Diary of an Adorable Fat Girl: Adorable Fat Girl series, #1

By Bernice Bloom

Welcome to the world of the Adorable Fat Girl. Our funny, gorgeous and bonkers heroine, Mary Brown, is 50lbs overweight. When she realises she can't cross her legs, has trouble bending over to tie her shoelaces, and discovers that even her hands and feet look fat, it's time to take action.

But what action?

She's tried every diet under the sun.

So she heads down to 'Fat Club' where she meets a cast of funny characters and one particular man who catches her eye.

Featuring a gorgeous neighbour (Downstairs Dave), a great, big, fun man (Ted), lots of shennanigans, lots of fun and some sadness as we follow Mary's life for six weeks.
The story is laugh-out-loud funny and will resonate with anyone who has dieted, tried to keep up with any sort of exercise programme or spent 10 minutes in a changing room trying to extricate herself from a way too-small garment that she ambitiously tried on and is now completely stuck in. 

I HAVE THE BEST, MOST LOVELY, LOYAL, SUPPORTIVE READERS IN THE WORLD. Here are some of my reviews:

"I adored the various storylines, loved the quirky and captivating characters, and was beguiled by Ms. Bloom's colorful and highly amusing writing style. I am hopelessly addicted. More Fat Girl, please!"

"The book was just a delight to read. Every time I picked the book up I could guarantee that it was going to make me smile. The full-length novel was funny, this one was hilarious, and heart-breaking at the same time. I was completely and utterly hooked to the pages and didn't want the book to end."

"The last thing on earth I need is another addiction, but I fear I have acquired a new one for the cunningly amusing author Bernice Bloom and her wily Adorable Fat Girl series. Mary Brown is an adorable yet outrageous Queen-Sized trouble-magnet and party animal who manages to embroil herself in the oddest of quandaries."

"I can't recommend this book enough.
This series is fast becoming my favourite and I can't wait to see what's in-store next for Mary. I urge you to pick up these books, you won't be disappointed!"

"THE most heartwarming, funny and emotional read. It's great to have a more real life heroine for a change who doesn't have the perfect figure or any hang ups. If you want a realistic, laugh out loud and entertaining read, then you really need to read these fabulous books by Bernice Bloom."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gold Medals Media Ltd
• Release date: Jul 10, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393754152

Book preview

Diary of an Adorable Fat Girl

Adorable Fat Girl series, Volume 1

Bernice Bloom

Published by Gold Medals Media Ltd, 2020.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Contents

Copyright

Welcome to the world of Mary Brown

1. Meeting Mary

2. Week two at Fat Club

3. The third session at Fat Club

4. The visit

5. My hot date with Dave

6. The fourth session at Fat Club

7. One week later, session five of Fat Club

8. Session six, the final session at Fat Club

More books...

Copyright

PUBLISHED INTERNATIONALLY by Gold Medals Media Ltd:

Bernice Bloom 2018

Terms and Conditions:

THE PURCHASER OF THIS book is subject to the condition that he/she shall in no way resell it, nor any part of it, nor make copies of it to distribute freely.

All Persons Fictitious Disclaimer:

This book is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and situations within its pages and places or persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental.

Welcome to the world of Mary Brown

Thank you so much for buying the opening story in the Adorable Fat Girl series about the delicious, larger-than-life Mary Brown. There is now a range of stories about Mary - mysteries, holiday books, weight loss books and many more. This is the first step on her incredible adventure.

If you want to look through all the books on offer, see my website: bernicebloom

Lots of love, Bernice xx

Chapter ONE

Meeting Mary

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL that is holy, what on earth was I doing? It was pouring down with rain on a miserable Thursday evening and I was standing alone in the semi-darkness, sheltering under a tree outside a run-down community centre in one of the less salubrious parts of Surrey. Icy cold raindrops rolled across the leaves on the branches above me before dripping onto the top of my neck and crawling slowly down my back.

And all because I was fat.

Sorry, I should explain – I was lingering outside waiting to go in for my first night at Fat Club. Not that they called it Fat Club, of course; Fat Club was my own special name for it. The course was called ‘New You’ and it was for very overweight people who didn’t want to be quite so overweight any more. There was a battered sign hanging off the railing next to me declaring ‘Six weeks to a NEW YOU. Register here.’

Oh God.

I didn’t want to go in, of course. Who would? If your choice was to spend the evening in the pub having a few glasses of wine with your mates or sit around with fat people, crying about how enormous you all are, which one are you going to choose? That’s right – you’d be on your third glass of Sauvignon by now, wouldn’t you?

But there I was. And it was a good thing, because an hour earlier, when I’d been sitting in my little flat thinking about the pizza and the bottle of wine that were taunting me from the fridge, it was touch and go whether I’d come at all. I could think of a million reasons not to venture out, but I’d managed to drag my large bottom off the sagging sofa, grab my coat and get on the bus.

Now all I had to do was force myself to go inside. I walked towards the door, stumbling on exposed roots and slipping on soggy leaves in the semi-darkness. The broken street light directly outside the centre made the experience particularly dismal. I felt around for the cold, wet handle. Finally, I found it and the door creaked as I turned it. It was like I was in some low-budget, 1950s horror film.

Inside, things were considerably brighter. In fact, the fluorescent lighting strips were so overpowering you could perform major heart surgery in there. I narrowed my eyes, squinting as I adjusted to the brightness, like a small woodland creature coming up from its burrow into daylight.

Hello, welcome, welcome, welcome, said a woman with a wide, smiling face and ears that stuck out through a plethora of unruly curls. She introduced herself as Liz, explaining that she was the course tutor as she reached out a large hand and pulled me into her, hugging me warmly. Sorry if my outfit’s a bit bright, I love colourful clothes.

She wasn’t joking. If I were being very unkind, I’d say she was dressed in the manner of a four-year-old who’d been told she can choose what she wants to wear to a party. She was wearing a very tight (I mean – so tight, you could see the outline of her major internal organs) pink dress, with red tights and a red cardigan, and had lashings of vibrant green eyeshadow thickly painted onto her eyelids. She wore a pink lipstick but most of that appeared to be on her teeth and chin rather than her lips so she looked like she’d been eating raspberries straight from the bush without using her hands. She even had glitter on her temples. She was a pair of butterfly wings away from winning the prize for best dressed little girl at the party.

The childlike nature of her makeup was in contrast to her stature. She was a tall and sturdy woman, carrying quite a few extra pounds. I’m glad you’ve decided to join us, she said. I hope this class will help you change your life for the better. You know, I’ve lost 13 stone since I first came to the group.

Wow, well done, I said. The generous side of me thought – that is really impressive. The less generous side thought – blimey, how fat were you before? I decided not to share the more ungenerous thought. In fact, I decided not to share any of the ungenerous thoughts I was having about her. I was being a real bitch. Sorry if you think me offensive. I’m not normally like this, but I was stressed as hell – I wanted to be at home with pizza and wine, not discussing my food issues with random strangers.

Take a seat, said Liz, leading me to a circle of chairs, and making the compulsory British observations about the weather. We agreed it was miserable and much colder than it normally was for the time of year (I don’t know how people remember that sort of thing. Do they keep notes or something? I can’t remember what the weather was like last week, let alone last year. I guess she was right though, so I nodded and smiled, raising my eyebrows in agreement with her). There were only two other people in the room – an