s just an ordinary day. The blood pounds in your ears, threatening to give you away, as you make your way into the unknown.

Total panic, right? I feel jittery just writing this! That scenario used to see me making any excuse to drive away and avoid confrontation, totally ignoring the issue at hand.

Anxiety. Panic. Stress.

Now, imagine that same scenario with a twist. You have a voice in your head, whispering encouragement, boosting your fortitude, reminding you to breathe, cheering that you’re good enough, saying that you’ve got this, and indicating when it’s okay to leave. Your own hype squad if you will, ready at a moment’s notice.

Wouldn’t that be brilliant?!

Well, in this book I am going to give you the tools to bring out your already existing cape. Something with you at a moment’s notice, pulled from your very own psyche. It’s there, but it may be dusty, waiting in the wings patiently for you to turn towards it.

You’re going to discover your own kick-ass secret weapon: a superhero’s cape.

This cape, as you will learn, doesn’t have to look like a typical superhero’s cape. You can envision it however you like. It could be a sassy, high-end cape, one that would cost more in a luxury boutique than the downpayment on my house. (Sometimes when I am wearing a long cardigan, I feel powerful as it flaps in the breeze while I strut down the street.) Or you could envision it to mimic a hero’s cape, bravely waving in the wind.

My hope for you as you read this book is that you too feel your cape start to take shape. Mine gently attaches near my collar bone, drawing my shoulders back, chin lifted, eyes forward.

The possibilities of what your own cape can help you achieve are limitless. For example:

increase focus and productivity

be more present

stand up for yourself

walk away from a toxic relationship

sit with someone in pain without taking on their pain yourself

be patient with your children, your spouse and even yourself

let the opinions of others slide right off of your cape

take time to discover what you want to do, not what has always been expected of you

enjoy the moment

find pleasure in the simplest things

reinvent yourself

The cape is part mindset and part action. I mean, you need to move forward in order to get that cape rippling in the wind, right?

Finding Your Cape:

It’s time for you to start building your own cape. To do this, pull out a notebook and pen. There will be prompts throughout this book; in order to really define your own cape and start using your own secret weapon, you’ll need to write things down.

Organizational Psychologist Dr. Benjamin Hardy says, as you read and re-write your goals daily, they’ll become forged into your subconscious mind. Eventually, your dreams and vision will consume your inner world and quickly become your physical reality.

Start with a brain dump. This is the term I use to describe a free-writing exercise. Start imagining your own cape and describe it. What does it look like? Does it have colour? More than one colour? What images are woven within its fabric? You could name your cape. You can imagine its size and shape and what it looks like as you walk.

Just write. There is no judgement in a journal and the cape only shows love and support. Write as much as you can until you start to really feel the cape rise up. We will write more about your cape. My friend, this is just the beginning.

Chapter 3:

My Dad—The Inventor of the Flying Cape

My dad made Superman fly. No, really.

Let me backup a bit: my dad’s hobby was building and flying model airplanes. I’m talking massive, six-foot wingspan planes that he flew all over North America. My dad is even in the Model Airplane Association of Canada (MAAC) Hall of Fame. He always wanted to build and fly something that was unique. Instead of creating common planes, he would choose very specific types and models, like the DeHavilland Tiger Moth or the Sorrell Hiperbipe, which currently hangs in my home. He was always working in our basement, with the radio or television on for background noise, as he was tinkering on the next model. When I was really little, my dad made a doghouse with Snoopy from the Peanuts cartoon sitting on top. It even flew! It was always something with him. My dad loved to create and take things to the next level, even to the point of deciding to build a flying man! I asked my brother, Sean, how our dad came up with the idea of building a life-sized, flying, Superman. Sean said our dad loved finding something really challenging to make. Plus, as a teacher, he knew that if he created something unique, it would inspire others and promote the hobby he loved so much.

The model was completely created from scratch. He decided to go with Superman because he believed it was important that the character be instantly recognizable, and my dad envisioned the cape acting like the wing. The first model was made almost entirely out of blue insulation foam. It had built-in controls for roll and pitch, as well as a rudder on the top of the cape. It was hand-launched, requiring someone to give it a good running start. My brother said it needed someone who was athletic