HOW TO PUNCH KIDS IN BATHROOMS

By John Marszalkowski

Have you ever wanted to punch a random kid without consequences?  
Learn how in this tiny collection of strange memoirs and idiotic essays. Topics include...  

• prepubescent dreams of naked women
• self-help garbage
• narcissism
• unsolicited peddling
• embra

• Language: English
• Publisher: John Marszalkowski
• Release date: Jun 26, 2019
• ISBN: 9781732022676

John Marszalkowski

"John Edward Marszalkowski is a man of many talents. One of which is pretending to be stupid. Though his academic achievements are limited, his capacities are not. In actuality, he is a man of great consideration and compassion. By engaging with life in this way, he enhances the lives of those who know him." - Matthew Kopf, Esq.

Book preview

Chapter 1

You Didn’t Ask But Let’s Talk About Me

Howdy, friend!  I’m so glad you’re reading this book.  Let me introduce myself.

My name is John Marszalkowski, and I love talking about myself.  I’ve been writing professionally since 2018. For most of my life, I told myself I could never write a book because I wasn’t a strong reader. Only in recent years have I had the courage to write anyways.

Some might say I'm middle-aged, while others argue that I'm too young for that title.   I'm most likely never going to see the year 2072.

In the year 2072, I think it’s incredibly possible my wife, Desiree, will be an 87-year-old 9th-degree Grandmaster of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.  My daughters will be 57 and 53 doing who-knows-what with their lives.  

Charlotte is turning 4-years-old this year, and her interests include playgrounds, legos, drawing, Disney princesses, being outside, and her BFF Evelyn.  If I had to guess today, I'd say she’ll be an engineer and design roller coasters for Walt Disney World . My other daughter will be born this year, and so I