Upon Sadness

By Jesse Toban

The ramblings of a hormonal teenage girl. Join me on a trip through memory lane with the streetlamps off. This book is a collection of poems and pictures from a time in my life where I was in love with an abusive man. The first time I fell in love with an abusive man, anyway. The back and forth, the push and pull. It's all there in black and white along with several pictures I drew from the same time period. This is the first in a two part series chronicling my poor judgment when it comes to love. These are also my initial forays into publishing and I have immensely enjoyed the process. Maybe someone will read this and feel less alone. Maybe someone will read this and have a good laugh.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jan 24, 2015
• ISBN: 9781312862074

Jesse Toban

I am a budding author playing around with self-publishing on my way to creating some more serious content when I am finished with my degree as a Psychology student at my local university. I have been through two major relationships that were emotionally and physically abusive. These poems were a way for me to frame the intensity of what I was dealing with.

Book preview

Upon Sadness

upon sadness

Jesse Toban

Dedicated to my the first man I loved

ISBN 978-1-312-86207-4

Copyright 2014 Jesse Toban

Lulu Edition

Discover other titles by Jesse Toban:

Nonfatal Flaws

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and she looked fearlessly into the sun

knowing for sure that

it would blind her

but knowing also

that in that

final bright

moment

when the world

closed around her

that all of the secrets

of the sun would

be revealed

and only then

could she be content?

i hate that person

that person that sits there

that person that stops me

so, why should it matter?

when no one’s around

nothing else matters

no one’s around

i’m all that you see

a frustration beyond

above and above

i wish that you knew

maybe some other day

don’t say that you can’t possibly mean it

don’t say it that way

please, say it again.

but now it’s too late

some pion still sits there

knowing my weakness and waiting for nothing

despise the ones i do not know

even more when i do

they do it on purpose

how could they not know

one time i sat there

hoping another would come

just to prove a point

and keep a promise to myself

(they helped)

(those people that sit there)

(if they hadn’t stopped me)

(you)

(nothing else would’ve)

a dance of recurring nightmares flicker through my head

like candles in an unholy chapel

a tap on my shoulder,

i turn

look

nothing,

i am alone,

a cold dark place surrounds me,

a maze for fools,

Stuck,

i am a fool,

a fool for letting myself be led here,

i find a map for