Nonfatal Flaws

By Jesse Toban

The ramblings of a drunk twenty-something girl. Join me on my trip through alcoholism and domestic abuse. This book chronicles the second intensely abusive relationship I engaged in shortly after the first. Let's hope it doesn't really come in threes. Complete with some beautiful photos to complement my depressing monologues. This is the first in a two part series chronicling my poor judgment when it comes to love. These are also my initial forays into publishing and I have immensely enjoyed the process. Maybe someone will read this and feel less alone. Maybe someone will read this and have a good laugh.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 24, 2015
• ISBN: 9781312862111

Jesse Toban

I am a budding author playing around with self-publishing on my way to creating some more serious content when I am finished with my degree as a Psychology student at my local university. I have been through two major relationships that were emotionally and physically abusive. These poems were a way for me to frame the intensity of what I was dealing with.

Book preview

Nonfatal Flaws

Nonfatal Flaws

Jesse Toban

Dedicated to the only man I regret loving

ISBN 978-1-312-86211-1

Copyright 2014 Jesse Toban

Lulu Edition

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Nonfatal Flaws

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ashes on my skirt

the more i pay attention

to wiping them off

the more cherries seem to fall on me

how do i stop the fall?

how do i break this cycle of cleaning up messes

after the fact?

after they've already done damage

possibly burned

possibly scarred

not only me

but the armour i wear

with such shitty components

how can i do anything

but keep up the cycle

of dealing with the aftermath.

such a delicate balance...

too much

is not enough

but too much

leaves me lonely

just the same as if there were none

just as if you were sober

just the same that you don't care

you sleep near me

after a night of fending me off

despite my specific need to have you near me

despite my specific need to have you need me

and you knew this

and you forced my hand in this

knowing my insecurity

knowing my fear

you resisted me even as we kissed

you denied my request to check your messages

you denied my advance

even though conditions should have been right

i don't know that i will ever know

ever know when i am ok

when i am allowed

because i know for a fact that i am often not.

and then i wonder why i am here...

i know that