Healing Toxic Habits

By La'Ticia Nicole

The eleven authors in this collection explore adversities that affect and even shackle every person at some point in his or her life: shame, fear, guilt, and anger. Although each story is different, the raw and untethered voices share a common victory and prove that, no matter the situation or the circumstance, the past or the present, or the en

• Language: English
• Publisher: Purposely Created Publishing Group
• Release date: Apr 19, 2017
• ISBN: 9781945558214

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HEALING TOXIC HABITS

Published by Purposely Created Publishing Group™

Copyright © 2017 La’Ticia Nicole

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any form by any means, graphics, electronics, or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, taping, or by any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher, except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews, quotes, or references.

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 978-1-945558-20-7

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Table of Contents

FEAR

Gravely Misunderstood, Graciously Saved

Jermain Smith

Breathe, My Heart

Yesenia L. Polanco-Galdamez

A Thing of the Past

Eraina Tinnin

The Avoidance of Rejection

Katrina M. Harrell

Fear Not

Quitina Adams

SHAME

Rejected Myself Until I Accepted Myself

Jeannie Martin

Nail-Pierced Hearts

Altovise Pelzer

ANGER

I Came Out Fighting

La’Ticia Nicole

The Truth About Anger

Ashley Smith

GUILT

Growing Up Organized!

Tiffany Russell

The Woman I Am Today

Kimberly Guess

About the Authors

Sources

FEAR

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Gravely Misunderstood, Graciously Saved

Jermain Smith

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,

Nor will the flame burn you.

Isaiah 43:2 NIV

REPEAT AFTER ME:

Your calamity will not overtake you. Instead, you will become a mountain that can never be moved.

A strong mindset is from one who reads or listens to influential people in society. Learning from others will help you through your journey, providing you insight and perspective. Until there is a change in your thinking habits, there will be no change in your actual life—speaking from experience, I know this to be true.

In high school, I was one of the top students in the school’s BRIDGE program. I was a top freshman, who had more credits than all of the scholars in attendance that year. One day after lunch, I was walking up the hallway with my friend, who suggested we cut through the second floor in order to get to our class on time, since we were on the higher-level floors. Then, as we moved through the hall, my life changed forever in a matter of seconds. All of a sudden, I was being held in a Nelson chokehold by some thuggish, mischievous kids. It was a sneak attack from behind: I struggled to breathe as an arm pressed against my throat and, in a frenetic panic, I gasped for air as if breathing through a thin straw. My eyes fought to stay open until finally, I saw the ceiling and then everything became black. Someone shouted, Run those pockets!

Later, I found that I wasn’t simply put into a chokehold, but I was struck viciously over the head with a gun. I was left on the ground, bleeding from the top right of my skull. Many students thought I was dead. In fact, as I lay there on the floor, I remember hearing one of the Dean’s voices say, He’s dead. I can’t feel a pulse. But another person was shaking me violently, saying, No, no he can’t be. He can’t. And by the grace of God, that voice is the main reason I believe am here today and why I didn’t remain in that unconscious dead state. How did I know that a gun had been involved, besides the K.O blow to the head? My friend had seen and remembered everything from that day, including the gun that was pressed against his body that day and the blade that was held to his throat, the voice that threatened him not to ever speak of this assault and battery. He dropped out of school and never returned again.

After that brutal assault, I accrued many health problems that had irreparable effects on my life. Because of my battered condition, I couldn’t return to school to take my Regents Examination, nor was I medically cleared to go to college after the assault left me with serious brain injuries. I suffered radiculitis, vertigo, and nerve headaches that felt like shots to the head. I slept two years of my life away in a bed before doctors were finally able to diagnose me with a cognitive disorder and borderline verbal and nonverbal intellectual functioning. I was an active reader before the assault, but afterwards, I couldn’t read or even look at words. I couldn’t watch TV. I was always fatigued, dizzy, nauseated, and weak, being unable able to lift my head. To this day, I still suffer while walking on a cane and get dizzy spells from time to time.

I balled myself up in agony, thinking I was going to die since that was the only feeling that could describe what I was going through. I was tormented day and night in my body. Hospitals didn’t help, and I had to take up to twelve painkillers a day, just to dull the pain. I wrote music expressing my suicidal thoughts, wanting an end to the misery. I battled my sanity daily. Even after finding treatment, I still suffered agony from my face, which felt like someone was carving out my eyes with a knife. A childhood friend told me about a family member who had suffered with back pain and assured me that smoking weed would help with the physical agony. So, I tried it and soon got into drugs as a means to assuage my pain.

Meanwhile, the rest of my life was also spiraling out of control. I tried many different career paths but failed at them all. Despite trying to go to college, my disability affected my ability to read. Even