A Yielded Heart

By Darlene J Koop

Seth Taylor is an ambitious young man eager for success. When everything falls apart in his life and he has no answers, he runs away, determined to prove that he doesn't need anyone, least of all God.

As he faces circumstances that test his resolve and challenge his life choices, what will it take for Seth to discover his calling, and find the love, peace and fulfillment that he desires?

A story of STRUGGLE and SEARCHING, of SURRENDER, and of DISCOVERING the PURPOSE of LIFE.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 18, 2017
• ISBN: 9781387178582

Book preview

A Yielded Heart

A YIELDED HEART

Copyright © 2016 by Darlene J. Koop

All rights reserved.

This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

Scriptures are taken from The Holy Bible, New King James Version Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc

ISBN 978-1-387-17858-2

DJKoop Publishing

104, 15519 – 98 Ave NW

Edmonton, AB T5P 4N6

http://darlenejkoop.blogspot.com

Acknowledgements

I am thankful:

-          First of all, to God. My gift for writing comes from Him and, without the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, this story would be nothing other than words on the page.

-          To my loving family and friends for their continued encouragement over the years as I pursued my dream.

-          To my parents for their example of what it means to serve and follow God, and for the strong foundation of faith they established in our home.

-          To Greg Baker of Affordable Christian Editing for his professional editing work, his valuable advice and encouragement and his commitment to ensuring that this book’s message is well-presented and clearly communicated.

-          To Shelley Hitz, whose resources and personal experience with self-publishing have been influential in the process of getting this book completed.

PART ONE

Winds of Change

(June 1982 – February 1983)

CHAPTER ONE

June 30, 1982

Evanston, Saskatchewan

With disbelief, Seth stared at the letter. Another rejection. His heart sank as he read the short and impersonal words which shattered his hopes into a million pieces. This was the third time he had received such a letter and all he felt was frustration and defeat. Had all of his time and effort been a waste? Could no one see his potential and help him achieve his dreams? Seth’s passion and ambition for success were the driving forces in his life and he worked very hard to overcome any sense of weakness or inadequacy. Now, ironically, those very feelings threatened to tear him apart. How much longer could he endure this?

Seth had studied intensely and focused intently on his goal of being accepted into university. Apparently, his efforts were not enough, but he had given his best nonetheless. And that realization made this last rejection much more painful. He had failed the entrance examination by a mere two percent, yet it was enough for the officials to refuse his application. Refolding the letter, he shoved it into the pocket of his jeans.

I will not give up, Seth thought resolutely to himself. No matter what happens, I cannot and will not give up! He left the house, allowing the screen door to slam behind him, and crossed the yard to the woodshed to begin splitting logs for firewood.

Seth Taylor was a strong and independent young man of seventeen. Standing just over six feet tall, his broad shoulders and definitive facial features gave him a look of authority, which he took full advantage of. He had intense and expressive hazel eyes and a slight dimple in his cheek that appeared when he flashed his disarming smile. Seth was earnest and loyal and did everything wholeheartedly. He was confident and not afraid to show it.

The muscles in his shoulders and forearms tensed as he lifted the heavy axe and delivered a strong blow to the large log in front of him. With a resounding thwack, the log split in half, both pieces tumbling to the ground. Lodging the axe into the chopping block, Seth picked up the two smaller logs and added them to the growing stack of firewood beside the shed and then returned to start the process again. Despite how good it felt to release his frustration through physical labour, the diversion wasn’t as effective as he had hoped, and in the solitude of the summer afternoon, he couldn’t seem to think about anything besides his disappointment and a situation beyond his control.

Nothing will stand in my way, he declared aloud. I will succeed, no matter what! Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your paths. The verses he had memorized as a child came to his mind unbidden but Seth angrily repressed them. He did not want to consider what might happen if he chose to give up control of his dreams and acknowledge this God who might demand more of him. But do you really have control? his mind queried. He ignored the unwelcome thought.

Hey, Seth. A familiar voice interrupted the stillness.

Seth turned to see his friend, Brian Peters, walking toward him. Brian was of average height with a slight build, and he was the main attraction for many eligible young ladies because of his wavy blonde hair and blue eyes that sparkled with fun and mischief. He was outgoing and friendly, making friends wherever he went. Brian was also Christian and spoke freely of his beliefs and convictions, but Seth preferred to talk about his ambitions and dreams rather than matters of faith. Although Seth could be charming, he didn’t have the close following of his friend – his pursuit of success separated him from most people who simply wanted to experience life as one great big party. Yet Seth had developed a close relationship with him over the last three years and, despite the fact that Brian’s happy-go-lucky attitude and continuously optimistic outlook on life was in contrast to his own, they rarely argued.

Seth watched as Brian approached with the enthusiasm of a boy who had just received a long-awaited present, and he groaned inwardly. He laid the axe down as Brian approached.

I just received my letter of acceptance from the University of Regina for the Bachelor of Arts program and I wanted you to be one of the first to know! Brian exclaimed.

I’m happy for you, Seth replied with a forced smile.

Perceiving that something was wrong, Brian asked, What’s eating you, Seth?

Nothing, Seth lied, looking down at his feet. He did not want to discuss his failure, even though Brian had proven himself to be a trustworthy friend.

That’s not true, Brian responded quietly. Come on, Seth. You know that ignoring a hurt doesn’t make it go away. I’m your friend and I’m more than willing to listen.

After a long moment Seth turned away, placed another log on the chopping block and swung hard, nearly missing his target. Why don’t you leave me alone? he shouted.

Because I care, and I want to know what’s bothering you.  Brian’s persistence and simple honesty broke through Seth’s defence.

"I just got rejected again. It’s not fair! He swung the axe at the log another time. I don’t think you understand how that feels. Everyone’s sorry of course…but they don’t have to live with it. I can’t seem to get anything that I really want. I hate it and it’s just not fair! But the fact is that’s my life. It seems as though all my hopes and dreams for the future are crushed and broken. Seth paused and his voice became a harsh whisper. I know what path I want to take, but I feel like a failure. I hate the confusion and struggle that these changes have caused and the fear that I might not succeed."

Sometimes there are just no easy answers to our questions, Seth. But when we can’t understand, we have to live by faith, trusting that God knows our future.

Seth’s eyes flashed in anger. Faith, he said mockingly, is for fools. I know my father would tell me to trust God and follow His leading. God’s supposed to guide us and bring fulfilment, but I am coming up empty. I’ve been refused admission to one university because I was two percent short of the entrance exam requirement and two others because they said they were unable to accept more students. I applied for a government loan three months ago, and they also refused my application. Not exactly trust-building circumstances. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m certainly not going to sit back and wait for some divine plan that’s unclear to me. That’s not faith – that’s stupidity! Looking intently at Brian, he said in a low voice, And don’t you dare look at me and tell me that I’m wrong to question God’s plan for my future – if He even has one.

Brian waited for a moment. His voice was quiet when he spoke. There are times in everyone’s life when they fight against God and ask questions that seem to have no answer. I struggle too, and I don’t always want to accept what happens. God doesn’t condemn us for questioning Him, but His view is far bigger than ours, and He doesn’t need to explain why He chooses to do what He does. He will not force you to believe or to trust His plan. It is up to you whether or not you will live a fulfilled life.

With that, Brian turned and walked away.

How easy for him to say, Seth thought angrily. He hasn’t faced the obstacles that I have. I will not become a pious fool, he said under his breath. Picking up the axe again, he resumed his task with fervour.

You will only be rejected again, his mind taunted him. Seth clenched his jaw and tried to ignore the thought. You might as well give up. Seth stuck the axe into the chopping block and shouted, I refuse to give in to failure! Somehow I will succeed!

The sun had nearly set over the horizon as Seth turned back toward the house. He wanted to be strong and fearless, but he was struggling with a plethora of unwanted emotions to which he didn’t know how to respond. Right at that moment he longed for the utopian ideal of a perfect world, unperturbed by change.

CHAPTER TWO

One week later

They said what? Katrina asked in disbelief as her father told them the shocking news around the supper table.

The church board has given me an ultimatum. They have given me one month before our ministry in this church must come to an end. Philip Taylor sighed heavily. I was aware that several members were taking issue with my leadership, but I never expected this. It was a unanimous decision, and they aren’t requesting my resignation – they demand it.

They can’t just do that, Seth blurted out angrily. They’re prejudiced hypocrites, all of them!

Seth! Rebekah spoke reproachfully to her eldest son. Responding in anger and bitterness rather than love will not change the situation. This decision hurts all of us, but God obviously has a different plan for our lives.

Did they tell you why they demand your resignation? Katrina asked with a trace of worry in her voice.

By their standards, I have gone beyond the bounds of acceptable church work. I have not neglected the needs of our church family and they don’t seem to have a quarrel with my work of visitation, teaching Sunday School, preaching, or leading Bible study. These are all well and good. However, they do not agree that a ministry to the men and youth at the city’s detention centre is acceptable for me as the pastor. There are several members who also do not support my vision for the growth of this church and who are not willing to change. They say that if I continue to serve in this position, it will cause harmful divisions among the people.

If only God would open their eyes, Rebekah said.

As if that would change anything, Seth muttered under his breath.

Philip spoke again. My brother, David, who lives in Maple Creek, wrote me a letter about a month ago. Their pastor has suffered a heart attack and is unable to continue on the ministry. He wrote me in the hopes that I would consider the position. I told him that I would think and pray about it. I was aware of some conflict in the church, but I didn’t know how serious it was. In light of the board’s decision, I believe that this is the direction God wants us to take. Your mother and I will leave on Monday and stay there for one week. At the end of the week, the church there will make their decision.

How far away from here is Maple Creek? fifteen-year-old Dylan asked.

About six and a half hours southwest of here, his dad replied.

So that means we have to move out of our house soon, right? Dylan inquired.

Yes, son. The house does belong to the church, so the termination of my job means that we are no longer entitled to live here. It’s not a lot of time, but we will do it.

While your dad and I are gone next week, Rebekah added, you should get your belongings all packed up so that you can help with the rest of the preparations when we return. Rebekah looked at each of her children in turn.

I can help pack up Dad’s books in the study, Katrina offered. I know that it won’t take me too long to organize my stuff, and that will help Dad out too, since I know he doesn’t like packing.

Thank you, Katie-girl, her dad replied with a smile. Then turning to his eldest son, he asked, Seth, could I ask you to organize the stuff in the garage for me?

Sure, Dad. Just let me know if there’s anything in particular you don’t want me to pack up.

What can Dylan and I do to help? twelve-year-old Corrine asked.

Once your stuff is packed, you should make sure your rooms are cleaned thoroughly. We will all need to work together to clean and pack up the rest of the house when your father and I return. It will be difficult to leave, but somehow this will work out for our good, Rebekah added. God has promised that for us.

I don’t see how, Seth muttered. He glanced around the table and saw varying emotions reflected on the faces of his family. Seth knew he wasn’t the only one hurting over this decision, but the injustice of it was just too much to bear. Quickly, he rose and left the room before he said something else he might regret.

___________________________

Rebekah Taylor hummed softly as she kneaded the bread dough again and pressed it into the bread pans. Soon the satisfying aroma of fresh-baked bread would begin to fill the house and she imagined her family’s delighted responses to her hard work. As she placed the bread loaves in the oven, she turned around and noticed her youngest daughter, Corrine, sitting at the table with tears in her eyes. Rebekah sat down beside her and waited quietly.

Are you busy, Mom? Rebekah heard the quiver in her daughter’s voice.

Not too busy to talk with you, her mother replied tenderly.

A smile crossed Corrine’s face, and then vanished. I’m scared, Mom. I’m scared about moving to a new place and meeting people who may not understand me or want to be friends. I’m worried about starting a new school and missing my home here. I just don’t want to leave. The tears welled up again in her eyes.

Rebekah reached out and held her daughter’s hand. Dear, sweet Corrine, I understand. When I was five years old, my family came to the United States from Ireland and I didn’t understand all the differences between the two countries. It was hard for me, but I was just a child. I cannot imagine how much more difficult it was for the rest of my family to learn new ways of doing things and to begin a new life in a land where the culture, language, and even the weather was different. After I married your father, we moved several times, always leaving the familiar behind. Even though we were starting our own family, it was still hard. And then we came to Saskatchewan. You were only six years old when we left Missouri, and you probably don’t remember much about it. She was silent for a moment.

Was it easy for you to make friends? Corrine asked.

Oh my, no! Rebekah responded with a laugh. "Change has never been easy for me, no matter how many times we’ve moved and had to make adjustments. And I never forgot the way we used to do things or the friends we left behind. But there are also new experiences awaiting you – much more than you can imagine. You’ll find something about the new home that you love, and you will make many memories there.

"My grandparents weren’t able to come with us from Ireland, and I was very sad about that, but I want you to remember something that my grandmother told me before we left. She hugged me and gave me a promise from God’s Word. It’s found in Romans 8:38-39, and it says, ‘For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor