When God is Silent

By Angela C Charles

Naomi Sullivan has all the visible trappings of success, but her life is a mess. As a wife and mother, she tries to navigate her way through the storms that threaten to overwhelm and plunge her into darkness.

Her husband, Peter, a successful lawyer, is dealing with the consequences of a temporary lapse in judgement. Their only hope for happiness is to find a way to heal the rift and mend the marriage.

As Naomi faces one tragic event after another, instead of leaning more on God, she pulls further and further away, to the point of despair.

Will Naomi learn to forgive?

Will she renew her faith and find hope for tomorrow? When God is Silent is a passionate story of redemption, forgiveness, hope and second chances.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Angel Hope Publishing
• Release date: Feb 24, 2021
• ISBN: 9781393612315

Book preview

Chapter 1

Life can change in a moment, Naomi Sullivan mused, her eyes downcast as she rolled her coffee cup between her hands, waiting for Linda to settle in the seat across from her. It’s true.

Linda cast a glance. Are you talking philosophically, or did something happen?

A bit of both. Naomi lifted her head. I had a nightmare. Her hands stilled and then tightened around the cup, but the shaking of her legs against the table leg was a sign that she was troubled.

Since Naomi’s early-morning call was so unlike her, Linda had dropped everything to be with her. They’d found an empty booth at the back of the busy coffee shop that afforded them some privacy. 

Linda leaned forward, stretched her hands across the table, gently releasing Naomi’s grip on the cup and reached out her hands which Nomi accepted. Tell me about it. Okay?

Naomi nodded. Linda Mendes, best friend and mentor, was the one person who could help ease her mind. She sat up straight, crossed her ankles to keep her legs from shaking, took a steadying breath, and held tightly to Linda’s hands. She closed her eyes, and the noise in the coffee shop receded. The scene changed, and Naomi was plunged into the terror from the previous night as she relived her nightmare. She stopped, opened her eyes, and whispered, I was in total darkness in the middle of a storm when the ferocious winds lifted the canoe and launched me airborne.

What happened after that?

Naomi shuddered. She had tears in her eyes. I don’t know. I woke up.

Linda sat quietly for a few seconds before she patted Naomi’s hands. How are you feeling? Can I get you another cup of coffee?

I need a minute. Naomi took a couple deep breaths. Can you get me water instead?

Linda stood up. Take your time.

Naomi wiped the sweat off her face and wiped the dampness from the palms of her hands on her clothing. She looked up as Linda placed the cup in front of her and sat down. 

Linda waited until Naomi took a few sips. Do you want to talk more about it?

Naomi nodded but kept silent.

Linda looked closely at Naomi. Are you feeling better?

Yes.

Linda took her hand. Why don’t we just have a drink and we’ll talk whenever you’re ready.  Okay?

Okay. Thanks. 

A few minutes later, Naomi raised her haunted eyes to Linda.

What do you make of what I told you?

Well, we have to remember that it’s a dream. Nevertheless, we can look at this as a place where God intervenes. 

Of course, that’s how Linda would interpret it. 

Naomi wanted to know more. Oh? Like a television intervention?

Something like that...only better. In this instance, God is the helper. 

How would that work?

Well, it could be that God may be giving you a glimpse into your future.

If you say so. Okay.

Do you know the saying ‘to be forewarned is to be forearmed?’

Yes. My mother had numerous such sayings.

I think that the nightmare could give you a chance to change the future, so those things don’t happen. It could mean making some changes. Are you willing to do that?

I am.

First, you might have to work on creating more light around you to dispel potential darkness.

Naomi raised her eyebrows.

"You mentioned that you were in a place of total darkness.

You want to create a place of light."

How?

One way is to grow your faith.

Naomi frowned. Faith?

Yes. Faith is a light.

Okay. What else?

You were alone and isolated when a powerful storm caused havoc and terrified you.

Naomi shivered and groaned. 

Sometimes, your very life can depend on how you manage the storms.

Naomi nodded.

Naomi, we all have storms in our lives. But God is always right there with us, like a shelter. There is no need to fear.

Naomi closed her eyes for a few seconds and waited for Linda to continue.

Linda paused and chose her words carefully. Occasionally we need to stop and listen to what God is saying. 

Naomi stared blankly at Linda before she grasped her coffee cup. How?

To start, work on deepening your relationship with God. 

Naomi rested the cup on the table and put her hands on the side of her legs to still the twitching. Go on.

Oh Naomi! I’ve come through many storms in my life and so I understand.

You?  How?

I listened to God, practiced honesty, and prayed. I read the scripture, worshiped, believed, and gathered good friends to lean on.  You could do the same.

Good friends?

That includes Peter.

Peter...

Linda interrupted. Wait. What did he say when you told him about your nightmare?

Well...I didn’t tell him.

Linda sighed. Oh, Naomi. Everything okay with you and Peter? 

Yes. Naomi sidestepped the question. I hoped my nightmare hadn’t disturbed his sleep.

Did it?

No. He grunted, rolled over, and continued sleeping. 

Well, you’ll get a chance this evening or tomorrow.

I’ll find the time.

Naomi, remember you need good friends to lean on.  Tell Peter about your nightmare.

Sure.

How are you handling stress? Do you need help with it?

Thanks Linda. I’m good.

Linda paused to let Naomi take in everything. My mother would say that it’s time to set your house in order.

Naomi could only nod. Her house was in disrepair.

~  

Naomi drove to the train station after her meeting with Linda to pick up her daughter, Hannah, and ran a stop sign after she exited the parking lot.

Mom, stop! said Hannah.

Naomi slammed on her brakes and rested her right hand on Hannah. Are you okay?

"Yes. Mom, you weren’t watching where you were going." Hannah’s tone was accusatory.

Sorry, hon. The nightmare was ever present, threatening to undo her. 

How was the trip?

Hannah looked at her mother with raised eyebrows but answered. Fine. No delays. After a few minutes of silence, she asked, Are you okay, Mom?

Of course. Why do you ask?

You’re not your usual self.

Naomi glanced at her and thought, My life is unravelling in slow motion. I can’t let this affect Hannah. I must keep it together for my daughters’ sake.

Chapter 2

Later that evening, Naomi, Peter, and daughters, Hannah and Jayla, went out to dinner at a local Italian restaurant, where the girls enjoyed their favourite pizza. Peter ordered spaghetti, while Naomi settled for lasagna. A bottle of wine replaced the usual one glass of wine, and everyone was in a celebratory mood. The girls were teasing each other, recounting numerous childhood episodes, making the conversation light and relaxing. 

Naomi put on a bright smile and focussed on her family. Nevertheless, when Jayla was teasing Hannah, Peter turned to

Naomi and asked in a low voice, Is everything okay?

Naomi gave him a strained smile, reluctant to share the nightmare on a family outing. 

Peter furrowed his forehead but simply said, We can always talk later if something is bothering you.

Naomi put her hand on his arm. Thanks, but I’m fine.

~

Naomi was lying on her side with her eyes closed when Peter came to bed and touched her shoulder. 

Naomi?

She did not answer, and Peter moved to his side of the bed. She couldn’t get to sleep worried that her dream might continue. It was going to be a long night. She wanted to look fresh and relaxed for the day that their daughter, Jayla, was graduating from university. A day to celebrate, to be with family and friends. 

Despite her inner turmoil, Naomi was looking forward to seeing her daughter walk across the stage and accept her diploma. It was also a day she dreaded because it would mean reliving long-buried memories of her own missed graduation.

Naomi mused silently. Why is it that whatever we’ve buried in the past always resurfaces and forces us to deal with old hurts and pains? But not now. No, I refuse to think about that. I must think of something else. 

Naomi tried slowing her breathing, counting sheep, fluffing her pillow, and meditating, but nothing worked. With a sigh of resignation, she threw off the covers then pulled them back over, but nothing changed. Peter mumbled something but did not wake. She closed her eyes, hoping to fall asleep.

It was a day to be happy, but she knew it is always calmest before a storm, and at that early hour in the morning, when the family was sleeping. 

Although it was a king-sized bed, Peter seemed so far away. She glanced toward him and wondered if she should be worried about their marriage. Whenever uncertainties and insecurities had arisen in her life, Naomi had always counted on her parents, especially her mother, for comfort and peace, but her parents were long gone and could not help her now. Her parents’ marriage had lasted their lifetime, and Peter’s parents were married for over sixty years. Different times.

Naomi thought about the state of her marriage. She remembered the love and oneness they had discovered as young university students; how the excitement and joy had continued when they were newly married and had grown when they became new parents. 

Somehow, without any conscious thought, their love had changed over the years. As the girls got older, their love had stopped growing and they’d let the challenges and stresses of everyday life interfere with their family. They stopped taking family vacations, were not able to spend their free time together, and they stopped working on their relationship.

She’d grown up with the expectation that love grows with time. But something was lost, and their relationship had changed so much that it was causing her to look within for answers. Maybe Linda was right. She asked herself when she’d begun withholding her love and grace from Peter, and when had they lost the joy and the oneness of a married couple?

She’d often failed to appreciate Peter. In fact, she stopped working at their relationship and stopped praying for it with the excuse that Peter was always working and that it took two to make a marriage work. 

Now that the girls are older, Naomi thought they’d grow closer. Instead, we’re drifting apart, taking each other for granted. It was the little things that mattered, like remembering to show affection, and sharing your day. We buried ourselves in our work. 

I’ll talk to Peter before breakfast...better yet, after the graduation ceremony, she promised herself.

Naomi shook her head and consciously put aside thoughts of nightmares and thoughts of their daughter’s graduation. Stretching, with her eyes closed and lying quietly in bed, she willed her mind in another direction. 

So many issues bombarded her mind that she could not hear herself think. She had lost all focus on life and had become stressed and overwhelmed. How did I end up here?

Naomi loved her family dearly and would do anything for them, but this life was not the one she envisioned as a young girl. She buried her dreams of graduate school, of obtaining a doctorate in her field a long time ago, but there were still regrets. Regrets because when she was younger, she fervently prayed everyday for those dreams to be fulfilled. 

The passion she always had, disappeared from her life, and loneliness had taken its place. Many people were fortunate to live their dreams. Numerous childhood friends were living their dreams while hers did not materialize. 

Was it my fault? 

Lying in bed, wrapped in gloom and self-pity, she could not recognize her family’s blessings.  Although she prayed for God’s guidance, she remained oblivious to his guiding hand, doing whatever she wanted. She made a reasonable bargain with God about her mother.  However, when that choice didn’t have the desired outcome, she assumed that her prayers were not answered and got angry with God. Could she turn that around now? Was it too late?

Naomi had grown up in a Christian home. Her youth was one of worship, songs, sermons, and service. In her late teens, she started to pray zealously and frequently, but often she did not wait or listen for the answers. Instead, she had put ego first, unable to open her heart and listen to God’s words. 

She pulled the covers higher remembering their family trip on the summer of her twelfth year to the lighthouse in Peggy’s Cove, Nova Scotia, when they’d visited the lighthouse, the main attraction of the small fishing village. The lighthouse, perched on top of rocks, overlooked the rolling waves of the ocean. It was on that trip that she, a young, aspiring ballerina caught a young guy’s eye and had basked in his attention. Unfortunately, it was not the best to walk on one’s toes on the rocks, so the inevitable happened. Naomi slipped, bruised her leg, and even worse, her young blossoming and fragile ego. 

Her mother had only sighed. Naomi Ashley.

Sorry, Mom.

Honestly, child. Shaking her head, Mrs. Ashley bent and put a bandage on the cut. 

Naomi pleaded with tears in her eyes.  Can I go to the picnic area until we leave?  

After that incident, Naomi avoided the lighthouse area and spent her time at the beach.  Her brief interest in ballet was forgotten. However, her siblings teased her mercilessly, even nicknaming her Rocky Ballerina. That name stuck for years. 

Naomi inhaled deeply. It was a time of innocence. Now she had children, a family, and a demanding and stressful career as an information technology director at one of the top insurance companies in Canada. She was proud of her accomplishments. So far, she was handling all issues and managing the stress. 

The economy was changing, and a few restructuring rumours circulated at the office. Although upper management dismissed those rumours, Naomi paid close attention to the changes and intensity. In most cases, Information Technology departments were safe from the cuts, and Naomi hoped that she and her staff would be spared. Her department won team and individual awards every year, was solid and productive, always within its budget, and consistently saved millions of dollars for the company. 

I’ve confidence that everything will be fine.

However, she needed to be realistic. Anyone could be downsized. Still, she thought about work. After all, it was a workday, and she was just lying in the dark. She had taken a few days off work for her daughter’s graduation, but mentally she went through her inbox. 

Enough of work. 

Naomi switched her thoughts to family. Family was always close to her heart. The Rocky Ballerina episode came to mind likely because her brother, Dylan, was sleeping in Hannah’s room.

He had flown in from British Columbia late the previous evening to celebrate with family. 

As the sibling closest to Naomi’s age, Dylan shared many childhood memories of mischief and scrapes, true partners in crime. Her fondest memory was the two of them jumping on the hood of the family car and breaking the hood ornament. Janet, her nosy older sister, caught them trying to glue it back. They did most of Janet’s chores for a week until they complained to Dalia, her bossy and eldest sister, who put an end to it. Their parents never found out.

Knowing she was not going to get any sleep, Naomi got out of bed, careful not to wake Peter. She put on her robe, hoping that a cup of coffee would stimulate her. But first, she’d check on Hannah and Jayla. 

Chapter 3

Naomi could not think that far ahead. She took one last look in Peter’s direction then opened one side of the French doors of the master bedroom, leaving it ajar before going to check on her daughters. She