Foster Dad: Three Decades of Experience - Joys, Struggles and Insights - Lessons Learned

By Steve Abarta

Steve Abarta and his wife Mariana have been foster parents for more than 30 years in Simi Valley, California. They have been married for over 50 years!

Steve was a bit reluctant to become a foster parent in the early stages of their journey. But he discovered that, after seeing the life-changing outcomes for the childre

• Language: English
• Publisher: Steve P. Abarta
• Release date: Mar 18, 2019
• ISBN: 9781644670873

Book preview

Preface

It was dark as I lay in bed on a Sunday night. The date was February 18, 2018. I had finished my daily thriller novel book reading and, after a couple of chapters, was ready to settle in for, hopefully, a good night’s sleep. But, something was nagging at me.

Each night, before going to sleep, I usually recite the Lord’s Prayer as well as the Apostles Creed. But this night was different. I had no prayerful requests to make, but something told me that it was time to just listen – listen to what God had for me.

What happened next, and within less than 2 minutes, was almost like a whop along the side of my head with a folded-up newspaper. As often happens when I just stop and listen, my brain goes into high gear with many thoughts of things to do, people to see, etc., which pop into my brain. But this night was different.

What came to me was – that I should write a book – and I didn’t even have to wait to figure out what to write about. The title "Foster Dad" jumped out almost instantly! Wow! I was blown away. I had never considered writing a book, although I do have experience in book editing and publishing as I served as Director of Media Operations for a local non-profit organization where we published a couple of books and a series of manuals.

You see, my Wife, Mariana, and I became Foster Parents in January 1986, and we have since served as care providers for well over 110 children – all were infants, ranging in age from one day up to age three. Mariana is a registered nurse, and while in nursing school, she specialized in obstetrics and gynecological care. So, while she had a lot to learn about infants’ medical care as a Foster Parent, it was actually a natural for her. She has since become well respected by both the medical personnel with whom she has interacted, as well as Children’s Family Services (CFS) personnel, who often hold our home open, waiting for medically fragile infants to be placed with us when we have an opening. And, because she is a Registered Nurse, most of the children we have cared for, especially in recent years, have been considered medically fragile, often physically abused, premature, or drug exposed – or possibly all three!

After over 30 years of caring for the most fragile and essentially helpless in our society, I have come to realize that perhaps other men may find my story helpful, and perhaps even inspiring. It boggles my mind that we are still doing it, even though we are both in our seventies! We have seen, and experienced, both wonderful blessings as well as heartbreaking challenges and losses.

But, being a guy, I realize that men don’t usually see themselves as care providers, except, of course, for their own children. And, I have to admit that there have been times when I have asked myself, What am I doing? Why? As you’ll see in the chapters below, the answers to those questions are very evident.

Parts of my story may be a bit daunting as you read them, especially when it comes to dealing with, in some cases, severe medical issues or conditions. But keep in mind that the vast majority of children going into foster care are generally healthy, not requiring specialized care.

This is a book about our experience in caring for infants. We have chosen to focus on ages 1-2 (occasionally they may grow past 2 to age 3), and so our experiences may not align with other foster parents who take pre-teens, teenagers, etc.

But, if anyone would have told me 30 years ago that we would be caring for babies well into our seventies, I would not have believed it. In fact, I probably would have scoffed at the idea. But I have