The Church of Fuck You - Holy Shit Edition

By Patrick Ellis

In a world of stupidity, the smart person is king. This may not be reality in this world, but that does not mean we cannot make it a reality. This book, this bible, is designed to make ignorant people smarter and to make intelligent people think. It is designed to make everyone see the world from a different point of view. It is designed to give a voice to those who want to say something but cannot. It is designed to make you laugh, make you mad, make you scream and make you change the world.
Welcome to the Church of Fuck You

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 8, 2020
• ISBN: 9781678199852

Book preview

The Church of Fuck You - Holy Shit Edition

The Church of Fuck You Bible Holy Shit Edition

In a time of stupidity, the smart person is king.  This may not be the reality yet, but that does not mean we cannot make it reality.  This book, this bible, is designed to encourage ignorant people and those who are already-informed to think and rethink.  It is designed to make everyone see the world from a different point of view.  It is designed to give a voice to those who want to say something, but cannot.  It is designed to make you laugh, make you mad, make you scream and make you change the world.

Welcome to the Church of Fuck You.

Copyright

The Church of Fuck You Bible: Holy Shit Edition

If you purchase this book without a cover you should be aware that this book may be stolen property and reported as unsold and destroyed to the publisher.  In such cases neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this stripped book.

Copyright © 2013 by Patrick Ellis

All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

ISBN: 978-1-67819-985-2

Printed in the United States of America

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank everyone who has supported me and motivated me to start this Church and to write this bible. 

I would specifically like to thank all the people who have followed me, whether they followed my daily posts and/or my videos.  Thank you for all your support and thank you for your encouragement when I needed it.

I would like to thank all my critics.  Please keep putting me down.  It makes me work harder to prove you wrong.

I would like to thank all the stupid people in the world.  Without your ridiculous behavior, the Church may have never been created.

Lastly, I want to thank you for buying this book.  I truly hope you enjoy it.

Genesis

This chapter is not about the beginning of the world.  This chapter will not include stories about sacrificing your children to a god, a floating zoo, incest, cities being destroyed for partying, humans and animals drowning in floods, including FISH, or any of the usual suspects in genesis chapters.  That would just be fucking ridiculous for a book to include such ludicrous stories.

No, this chapter is something completely different, although maybe equally ridiculous.  This is about the beginning of me, the beginning of my mind, and the creation of the church.

For as long as I can remember, I have had a unique perspective, a lens through which I viewed the world.  Let me give you an example of how my brain operates.  Do you remember the L.A. riots?  This was right after the Rodney King case and the police were found not guilty.  Now, how they were found not guilty is beyond me, since they had been caught on fucking tape beating the shit out of the guy…but that is a story for another day.  So, cops were acquitted and everyone goes nuts.  They take to the streets and begin to destroy everything.  Some people were praising the riots.  Some people said they understood the rioters’ frustrations.  I personally thought it was the dumbest thing in the world. 

Of course, I understood the anger and the frustration of the people.  What I did not understand, however, was the reaction.  Who gets mad at something they feel is unjust and begins to break their own shit?  It would be the equivalent of your employer doing something really bad to you and in retaliation you go into the parking lot and beat the shit out of your own car.  How is that hurting your employer?  Same premise as the L.A. riots.  They got mad at the man, but subsequently go into their own neighborhood, burning down their own houses, breaking in their own stores, and destroying their own streets.  For the life of me I did not understand how this was to accomplish anything. And it was indeed fruitless, of course.

That is how my brain works.  I try to look at things from a logical standpoint.  I look at situations from different angles and determine if what is being done is smart, fair, equal, or justified.  I look for contradictions or inequalities.  In short, I try to look past the surface and dig deeper into the situation, regardless of the situation. 

I love to challenge conventional wisdom and everyone’s Moral Code as well.  I find myself struggling to believe people when they say, I would never do this or I would never do that.  I have found that throughout my life people will do damn near anything given the right situation (or wrong situation, depending on how you want to look at it).  People will punch their mother in the throat if something happened that warranted it.  I know some of you may be thinking that nothing could ever happen that would cause you to punch your mother in the throat.  Oh really?  Well, what if your mother was trying to kill you because she was told by god that the world was ending and she was trying to spare you from the wrath of her god?  Could you punch her in the throat then?  What if she was trying to kill your children?  Could you strike her then?  What if she unplugged your game before you had a chance to save it or ate the last ice cream sandwich and left the box in the freezer?  You might go in the freezer to get an ice cream sandwich, but all you find is an empty box.  Can you kung-fu her ass then?

One of the reasons I challenge moral codes is because there is no universal moral code.  It is all an illusion.  I believe that you should not kill someone; but, if you break into my house, threaten my life or the life of my immediate family, that code is out the fucking window.  I feel you should not steal; but, if a family is starving, I would understand, even support, someone stealing food to feed their children. 

I think that is what I want the world to understand.  It is not just black and white on a lot of issues.  Many issues have a gray area that most people pretend does not exist.  Now I will admit that with certain issues- killing, molesting, raping children, for example - there is no gray area. Outside a small list of only a few things, the world lives in a twisted gray area that anyone would venture into given the right or wrong situation. 

So, now that you have a little insight as to how I think, you can start to see how this church came about.  Obviously, I abhor stupidity – it may be every-day nonsense or it may be illogical societal trends. This is why the Church was started.  It began as a way to vent frustration, but it has become much bigger than that. 

The Church is the place where you can be who you are.  I do not care what religion you claim or if you claim one at all, what your sexual preference is, what color or ethnicity you happen to be - you are welcome here.  The Church is a place that requires you to think for yourself and to think outside of the box.  The Church is a place where you can express your views and your views will always be welcomed as long as they are intelligent and well-thought out.  The Church is a place where you can laugh and laugh at the world.  Most importantly, the Church is a place where you can be free from all the bullshit.  That is the Church that I have created and that is the Church that I want people to feel proud of.

Exodus

The Ten Commandments

For those of you who are familiar with the Christian bible, you know that the Ten Commandments are in Exodus.  I do not see the point in rewriting that long, rather boring chapter.  I would prefer to talk specifically about the Ten Commandments.  My Ten Commandments.  These are not rules, but more like guidelines on how to live your life.  You can create your own rules or guidelines if you would like.  I have mine and here they are:

You must strive to make this world a better place.  I do not believe a god exists to solve our problems.  I do not believe a government entity can fix the world. It is up to us, all of us.  If prayer could fix the world, it would have been fixed by now.  There are governments galore in the world and things only seem to get worse.  It is up to us, a vast collection of individuals, who should strive to make the world better for ourselves, our children and the generations yet to come.  Whether you help to make the entire world better or stick to local and community ventures, your job is to make the world better.  You owe it to those that came before you and to those that will come after you to make this chaotic mess a better place than when you entered it.

2.      You must be yourself and only yourself.  You should never change to fit another’s image of what they feel you should be.  You should never hide yourself because you feel like someone will not like or accept who you are.  You should never change yourself to fit in with the crowd.  You should be you and only you.  If someone cannot accept who you are, fuck them. 

3.       Bigotry is never acceptable.  I do not mind you hating something or someone.  Hating someone because they have done wrong to you or because they are an asshole is fine and perfectly acceptable.  Hating someone because of their skin color, sexual preference, religious choices or any other idiotic standard is fucking retarded.  You should never be a bigot and when possible, openly speak out against bigotry. 

4.      Think for yourself.  Regardless of what you want to believe, know why you believe it.  There are too many people in the world that believe shit because they were told to believe it or scared into believing it. You should not be one of those people.  Whether you believe in a god, evolution, creationism or the motherfucking spaghetti monster, believe because of your own conviction- it belongs to you, no one else.  Do not believe something because you are supposed to or because it is fashionable.  This extends to beliefs outside of religious- non-religious beliefs as well.  Convictions in politics, social issues, any issue- all of your beliefs should be an expression of yourself.

5.      Treat others as you expect to be treated.  We have all heard the saying, Do unto others... Well, it is a pretty damn good saying.  If you want respect, you have to give respect.  If you want honesty, you must be honest.  If you want faithfulness, you must be faithful.  It is amazing to me how many people feel they can mistreat someone and that someone will not respond in a negative way.  Do not be misled.  Know that however you