Epiphanies

By Michael E. Benson

When Rob Stuart's wife Jo dies from cancer he is left broken and disconsolate. Nothing, it seems, can jar him from his grief. Nothing, that is, but the sound of Jo's voice which he hears as he follows a complex set of instructions she left for him in regard to the spreading of her ashes. Is it really her, or is it only a figment of his imagination?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael E. Benson
• Release date: Jul 26, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466180451

Michael E. Benson

Michael E. Benson was born in a small coal mining town in Kansas. He moved to the deserts of Utah when he was twelve and there he learned to hunt and to survive in the wilderness. It was there he also learned of his affinity with horses. Later, he moved to Kansas City. After high school, he joined the United States Coast Guard. When he returned home, he worked at many occupations. Eventually, he became a private detective and later a police officer.He earned a Master of Science in Education degree in Criminal Justice and a Master of Arts degree in American History. He became a member of the faculty at Longview Community College in Lee's Summit, Missouri, where he stayed for the next twenty-five years teaching American History and Criminal Justice. After his retirement, he began his writing career in earnest. Today, Michael lives in south Texas with his wife Barbara.

Book preview

Epiphanies

A novel by

Michael E. Benson

Published by Michael E. Benson

and Shanty Town Books

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

For Barbara

Who fills my garden with roses every day.

Chapter One

Rob Stuart wiped the steam off the bathroom mirror and was startled by the face he discovered beneath the condensation. A man he did not recognize, a man with red, swollen eyes and a slack jaw stared back at him. The man in the mirror was old and gray, looking as though the life had been sucked out of him. The handsome, middle-aged man that was Rob Stuart had disappeared.

There wasn’t time to worry about it. He dried himself quickly and ran a comb through his short, salt and pepper hair without bothering to use the hair dryer, then slipped into his underwear and sat on the toilet stool while he struggled into his knee-length black socks. He quickly brushed his teeth and gargled with an antiseptic mouthwash, applied some underarm deodorant and splashed some cologne on his face. It was not enough, he thought, but it would have to do.

His white dress shirt hung in the walk-in closet in the bedroom. He went in to retrieve it, and then stopped. Mary Jo’s clothes hung on one side, his on the other. He could smell her fragrance. He began to cry again and he struggled to get some kind of control over his emotions. There was no time. The limo would be coming soon and he wasn’t even dressed. With tears still on his cheeks, he buttoned the shirt then concentrated on tying the black tie he always wore to somber occasions such as this. Navy blue pin-striped suit, belt and suspenders, and black shoes followed until at last he was dressed and ready to go.

Kenzie, he called, stepping into the hallway, are you ready? It’s almost time.

We’re nearly ready, Daddy, she answered from her bedroom.

Rob went downstairs and looked out the living room window. The limousine was not there. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was still five minutes early.

Kenzie came down the stairs. She was almost an exact duplicate of her mother. She had the same auburn hair and hazel eyes. She had the same shape of the face and the same athletic figure. It was like looking at the Mary Jo McKenzie of twenty-five years ago, the Mary Jo McKenzie he met and fell in love with and married. The Mary Jo McKenzie-Stuart who died five days ago.

Kenzie carried her baby, two year old Caroline, in her arms. Bill Bruce, her husband, stood behind her and carried the baby’s diaper bag. He was tall and thin and athletic-looking, but he looked at ease in a shirt and tie. One would be prompted to wonder what he did and would be surprised to learn he was an accountant working for the Justice Department.

The ride to the church was short, less than fifteen minutes. Reverend Paul Douglas met them at the side door and ushered them through the sacristy to the pews that had been reserved for the family. Some were already there. Rob nodded to Mary Jo’s sister, Liz, and her Aunt Helen and Uncle George from Omaha, and then sat in the front row center, aisle seat, which had been reserved for him. Kenzie and her family sat next to him.

The foyer of the church buzzed with activity, and the respectful silence of the chapel was broken by the noise each time someone entered. Kenzie and Liz had prepared a DVD from hundreds of pictures of Mary Jo and it was playing on a large screen television in the foyer. People gathered there to watch and visit before they entered the sanctuary.

Promptly at eleven Reverend Douglas stepped to the pulpit and tapped the microphone with his finger to make sure it was working. Ushers began herding people out of the foyer and into the sanctuary. After several minutes, they were all inside and seated and silence prevailed.

Dearly beloved, Reverend Douglas began, we are gathered here today to memorialize Mary Jo McKenzie-Stuart. We are here to celebrate her life, and to thank God for giving us the opportunity to be part of it. Let us pray.

It was a lengthy prayer. Rob stood woodenly, head bowed, and tried to find a place deep inside himself where he could hide and be alone with his memories. But with the memories came an unbearable sorrow that he had not yet been able to control.

Mary Jo McKenzie-Stuart was born in Lee’s Summit, Missouri, Reverend Douglas continued, reading from the obituary that had appeared in the Kansas City Star two days earlier. "She was graduated from Lee’s Summit High School and the University of Missouri where she received a Master of Science in Education with a major in library science. She married Robert McKinley Stuart and they had two children: McKenzie Elizabeth Stuart and Nathan McKinley Stuart. For many years Mary Jo worked as a librarian in the Lee’s Summit School District and later at the Midcontinent Public Library. She leaves her husband Robert Stuart of the home, her daughter McKenzie Bruce (William) and granddaughter Caroline Bruce of St. Louis, Missouri, one sister, Elizabeth McKenzie, of Kansas City, Missouri, and numerous aunts, uncles and cousins. She was preceded in death by her parents, Ewan and Fiona McKenzie and a son, Nathan McKinley Stuart.

These are the facts, he said. But they tell little about the Mary Jo that we all knew and loved. Even the name is problematic. We knew her as Jo, not Mary Jo. It doesn’t mention that her smile would brighten the darkest day, or that her hair was dark but turned red in the sunshine. It doesn’t mention her heart, out of which flowed warmth and generosity and compassion for those less fortunate. . .

Reverend Douglas continued extolling Jo’s virtues for another ten minutes, then Evelyn Philips, a semi-professional soprano and a favorite of Jo, sang the Ave Maria so perfectly and so beautifully that it brought tears to the eyes and a lump to the throat of those who listened. Rob thought he had never heard it sung with more feeling and emotion and he made a note in his mind to thank Evelyn when he saw her at the reception.

Andrea McDougal, a friend of Jo’s and at one time her supervisor at the library, came to the pulpit to say a few words. An anecdote, some words of praise and she left with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Andy Donnell, accompanied by Gloria Gentry on the piano, sang In the Garden, in his fine baritone voice. Then it was Rob’s turn. He walked slowly, head bowed, to the pulpit and tripped on the step. He recovered before he fell. There was a pitcher of water and a glass on a table next to pulpit. He poured a glass of water and drank half of it slowly and deliberately. From his inside coat pocket he withdrew a few sheets of paper and spread them out before him.

I want to thank all of you for being here today, he began, "and special thanks to Reverend Douglas, Evelyn, Andrea and Andrew for their participation in this tribute to Jo.

"About two months ago, when it became clear that she probably would not survive her battle with cancer, Jo wrote all of us a message. It was her wish that I read it to you today. These are her words:

"To tell you not to mourn for me would be futile. When someone you care about dies it is natural and human to mourn their passing. Some will say I died too young, but I say it was the perfect time. Call me old fashioned, but I still believe in God and I believe that when He calls you it is the perfect time to go.

God has blessed me all my life. He gave me a mother and father who loved me deeply and cared for me when I was too young to take care of myself. Later He gave me a baby sister whom I adored. Then, when I was ready, He introduced me to Rob who was. . .

Rob suppressed a sob and wiped at his tears with the back of his hand as he struggled to regain control of his voice. He took another sip of water, then continued:

". . . the great love of my life. God gave me two beautiful children whom I loved with all my heart. He took Nathan back and for a time I could not understand why and I grieved over it. But my faith and a reassurance from God that Nathan was exactly where He wanted him to be soon had my feet on the proper path.

"I have been blessed with many friends who nurtured me along the way. Many of them are here today. My friends were always there when I needed them, and I tried my best to be there for them as well. My friends brought more joy and comfort to my life than I ever thought possible, and for that I thank you.

I am trying to leave with everything done. All the dishes washed and put away, the bed made, and the laundry done so to speak. There have been very few wrongs done to me in my life, but those few have been forgiven. I have tried to speak to everyone, but there were some I missed through no fault of my own. To them, and to all of you I say: God bless and keep you until we meet again. Jo.

Rob wiped his eyes with a tissue he took from a box on the pulpit, then resumed his seat.

Well done, Daddy, Kenzie whispered, squeezing his hand.

We will have a final prayer, Reverend Douglas was saying, and a benediction, then you are all invited to partake of lunch and express your condolences to the family. This will take place at St. Andrews Center which is right next door to the church. Just exit through the front door and turn left. You can’t miss it.

Rob stood at the head of the reception line with Kenzie next to him. Her husband stood behind her holding the baby, and her Aunt Liz stood next to her on her right. Kenzie was warm and friendly in her greeting, even with people she did not know, and Rob thought again how like her mother she was.

The mourners formed cliques: his colleagues from Longview Community College where he taught American History; Jo’s colleagues from the years of work at the library; neighbors; older friends of long standing who knew their parents; Kenzie’s group of younger friends. All offered condolences. Some shared a memory of Jo.

At last the line diminished and died. The family retired to a table that had been reserved for them and were waited upon by ladies from the church. Rob had eaten very little in the past five days, and he appeared gaunt and drawn. Even now, he had no appetite. Kenzie and Bill took turns eating while the other held baby Caroline.

Thankfully, Rob thought, people began to leave. Many stopped by the table for a brief word, then filed out of the building. Half an hour later, they were nearly all gone and the limousine was waiting outside the main door to return the family to their home.

Bill and I have to go home tomorrow, Daddy, Kenzie said that evening as they gathered in the family room. He can’t miss any more work.

I understand, Rob said. That’s fine. I’m so grateful you were with me today. . .

What about you? Bill asked. When are you going back to work?

I’m not teaching this summer, he replied, and I’ve taken a leave for fall semester, so it will be six or seven months before I get back.

How are you going to spend the time? Kenzie asked, surprised her father would take a semester away from doing what he loved.

Your mother left me with some tasks, he said. It was one of her last wishes, so I have to go through with it.

To what are you referring? she asked.

We used to play a game in the car when we were traveling. Pretend I’ve just escaped from jail and I call you on the phone to try to arrange a place for us to meet. I know the phone is tapped and the authorities are listening so I have to give a clue to an exact place that only you and I would know. If you and I were playing, for example, I might say ‘the place you lost your front tooth.’

That would be in the back yard of Grandma Fiona’s old house. The one they were living in when Grandpa Ewan died. she said excitedly.

Correct! Rob cheered.

How does that relate to a task? she asked.

Mom left me twelve envelopes, each numbered on the outside with a clue written on a piece of paper inside. I am to go to each of the places, in order, and spread a portion of her ashes.

Mom made you promise to do that? Kenzie asked incredulously.

She was convinced it would give me something to do and help with the healing process. When I reach each location, I am to remember what occurred when we were there and what was going on in our lives at that time.

I missed Nathan today, Kenzie said sadly, changing the subject. I miss him nearly every day, but today in particular.

So do I, Kenzie, Rob sighed. So do I. But if you believe, as Mom did, then you have to believe that he and Mom are together and happy. That’s the only thought that makes this whole thing bearable.

His tears welled up again and he rubbed his eyes with the back of his fingers. He would not alarm her or worry her by telling her how many times he had thought of joining them in the past five days. But he wouldn’t, and he knew he wouldn’t. It wasn’t part of his character to play so cruel a trick on his daughter.

I wish you’d change your mind and come to St. Louis with us, Daddy. At least for a little while until you can make some sort of adjustment.

Thanks, but my place is here. This is where I have to learn to live without your Mom. I don’t want you to worry about me, Kenzie. It will take some time, but I will adjust to it. I just have to get through this sad period of missing her every second of every hour of every day, then I’ll be all right. Not the same, but all right.

Well, she sighed, I will worry about you. Is there anything I can do?

Liz is coming over in the next few days to bag Mom’s clothing and take it to the charity shop. I can’t think of anything else at the moment, but if something comes up I’ll call you.

It was the end of what had been a very long day. Caroline was asleep on the floor and Bill was sprawled across the couch, eyelids drooping and heavy. Kenzie kissed her father goodnight, then lifted Caroline into her arms and roused her husband, leading him up the stairs to