Heartbroken, yet Radiant: A Story of Healing From Intimate Betrayal

By Anne-Maree Choi

How can the crushing disappointment and pain accompanying marital unfaithfulness effectively be described by mere words?

The truth is, there is no one sentence that can aptly convey this experience; this is why a story needs to be told. Join Anne-Maree as she invites you into her story. One that details the devas

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Dec 13, 2023
• ISBN: 9798890415240

Anne-Maree Choi

Anne-Maree Choi loves her life as a wife, mum, step-mum, mother-in-law, and grandmother. She works as a Christian Counselor and Lifestyle Coach in private practice in Brisbane, Australia. She is deeply passion- ate about helping others to know the Lord more intimately and empowering them to thrive in their God-given purpose.

Book preview

Dedication

I dedicate this book to my two precious daughters. You were with me throughout this journey and a constant source of joy and delight for me. Words cannot express how thankful I am for both of you.

Also, to the people in my life who supported me so beautifully during the challenging years. To those who sat with me for hours, listened to me, supported me, prayed for me, were patient with me, walked with me, loved me, and helped me move forward… I am eternally grateful.

Disclaimers

Many of the names have been changed throughout this book to protect the reputation of my first husband and his family.

In addition, I would like to acknowledge the many varied and complex circumstances surrounding the topic of intimate betrayal. Sometimes the perpetrator is the husband, sometimes it is the wife. Sometimes there are many more factors contributing to a family breakdown, such as ongoing abuse or neglect in a marriage. Sometimes mistakes are made because wisdom and discernment are lacking, or one partner may be consumed with their selfish desires and be heading down the path of sexual addiction. Every situation is different and requires a unique approach when it comes to healing.

There are many scriptures in the bible that seemed pertinent to my specific situation, even though they are not necessarily relevant from an exegetical standpoint. I have quoted them throughout my story as they ministered to me. The actions I took and the way I perceived my circumstances are in no way intended to direct you along your path. It is my prayer you would glean from my story the aspects which encourage you to pursue God and His Word in a way that is right for your journey with the Lord.

Except where noted differently, scripture references are sourced from the New Living Translation Bible.

Introduction

Her name is Putrid Ana! The words bounded off the television screen and hit my heart with a deep thud. I screwed up my nose and cringed at the grotesque corpse mannequin which filled my large television screen. The mannequin was revolting to look at with its one-eyed skeletal features, mottled yellow patches of skin, plastered strands of dark hair studded with maggots, and charred, bloodied exposed bone. Ana! This was not the name I expected to hear and it shocked me. Memories flooded my mind from a lifetime ago and my thoughts started to swirl. How bizarre that this monstrosity should have a name akin to the one who had caused me so much pain and grief twenty years earlier – and for the same reasons being portrayed on the television screen. I picked up the remote and pressed ‘pause’ and slumped back in my chair, I needed to take a moment to process my thoughts and try to quiet my thumping heart.

I had just finished watching The Heart of Man, a Christian documentary about the struggle of humankind with sexual lust, in particular adultery. I was required to provide a report about the film for work purposes and had listened closely and taken notes. I knew the subject matter had the potential to trigger me, but I had carried out my work mostly unaffected. I was now watching the ‘Extras’ to find out a bit more about what went on behind the scenes. It was during this short segment I was introduced to Putrid Ana. The crew was jovially explaining how surprised they were to discover this documentary prop came with a name, thus the emphatic announcement which pierced my heart. The mannequin had been used to replace the beautiful seductress after the affair had begun, I assume to effectively portray the reality of Proverbs 5:3-5, "For the lips of an immoral woman are as sweet as honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave."

Although I was doing my best to remain calm, the reminder of her name had an unleashing effect. The emotions which have continued to accompany me when confronted with this topic arose yet again. Deep anger, helplessness, frustration, pity, heartache, pain, compassion - such a myriad of emotions that all contrast, twist, and wrestle with one another in my soul. Adultery! Can the pain and devastation of this act ever effectively be put into words? What an effective weapon against the human heart this sin is - for all parties concerned. I truly believe the seducer, the adulterer, and the betrayed are all victims of the schemes and manipulations of the enemy. No one wins. Each heart is broken one way or another, whether there is acknowledgment or not.

The evil which Putrid Ana represents is an enemy to me, very real and toxic, wielding its sword to the core of my femininity. An adversary cleverly and manipulatively designed to break my heart, crush my dreams, and leave me shattered.

My heart had been filled with dreams of my handsome prince and the promise of happily ever after. I never, ever considered the possibility that Putrid Ana would make her way into the mind and heart of my prince. Surely, he would be strong and faithful enough to see through the lure and lies of seduction, that he would foresee the shattered hearts of those closest to him and steer away from this path… but no, he proceeded anyway, choosing to ignore that which he knew to be true and right.

Life threw the unexpected at me. An unexpected can completely change the anticipated course of your life. An unexpected can take you to deep, dark places of fear and pain which can never be fully fathomed. An unexpected can offer the incredible opportunity to delve into the heart of the Creator of the Universe.

Betrayal and abandonment were the unexpected for me and I experienced all three of the abovementioned potential outcomes - this book will tell the story. However, I want to make sure I emphasize and highlight the third experience the most – the journey to the heart of Jesus Christ. It is not my intention for this book to be about what my first husband did wrong, it is to be about how Jesus Christ healed my broken heart, set me in a broad, secure place, and filled my heart with His abundant joy.

Psalm 34:5, "Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces."

Isaiah 61:10, I am overwhelmed with joy in the Lord my God! For He has dressed me with the clothing of salvation and draped me in a robe of righteousness.

I was truly heartbroken, but now I genuinely walk my life’s journey feeling His radiance glowing within. This is my miracle. Let me share it with you.

Chapter One

Growing Beautifully, Yet Fractured

I was born in 1972 and was named Anne-Maree with no middle name – my parents thought my name was long enough! The first-born daughter of three, I was welcomed into this world with joy, excitement, love, and thanksgiving to God. My maternal grandmother was so excited she hugged and kissed my father on the cheek – apparently, this was a first for her!

My parents did their best to raise me in a home where I was loved, provided for, and taught about God. We lived in a modest home and sometimes finances were tight, but overall, we did not go without anything we needed and received most of the opportunities available to those in the middle to low socio-economic class.

Growing up in primary school I was quiet and shy, a bit of an average student both academically and with sports. Despite my shyness I always seemed to have friends around; I don’t remember being alone much. I have fond memories of playing with Barbie dolls, roller-skating, exploring the reserve at the end of our street, bike riding, ballet, playing the flute, and reading many books.

Mum was the superintendent of our local Sunday school, so I was there weekly. I remember being very good at remembering Bible verses and would often win the quiz of the day, except when a boy called Keith was there – then I had to work a lot harder to maintain my winning streak!

My childhood was punctuated with many family holidays, usually visiting friends of my parents up and down the east coast of Australia. My parents were part of a vibrant youth group in their young adult years and to this day are still strongly connected to many of the life-long friends they had made. From about the age of twelve, our holidays began to include bi-annual stays at coastal accommodations, my parents feeling it important to instill in us a deep love of the beach. My mum started a part-time job around this time which enabled us to take these holidays, up until then she had been able to stay at home with us all of the time.

Throughout my growing up years, I remember nurturing an awareness of God and believing He was always with me. I remember praying at times in my childhood when I felt afraid. My mother gave me an old letter recently which my paternal grandmother had written after she had babysat me when I was four. In this letter, she told of how I had put my arms around my younger sister and said Lisey, please love Jesus, because if you do you can go to heaven. It would seem apparent at this early age I harbored an understanding of who Jesus was and loving Him was the key to going to heaven. When I was twelve, I attended a youth rally with my Sunday school class and at the conclusion of the service I responded to a call to give my heart to Jesus. At the time I felt like I was doing what was just a matter of