Always Been You

By Jess Buffett

After recovering from a shooting that took the lives of his best friends, Seth Hall returns to his hometown for the first time in eleven years with his two children in tow. Intent on setting up a happy, stable life for them, he vows not to allow his past to intervene with their future. That is until Jared, the boy who had broken his heart all those years ago, returns to his life a full grown man who knows exactly what he wants...Seth.

Jared Stewart thought he had lost his only chance to be with Seth after a series of misunderstandings and mistakes. When Seth finally comes home and back into Jared’s life, Jared vows to do anything it takes to keep him there. However, while Jared and Seth grow closer, they discover that not everyone is so happy for them.

Will they be finally able to make a life for themselves together? Or will they be torn apart again, by people they thought they could trust?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jess Buffett
• Release date: Feb 4, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311640604

Jess Buffett

Jess Buffett was born and raised in New South Wales, Australia. She is a mum of two, married to her high school sweetheart.Jess is a hopeless romantic who is a huge fan of M/M and M/F Romance. With a happy ending—anything with hunky men in all their glory, whether they be shifters, vampires, cowboys, or the boy next door.A caffeine addict who shamefully can’t make a decent cup of coffee to save her life. Jess believes in soul mates, happily ever afters, and in love at first sight, but that sometimes people need a second or a third for the brain to catch up.

Book preview

Always

Been

You

Jess Buffett

COPYRIGHT PAGE © 2015 Jess Buffett

Always Been You

By Jess Buffett

ISBN: 9781311640604

Cover Photo by D.W. Skinner, Photographer

Cover Design by Jess Buffett Graphic Designs

Manuscript Services—Editing & Interior Design by

Rogena Mitchell-Jones, Literary Editor

www.rogenamitchell.com

All Rights Reserved

This book may not be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission from the author. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. All characters and storylines are the properties of the author and your support and respect is appreciated.

This book is a work of fiction. The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

Both author and editor have taken great effort in presenting a manuscript free of errors. However, editing errors are ultimately the responsibility of the author. This book is written in Australian English, therefore includes Australian diction.

Smashwords Edition

To my family…

Shane, Brandon, and Aliyah—you are my loves, my life.

Mum—you are always in my corner.

Michelle, Daniel, and Robyn—I’m proud to be your sister.

Dad, I miss you.

Prologue

Eleven years earlier…

Graduation. Taking a sip of his drink, Seth Hall looked out over the party in full swing, still unable to believe they were done. High school was over and the rest of their lives were about to begin. It made him both giddy and nervous.

He and his best friend Jared Stewart had spent most of the night talking about what came next and how they would visit each other.

Everything is going to be different though, he said, more than a little morose at the fact.

You say it like it’s a bad thing. Jared chuckled.

For Seth, it was.

While no longer being crammed into those suffocating walls of their school, surrounded by people who lived to torture him, Seth would also miss spending unlimited amounts of time with his best friend.

His best friend he was in love with.

The thing about Jared, he was the ‘all-American boy’ all small towns seemed to have. He had it all. Jared was tall, broad shouldered with blond hair and jade coloured eyes. Even his skin appeared to have been permanently bronzed from the sun due to his position on the football team. Go Tigers!

Jared had always been good to him, which sometimes made it worse. While others would bully him, whether it was his looks or because he was gay, Jared was kind. He defended Seth, even against his own teammates. They worshiped Jared too much to say anything against Seth, at least in front of him.

The problem was—he wasn’t always there.

Seth was an eighteen-year-old gay boy, who was in love with his oblivious, good looking, jock of a best friend. God, could he get anymore cliché?

Think of all the freedom we will have, Jared said wistfully. No parents watching your every move, endless parties to attend…

Yeah, cause I’m such the party animal, he drawled, ignoring the twist in his gut at the thought of Jared going to those parties and meeting someone. Some beautiful blonde just like Jared himself. They would end up married and having gorgeous children, a white picket fence, and all the trimmings of a Thanksgiving dinner. He quickly pushed the thought out of his head, knowing it wouldn’t do any good.

You never know. Jared graced him with one of his million dollar smiles. People are different in college. It’s a place where you can start over or be yourself without having to worry so damn much.

Start over. Seth hated the sound of it. Lately, he had felt like there was an underlying tension between the two of them. Some might say they were just growing up, but to Seth, it almost felt a little like they were growing apart. And it scared him.

You still don’t even have a clue where you’re going, do you? he asked, desperate to change the direction of their conversation. All those acceptance letters, and yet you still can’t make up your mind.

Hey! Jared had looked indignant for about five seconds before he burst into laughter, toppling over and leaning slightly into Seth. You’re right. Bastard. I don’t have a frigging clue. I mean… I know what my dad wants for me. I know what my mother wants. Hell, even Izzy has put in her two cents in regards to her future and mine. Can you believe it? My damn little sister has more direction in life than I do. How sad is that?

Well, in all fairness, it is a huge decision. Family needs to understand that, he consoled his friend, starting to feel the effects of the drink in his hand. He was a lightweight. I mean, Christ… My dad looked like he wanted to strangle me when I said I wasn’t going to take the early acceptance and enrolment to NYU. Seriously, I thought I saw a vein threatening to explode on the side of his head. Lucky Mom calmed him down.

What?

Something off in the way Jared’s voice sounded had Seth turning to get a better look at his friend, only then realizing how close they were. Um, what?

Early enrolment to NYU?

Oh, yeah. But no, don’t worry, I’m not going.

Jared’s eyes narrowed slightly, but Seth noticed he hadn’t moved back at all. Why?

Seth shuffled nervously, making sure not to jostle Jared in fear the other man would move away too soon. Well, we said we would spend the summer together. Plus, there is the whole you not having decided where you’re going. I… Well, I thought we were going to try to find schools near each other. That was the plan… right?

That was what they had always said. Was Jared suddenly going back on that? Had he changed his mind?

Yeah, Jared said slowly. I guess I never thought you would give up an opportunity like that, for me.

Of course, I would. Seth spoke a little too honestly, instantly regretting his words.

A funny look crossed Jared’s face, making Seth worried and unsure.

He sucked in a breath, heart rate picking up when Jared began to close the small distance between them as if to kiss him.

He was ecstatic. Practically panting. Was this happening?

Abruptly, Jared pulled away, eyes widening as if only just realizing what he had been about to do, hand coming to cover his mouth. Oh, fuck. I’m gonna…

Seth sat there numb, watching his friend disappear into the house. He focused on his breathing, forcing himself to concentrate and not have a panic attack.

Okay, so that nearly happened. Or maybe it hadn’t. Maybe Seth was just reading more into the move than he should have been. Jared was an affectionate dude. It could have been an almost friendly kiss… right?

Time stretched on, Seth waiting, assuming Jared wouldn’t actually ditch him at the party. But he never came back.

Eventually, he gave up waiting and decided to go search for Jared. The inside of the house was crowded, full of intoxicated teenagers celebrating the beginning of their freedom. Having checked the downstairs bathroom and finding Jared nowhere in sight, Seth headed for the stairs and the second floor. At the end of the long hallway was the bathroom door, wide open and surprisingly empty. Moving closer, Seth heard sounds coming from the bedrooms, no doubt in his mind what was going on in them. About to turn away and head back downstairs, a familiar voice reached him.

The door nearest the bathroom was ajar. Seth stood frozen in the doorway watching Jared as he lay on the bed, hair mussed, with Becky Halen on top of him, their hands fumbling to undress each other.

B-Beck… what…

Shhh, I’ve got you, she whispered in Jared’s ear before her eyes lifted to meet Seth’s, her lips tilted into a cruel grin.

Pain rocked through him as he thought of how stupid he had been.

Humiliation swamped him. Seth spun on his heels determined to get away from there only to run into Tyler, Becky’s brother and one of the players who enjoyed making his life hell.

Don’t touch me, fag, Tyler spat as he shoved Seth into the wall behind him.

S-sorry, he stuttered trying to inch his way around Tyler.

But Tyler wasn’t having it.

You know it’s pathetic, right? The way you drool and pant after him. Don’t you get it? Jared felt sorry for you, fairy boy. Then you had to go and latch on to him like a leech, and he was too nice to cut you lose. Tyler laughed at him before pointing a finger in the direction of the room Seth had discovered Jared in and sneering. "In there, that’s what he wants. What every man wants."

Others began to crowd them, and Seth felt cornered as Tyler continued his verbal assault. He keeps telling us how glad he is to go to college. Hell, why do you think he chose a school so far away? But he hadn’t. Jared had told him no decision had been made. Had it? Tyler’s next words were like a knife slicing in deep. Yale is exactly where someone like Jared deserves to be. He was just saying how he wished you had taken that early acceptance. Like he would really want you to stick around.

People were laughing at him, and Seth struggled to draw in a breath. He tore his gaze away from Tyler, not wanting him to see how his words made Seth want to fall apart.

This couldn’t be happening.

The ringing sound in his ears escalated, a harsh buzzing taking its place.

Fuck… are you like… having a heart attack or something? Tyler asked warily, suddenly sounding unsure.

No, Seth wasn’t okay.

His pressed a hand into the wall, the only thing keeping him on his feet. The world was collapsing around him, everything constricting. He was gasping for breath, but he couldn’t get any air, the muscles of his throat were closing up.

Fuck! he heard Tyler shout. His voice sounded tiny and far away, although he was standing right in front of him. Dude, snap the fuck out of it!

Hands closed over his shoulders, but Seth shook them off.

Don’t touch me. Seth glared at Tyler, trying to focus on his anger more than anything else.

Shoving past the man, he stumbled down the stairs, his only thought to get to the front door and out of the house. Once outside, Seth didn’t stop.

The party itself was being held at a fellow senior’s home only two blocks away from Seth’s own place.

Seth sunk to his knees when he reached the front lawn of his home, gasping through the pain. He couldn’t talk anymore, couldn’t do any of it. He tried to calm himself down, get his body breathing again.

Dimly, he heard shouting, but Seth couldn’t even make out the words anymore, just the sound of voices rising around him in a steady wave like the sea. Black spots were appearing in his vision. He stared down at the grass beneath his hands, suddenly dizzy.

Then strong arms were wrapping around him, pulling him against a solid, familiar chest, and his father’s voice was in his ear. Seth! Seth, come on. You’re okay.

The sound of his dad’s voice, the smell of his cologne was so familiar. Having him there loosened the tightness in Seth’s chest, his breath coming in ragged gasps. Soft hands ran up and down his back, soothing him. His mom. He felt the sensation of being rocked back and forth like a child. After a few minutes, Seth came back to himself enough to make out the words.

It’s okay, son. Whatever it is, it’s going to be okay.

But it wasn’t. It really wasn’t.

****

The next morning, Seth woke slowly. The events of the previous night flooded back in all their glory as he lay there trying to comprehend what it all meant.

Sleep still clung to him as he fought his way out of his blanket cocoon. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Seth saw his phone flashing with missed calls and messages.

Reluctant, yet curious, Seth opened up his call list to see he had more than fifteen missed calls from Jared. There were eight messages, becoming more urgent as they went.

Where are you?

Dude, I can’t find you. So need to talk.

Seth???

I’m freaking. Where are you?

No one’s talking. WTF?

Seth please

Need to talk

SETH!

He didn’t know what to say, what to talk about. Seth knew. The truth. Even if Tyler was normally full of shit, how could he know some of the things he had spoken about without being told? And there had only been one person who knew. And then there was the evidence of Jared himself with Becky.

Seth typed back a quick response, for no other reason than to stop the constant messaging.

Nothing to say. I get it. It’s OK.

Leaving his phone on his bedside table, Seth headed for the bathroom to take a shower. On his return, he saw his phone lighting up. A phone call.

Seeing Jared’s name flash across the screen, Seth hesitated but knew if he didn’t answer, Jared would keep calling. Out of guilt, if nothing else.

What?

Silence met him at first. "What? That’s how you fucking answer the