Lost In a Wish

By Jesus Beltran II

The story centers around 12 year old Jessica Sharp who has just found herself in a house with a family she does not recognize. More than that, the parents claim that Jessica is their daughter and is younger sister to Jordan Sharp.If that weren't bad enough, Jessica herself claims that she is not Jessica, but Jessie, a full-grown man from Texas. Unfortunately, Jess (as he/she prefers to be called) can't offer any solid information about his life as a man.After Jess realizes that fighting what is in the mirror (namely the image of a beautiful, absolutely real, female Jess) Jess must learn how to be a girl, a sister, a daughter, a friend and, maybe even a girlfriend.Jess has to figure out if her scattered memories of being a man or her current life as a girl is real.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781257551262

Book preview

Heart

Dear Diary,

I think I’m losing my mind! I thought I had everything figured out…thought I knew who I was. I was wrong. Maybe this IS just a dream. I DO remember so much from this life, but I remember so much MORE from my other life. And I was just reading some of the other entries in this diary and saw things from my other life that just cannot be known to…this is just a little too much! I probably sound like a raving lunatic, right? I should explain. I'm writing this down so that maybe I can make sense of all this. So, I guess I should begin from the beginning.

It all started last night…

I was in the shower for quite a while. I was thinking about all the shit that had happened today. As usual, the hot shower and the darkness began to untie the knots I had developed all over my body. I relax best with the lights out when I shower – you never know who might be watching when the lights are on.

I was starting to unwind a little more, but the knot in the base of my head wouldn’t go away. It triggered one of my worst headaches ever. It’s the one that shoots through the back of the eyes – like being stuck with a needle. My head felt as if it were ready to explode!

It became progressively worse! Now, I couldn’t see! I was blind! Even in the dark, there is always a little light coming in from outside. But not this time. This time the darkness was just behind my eyes. I couldn’t help it. I started to cry!

I tried to control myself, but things just got worse! Now, I was getting really, really dizzy! If I were to pass out right there in the tub, I would most likely drown. Wait, we don’t have a tub anymore. It’s just a shower stall. My mother is a very sound sleeper, when she’s home. But that’s when she’s home. I’m not certain where she was. Was she at home or had she gone already to be with her husband?

I tried to get myself out of the tub. My legs were wobbly, so I fell a few times in the tub before I could grab the shower rod. Shower rod? Our shower has glass walls. Why is there a curtain?

I hadn’t realized how loud the shower can be, until I heard an unfamiliar voice asking if I was alright from the other side of the curtain.

I’m taking a shower! Get the hell out of here!

Once I heard the door close, I realized that it was a man’s voice that I heard! There isn’t supposed to be anyone else in the house except my mother and myself! I quickly shut off the shower and struggled to find the towel. It wasn’t where I had left it. That guy must have moved it! Who the hell was he? He must be a robber! But why would he ask if I were okay? A considerate robber?

I finally found a towel and begin to dry myself when I notice something is wrong. Before I can figure it all out, someone else comes into the bathroom. I still can’t see, but the voice sounds like a young female. It’s definitely not Mom!

Dad wanted me to find out if you’re okay. We heard the thumps, the voice said.

Listen! You and your father can go ahead and take what you want! Just leave me and my mother alone, okay! I can’t see you, so I can’t be a threat to you or your father! Please, just take what you want and go!

What the hell’s wrong with you? Jess, why won’t you look me in the eyes? Are you okay?

There was a moment of silence before I heard her gasp.

Jess! Your eyes! What’s wrong with your eyes!

How do you know me? What’s wrong with my eyes?

Jess! Calm down! I’ll get Dad! He’s got to…

No! I don’t want your father here! Where’s my mother? Why hasn’t she come yet? She can’t still be sleeping!

Mom! Come quick!

A second later, the door opens and I hear a woman’s voice, but it’s not my mother’s voice! The voice sounds very beautiful. She sounds concerned when she asked the girl what was the matter.

Her eyes! Look at her eyes, Mom!

What’s going on? Who’s there? Where’s my mother?

I’m right here, Sweetie! Just try and calm down so I can look at your eyes!

What do you mean, calm down! How can I be calm when there are strangers in my house! You are the strangest bunch of robbers I’ve ever heard of! Get out of my house before I call the sheriff!

Jessica! That’s enough! You’re not making any sense! Now tell me what happened in here and maybe we can figure out why you can’t see!

My name is Jessie, not Jessica! Haven’t you ever seen a naked man before?

I’ve seen plenty of naked men before, Jessica, and you’re not one of them. Now I’m trying to figure out why you can’t see and why your eyes seem to be changing colours. The woman ran her fingers over my scalp as she spoke to me.

Suddenly, everything becomes a hundred times brighter. I cover my eyes to shield them from the bright light.

What’s wrong, Jessica?

The lights are too bright! They hurt! Shut off the lights!

Jordan, get the lights! I think you’re starting to see again! Are you feeling dizzy, nauseated or headachy?

I felt all that before y’all came in. I’m feeling better and I think I can see your silhouette. Thank you for your concern. Look, you can leave right now and I won’t call the sheriff 'til morning. Please, just leave my house.

Mom, I don’t think she’s kidding. Maybe we should get her to the hospital.

I think you’re right. Go find her some comfortable clothes while I dry her off. We’ll get her dressed and take her in for a better look. Tell your father to get the car ready, please.

You can’t take me anywhere! I’m fine! I’m just a little tired!

You’re tired because you’re not well, Sweetie. Let me finish drying you off. Then, we’ll get you dressed and be off to the hospital. I’m going to take good care of you, Sweetie. You’re mother is an excellent doctor and she loves you very much.

I am too tired to fight anymore. I felt something when the mother was drying my hair. It’s strange, but I felt a closeness with her. Maybe it was the fact that she was touching me so gently. I don’t remember my family ever being close enough to touch each other with such care and…love.

Touch has always been something I’ve craved from people. I’ve never felt close enough to hug a friend, but whenever I could muster the courage, I would put my hand on their shoulder or pat them on the back. To me, that was a lot of contact.

Yet, here I was, sitting on the toilet, naked, with some woman drying my hair. Her touch was gentle as she brushed the hair from my face. I just sat there, quiet, as she dried my shoulders, arms and hands. My back was easiest to dry.

Raise you’re arms, Sweetie, so I can dry your arm pits.

I did what she said and raised both my arms. When she started to dry them, she was very deliberate in how much pressure she applied with the towel. Her gentleness and the motion of the towel gave me goose pimples. It also tickled a little. I couldn’t help it. I started to giggle. I don’t ever remember giggling before, but I’ve heard girls do it many times. I had always been envious of that little ability. Now, here I am…giggling like a girl. And I can’t stop.

I can’t stop giggling! My words are barely recognizable through the strange sound. It feels so weird! I love it!

I continue to giggle when someone comes in. It was Jordan with some clothes for me.

What’s up with her, Jordan asks.

I think your sister’s feeling a little better. She says her eyes are feeling better as well. But just to be certain, we’re going to take her to the hospital, the mother says to Jordan.

The mother continued to dry me off. When she dried my chest, it did feel kinda strange. She dried my belly and quickly moved down to my legs, since they were easy to get to. Then, she asked me to stand.

I’m still a little wobbly.

Lean against me while I finish drying the rest of you. Go ahead and close your eyes so Jordan can turn on the lights. I want to get a look at you so I can see if I can find anything obviously wrong.

Okay. I only agreed because she’s been so nice, already.

I could see some light through my shut eye lids, but it didn’t burn like before. I could feel the mother dry my butt cheeks before spreading them to dry my crack. That was a unique experience, but thoroughly enjoyable. I had never had a woman touch me so gently in my life. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I felt the familiar tingle in my groin.

This is going to get embarrassing really fast, I thought to myself. I started to cover my crotch with my hands when the mother pulled them aside to dry there, too.

Uh, right now is not the best time to pay that kind of attention to that spot, I say with a nervous laugh.

And why is that, asked the mother as she rubbed the towel down the front of my crotch, down to the bottom and to the back side that attaches to my crack.

Wait a minute! Where is it!

Where’s what? Calm down, Jess, the mother says.

My dick! My BALLS! I can’t believe they’re gone! Holy SHIT!

I’m being called Jessica! There are strange people in my bathroom! They’re saying I’m a girl! And now, my equipment seems to have disappeared. I do what any girl in my situation would do…I pass out. I don’t actually remember falling, just everything going black very fast.

I wake to the pungent odor of smelling salts. The mother is waving it in front of my nose.

Are you alright, Sweetie?

Yeah. I guess. What happened?

Mental shock.

I guess I gave her the HUH? look.

You fainted, Jess. I can’t remember the last time you did that. Can you sit up?

I can’t believe this is happening to me, I say. I hold onto the mother and struggle to get my legs under me. Maybe I hit my head in the tub and I’m just dreaming all this.

That’s why we’re going to the hospital, Sweetie. We need to see if you did hit your head. Maybe that’s why you’re passing out and not remembering us or yourself.

I steady myself against the sink. I look into the mirror and see what the others see. A naked GIRL!

Holy SHIT! I really AM a girl!

I really wish you would stop cursing, Jess!

I don’t respond. I was looking at myself from head to chest…or rather, BREASTS! They are barely an A-cup—cone-shaped with pointy nipples and they fit snuggly into the palm of my hands—yes, I’m feeling myself up. And they’re REAL!

I’m…I’m PRETTY!

I look down over the rest of my body. I am every bit a girl. I can’t stop looking back at the face in the mirror. It looks so familiar. She has the same long face and the same reddish-brown, kinky hair as me. Her eyes ARE different. While mine are light brown, this girl has one eye that’s the lightest of green and the other is almost a violet-brown. Then, there’s her skin. Certainly she hasn’t spent much time in the sun. Her skin is naturally brown, but much lighter than the typical olive-skinned beauty.

Jordan is standing at the door.

Of course you’re pretty. You’re my sister. Unless I was right about Mom and Dad adopting you.

That’s enough of that, Jordie. Where’s her panties?

Right here.

I look around and finally notice what the mother and daughter look like.

Wow! You’re both pretty, too!

Jordan’s skin is lighter than mine. Her eyes are a deep-green that, along with her straight auburn hair, gives her a striking look.

The mother is prettier than Jordan and my girl self. At about 5’ 10’’, she could easily be a model and is buff enough to be an Olympic athlete. In her boxer shorts and muscle shirt I can see her beautiful, tight olive skin.

Jordan hands the mother a pair of white cotton underwear with polka dots—tiny, red, polka dots! It was very girlie looking.

I love it!

The mother helps me into the panties.

It feels weird not having to adjust myself.

What, Jordan asks.

You know, I don’t have to make sure my dick doesn’t slip out the side or pop out the top. And I really hate it when my nuts get squeezed when my dick ends up getting tucked under.

I’m sorry I asked, Jordan says as she scrunches her brows together and he mouth opens partially.

Where did you learn all that? The mother asks with a bit of a squeaky voice.

"I told you. I’m a guy. Or at least, I WAS a guy. I think. I’m feeling a little tired, now."

That’s alright. Let’s get your shirt on, then your favourite jeans and we’ll be off to the hospital, the mother said.

She and Jordan dressed me quickly. I was letting everything sink in. This is definitely weird.

As the mother helps me put my pants on, she looks up. She has beautiful, light-brown eyes that have a definite tinge of green in them. We share the same light, reddish-brown, kinky hair—guess beauty does run in the family.

While they dressed me, I figured this would be an okay time to find out more about these people.

So, I guess I should learn names if y’all don’t want me to start calling out ‘Hey, you!’ I already know Jordan. Right? So that leaves you and me.

My name is Mother. But you can call me Mom. Momma. Mamá…

Very funny. What is your given name, if you please?

I was only joking. You really DON’T remember my name, do you, Sweetie?

"Not a