Simply Fierce: Experiencing the Heart of God After Loss

By Ursula Christian

Why?

Who will love me now?

What do you do when there are no satisfactory answers to your questions? Why did he die? Why did he leave? What am I supposed to do? Where are you, God? How do I breathe again?

Simply Fierce: Experiencing the Heart of God After Loss is a personal journey through grief and despair that led to

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Jun 10, 2022
• ISBN: 9781685566623

Ursula Christian

Dr. Ursula Yvette (Guillory) Chrstian has been anointed to bring the message of restoration to those broken by loss and paralyzed by fear. She has been in corporate America and in Christian women's ministry for over thirty years. Ursula became a student of grief and grace after her beloved husband, Pastor Champion B. Christian, died in 2018. She has two adult children, Majesty Champion Christian and Champion Gamaliel Christian. Ursula temporarily resides in San Jose, CA.

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Simply Fierce

Experiencing the heart of God after loss

Ursula Christian

Trilogy Christian Publishers

TUSTIN, CA

Trilogy Christian Publishers

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Trinity Broadcasting Network

2442 Michelle Drive

Tustin, CA 92780

Simply Fierce

Copyright © 2022 by Ursula Christian

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Scripture quotations marked AMP are taken from the Amplified® Bible (AMP), Copyright © 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org.

Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright (c) 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Public domain.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The NIV and New International Version are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Scripture quotations marked TPT are from The Passion Translation®. Copyright © 2017, 2018, 2020 by Passion & Fire Ministries, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ThePassionTranslation.com.

Scripture quotations marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Trilogy Disclaimer: The views and content expressed in this book are those of the author and may not necessarily reflect the views and doctrine of Trilogy Christian Publishing or the Trinity Broadcasting Network.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.

ISBN#: 978-1-68556-661-6

ISBN#: 978-1-68556-662-3 (ebook)

For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer.

Isaiah 54:5–8 (KJV)

Preface

Why?

You cannot imagine how one small adverb can entrench itself so deeply into the mind that it will render you helpless, angry, and afraid. The impact of this little adverb repeated excessively can disrupt the normal process of grief so much that you find yourself… stuck. The loss of a spouse in and of itself will forever change your life. It takes your breath away. But when you ask yourself why so many times that it almost feels that God has turned a deaf ear, you find yourself spiraling into the abyss of unrelenting suffering. The face in the mirror is no longer recognizable, your eyes grow dim, your smile dissipates, your heart succumbs to your head, and the breath of life seems to cease.

When I started writing this book, I thought the story was only about how the Lord demonstrated His love for me through my late husband. But the story became more intriguing as I poured my heart out on these pages. It is about how the Lord used me to demonstrate the unconditional love of the Father to my prodigal son husband. It is also about finally loving myself enough to see how Jesus worked through me to sustain my marriage, my husband, my family, and my own life without feelings of shame or false humility, and against seemingly insurmountable giants. But most importantly, this journey brought me to the place of grace where I truly accepted the Lord’s love for me apart from achievements and failures. This is true communion.

Simply Fierce: Experiencing the Heart of God after Loss is my personal journey from spiritual apnea of suffering to the joyful, beating heart of God. It invites you into my vulnerability through my journal entries and waltzes into praise with the songs that sustained me. The journey has not ended. There is still much to experience as the love of God is so vast and enveloping. However, let me share the sweet provision and liberation of the journey to becoming simply fierce!

Acknowledgements

To my adult children, Majesty Champion and Champion Gamaliel, I love you to the moon and back. You are my shining stars. I see the best of your father in each of you. Majesty, you are beautiful inside and out. You have your father’s free spirit! Champion, you are becoming who God purposed you to be. You will overcome your fears and walk into the destiny prepared for you. Like your dad, you don’t settle. Both of you, go be great!

To my parents, Dr. Mack C. Guillory and Dr. Hilda J. Guillory, I love you deeply. Mom, you helped guide me through the most difficult time of my life. You put your own health on hold just to be by my side when I buried my Champion. Daddy, you dropped everything and rushed to my side. You made sure I wasn’t taken advantage of during my most vulnerable moment.

To my younger brother, Mack C. Guillory, Jr., thank you for being there for me when I needed you most. That day was so different from the carefree days when we climbed trees and caught frogs in the alley behind our house. I love you, Mack! You have such a good heart.

To my youngest brother, Myron C. Guillory, thank you for using your voice when I couldn’t use mine. I was overwhelmed, and you knew it. You know how to clear a house! I love you, little brother!

To my friend, Dr. Nicholas Eno, I cannot begin to express my gratitude for your patience and wisdom. There were days I didn’t want to hear what you had to say, but you jolted me back to life by being obedient to the Lord. You are a gift to me!

To Delores Funderburk, my younger brother’s sister-in-law, you reached out to me, a stranger, and shared an inspirational series of books on grief that kept me anchored. Thank you for your kindness toward me. You inspired me to return that act of kindness to others!

To my friend, Venetia Jones, you consistently ministered to me after the death of Champion. Every morning for about three years I woke up to texts of encouragement. There were days that those texts were all I had to push me through. I love you, Venetia!

To my godmother, Ethel Guillory, who sent encouraging texts faithfully. You may not know how you touched my life with your thoughtfulness, but you did. I love you, Aunt Ethel!

To my sisters-in-law, Sandra Lyons and Lisa Lyons, thank you for taking me in! Your kindness and care, allowing your husbands to minister to us—you are gems! I love you both, my sisters!

To my brothers-in-law, Keith Lyons and Clarence Choc Lyons, there are no words that can communicate how grateful I am for your faithfulness. Champion would be proud of how you cared for us after his death. I love you, Keith and Choc!

To Jennifer Hannah and Carolina Garza—my Abbott sisters! You were the first to stand by my side aside from my family. Your friendship means so much to me. I love you!

To the Turning Point Church (TPC) family in Fort Worth, Texas, your kindness during my darkest hours will never be forgotten. You opened the church and your hearts to me and my family during our season of grief. Keep your hearts aligned with the heart of God!

To Dr. Hurmon Hamilton, Senior and Founding Pastor of New Beginnings Community Church (NBCC) in Redwood City/San Jose, California, my wilderness experience was inspired by your messages, especially the series My Best Life. Thank you for enriching my