In The Arms of A Stranger bY Caroline Bongo

By Caroline Bongo

The Book "In the Arms of a stranger" was inspired by my own life. I went through a very difficult phase of life where everything that could have gone wrong seemed to go wrong. After fighting depression and almost going insane.

I was able to experience Gods grace in my life and I can now mentor others that are still stuck “In the Arms of the stranger (The Devil)”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Flame Keepers
• Release date: Aug 11, 2020
• ISBN: 9789966790750

Book preview

IN THE ARMS OF

A STRANGER

Caroline Bongo

"However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who

face that scene, it can be faced and we can go on to be whole."

Mariel Rukeyser (1913-1980)

Copyright © 2012 by Caroline Bongo

All rights reserved.

Published in Kenya

By Flamekeepers Publishing

P. O. Box 12147-00400

Nairobi, Kenya

Book design copyright © 2012 by Flamekeepers Publishing.

All rights reserved.

Printing and finish, Hapany Ventures

+254722 - 842 445 / + 254737 - 616 641

[e-mail] www.hapanyventures.co.ke

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval

system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical,

photocopy, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the author except as provided by copyright law.

ISBN: 978-9966 -790-75-0

Dedication

This is for my lovely daughter, Kaylene.

At a very young age you were forced to face pain, and sometimes even

forced to choose: It is not fair for any baby to go through what you went through.

Everything I did though, even in all my confusion, I did it for you.

You are the most adorable, understanding and inquisitive young girl any

woman could desire to have as a daughter.

I love you!

iii

Acknowledgements

My Mom and Dad, without whose support I would have become a

nervous wreck, you were by my side all the time. You took care of the babies when I could not; you took my pain and my tears and were strong, and even though really hurting inside yourselves, you shielded me from a rough world until I was able to stand on my feet again.

My life time partner and husband George Bongo, you knew this whole

story and yet you chose me. You encouraged me every day to finish this book. You are the unique package that God sent in a way that I did not expect, and to think I almost missed you! I pray all the time that I will be able to love you in the way God wants me to.

My other daughters, my gorgeous angel Melody, beautiful baby Nadia,

and our latest addition precious Damitta: with each of your arrival came

unique blessings. I love you all really big, you have no idea!

Nick, Dagi, Fridah, Sammy, Josephine, Irene and the rest of my family

that stood by me, at some point even acting like expert 'detectives'. I am grateful God chose you to be my siblings. I love you ALL.

My departed Aunt Tsillah, I always wish you were here to see how far I

have come; I know you would have been proud of me!

Lillian Barasa for enormous support, Sam Mwangi for dedicating his time

to refine my story to a fine taste and a logical flow by doing the initial edits. Magda Gicaga, Cyrose Mueni and Ann Mbatia for taking time to read my book and positively critique it and Lizas Trendy and unique for all logistical support.

v

FOREWORD

Wrong relationships come with a lot of pain, shame and a damaged

self esteem. Many people are suffering from failed relationships, wrong decisions and have nowhere or no one to turn to for help.

This book is the story of someone who went through a painful and

shameful past but ended up gaining wisdom and knowledge to help others in a similar situation.

I realize that many people are hurting but struggling with deep engraved

issues that are too shameful to be discussed yet too evident to be hidden. However Caroline Bongo takes a bold step of sharing her life experiences without leaving any stone unturned to help others realize that despite of their undesirable state there is still hope.

As the Bible aptly puts it "There is hope for a tree , if it be cut down, that

it will sprout again and the tender branch thereof will not cease...."(Job 14:7,9), this is clearly what God can do with a life that is shattered, broken and abused.

I am confident that as you read this book, regardless of how shattered,

broken or abused your life is, you will find strength, encouragement and courage to overcome the odds and become what God ordained you to be.

Pastor Mary Achero

House of Grace, Embakasi

In the arms of a stranger       vi

From My Husband's Heart

I may not need to read this book for I now know every bit of the story,

despite that, I cannot believe I always see myself transfixed and listening intently every time she tells it or shares the same whether between us as couples or when we are mentoring through television or on radio.

This is not based on how good she may be as a story teller, neither is it

because of how passionate she relieves every detail of her life whenever she speaks. But I guess it is because of the fact that I can see her enduring strength. Appreciating her as one reads through her story is not a struggle.

Caroline's story may be every woman's as it is timely. It speaks

encouragement and help to many women who are subjected to afflictions. The Bible affirms in Rev. 12:11 that, they overcame him...by the word of their testimony and it does not matter how many times you have fallen, no, it does not. God is so merciful and His love is constant. God's perfect plan for our lives is sure. He will fix every piece back together in your life.

I have seen Caroline both in her worst and best times; how her past affected

and influenced her present, the fight to remain faithful and committed to Christ. This is a reflection of God's plea; turn back to God and pursue him diligently. May God help us remain faithful to our marriages.

George Bongo,

Gospel Musician

vii

It has been many years now, and I am still trying to find my way¼.

Pretty often I feel like the little people and mice in the book, "Who moved

my cheese?" I have no idea if I will ever find my way to wholeness, whether I am at the beginning of the journey or at its end, or whether this is a new beginning or it is all finally just about to be over.

Before this period, I had never known the extent to which my life could

sink; some serious confusion and aimless drifting. Up to this point, I had generally lived my life with purpose and a sense of control. Then something that I never planned happened; I MESSED UP BIG TIME!

Contents

Dedication .............................................................................................. iii Acknowledgements....................................................................................v Foreword..................................................................................................vi From my husband's heart .......................................................................vii Preamble ..................................................................................................xi Chapter 1: What happened to me? ........................................................ 15 Chapter 2: Growing up ......................................................................... 27 Chapter 3: Determined ......................................................................... 33 Chapter 4: Cross road............................................................................ 37 Chapter 5: Strange................................................................................. 51 Chapter 6: Flowing with the crowd ....................................................... 59 Chapter 7: Totally lost ........................................................................... 67 Chapter 8: Dancing with the devil......................................................... 75 Chapter 9: Walking alone ...................................................................... 87 Chapter 10: Reaping in tears ................................................................. 93 Chapter 11: Starting afresh, again!......................................................... 99 Chapter 12: A vagabond spirit............................................................. 113 Chapter 13: Happiness, a mirage? ....................................................... 131 Chapter 14: A strange twist ................................................................. 137 Chapter 15: Melody ............................................................................ 145 Chapter 16: The cycle of sin ................................................................ 157 Chapter 17: Suffering in silence........................................................... 169 Chapter 18: Stuck between a rock and a hard place ............................. 179 Chapter 19: I cannot bear this any longer............................................ 185 Chapter 20: Unforgettable moments ................................................... 199 Chapter 21: Heart broken to pieces ..................................................... 209 Chapter 22: He kept me...................................................................... 223 Chapter 23: Rediscovering me! ........................................................... 237

Epilogue .......................................................................... 243

PREAMBLE

I am sitting on the outside of our living room balcony watching my

daughter Kaylene acting out adult roles. Today she is pretending to be doing a media documentary (reporting¼documenting is too complicated a concept for a kid of seven years) about everything and anything that comes to her seven year old mind. At one time she is defining different parts of the body and their roles to an imaginary kid's audience, next she is reporting about the weather to some experts, then she shifts to composing a song and performing it at the same time; she is trying so hard that looking at her brings a quiet smile to my face. She is totally oblivious of me, so deep into her own world. The fact that I am sitting right here besides her does not seem to bother her at all. Despite how funny she looks and sounds, I try very hard to restrain full-blown laughter. Being a considerate mother means that I have to look like I am very busy with my own thoughts so as not to distract or interrupt her act.

She is reliving the story of my life. In my mind, I go back to over two

decades ago, back to an age when all I did if I was not reading, sleeping, eating and playing was mostly dreaming; it almost seems like a daydream. At that time, I would imagine myself being a great musician in front of my mother's dressing mirror, my dad's torch acting as my microphone. My facial expressions and tiny little hands moving in sync with the emotion and beat of the music, dramatizing what I was feeling inside of me as I sang along my favorite gospel artists; The mirror was located a bit too high, so I had to step on a stool (a small piece of household furniture that looks like a small square table) or on a big water container (20 litre jerrycan) in order to see myself well. That meant that I of course occasionally lost my balance and fell off.

I will not mention one time I literally broke the mirror! I however never

let my mum know where the resulting scratches and bruises came from! At that point in time, even the sky was not my limit, I wish you could see the little girl's confident attitude and smiles. I did not just dream of being

xi

the greatest musician of the century. I dreamt of being a leader, someone

that people would stop everything they were doing to listen to, leading such good musical performances that people would just cry. I hoped my singing would cause all sorts of miraculous things to happen. As I grew up, this list of miraculous things came to include singing until some crippled guy just walked; a blind guy's sight is restored and the deaf had their ears opened; appreciating and swaying to the music. I would sing until thousands would come and give over their hearts to Christ. What

a dream!

Later on as a teenager, I saw myself not only becoming a musician but

also an accomplished professional; I would be well respected in the society, neatly dressed in a nice red tailor-made suit, boarding a plane to Germany (I still do not know why Germany, Even when this came to pass, the only missed detail from the dream was the red tailor made suit. I guess I forgot to pack!) I would see myself in my own grand office, treating all my workers fairly, making sure each of them owned a car and had a good bonus to spend on Christmas festivities at the end of the year.

Then there was my prince charming dream, and my wedding day¼. I

could see myself wearing a huge, rounded, beautiful sharp white gown dragging a five meter wedding train behind me walking out of the front part of my parent's house. I could see myself crying and my mom consoling me when she was teary herself. I could picture my siblings all feeling and looking sad that I would no longer be staying with them. Despite that, they would all be smartly dressed with my sister Fridah being my bridal girl (at that point I never imagined she would grow). Then there would be a vehicle waiting to take the bridal party to church. For reasons I still do not know, the fantasy never got past that point.

These were some of my many dreams. Nothing could make me doubt

that they were not going to come to pass, but they were not just wishes although I never shared them out with anyone. Every time I would hold my palm and press it gently with my fingers, start suckling my tongue, close my eyes, my mind and imagination would wander again, to this

dreamland without fail; and I excelled at it!

In the arms of a stranger       xii

I snap back to the present and look at my daughter. I reflect on the fact

that my life started following the direction in which I had always dreamt, but everything went terribly wrong not far along that path when my world suddenly came crashing down. I gave up on my dream, I forgot my self-worth, I doubted all my abilities and I stopped believing and therefore stopped singing. My sense of self worth and value changed and I started living a life defined by other people's standards, their dreams and expectations of me. I had stopped dreaming and the moment that I stopped, my spirit died inside of me.

I realized I could not let my daughter lose her dreams as I could surmise

that she was not just dreaming, or hoping, or wishing! Inside of her, she had an idea of what she wanted to become. I promised myself that I would not let her give up her dreams or lose her life's direction, and I would not let a million other girls lose direction in the way it had happened to me.

That is when I decided I would take pen and paper and put down the

story of my life.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Some names, places and events have been changed to protect the identity

and the privacy of the characters and organizations involved.

xiii

Chapter 1

WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?

The trees cast long shadows towards the east. As I sat at the backyard of

my auntie's house in Busia, the nearby local shop played a popular gospel song. A boda boda cyclist rode down the lane lazily as he solicited for a prospective customer. He looked tired and dejected; I suspected he had not made enough money on this day to feed his family or meet his other needs. At this particular time, I also felt like him, 'tired and dejected'. I felt so hopeless; my life had taken a direction I had never thought or even imagined it could take.

What had gone wrong? How was it that I found myself in this situation?

Would there ever be any redemption for my soul, leave alone for my life? I felt like I had lived for two painful lifetimes. At this point in my dreams, I was supposed to be a very famous gospel musician; one whose music people would be listening to and which would be moving them to rededicate their lives to God, or the kind of music that one would listen to and receive the healing of both heart and mind. I was in a tragic and pathetic situation, and my feelings neatly corresponded with my circumstances.

My second born daughter, Melody is deep asleep; she is a beautiful and

such a good baby that it never takes her long to go to sleep unless she is unwell. I love playing with her but today I am afraid she will wake up.

I do not want her to wake up as yet, because I know that when she wakes

up, she will need to feed on something and I have nothing that I can offer her! I do not even bother to look around the kitchen for there is only a little flour and rice but there is no fire for cooking. I only have a ten shilling coin in my hand and I am unable to decide what to do with it. I also do not have a phone and therefore cannot call anyone for help. On reflection, I also realize that even if I had a phone I would not call any of my relations, I would not want anyone in my immediate family to know about my sorry circumstances.

I stare at the coin, and for a moment I start wondering just what the coin

could buy. I walk to a nearby kiosk and ask for the price of the smallest container of charcoal and I am told that it is retailing at KES 30, so I cannot afford it. I think of buying half a loaf of bread, but it also costs five shillings more than what I have. After a lot of soul searching, I buy an orange and a banana, which should be able to keep her quiet for a short while. I rush back to the house just in case she has woken up. In some way, I am glad my first daughter Kaylene is not here though I am going crazy thinking about her. I suddenly stop, a cold fear grips me that he has decided not to bring her back and I will never see her for the rest of my life. I wish that thought away quickly, because I cannot bear that possibility. I feel I cannot face or go through life with the knowledge that I will not be able to raise my own daughter. Everything is getting quite complicated for me and at this point, there is nothing in my life that seems to be going alright. What happened to my life? That question

keeps ringing loudly in my mind, incessantly haunting me!

Finally I get back to the house and I relax seeing that Melody has not

woken up yet. She is about a year old now and fully weaned off breast- milk. She had lost interest in breast milk some time back because I was not producing enough milk to satisfy her thirst due to stress. She had

come to like bottled milk which came in plenty and without struggle!

I sit next to her in bed and look into her angelic face. Despite all am

going through, I quietly smile. I consider her one of the cutest creations I have ever seen.

In the arms of a stranger       16

All her features are perfect. Her regular and soft breathing reminds me

that life has order and purpose. It then occurs to me that out there is someone who is holding everything in place. That person embodies purity and perfection as one part of His nature. Once, in my past, I had a relationship with Him. I had known from experience that He was everything He claimed to be as He had shared part of this with me so I just did not conjure it, I had lived it. So at what point did I start losing it?

She stirs and turns in her sleep and after a short while with a little lethargy,

she opens her eyes, stares at me, and smiles. That smile melts my heart. It is what makes me know that God has brought these two angels in my life for a purpose, to keep me sane. I make a decision at this point, to make sure that I will do everything to make sure their lives are secure. This is what is giving me the motivation to bring back order in my life. Nowadays I think for five people, I cannot help it.

Hi mommy I greet her using her pet name, as she is named according

to tradition after my mother. My own Dad calls me by this pet name too. She opens up her little arms and extends them to me, yearning for me to lift her up into my arms. She is just learning her first words and she now knows to ask for precisely what she wants. At this particular moment with her little mind made up, she asks for what I do not want her to,

"Mommy¼ maziwa!"

I say a silent prayer for the umpteenth time in the last three hours, "Jesus,

please provide what we need. As I finish my unspoken prayer, I hear a soft knock on the door. We rarely receive many visitors here and I am curious who could be calling in at this time of the day. Mama Melody" Joyce calls out. Joyce is married to my auntie's work colleague. Her husband works as my auntie's deputy in the office and although they live in a big government house, they have many children and life has not been kind to them. Joyce had come to trust me during my stay there and had started sharing with me some of the pain that she had gone through in her life up to that point. We had therefore quickly hit it off right from the beginning and caught on like a house on fire.

17

When I open the door, I see Joyce holding a bottle of milk, its inexplicable

since she normally does not bring milk this early! She hands it over to me and she says something to the effect that her cow had produced more

than the usual quantity and she wanted to share the surplus with us!

I go gaga with surprise, my mouth agape! I however have to shut it up

quickly before she notices my amazement! God had provided many times before in my life but this particular incident was a pleasant reminder that He still cared. I never even began to think that it was a coincidence for it

would have been one more of the far-too-many coincidences!

God used this woman to help me a lot during this dreary period of my

life. I will always remember her, and I still look out for her.

After feeding the baby with the miracle milk, I sat down to think how

I had found myself in this situation. As I watch Melody ran after the butterflies out in the yard, I suddenly realize this is not what I want for her life. The following day would be Christmas and we would be spending it all alone! For the first time in my life, this would be ominous. It had been now three months since I had come down to Busia, for the first month on my own, and later during the other two months with melody and sometimes with Kaylene intermittently. I had not set out to come to Busia; I had not even anticipated that I would even find myself here! I recalled the day I had taken a bus from Nairobi. I could not tell anyone where I was going since I had made up my mind to leave.

I had left Nairobi together with my best friend Cyrose and her husband

who had come to visit me. I never told them the entire truth of how much it hurt, but they knew I was on course to look for my daughter. I recall everyone begging me not to leave; My parents, trusted friends, my brothers and sisters. I would see sense for a short while but it would not last for long. It was the journey that to me was final, no one could understand. No one understood the turmoil raging inside of me; I was at my breaking point. I was struggling to maintain sanity as my life was spinning wildly out of control. From outside, people thought that I was handling it very well.

In the arms of a stranger       18

But I guess my dad, mom and my siblings could not be deceived, they

knew I was dying slowly from the inside. They were watching as I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression, and there was nothing they or anyone else could do about it.

The drama in my life had already triggered the onset of hypertension

and high blood pressure in my mom and maybe set off a case of early diabetes in my dad. I suspect that watching me destroy myself was also deeply frustrating them and affecting them health wise. I knew they were under enormous pressure, but there was nothing I thought either they or I could do.

I had been a very happy-go-lucky kind of a girl, but my life at the present

moment was drifting by with very little mirth. I rarely smiled without purposing to avoid people feel bad for trying to make me. I realized I was slowly and surely sinking into depression, and I had completely forgotten how to laugh.

That day I got into a Butare-bound bus with only one mission in my

mind; I had to get my daughter back. It had been over a month now since I had seen her. Two weeks before, I had been allowed by her father's relatives to talk to her. My brother's wedding, the first wedding in my immediate family was fast approaching. My