Young, Grown & Knowledgeable

By Tyler McCalister

When we get to this stage in our lives the majority of us were brought up to
go to college, graduate, find a career and that's it. For the most part we
achieved our high school diploma, GED or college degree. What about the
adult responsibilities and challenges that you weren't taught in school? I
know it is frustrating to learn these skills on your own. This book includes
personal stories from my combined 15 years of playing football, and college
experience. It includes tips I developed to help young adults like you hone
various life skills that aren't taught in school such as, "Building your credit
score" "Getting out of your comfort zone" "Finding a mentor" and much
more! By the end of this book you will have the necessary skills to truly be 

young, grown & knowledgeable.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tyler McCalister
• Release date: May 2, 2021
• ISBN: 9798201780951

Book preview

Part One: Sharpen Your Mindset

You Have A Right To Do The Right Thing

Young adult realizing that you have a right to do the right thing is important. In addition to that, realizing that you have a right to do what you feel is right is just as important. I want to begin this chapter by sharing with you a little bit of my family background, and examples of how my family came to realize both of these ideologies through their own life experiences.

I grew up in a small Texas suburb outside of Dallas. I was around the age of six or seven when my mom and stepfather decided that they wanted to move our family there. We have a four person household that consists of myself, younger brother, mother, and stepdad. My mother is an English middle school teacher. She also taught at the high school level for a decade, in the areas of English and Special Education.

My stepfather is a truck driver. Although it’s been a great career for him, he’s usually up all day and up all night as an occupational hazard. When he’s home he catches up on paperwork or bills, does work around the house, or welcomes the opportunity to become my co-chef when I make BBQ for the family. He has always treated my mother with the utmost respect, and my brother and I as though we are his biological children.

My mother and biological father divorced shortly after my mother had my brother. I understood at a young age that not every relationship is meant to be, and even married couples with children split up sometimes. Even though I never got the chance to grow up physically seeing my dad everyday, I love my father very much. I never held their divorce as a reason for resentment.

My mother is by far the closest version of Wonder Woman I have ever seen. She gave birth to me at 21 years old, and my brother two years after. She was very young, but at the same time very wise, possessing the wisdom of someone who had decades of life on her. After having kids she realized early on that she could no longer do the activities that young women her age were doing. No spur of the moment vacation to the Bahamas, or girls’ night out. She didn’t get a manicure or pedicure, or treat herself in any way unless she knew my brother and I had clothes on our backs and food in our bellies. She never lost sight of the fact that she had two boys to raise, and we were 100% dependent on her.

My mom and aunt grew up in a very strict household in a small East Texas town. The two of them were not allowed to watch certain television shows, spend the night at friends’ houses, go to the movies, go on dates, or even listen to music with the slightest bit of profanity. My mom’s parents are devout Christians. My grandpa is a pastor, which means my grandma has the designated title of church First Lady.

I’m sure you’re getting an idea of the types of morals and values that were instilled in my mom and aunt growing up in this environment. The four of them were in church basically everyday. Whenever my grandparents were in church, my mom and aunt would also be in attendance. Sometimes my grandparents would have a second, third, and even a fourth church service in one day. One would imagine even the pastor and wife would get tired of being in church all day. That is never the case for my grandparents.

After my parents’ divorce, my mother decided very early that she wanted to raise my brother and I differently. By that I mean she wanted to take a less strict approach. She still instilled in us the same morals and values she was brought up with, and taught us about the Christian faith. However, she wanted to employ a different parenting method for real world preparation.

My mother and father always believed that kids should be exposed to the cruel world early on. The two of them have always believed that there is no need to hinder kids from hanging out with friends, going to the movies, dating, or listening to different types of music (whether one is exposed to the clean versions or not). They hold the position that regardless of any type of sheltering efforts kids will be exposed to potentially negative influences, and how they are taught to handle these situations is what’s most important.

I have always been grateful that my mother took it easy on my brother and I when it came to certain rules. Since my mother shared with me how she grew up, I have always thought that her childhood must have been miserable. I could not imagine not being able to watch funny movies like SuperBad, The Longest Yard, or Step Brothers. Or what it would be like being unable to listen to popular artists like Drake, Chris Brown, Ed Sheeran, or Beyonce. It would have been strange only being allowed to hang out with your closest friends at school, even if they live across the street. I would often think to myself Maybe her restricted privileges growing up helped turn her into the mother and wife that she is today?

Young adult there will be situations in your life that you are in control of, and situations that you have absolutely no control of. Growing up my mom had no control over the parenting style my grandparents possessed. When my mom had kids of her own, she raised us based on what she felt was right for my brother and I. My mother had a right to push my brother and I aside and say, You know what I’m gonna go on a girls trip for a week or I’m going to call my sister or my mom so they can watch my boys for me. Instead she did the right thing, by putting her kids’ needs first.

She had a right to raise my brother and I with the same strictness she was brought up with. Meaning my brother and I would most likely learn the hard way about dealing with and overcoming adversity. In her opinion, the right thing to do was to expose us to the cruel world early. She could have bottled up her anger, fears, and frustration from her divorce with my dad; and told every nice guy that wanted to take her out to go kick rocks. But she felt like the right thing was to not assume every man is the same.

My mother also had a right to assume that my stepdad had negative intentions with her, and wanted nothing to do with my brother and I. But she felt like it was the right thing to give him a chance to showcase his intentions through his actions. Even though they are divorced, my mom and dad decided the right thing to do was to co-parent. Likewise, my grandparents felt that they were doing the right thing by restricting my mother and aunt’s privileges as kids, because they fully believed that it would make them less likely to be in harm’s way.

Young adult you have a right to carry yourself, raise your kids, and make decisions based on what you believe is the right choice. If you feel like you are doing the right thing, then stick with your method (unless of course it’s illegal or immoral). Aside from the distinctions between right and wrong that have been instilled in me, something that has helped me develop my decision making process is a simple strategy that I call the McCalister Method. With this method, whenever you’ve reached a point where the right decision is not the most obvious one, you can put yourself in an imaginary scenario.

This may sound a little silly, but there is one specific scenario that always works for me, and allows me to gauge how I would feel internally about the consequences of the choice I made. I would close my eyes, and imagine I am at a college party and some random guy offers me a line of cocaine. Now in this brief moment I have one of two options. With option one I could give in to the peer pressure, completely disregard the morals and values my family instilled in me, and snort it like nothing happened. Or option two I could realize that I have a right to do the right thing, and turn down the cocaine because I know it will ruin me, my military career, and I will embarrass myself and family.

When I think of these types of scenarios and practice doing the right thing, I typically do the right thing when faced with a challenging real world situation. I highly encourage giving this method a try. It may be uncomfortable at first, but that is okay. It just means that your mind and your will power are becoming stronger. If you believe that you will struggle with peer pressure, or making the right decisions, practice this scenario with a friend or family member. What I have found is that, physically going through the scenario makes the situation feel much more realistic. Therefore, it will be much easier to make the right decision, in a real situation.

Young adult I want you to understand that a major component of life is about making not only the right decisions, but making the best decisions for you. As I explained earlier everyone has a right to decide whatever they please, but making thoughtful, non-impulsive decisions is doing the right thing. You might be asking yourself right now, How do I know what the right thing is for me? Don’t worry, it’s simple: just ask yourself do I feel morally, emotionally, and mentally good about my decision. If the answer is yes, then it is the right thing for you.

It is also helpful to understand the differences in doing the right thing versus doing what you feel is right. For example, when I referenced doing the right thing in my college party scenario, it is choosing the option that yields the best consequences when given both a wrong and right choice. Doing what you feel is right amounts to nothing more than choosing something that aligns with your preferences and worldview. Such as the example I presented with the parenting style of my parents versus that of my grandparents. Neither of the two are wrong. It is 100% up to you how you want to raise your kids. You are not obligated to base your thoughts and decisions off of your parents’ or grandparents’ style. What works for you may be completely