Home: A Story of Two Fathers

By Angela Denton Foss

Have you ever experienced a traumatic event so impactful you felt as if the place you’d always called “home” was forever ruined? Afterwards, did you ever feel as if your faith in God and what you’d called “church” growing up was ripped wide open and being washed away? This is how Angela felt when her beloved dad’s sudden death was ruled a suicide. After years of questioning why this world is the way it is, years of wrestling with God and other sojourners here, Angela found her way to a place of peace regarding her father. It’s from that place that she’s stepping out now, more than twenty years after his death, to encourage others with the comfort she received from God. He’s the only one who never turns his back on his people—even when they feel as if life here has become too much to bear.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Sep 22, 2019
• ISBN: 9781684707591

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FOSS

Copyright © 2019 Angela Denton Foss.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of the author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide

ISBN: 978-1-6847-0760-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6847-0759-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019909369

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Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 07/26/2019

"Angela Denton Foss has a gift for communicating her heart’s struggle in a way that both encourages others and brings glory to God. Home: A Story of Two Fathers is a raw and real account of God’s strength, grace, and redemption in the midst of trial, darkness, and human weakness."

Walinda Phiri Alleman, Writer & Social Media Strategist

Been through trauma? Learn how one found ultimate peace.

Tracy Cabacoy, Education Specialist

Angela’s story provides lasting freedom to those affected by the trauma of suicide.

Kellie Chaney, Educator and Artist

Anyone who’s ever had a ‘Daddy’ will understand this impactful writing from this wonderful author.

Kay C. Earp, Realtor Emeritus

With life’s circumstances invading one’s existence, it is encouraging to hear from someone who is embraced by the Great I Am. Angela Denton Foss is one such individual. Read her words as coming from The Father of us all.

Reverend H. Lucas Lloyd, The Highway Padre

Angela Denton Foss takes us beyond the pain, the sorrow, and the hurt of sudden and devastating suicidal loss, walks us through a vale of suffering, anger, and bewilderment, and firmly into the arena of healing and understanding. She provides a rare commodity in a world often given to shallow concern and undependable anchors—she provides light in this weary world. This treatise may very well redirect the flagging, lethargic soul to consider what genuine love, agape love, dictates.

Rev. Gary D. Vassar, Pastor in VA and NC for nearly four decades

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My father near the beginning of his life here…

Dedication

THIS IS WRITTEN FIRST AND foremost to honor Abba, Father, who continues to transform me through my beloved father’s tragic death. This is also written to honor that earthly father and friend, whom I dearly miss—the loss of him hurts my heart still. It is written, too, with the hope of bringing some comfort and healing to others who have felt the devastation of suicide. Please do not choose what I did, but choose instead to turn immediately to almighty God for solace and salve, for rest and redemption. He, unlike us all, can be wholly trusted.

Further, I’ve written this with a deep desire to help anyone thinking of suicide find your way to another storyline. Though you may well be hearing words far different, please know you are so loved and worth more than many sparrows.

Whenever I am tempted,

Whenever clouds arise,

When songs give place to sighing,

When hope within me dies,

I draw the closer to Him,

From care He sets me free;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me;

His eye is on the sparrow,

And I know He watches me.

—Civilla D. Martin, His Eye Is on the Sparrow (1905)

A Word from the Author

AS I RESEARCHED THE TOPIC of suicide, specifically views of suicide from various Christians—some historical church fathers and others my contemporaries—I discovered that I do have certain heroes who have strongly discouraged Christians from addressing this topic. Their logic appears to be that if people are told that the act of suicide does not separate them from God eternally, then more people who are suicidal will choose to end their lives here in order to move on to that glorious world that is awaiting them. And while I most certainly do understand said logic better than I care to admit and have at times nearly fallen victim to it myself, as I’ve so yearned for a perfect reality my whole life down here, I still feel a grand compelling to write about the topic of suicide. The whole story of the gospel of Christ is surely a story of the utmost unmerited favor—grace by its very definition. And we choose to talk and write plenty about all kinds of other human struggles, with sexual ones being the preferred type to focus upon, it often seems. So I do not believe we should fail to discuss such a heart-wrenching topic, one which increasingly plagues humanity, simply because we fear that applying God’s grace to it will give people license to move forward with an action that clearly contradicts God’s design as Life-giver—because if God’s all-encompassing grace is not taught, then neither is His Christ.

The Christian doctrine of suffering explains, I believe, a very curious fact about the world we live in. The settled happiness and security which we all desire, God withholds from us by the very nature of the world: but joy, pleasure, and merriment He has scattered broadcast. We are never safe, but we have plenty of fun, and some ecstasy. It is not hard to see why. The security we crave would teach us to rest our hearts in this world and oppose any obstacle to our return to God: a few moments of happy love, a landscape, a symphony, a merry meeting with our friends, a bathe or a football match have no such tendency. Our Father refreshes us on our journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home.

—C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain (1940)

The Painful Prologue

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, I have overcome him, and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

—Psalm 13:1-4 (NIV)

THEY’RE SAYING IT WAS SUICIDE, a family member told me when I arrived at my parents’ house. They seem sure. Yes, according to authorities, my dear father actually shot himself. They say it appeared that Dad reclined in his bed at early dawn, when normally he would have begun to get ready for work; and as his work clothes waited for him that day, they say that he picked up a small handgun and placed its barrel in his ear—and they say he then pulled the trigger, ending his life down here and propelling numerous other lives into a most gut-wrenching reality.

Immediately upon being told how my father died, I became haunted by each and every detail