Almost Broken: The Secrets Within

By Shanell Cureton

Jason was supposed to be Sheila’s everything. Unfortunately after four years of marriage, they are now in the midst of a rough patch filled with abuse, secrets, and lies that are sending Sheila’s relationship with Jason through inconceivable twists and turns.

Desperate for help, Sheila finally convinces Jason to seek marital counseling with her, hoping that their nearly broken relationship can somehow be repaired. As the couple returns back into their memories of how they met and the events leading up to their current situation, they soon uncover more secrets than have been exposed. As unfiltered surprises unfold and Sheila and Jason attempt to determine if their marriage is strong enough to survive, they have no idea that a message on a scrap of paper is about to change everything.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: May 15, 2015
• ISBN: 9781483430676

Book preview

ALMOST BROKEN

The Secrets Within

By Shanell Williams-Cureton

Copyright © 2015 Shanell Cureton.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted by any means—whether auditory, graphic, mechanical, or electronic—without written permission of both publisher and author, except in the case of brief excerpts used in critical articles and reviews. Unauthorized reproduction of any part of this work is illegal and is punishable by law.

ISBN: 978-1-4834-3066-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-3068-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4834-3067-6 (e)

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015906870

Lulu Publishing Services rev. date: 5/11/2015

55495.png

Contents

1   Memory Lane

2   Can You Handle It

3   You Changed

4   In The Mix

5   There’s A Stranger In My House

6   His Little Big Secret

7   The Biggest Decision Ever

8   This Is Not A Fairy Tale

9   Moving On Up (Year 2011)

10   Baby Jason’s Arrival

11   Tough Love

12   No New Friends

13   Here We Go Again

14   The Return Of The Maxx Hoe

15   When A Woman’s Fed Up

16   Caught Up

17   Resentment

18   Bad Habits Don’t Die

DEDICATION

First and foremost, God Almighty deserves all of the praise. Without him, none of this is possible.

I dedicate Almost Broken: The Secrets Within to the men, women, and children of domestic violence abuse. Abuse is abuse no matter how you dress it up! I see great strength and courage in you. Keep your head up and continue to shine your light. Walking away was the first step of your new beginning. I once spoke to a friend of mine, who said, When I walked away, I lost everything! I replied, No … You didn’t. When you walked away, you gained everything! So always know, when you walked away, you gained respect, peace, strength, courage, and most importantly, you gained the knowledge that God is always in your corner.

I also dedicate Almost Broken to my amazing family, friends, and supporters who have given me the strength to conquer any challenges that come my way. For that, I am grateful. You guys mean the world to me. I love all of you so much!

To my loving husband and my beautiful children:

James L. Cureton Jr., Justin B. Williams, Taylor M. Williams, James L. Cureton III.

Thank you guys for always loving me and giving me the courage and strength to remain focus. I love you all with every breath that I breathe.

EPIGRAPH

Love is a gamble. Sometimes we have to risk being hurt for the potential of being ultimately loved.

~Jemel Townsend

Public Figure

PREFACE

I was inspired to write Almost Broken: The Secrets Within through my own experiences with love, relationships, and marriage. The main thing love, relationships, and marriage all have in common is, they are all hard work. When I met my husband, I didn’t know this man was going to become my husband. I thought he would be just like all the other men I’ve dated, but he was different. He gave me the most hell. (LOL) We’ve shared a very interesting relationship over the years, but one thing we have realized is the key to staying married.

I thought about the many men and women who were married or engaged, and have been through enormous difficulties within their relationships. All of us have our own stories and our own WHYs. One of my sole purposes for writing Almost Broken: The Secrets Within, is to help others face their fears and overcome their own challenges by providing them with a solution through my own experiences. I do understand everyone’s situation is different, but in many ways they do share comparisons and many can relate. Even if I am able to shed just a little light on one person’s situation and bring forth understanding and strength, I feel as though I have done what I have set out to do. With all of its’ built in secrets and twisted turns, Almost Broken will provide readers with a Great Experience, as well as a lesson learned.

Another key purpose for writing Almost Broken: The Secrets Within is to help bring awareness to real life situations and circumstances. I want people to understand that domestic violence can happen to anyone. Many people talk about what they would do in a certain situation, but this is the truth: No one really knows what their true response would be.

FORWARD

Somewhere in our mental growth in life, we become accurately aware of the multiplicity of problems that exist in our world. At some point, we emerge from our own microcosms to see the hurt and pain that is all around us impacting so many lives, even our own. Inevitably, there also comes that point in time when we recognize our own power to help alleviate some of these issues that have a tendency to destroy lives. Maybe our contribution will be small and only impact one person, or one family, or one group, but in this recognition, the singularity of our own efforts may stop the cycle.

As I see it, Shanell Cureton has captured this hope in her novel, Almost Broken. As she writes, so passionately, about the cyclical dysfunctionality in Sheila’s family, the reader can see the author’s determination to illustrate the devastation of issues that need to be identified and changed: a constant profanity embedded in profound disrespect, a whirlwind of negative emotions that never seem to cease, and increasing evidence of the characters’ lack of self-worth. The reader can see in this author’s depictions, her hope to turn this tide for many families who find themselves trapped in this web of anger, frustration, lies, despair, and a very incorrect definition of love.

This mission of Cureton’s is an arduous one, albeit a necessary one, that she hopes and prays will touch hearts enough to admit and alter negative ways of life and, instead, find positive paths for our families. It is often a single effort by one who is serious about necessary change who offers a gift or talent that presents a better way, an unseen hope, and ultimately, a passageway of escape to that which is better. Shanell Cureton is on this very road less traveled.

Doris H. Dancy, Author

Jagged Edges

Shattered Pieces

PROLOGUE

I couldn’t move. I stood there as if I were watching myself fall into little pieces right there on the living room floor. It seemed like I had been standing there for an eternity, yet no one seemed to notice me. I was as still as a deer in headlights. They continued to do what they were doing, and I continued to watch. The moans and groans pierced my ears like a high pitch scream for help. The more I watched, the more my heart grew tired, and then it happened: I couldn’t feel my heart beating anymore. Within minutes, the hypnotizing trance was over, yet, I was still unnoticed. My heart started to beat again, but the sadistic visual continued to replay repeatedly like some broken record in my head. My body went on automatic and before I knew it, I’d made it back home to my kids and my best friend, Melissa. She had been keeping an eye on them while I made what I thought would be a quick run; however, as soon as I stumbled inside, Melissa knew something was wrong. It was written all over my face.

Girl that was fast! Melissa exclaimed, meeting me at the front door. I couldn’t speak. I didn’t even want to look at her. I was afraid she’d ask me what was wrong, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to respond.

Sheila! Melissa called out. Lost in a bottomless trance, I couldn’t find the strength to open my mouth. I wasn’t ready to talk. I couldn’t talk. There was no reason to even try.

Sheila! Melissa persisted, steadying me with a hand on my shoulder. I was still speechless and could only stare into her eyes. She knew something was wrong, and as a friend, she was definitely going to find out what. As much as I just wanted to lie down and ball up in a big knot, I knew she wasn’t going to leave me alone. I had to answer her.

Yea, what’s up? I mumbled, trying my best to hold back the tears that were fighting to flood my eyes. The rage was real. I felt like destroying everything in my path, just like some violent tornado ripping its way through a small town.

What’s wrong? Melissa insisted. Even in my confused state, I could see the terror in her eyes and hear the desperation in her now trembling voice.

Nothing … Just let it go! I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Tears began to slowly fall. Melissa knew me all too well. She knew this conversation wasn’t over, but she also knew I needed my space.

Okay girl … She gave me a hug and walked to the door. Call me tomorrow Sheila… I mean that! she demanded. I nodded my head to concur, closed the door quietly, and headed into the living room.

Sitting on my couch drinking chilled shots of Patron, and listening to all of my favorite sad love songs, kept my mind in lockdown mode. The pain and agony filled my heart as I watched that BIG moment devour all of the feelings and emotions I had left. He was my fucking husband. How could he have been so cruel? The torturous thoughts made me sick. Every time the mental pictures flashed, I quivered with chills all over. Jason was supposed to have been my everything. He was suppose to love me the way a husband was supposed to love his wife, but he just couldn’t do that. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t let go. "Was it the dick? Hmm… Naw, it couldn’t have been."

10 hours earlier …

54036.png

CHAPTER 1

Memory Lane

Today was finally the day we would go to see the life fixers. It was time to confront all of the drama head-on, and I was ready to lay it all out on the table. I thought I was having a great day, but just like every other day, Jason just had to go and screw up my mood and remind me why we were in our current situation. Dumb shit just seemed to be his forte.

Sheila… Sheila! I know you hear me. Come back here! Jason yelled.

No, Jason, I can’t! This shit is becoming too much to bear. I have been there with you through thick and thin, and this is what the fuck I get? I screamed hysterically as I walked away to get into the car. In spite of everything we’d been through, this marriage had been blindly traveling down the road of destruction since the beginning. Finally, it had traveled into the zone of no return.

Sheila, I’m not leaving my fucking family, so you can just get that out of your head right now! We’re going to work this out! Don’t you get it? I fucking love you! Jason yelled, running behind me. Emotions were raging. He was crying, and I was crying. We could no longer go at this alone. We realized we needed some help, so we finally took that leap. We had decided to attend marriage counseling. This was a big deal for us because we had never been through counseling before, but now that we were in this space, I wished we would have done this a long time ago.

The closest thing to counseling Jason and I had done was with Pastor Paul at our church, Greater Hope National Baptist Church. Greater Hope was our only hope at the time. Like many other married couples, we couldn’t afford to see an actual marriage counselor. Our pastor was willing to do it for free. I was comfortable going to Pastor Paul, not just because he was our pastor, but also because he was once a married man. His wife had gone on to glory five years ago, back in February 2010. He loved his wife with every breath he had, and even after her last breath, his love for her remained constant. She passed away due to cancer, but her memory was still alive and vivid through Pastor Paul.

Another reason I chose Pastor Paul was because I knew he wouldn’t judge or belittle us. During our meeting, he explained to both of us how much work it would take to actually make our marriage work. I will never forget when he said, I am going to give the two of you some information. This information could either make you or it will break you. If you follow it to the T, you two are going to be just fine; however, if you deviate from it, then I will know exactly why the two of you didn’t work out.

When he first told us what we should do, I initially thought, Oh, this is going to be a piece of cake! But that is not what really happened. He asked us to do three simple things, and even in the simplicity of his request and all we had been through together, Jason and I still couldn’t get it right. The first thing he suggested was for us to put God first. He explained a truth beyond many truths that I could not deny. He stated that without God, our marriage held no true value. We needed to go to God together to make things right.

Pastor Paul explained that marriage is like a body. God is the heart, and we are the brain. The brain cannot think or live without the heart. The heart is what keeps the circulation flowing to the brain, which in turn creates a life-support connection that feeds and nourishes it; without this connection, the brain dies.

The second thing Pastor Paul suggested we do was to communicate and compromise. He said, Communication is the key to all things that bring forth understanding. In order for Jason and me to ever get over the pain, we would need to communicate to each other what was truly bothering us. Once we communicated our issues, we were to compromise by devising a plan. The purpose of this plan was for both parties to walk away satisfied and happy. We knew things were not going to be perfect in the world of compromise, but we knew that communicating would at least bring us one step closer.

The good thing about being able to communicate is that we could always take time out to pray and think about the issues that would take the most attention. Later, we could figure out a solution. No matter what, it was obvious that whenever a problem surfaced, there could not be one without the other. I knew it would be pointless to communicate if we had no intention of compromising or coming up with a solution that worked best for both of us.

The third suggestion he gave us was to respect one another. Respect is a broad category that goes a long way. Infidelity, lying, physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse are all forms of disrespect. If a person has respect for their spouse, it keeps that person from doing all the disrespectful things that could possibly damage their relationship. Respect keeps a person from saying yes to a sexy man or woman who attempts to pursue them. Respect keeps people from cursing at their spouses in public when they are displeased with their partner’s actions. Respect gives a person the strength to wait until the couple gets home to address their issues. Without respect, a relationship is damaged.

While these few suggestions were easy to articulate with the tongue, I knew that in order to put these three principles in effect, we would need to first revert to principle number one. It was a must to put God as the head. The question was this: how could we do that when we were so far gone? The bigger question was: how could we get back to where we needed to be when we had never been there in the first place? We didn’t have a clue what that place even looked like.

Jason and I finally agreed to do something that was of great importance to our relationship: we would seek counseling. We didn’t want to do it like the average couple; we decided to go a different route. We knew it would cost us a pretty penny, but it was time to invest in us. Therefore, we decided to go to see the marriage counselors. Jason and I didn’t go to see one counselor; we figured it may be more effective with two.

One counselor was a man, and the other was a woman. Both of them were married with kids, and they both seemed to have it all together. The male counselor went by the name of Dr. Singleton. The first time I saw him, I’ll be honest: that man made me lick my lips. He was five foot eleven and ripped. He was caramel in skin tone, and I hate to say this, but he had a nice ass—given the right place, time, and opportunity, it would be all mine.

On the other hand, the female counselor preferred we called her by her first name, which was Shelly. She wasn’t bad-looking herself. She was petite and cute in the face, and although my focus was not on her waist, she had an ass I would have killed for. She was definitely not an unattractive woman. I caught Jason looking at her a few times, but I didn’t trip.

We chose two days out of the week to go to meet with our counselors. One day, we’d go to see Dr. Singleton, and on the other, we’d go to see Dr. Shelly. We did our research on the two of them, and everything seemed perfect. Therefore, we decided to finally take a chance. It made more sense to do things this way rather than choosing one counselor who would eventually take sides on who was right and who was wrong. We knew that between the two of them, we would figure out our deep-rooted issues—not to mention, they both came highly recommended by my best friend Tasha. So there we were. Dr. Singleton had been waiting for us, and now was the time to confess.

Dr. Singleton’s office was located on the thirty-fifth floor of a downtown high-rise building. It was about thirty minutes away from where Jason and I lived. When we walked into the lobby of his practice, we were greeted by his busty assistant.

Hi, how are you doing today? Dr. Singleton’s assistant asked pleasantly.

We are fine… just fine, I answered, looking over at Jason, making sure he was keeping his eyes in his head. I had to admit, Dr. Singleton’s assistant was a cutie, but in my head, she was just another THOT—that hoe over there. She had on a skimpy gray skirt that looked like it was a 3T in size, a gray matching blazer, and titties hanging so far out of her blouse that I could clearly tell she was braless.

We have a 10:00 appointment to meet with Dr. Singleton, I politely informed his assistant.

What’s the last name? she asked, looking at the time and appointment